


Molihua

by BrittzandTana (ToriWritesStories)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, BrittzandTana, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cute, Drama, F/F, Fluffy, Highschool AU, Linctavia - Freeform, daily updates, repost from fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-21 07:21:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 118,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6043042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToriWritesStories/pseuds/BrittzandTana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke has been through a lot through the summer before her junior year, and when she comes back to school, she's changed. As she begins to feel like a billion pieces falling apart, she finds a special person to hold her together and treat her like the beautiful flower of a girl that she is. (Jasmine Flower - Mo Li Hua).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: This story is complete on my Fanfiction.net profile BrittzandTana, but I decided to post it here for those who don't read on Fanfiction. Updates will be daily, but the full complete story can be find on Fanfiction.net under BrittzandTana!!
> 
> I will not be posting anymore notes on this story until it's over on here. As said above, this story is already complete on Fanfiction.net, so I will be posting daily updates. There are 38 chapters, so I guess that's how many days you'll have to experience this story if you're new. ^.^ :D Enjoy!!  
> (Any errors are my own, I did not go back and re-re-edit to post this here ;P )

High school had always seemed like a dream to Clarke. A place where things would become life changing – completely different from the way they'd always been. She'd have more friends than just her best friend Wells, she'd have more to do than homework and drawing, she'd have a social life to hop into when she left school... That dream hadn't come true for her by any means. As she got ready for her first day of junior year, she couldn't help but question how she had been so happy to start high school two years ago.

Sighing, she glanced at the time on her phone. Six thirty. She would have to leave in the next ten minutes to make it to school on time. Luckily, just a few days prior, her mom had finally decided to buy her a car. It wasn't anything special, but it was better transportation than sitting on an awful school bus full of delinquents.

That's how Clarke viewed most of her peers. Sure, at one point in her childhood she had imagined that she would be like most of them, but now that felt not like a dream – but more like a nightmare. At least, that's what she told herself as she finished her thin eyeliner, gave herself a dull look into the mirror, and then left her bathroom. She couldn't do anything about her life – it was what it was. She only had two more years of high school to go through anyway.

Skipping breakfast, Clarke grabbed her backpack, left her house before her mother could pester her about having everything with her, and got into her new car. Exhaling slowly, she buckled her seat belt and made her way to school.

Patchwork High School was just as plain as any other high school. There were the standard social divisions, although considering some places, Clarke supposed that the divisions were slightly more fluid than normal. There wasn't a clear "top of the social pyramid" group though, which was nice.

Clarke wasn't really in a specific group. She had her best friend – Wells – and then she had a couple of people that she could call friends – though it was a bit of stretch. She sat with them at lunch and had a few classes with them – Jasper and Monty.

The new, fancy Bluetooth function in her new car came into affect as she received a call from her best friend. She answered it with a button on her steering wheel. "Hey, Wells! I'm on my way!"

"Cool! See you in a few, then!" came his voice over the sound system, followed by a brief beeping to indicate that he'd hung up the phone. Clarke exhaled some of her bitterness about high school as she drove onto the campus, allowing herself to feel slightly refreshed. School wasn't awful – if she just considered the learning part. She loved to learn. Art was her favorite class, though, and there was actually a decent art teacher at her school, which she loved.

Pulling her car into her new parking lot, Clarke allowed herself to feel a little bit happier. She saw Wells approaching her and her new car, smiling. "Wow, I'm jealous," he stated, looking at the car as Clarke climbed out of it.

"No you're not. Your car is your life. Every other car is inferior in your mind, Wells," Clarke said, rolling her eyes.

Wells laughed and gave her his signature nice guy smile. Wells was a good friend. He was cool about most things, and easy to talk to. "Yeah, you're right," Wells teased, smiling a toothy smile. "Shall we enter the school for the first time as upperclassmen?"

"I won't feel like an upperclassman until I'm a senior, Wells," Clarke stated, laughing lightly. "But let's do it."

They walked out of the parking lot and headed for the school, passing groups of people that they had no interest in talking to. Clarke knew most of them, if she was being honest, though. She paid a lot of attention to people at her school. There was the quiet, but close knit people like Jasper and Monty, who had been best friends for years. Then there were girls like Harper and her gal pals, who talked in small groups and giggled about whatever it was they talked about. Then there were the sporty guys, and the sporty girls, and the stuck up girls... Clarke could name a lot of them, but she didn't really care enough to.

"Are you excited for junior year?" Wells questioned politely, smiling at the blonde.

Clarke managed a small smile back. "I don't know yet. It's going to be just like any other school year, except with the PSAT and the SAT and AP tests..."

"Way to focus on the negative," Wells teased. "Come on, you know it's not going to be _awful_."

"Actually, I don't know anything for _sure_ ," Clarke countered, smirking. "I guess we'll find out eventually though, right?"

Wells smiled and nodded. Clarke looked ahead of her as she entered the school, her eyes dragging over groups of people and wondering what it would be like if she were apart of a big friend group, like she had imagined she would in high school. It was hard to do, especially after her long summer.

"Your locker stayed the same?" Wells questioned as they turned the same corner that they had turned for two years in a row to get to their lockers.

"Yep," Clarke answered, giving him a sidelong glance, "yours?"

"Yeah," Wells answered, flashing her a wide smile. Their lockers were only a few lockers apart, and it had been that way ever since freshman year. Clarke gave her best friend a small smile in return, and located her same old locker. Turning the dial carefully, she unlocked the metal case just as the first bell rang. Clarke exhaled slowly. School was officially back. "Hey, do you want to meet up during lunch?"

"Yeah, sure," Clarke answered, not really paying attention to what he was saying. She was back to feeling dreary about school starting.

"Cool, text me when you get out of your free period?" Wells asked, his voice sounding hopeful, like it did every time he asked her to hang out.

"Sure," Clarke answered, giving him a lame half smile before finishing up at her locker – unloading the textbooks for the second half of her day and shoving them into the case – and then closing it. "See you."

She heard him say goodbye to her as she was walking away, and she started toward her new first period. As she entered the room, her eyes scanned over the people involuntarily. She caught on some faces she remembered, and some that she didn't particularly care to remember.

The room wasn't by any means quiet. Friends were catching up and chatting endlessly, a two girls in the corner were talking significantly louder than the rest of the class. Clarke eyed them wordlessly, wondering if they were trying to be obnoxious or if they were just loud people.

She recognized them after a second though – Octavia Blake and her best friend Raven Reyes. They were two of those people who you sometimes just couldn't take your eyes off of, because they were quirky and loud but they couldn't care less what people thought of them. Clarke sort of admired that.

Clarke and her shy self sat down in the back of the classroom, near Octavia and Raven, but not adjacent. The bell to signify the start of first period rang out, and everyone rushed to find a seat as the teacher strolled into the room. He looked pointedly at the group in front of him, and sighed as his eyes caught on Raven and Octavia sitting next to one another.

"Miss Blake, Miss Reyes, don't think that I don't remember you both in my Honors Level class last year. Just because you're in AP History now doesn't mean that you suddenly get to sit next to each other and gossip through my lectures," the teacher said, narrowing his eyes. Clarke eyed Octavia and Raven. The former was smirking as she stood up, grabbing her backpack.

"It was worth a shot, Mr. Sanchez," Octavia chimed. She glanced around the room, and her eyes caught onto the only other empty seat in the room – next to Clarke. She weaved her way through the desks and plopped down into it, tossing her backpack down next to her.

As Mr. Sanchez began to introduce himself to people who hadn't taken the class – like Clarke – Octavia turned her head to look at the blonde. "Hey, I'm Octavia."

Clarke's eyebrows raised as she realized that the brunette was talking to her. "Oh, hi, I'm Clarke."

"That's a cool name," Octavia commented. "There's something fierce about it."

Clarke gave the girl a confused smile, and then Mr. Sanchez cleared his throat. " _Miss_ Blake, please do not make me move you _again_ on the first day of school."

"I won't make you do anything, Mr. Sanchez," Octavia called, giving him a quirky smile. The class let out a few chuckles, and Clarke felt one end of her mouth quirking up into a smile. Octavia had always seemed pretty cool in her eyes.

The brunette didn't make any move to talk to Clarke again for the rest of the class period, which Clarke was mildly happy about if only because she didn't want to get in trouble in her first class period of her first day of junior year.

Near the end of class, though, Mr. Sanchez decided that he was done talking for the day and waved his hand at them to do whatever until the bell rang. Everyone started falling into their little groups and talking and, to Clarke's surprise, Octavia turned to her. "Are you new, Clarke? I've never seen you around before."

Clarke tried not to laugh or frown – though she wasn't sure which exactly she would have done. "No, I'm not new. We've just never had any classes together."

Octavia didn't seem to be fazed by hearing that Clarke was not in fact new to the school, and Clarke took that to mean that either the brunette didn't care about the answer, or she didn't really know anybody besides her own friend group. Raven suddenly appeared next to Octavia, sitting on the desk top. "This is Raven," Octavia introduced, looking to Clarke. "Raven, this is Clarke."

"Hey," Raven greeted, eyeing Clarke suspiciously. "Sorry if Octavia is freaking you out. She does that sometimes."

Clarke couldn't hide her smile. She wasn't the most social person ever, and she tended to assume the worst in people, which wasn't a great quality, but these girls seemed genuinely nice. "She's not freaking me out," Clarke promised, laughing a quiet laugh. "The energy is refreshing actually."

"Don't get out much?" Octavia asked. Clarke didn't much like the question, but she could tell that Octavia didn't mean it in any bad way.

The blonde just shrugged in response. "Don't have many places to get out to." Octavia looked up at Raven with a hopeful expression that confused Clarke. Raven waved Octavia off as if she was a small child, and the other brunette rolled her eyes. Clarke felt as though they had just had a silent conversation that she would never understand.

The bell rang to end first period, and Raven hopped off of the desk to go grab her stuff from hers. As she did so, Octavia and Clarke both rose from their seats, but before either of them left, Octavia said, "Hey, Clarke, you seem cool."

Clarke raised an eyebrow at the blonde. "Do I? You spoke to me to for like five minutes." She couldn't help but smirk a little bit.

Octavia shrugged. "I know when I'm going to like people," she stated. "You should find us at lunch."

Clarke blinked. "Oh, thanks, but I'm eating lunch with my friend Wells." Octavia looked over over real quickly, and then she smiled.

"Okay. Well, if you change your mind, he's welcome to join, too," Octavia proclaimed. "See you tomorrow if not!"

The brunette was gone, off talking to Raven as she exited the room, before Clarke could even wonder why Octavia would want her to sit with them at lunch. They had literally just met.

Shrugging it off, Clarke left the class and headed down the hall.

Later, her fourth period was a free period, and her lunch followed suit. She sent a text to Wells to meet her at their normal lunch table, where Jasper and Monty were already seated. "Hey, guys," she greeted as she approached them. "How's your first day?"

"Not bad," Monty answered for both of them, shrugging. "Yours?"

"Same," Clarke answered, sliding her lunch out of her backpack and opening it up. Just a sandwich and an apple, but she wasn't usually very hungry during lunch anyway. "How's your AP Technology course?"

"Fine, not near as interesting as Jasper's art class," Monty answered, looking at his best friend pointedly.

Jasper blinked. "Shut up, dude! What happened to the bro code?"

"That's a thing of the past, bro," Monty insisted, laughing. "Jasper met a girl in his art class."

Clarke raised an eyebrow. "A girl, huh? Also, when exactly did you start taking an art class?"

"It's just art history," Jasper stated, shrugging. "It's not like I'm suddenly doodling pictures like you do all day."

"That is not what I do all day," Clarke insisted, shaking her head. She was very friendly with Jasper and Monty, but they really didn't know each other all that well.

Wells suddenly joined them at the table. "Hey, guys. Hey, Clarke."

"Hey," Clarke returned. "How was the first day of year three?"

"Not bad," Wells answered, smiling. Clarke returned it with a small smile of her own, before taking a bite of her sandwich. Her eyes began to naturally scan around the cafeteria, but she wasn't sure what she was looking for until her eyes fell on a group sitting all the way across the cafeteria. Octavia was one of the people sitting there, as well as Raven. Clarke easily recognized the two boys sitting with them – Bellamy Blake, Octavia's brother, and then Finn Collins. Clarke was pretty sure that Finn and Raven dated off and on a lot.

They were talking loudly and laughing, and Clarke could even tell from far across the cafeteria that they were very close. She felt a pang of something like longing in her chest suddenly.

"What's up?" Wells interrupted her thoughts with his words, and Clarke shrugged.

"You know Octavia Blake?" Clarke questioned. Wells gave her a brief nod. "She's in my first period and she asked me to sit with her and her friends at lunch today."

Wells turned his head to look in the direction of the group that Clarke at been eyeing. "Well, good thing you didn't. That group is weird."

"What do you mean?" Clarke questioned.

"They just are," Wells answered, shrugging. "They party more than they do anything else, and they're all so attached to each other that it's weird."

"It's not that weird," Clarke argued, eyeing the group again. "They seem fun."

Wells let out a small laugh. "If you say so. Frankly, I'm content with staying right here with our friends." The way he said it was almost final, and Clarke frowned. "Come on, you tired of us already?"

Clarke forced a smile. "Of course not."

Her eyes strayed back to the group though, just as another member of it approached the table. Clarke knew her by name only, and she didn't know much about her. Lexa Tierra. She was just another member of the friend group, though she didn't seem as loud as she joined the group.

Clarke forced her eyes away from them again and focused on the new conversation that was happening between her best friend and their two other friends. "What about you Wells?" Monty was asking. "Met any hot girls yet?"

"It's like half a day into junior year," Wells muttered, suddenly put off. Clarke raised her eyebrow at her best friend, but didn't question his dislike of the question. Despite their closeness, Clarke rarely talked to Wells about girls.

Monty shrugged. "Jasper found one, and we all know that out of the two of you, you're way more likable."

Jasper scowled at his best friend and began to say something in retribution, but Clarke found herself zoning out as she finished her sandwich and bit instead into her apple. Her blue eyes flickered across the cafeteria until they caught back on the group of people. She was so drawn to them, and why?

Her eyes, though, were drawn suddenly to an even more specific person. Lexa Tierra. She found it slightly odd that they were, because she didn't really know much about the girl other than her name and what she looked like. She had gorgeous hair, for one thing, dark locks that fell in small, gentle waves down to the center of her back.

Unsure as to why she was suddenly appreciating this girl's beauty, Clarke forced her out of her mind. Glancing at her cell phone and taking note of the end of lunch drawing near, Clarke closed up her lunch bag and gave Wells a plain smile. "Have a good rest of your first day."

As the bell rang, she left the table without another word, wondering why she was suddenly feeling so different.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments always appreciated, thank you all! :) xx

Clarke found it quite odd when later in the day, in her sixth period, she found herself in yet another class with Octavia Blake. She hadn't ever had a single class with this girl throughout her high school experience, and now she suddenly had two?

The brunette immediately spotted her and sat next to her, striking up conversation as though they had been friends for ages. Clarke didn't particularly mind, another thing that had her curious, but she tried not to question herself and instead let herself feel content with having another person to talk to.

The truth was, despite Clarke's self insistence that she was fine with her one best friend and two sort-of friends, there was still a part of her from her pre-highschool self that dreamed of having no shortage of friends and no shortage of things to do besides art and homework. So she let that part of herself be happy as she spoke with Octavia, even if it was only for a few minutes.

Arriving in her seventh period – English – Clarke found herself wishing that the school day could just be over. She felt different than normal, like there was some sort of significant change that had just occurred within her on her first day of junior year that was causing her to question herself. She needed to go home and draw, and self reflect. She needed to figure out what was going on in her head.

However, seventh period was still a thing, so she found herself sitting in the back and hoping that people would just ignore her. A small part of her wondered if Octavia had this class too – they hadn't compared schedules and it was possible that Octavia had gone to her locker before coming here – but the brunette didn't walk through the entrance of the room.

A different brunette did, though. Lexa Tierra. Clarke found her eyes drawn to the girl, although she was still not quite sure why. Had she ever really stared at Lexa this much? She'd definitely seen her around, but like Octavia, she had never had any classes with her. Maybe Clarke's eyes had always been drawn to her, and they just hadn't ever really had the opportunity to do so actively.

Lexa didn't seem to notice Clarke staring at her, but the brunette sat in the desk adjacent to the blonde, albeit across the aisle. Clarke immediately tore her eyes from the brunette and sighed inwardly. What was happening to her?

Although she was in Octavia's friend group, Lexa was nothing like the other brunette. She wasn't loud or interested in having attention or active conversations throughout class. She was quite reserved, actually, Clarke noticed. She listened attentively to their English teacher, jotted down the first assignment of the year, and didn't speak throughout the entire class.

Clarke wished that she had paid more attention to the teacher than she had to Lexa, though, because as the last bell rang out, she realized that she hadn't gotten the assignment.

"Fuck," she muttered under her breath, as she watched her studious teacher erasing the assignment from the board. What kind of teacher did that?

"Okay over there?" came a questioning voice. Clarke looked up, her blue eyes widening slightly as she noticed that Lexa was giving her a confused look. She hadn't bustled to leave the classroom like some of the students had.

"I... forgot to write down the assignment," Clarke answered sheepishly. Her eyes dropped down to Lexa's closed folder. "Do you mind?"

Lexa gave her a small smile and opened the folder so that Clarke could see the assignment. "Not at all," the brunette stated. "What's your name again?"

"Uh, Clarke," the blonde answered, quickly writing down the page numbers she had to read of their first book of the year. She then shoved her papers back into her backpack – which appeared much messier than Lexa's. "Thanks."

"No problem," Lexa commented. "I'm Lexa."

Clarke cursed herself mentally as the words, "I know," stumbled awkwardly out of her mouth. Lexa raised an eyebrow at her. "I mean... I've seen you around. You're friends with Octavia right?"

Lexa seemed slightly amused at Clarke's rush to cover her awkwardness, which confirmed to Clarke that the attempt hadn't worked. She still looked like an awkward weirdo. "Yeah, I am. Do you know Octavia?" Lexa questioned as she hoisted her shoulder backpack over her right shoulder so that it fell to her left hip. Clarke nodded.

"She's in a couple of my classes this year and we talked a little so far," Clarke admitted. She thought for a moment before adding, "She seems cool."

"She's crazy," Lexa stated, laughing a small laugh as she started down the aisle to leave the classroom. Clarke quickly threw her backpack straps over her shoulders in order to catch up with the brunette.

"I could tell in first period," Clarke said with a chuckle.

"She's a good friend though," Lexa insisted. "If she started talking to you, then she must think you're pretty cool. She usually doesn't take quick liking to people."

"Oh, why not?" Clarke wondered. She noted that she and Lexa were headed toward the front of the school, which was where her car was anyway, so she let herself relax a little bit.

"It's a long story," Lexa answered, but Clarke knew what she really meant. It may or may not be a long story, but it wasn't one for Lexa to share, so Clarke didn't question it further.

"Oh, well, you guys all seem sort of cool to me," Clarke stated. "I also met Raven this morning."

Lexa smiled. "We're a tight group," she stated, before adding, "you know?"

Clarke shrugged. "I wouldn't really know what you mean, I've never really had a close knit friend group like that."

"That's a shame." Lexa raised a curious eyebrow. "You don't seem extremely antisocial."

Clarke laughed. "I'm not, I mean... I don't think I am. I guess it's a long story." She quirked her lips up in a small smile as she said the last part. Lexa let out a small laugh, and it made Clarke smile involuntarily. It was sweet like candy and smooth like chocolate, and Clarke wanted to hear it again.

"You should hang out with us sometime, Clarke," Lexa suggested, smiling. "I think you would fit in with our group really well."

Clarke smiled. "Maybe I will. Octavia already invited me to sit with you guys at lunch."

"Why didn't you?" Lexa wondered.

Clarke had only just realized that they had stopped in front of the school, neither of them making any move to head to their separate cars, just talking. "Oh, I promised my friend Wells that I would sit with him today. But maybe I'll sit with you guys tomorrow."

Lexa smiled. "I would like if it if you did."

Clarke felt her cheeks redden, though for what reason she wasn't quite sure. "Okay." She was sure that she sounded really awkward and that she should think of something else to add before Lexa thought that she was a bumbling freak, but then she heard a voice calling her name from behind her.

"Hey, Clarke, you haven't left yet?" It was Wells.

Clarke let out a sudden sigh that surprised her as she turned her head. Wells was coming out of the school. "Nope, I was about to," she answered. When she looked back to Lexa, the brunette gave her a small smile.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Clarke," she said.

Clarke tried not to sigh again or frown, and forced a smile. "Yeah, see you tomorrow." Lexa turned and headed into the parking lot, and Clarke allowed herself to exhale again. Why was she feeling such disappointment at not being able to talk to Lexa for longer? She hadn't even really known the girl for more than an hour.

"Who is she?" Wells wondered, giving Clarke a skeptical look.

"A girl in my English class," Clarke answered.

"I don't usually see you talking to many girls," Wells commented. Clarke didn't really see why it was relevant, but he had a point. Clarke hung out with Wells, and she occasionally talked to Monty and Jasper. But she hadn't had a girl friend for as long as she could remember.

Clarke shrugged. "She's nice."

Wells was looking at the blonde suspiciously. "Alright. Are you doing anything tonight?"

"I don't know, why?" Clarke questioned.

"Do you wanna go check out the new block busters?" Wells asked hopefully, giving her a smile.

Clarke returned the smile, but shook her head. "I'm going to have to pass, I think. I need to do some English homework and start a new piece. If I'm going to keep up my one art piece a month, then I'm going to need to start on time."

Wells' looked only slightly crestfallen as he nodded. "Right. Well, next time."

"Next time," Clarke agreed. "We actually haven't hung out in a while, have we?" Wells shrugged. "Let's do Friday? My place? We can watch a bunch of old movies."

"Cool. We're going to need to hang out as much as possible now that we don't have any classes together," Wells commented.

Clarke nodded in agreement. "Sucks not being able to see your best friend very often."

"Yeah," Wells agreed, though he still sounded slightly deflated. "Well, text me later."

"Sure," Clarke agreed, and they split up to go to their separate cars. As the blonde reached hers, she let out another sigh. The idea of sitting down and watching a bunch of old movies with Wells did sound like a nice way to bring back old times, but at the same time, Clarke didn't know if she wanted to go back to old times.

The past summer had been really hard for her, and she hadn't seen Wells over most of it. Whether or not the events that had transpired had significantly changed her or if it was just a temporary weird feeling.

By the time Clarke got home, she felt worse than she had when she left, and subsequently immediately holed herself in her room and retrieved her diary. It wasn't a cheesy diary where she wrote about her crushes or her everyday life... It was a diary where she wrote the nonsensical things that were feelings, and it helped her sort them out. Today, she reflected on her summer and how it had changed her, and how she wished that it hadn't.

It didn't help when she heard her mother enter the house through the front door, and then the call, "Clarke! Can you come down please?"

Clarke closed her diary, shoved it deep under her bed, and then left her room. "Yeah?" she called back, hoping that this wouldn't require her to sit down and talk to her mom. They were by no means that close.

"Can you come sit down with me please?"

 _Well, shit_.

Clarke went down her staircase and found her mom sitting down at their kitchen's breakfast table, with a bag of takeout sitting next to her. Her mom wasn't usually home so early from the hospital, but she had been asking her for hours to be cut a little lately. Clarke didn't see the logic in that, considering everything, but it was what it was. As for the takeout, that was a regular thing. Her mom did not cook.

"How was your first day of school?" Abby Griffin questioned, as she pulled two salads from the bag and scooted one across the table. Clarke found herself sitting down in front of the salad and slowly picking up one of the plastic forks to eat it with. She and her mom hadn't had a meal together since... before summer.

"Fine," Clarke answered.

"So, you're okay?" Abby questioned.

"Define okay?" Clarke asked.

"Is what happened with dad bothering you significantly at school?" her mom questioned.

"Not while I'm at school. While I'm driving home, yes," Clarke stated. "I don't want to talk about this with you, mom."

"I know you don't, but we need to," her mom insisted. "Look, Clarke. I did what I had to do."

"You did what you did because you _gave up_!" Clarke exclaimed, dropping her fork on the floor on accident. It wasn't like she had an appetite right now anyway.

"Listen to me, Clarke!" Abby exclaimed. "What I did didn't change the end result at all! It just kept it from happening later than it had to!"

"You don't know that!" Clarke yelled, standing up. "You might be a doctor, but you told me yourself eight months ago that there was _no_ way to predict if dad was going to wake up or not from his coma! You said that some people wake up months later and suffer some brain damage – but they still live!"

"That is what I said, Clarke, but six months is just as good as eight, or as twelve," Abby insisted. "Your father was not coming back, and I had to agree to take him off of life support!"

"No, you didn't have to do that! You could have waited another month at least!" Clarke exclaimed. "He might have woken up the next day for all you know! You signed his death certificate, mom, whether you want to admit it or not!"

Clarke turned on her heel and ran upstairs, slamming her door and locking it. She knew that she was crying, and her throat was slightly scratchy from yelling, but she ignored both of those things as she made her way to her easel. Her eyes scanned her newly finished painting, and she decided that her next would be charcoal instead. She gently removed the canvas and replaced it with a drawing pad.

She retrieved her charcoal from her desk and started drawing. She wasn't even sure what she was drawing until a solid jawline was staring back at her. Her father.

Tracing her own drawing with her eyes, she found herself almost stunned at how perfectly she had remembered its shape and drawn it without looking at a reference photo. That, however, only brought her more tears, and she found herself curling into her bed and crying.

She tried to think of something else – anything else – to distract her.

Her mind drifted to school, and to Octavia and Raven and how they invited her to sit with them at lunch. Then she thought of Lexa, and how the brunette had so easily drawn a blush to her pale cheeks. She thought of how warm her heart felt when she thought of the idea that these people wanted to befriend her.

It was then that she decided that she couldn't keep doing this. She couldn't keep pretending that she was content with having three friends, or that she hated all teenagers for making stupid decisions. She wanted to have more friends, and people to talk to, and she wanted to maybe even make some stupid decisions on her own. She was going to let herself enjoy her life, because she knew that was what her father would have wanted. He had always tried to convince her to go out or to join a new activity, but she had always insisted that she was fine as she was. But she had been lying to herself, and now she was finally ready to be truthful.


	3. Chapter 3

"How was your drawing day yesterday?" Wells asked over the phone. He had called Clarke before school – something that the two of them did sometimes to get some extra time to talk before school.

"It was fine," Clarke answered. "Did you go to the movies?"

"Nah," Wells answered. "No fun going alone."

Clarke smiled to herself. "You're allowed to go with other people besides me you know," she teased. Wells didn't answer for a second, which actually surprised the blonde. Wells rarely hesitated.

"Well, I don't really have a pool of people to hang out with, and you know that," Wells stated. Clarke furrowed her eyebrows slightly.

"Hey, I've gotta finish my makeup. I'll see you at school," she said.

"Alright," came the lame reply, before her phone beeped to indicate an ended call. Clarke sighed. Wells was starting to seem different to her, but she couldn't pinpoint what it was that was different, or if she was the only one acting different and it was just affecting the way she looked at other people.

She had no idea, but she knew that if she let herself think about it too much, she would get nowhere good from it. So instead, she ran her liquid eyeliner in a thin line along the underside of her eye and then left her bathroom.

Her mom was already gone – to make up for the hours she had missed the previous day no doubt, so Clarke didn't have to rush to leave her house. She grabbed a quick granola bar from her pantry, after stuffing some random foods into a lunch bag, and was out the door.

She took bites of the granola bar as she drove to school. She tried not to think about anything that would confuse her or her make her upset – such as her dad or her best friend. Instead, her thoughts drifted suddenly to Octavia, and then, subsequently, Lexa. Thinking that she would get to talk to Lexa again today brought a small smile to her face. It was kind of nice that they had seventh period together, because since it was the last class, there was nowhere to rush off to afterward.

Then she remembered that she had sort of agreed to sit with her and Octavia and Raven and the others at lunch that day, and her thoughts drifted back to Wells. She wasn't sure how he would react to her wanting to sit over there. Not that it was his decision of course, but she didn't want him to be mad at her for ditching him.

It was true that she could invite Wells to come with her to the other table, but she knew that would never happen. Wells was too reserved, and content with his life, to interject randomly into a different pattern. That was just how Wells was. And maybe it's how she used to be, but not anymore. No, Clarke was ready to embrace how she had once pictured high school could be.

When she got to school, she was immediately intercepted by her best friend. "Hey," he greeted.

"You okay?" Clarke asked. "You were weird on the phone earlier." She knew that she had to embrace the weirdness that she was sensing from her best friend – he was her best friend after all.

"Was I?" Wells asked in a mumble.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "I'm not an idiot, Wells. You're my best friend, okay? I can tell when something's bothering you."

"I'm fine," Wells insisted, suddenly standing straighter and smiling at the blonde. "I was just bummed that we didn't hang out yesterday. But we're still on for Friday, right?"

Clarke smiled. "Of course."

"Cool." They made their way to their lockers, and Wells smiled at her. "So, are you ready for day two of being an upperclassman?" Clarke could tell that he was sort of messing with her, since he mentioned being an upperclassman again and was giving her a playful smile.

"Still don't feel like an upperclassman, Wells," Clarke said, chuckling. "But yeah, I guess."

"I'll see you at lunch today, right?" Wells questioned, almost as if he was expecting what Clarke was about to say.

"Actually, I think I'm going to sit with Octavia at lunch today. Rain check?" Clarke asked, giving Wells an apologetic smile.

"So you are tired of us?" Wells asked. Clarke was pretty sure that he meant it as a joke, but his tone was entirely too serious.

"No, Wells, I just think that these people are really nice and I'd like to have more than just one friend in my life," Clarke stated, perhaps a little too firmly than she meant to. Wells blinked. "Look, you're my best friend, but Octavia is really cool and I'm not going to completely alienate her because I haven't been friends with her since the first grade, okay?"

"That's not what I'm saying. It's just that that group of people is sketchy," Wells stated.

"I'll judge that for myself, I think," Clarke muttered. "See you later, I guess." Wells stared after her as she closed her locker and made her way to first period. Why were things so weird all of the sudden? Clarke hardly even felt bothered by her and Wells having a disagreement, but perhaps that was because she knew that if Wells was truly her best friend, he would accept the fact that she wanted to branch out her friendships a bit.

"Hey, there, Clarke!" Octavia greeted Clarke as she collapsed into the desk next to her about ten minutes later. Clarke smiled at the brunette.

"Hey," she returned. "You seem to be in a good mood."

"I had coffee," Octavia reasoned. Clarke couldn't help but laugh, because that definitely explained how hyper Octavia seemed to be in the morning. "Can't function without it."

"I can," Clarke stated, laughing to herself a little.

"Not everyone can be so fabulous, Clarke," Octavia teased, sticking her tongue out at the blonde. "My brother would hate me if I didn't drink coffee in the morning. He drives us both to school in the morning, and without coffee, I'm such a bitch. He would force feed me caffeine if I didn't want to for some reason."

Clarke laughed at that, and then Raven came into the classroom and groaned. "How do you have so much energy, O?"

"Coffee!" Octavia answered. "Duh! Where's yours?"

"Didn't have time," Raven muttered. "Hey, Clarke."

"Hey, Raven," Clarke returned.

"Oh! Clarke! Didn't see you at lunch yesterday," Octavia commented, giving Clarke her best pout.

Clarke gave her an apologetic smile. "I'm planning on sitting over there with you guys today, if you'll still have me?" She gave them a teasing smile.

"Nah, reject us once and you'll be sorry," Raven teased back. Clarke rolled her eyes.

"Well sucks for you," she joked.

Octavia grinned, as if approving of the teasing back and forth. "Do you know all of the people that sit with us?"

"Some of them," Clarke answered, about to mention having a class with Lexa when the bell suddenly decided to ring and Mr. Sanchez began talking.

"Miss Reyes, I know that you believe that you are here gracing us with your mere presence, but if you cannot find your seat before the bell again, you'll be gracing the principal's office with it instead," Mr. Sanchez stated.

Octavia laughed at her friend, who rolled her eyes and made her way to her own desk.

"As for you, Miss Blake, if you wish to stay in this class, you'll stop grinning like that at things that are not amusing – seeing as this class is not here for your amusement," Mr. Sanchez added.

"Sorry, Mr. Sanchez," Octavia said, trying not to chuckle.

Mr. Sanchez gave the brunette a pointed look, and then he began to ramble about history. Octavia flashed Clarke a wide smile, but then the brunette turned to her history notes and started jotting stuff down. Clarke smiled to herself as she also started to take down notes. She could get used to this friendship thing, she was pretty sure. It was different with Wells, since they'd grown up together.

Clarke said a quick goodbye to Octavia and Raven as she left first period, and she felt content as she thought of seeing them again later at lunch. Maybe she would enjoy lunch today. Especially since Lexa would be at lunch too...

She still wasn't quite sure what that was about – her being drawn to Lexa so much. She was trying not to read too much into things. Maybe this was just things from her dad's death making her act weird, or maybe it was her brain telling her to make new friends. Whatever it was, it wasn't a big deal... at least, she didn't think it was.

Lunch came, and Clarke stopped at her locker to grab her hastily packed lunch, feeling lucky that she didn't run into Wells on the way. Her eyes didn't catch onto any of her new friend-like people as she made her way into the cafeteria though. Her eyes did temporarily catch onto Monty and Jasper, who luckily didn't see her as she hurried past her normal table and toward where she saw Octavia and Raven sitting with Finn and Bellamy. Lexa wasn't there yet.

"Hi, you guys," Clarke said meekly as she approached the table.

"Clarke!" Octavia exclaimed, smiling widely. "Hey!"

"Hey," Clarke returned, choosing to sit next to Octavia – across from Bellamy and Finn.

"Guys, this is Clarke. Clarke, this is Bellamy – my asshole brother – and Finn," Octavia introduced, waving her hand toward the boys as if they were unimportant.

"Hey," Clarke said to the guys, giving them a half smile that they returned with smiles of their own.

"Are you new here?" Bellamy questioned.

Clarke raised her eyebrows only slightly. "No. I've been going here since I was a freshman."

"Oh," Bellamy said, raising his eyebrows. "Goes to show how observant I am. Sorry. Nice to meet you, Clarke."

Clarke gave him a thin smile, which he returned with on that seemed genuine enough. Clarke couldn't help but be amused by guys like him. Carefree and innocent – yet not really innocent. It was hard to explain, but she couldn't help but be amused at his wide smile.

Suddenly, long, wavy, brown hair came into her view as Lexa took a seat across from her, and next to Bellamy. "Hey, Clarke."

"Hi," Clarke responded, pretty sure that the fact that she now felt about two inches tall was obvious to anybody at the table. If it was, though, nobody made that clear to her, so she just hoped they didn't notice.

"You already met Lexa?" Raven questioned.

"We have seventh period together," Clarke answered for the both of them, flashing Lexa a smile.

The conversation quickly changed directions, though, as Octavia's eyes caught on somebody and followed them through the cafeteria. Clarke had to look around to see who it was, but everyone else at the table seemed to already know. "Aren't you going to ask him out already?" Raven demanded.

"What if he says no?" Octavia muttered, looking smaller than Clarke had ever seen her act before. "Ugh I'm such a wimp. I have fifth period with him and I'm always trying to be noticed but he never looks at me."

"Who?" Clarke asked Lexa, since Octavia seemed to be mostly talking to Raven.

"Lincoln," Lexa answered, nodding toward a well built guy who had just sat down at a nearby table. "She's been crushing on him since the end of last school year, and she even worked at the store next to where he worked all summer, and they still haven't talked."

"Damn," Clarke muttered.

Lexa shrugged. "That's just Octavia."

Clarke let herself fall back into the main conversation as she heard Bellamy commenting, "If you do ask him out, make sure I can get a background on him first."

"Are you for real, Bellamy?" Octavia demanded. "He's a good guy, alright? You don't have to play the protective big brother all of the time, you know?"

"This is the only time it really counts, O!" Bellamy pointed out, shrugging as though it wasn't his fault.

"Octavia is a big girl now, Bellamy," Raven stated, "she can take care of herself."

"Hey, just because-"

"Guys, can we chill the conversation, please? If we get any louder, Lincoln will be able to hear us," Finn interrupted.

"Hey, Clarke," Raven said suddenly, "I think I found a guy who thinks you're interesting." She nodded in a specific direction, and Clarke glanced over and made a momentary eye contact with Wells, who quickly turned back to Jasper – caught in the act.

"Wells? No. He's my best friend," Clarke said, shaking her head.

"So why's he looking at you like that?" Octavia questioned, raising an eyebrow. Clarke's eyes scanned over the whole group, wondering if she should tell them the truth about why Wells was staring at her sitting with them. Everyone looked intrigued, although Lexa looked slightly put off for some reason.

"He thinks you guys are weird," Clarke finally gave in, shrugging. Octavia let out a loud laugh.

"That's because we're crazy!" she exclaimed. Clarke nodded in agreement, laughing.

"Either way, Clarke," Raven interrupted, "doesn't matter why he looked over here, but any guy looking at you like that wants you to be more than a friend to him."

Clarke blinked, because that made sense. All of it. It explained Wells being weird lately and strangely possessive when he had no right to be. "Really?"

"She's right," Lexa agreed, finally speaking again. "He definitely likes you. Do you like him back?"

The topic was a metal rod sitting in flaming coals, and the question was like pressing it deep into her heart. No, she felt nothing like that toward Wells, but the idea that he actually may feel like that toward her was awful. She shook her head. "No. I've never even considered it."

"You better tell him that before he falls to hard," Bellamy teased, raising one of his eyebrows. Clarke sighed, glancing back at Wells, who wasn't facing her this time. He didn't want to be caught again.

Somehow, though, that just solidified what her new friends were telling her.

As lunch came to an end and they all stood up, Lexa bumped her elbow against Clarke's. When the blonde looked to her, she smiled. "Walk with me for a second?" Clarke nodded, and changed her course to walk alongside Lexa.

"What's up?"

"If Octavia and Raven and Bellamy are a little much for you, I can tell them. I mean, if you'd rather them not talk about Wells," Lexa stated.

Clarke shrugged. "I'm glad they said something. I never would have noticed. It seems obvious now. I just wish it wasn't... he's my best friend."

Lexa nodded slowly. "From my experience, it's better to be friends with someone before dating them."

"I agree," Clarke said, making slight eye contact with the brunette in a sideways glance, "but I couldn't like Wells that way. He's just not my type... like, at all, honestly. I don't even know what my type is, but I know that much."

Lexa nodded again, as if soaking in what Clarke said. "Okay. I just wanted to make sure that they weren't making you uncomfortable."

"No, they're fine. All of you are pretty awesome, to be honest. Your lunch is definitely more entertaining than mine," Clarke admitted.

"Sit with us again, then," Lexa insisted, giving her a soft smile. "We all like you so far." She said the last part playfully, as if there was a chance that they would stop liking Clarke. However, Lexa's gentle expression made it clear that there wasn't a way in hell that she would suddenly dislike Clarke.

"I will," Clarke agreed, her voice small again like it had been the previous day. She realized suddenly that they had stopped in front of a locker – Lexa's she guessed, since the brunette was unlocking it. "I just hope that Wells doesn't get mad at me."

"Talk to him," Lexa insisted. "Boys are weird, but the good ones – they'll get the message as soon as you send it. And if he's your friend, he must be pretty good."

Clarke nodded slowly. "That's probably a good idea."

Lexa gave her a small smile. "I'll see you in seventh, right?"

"Right," Clarke agreed. As Lexa turned and walked off, Clarke felt herself exhale slowly as her heart sunk slightly. She didn't like seeing Lexa walk away, because she liked being around her so much.

What was happening to her?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4! :D

Clarke didn't run into her best friend on her way to fifth period – which was art, her favorite class. She was slightly relieved, because even though she knew that she needed to sit down and talk to Wells, she really didn't want to. She knew that she was changing, and she knew that Wells could tell, and she didn't want to face him about it. That, and she didn't want to ask him if he was into her, because she was pretty sure he would say yes.

As she arrived at her art class, she let herself relax as she sat herself down on one of the smooth stools, waiting for her art teacher to arrive. When he did, he instructed his students to take out their drawing pad and to just draw something.

Clarke loved this class, because she never felt obligated to try something new, but she always did. Her teacher, Dr. Wright, would emphasize something new every week, and the more he talked about it, the more fascinating it sounded. By the second day of the topic, she usually found herself completely immersed in the new kind of drawing. The class made her fall more and more into love each day.

The previous day, he had begun the Art III class by discussing nature. Clarke didn't feel that she was completely absorbed into the theme yet, but she attempted a loose sketch. Dr. Wright spent the class stopping at each student and discussing their drawing. Clarke looked up attentively when he arrived where she was sitting.

He examined what she had drawn so far, which really could only be described as a simple leaf. Clarke wasn't much into the details of nature. She preferred to use charcoal for nature scenes, giving them a dark look, but nothing of the detail that she was trying in her drawing now.

"Is something bothering you lately?" Dr. Wright questioned, looking over her drawing and not making eye contact with her.

"A few things," she stated, wondering if her confusion about her feelings regarding her new friends and her friendship with Wells was somehow showing up in her artwork. Dr. Wright must have been able to feel her worry, because he gave her a gentle smile.

"There's a thing that I learned in college – and it's that emotion makes beautiful art. Not always meaningful or important, but beautiful. I can tell that something is bothering you, Miss Griffin, but if you let it peck at you, you will peck at the paper. If you embrace it and allow yourself to feel what is behind it, you will create beautiful artwork. You may also begin to feel better about whatever it is." Giving her another thin smile, he walked off, leaving her no time to ask questions.

Clarke scanned over her rough sketch. He was right– she knew. She could picture the charcoal outline of her father's jaw sitting in her bedroom, and she knew he was right about emotion creating beautiful art.

She made a mental note of that as the bell to dismiss fifth period rang, and she gently slid her sketchbook into her bag and started out of the classroom. She felt slightly refreshed, which was nice.

Entering her sixth period, she found herself suddenly in conversation with Octavia. "Hey, Clarke! Are you busy on Friday?"

Just as she was about to answer with a negative, she recalled that she was hanging out with Wells on Friday, and she bit her tongue. "Um, yeah."

Octavia frowned. "How about Saturday?"

"No, I'm not," Clarke answered, giving the brunette a half smile. "Why?"

"We're having a hang out at mine and Bellamy's place, and you should come! So far, everyone likes you, but we don't really know you that well. Figured that if you're going to be friends with us, there's no point in not inviting you, you know?" Octavia said, smiling widely.

"Yeah, sure," Clarke agreed, feeling something warm inside her chest. She hadn't felt it since before her dad got in his car accident – it was a feeling of happiness. She had never really gotten along with her mom, but her dad, she had always been so incredibly close with him. His best friend had been Wells' dad, which is how she and Wells had always been so close. With his death, though, it was like her life had slowly been falling apart all summer, and now, it was like a few of her pieces were being picked back up. Like the broken parts were getting healed by something entirely different that she never thought she would ever need.

Or maybe she was just excited, and she was getting too deep over a small thing like hanging out.

She wasn't sure.

"Cool!" Octavia said. "I'll tell the others you'll be there then. Oh! And give me your phone number so I can text you my address!"

Clarke, now sitting down at her desk, retrieved a piece of paper and scribbled out her phone number. "There," she said. "Thanks for inviting me, by the way."

Octavia gave her a funny look. "No problem." Feeling suddenly self conscious, Clarke flashed her one last smile and then took out some paper for her physics notes. Physics was her least favorite class, but she may as well try to learn something in it. Even if she would probably end up doodling on her notes more than taking any important things down.

When seventh period arrived, it was like a huge relief. English had never been much of a stressful class for Clarke, and she was probably a little too excited about getting to have it with Lexa. She got to the classroom before the brunette, and took a seat in the same desk she had the day before. About a minute later, the brunette sat adjacent to her. "Hey," Lexa greeted, flashing her a warm smile.

"Hi," Clarke returned, hoping her voice didn't sound as shy as she suddenly felt. Yes, Clarke had always been relatively shy and hesitant when it came to people she didn't know, but it seemed like the hesitance was lessened with the Lexa, and the shyness knocked up a few degrees.

They didn't have any time to say anything else as the bell rung and their teacher began her discussion.

Clarke tried very hard to focus on her teacher – Mrs. Evans – her goal being to focus at least a little more than the previous day. However, once again, her eyes kept dropping onto the brunette sitting next to her, who was dutifully taking notes. Clarke liked watching her hand move along the paper, writing neat letters down on the paper. Clarke had a feeling that Lexa liked to write, or at least was good at it.

The only thing that Clarke accomplished in her seventh period was to write down the assignment before Mrs. Evans erased it – which was technically a least more than she managed to do the previous day, so she let herself feel at least a little content with herself.

As the last bell of the day rang, Lexa began to fold up her folder, and Clarke did the same. Neither of them said anything for a moment, but it was Lexa who broke the silence between them as their classmates rushed out of the room. "Are you busy?"

Clarke looked up, slightly surprised. "Now?"

"Now. Do you have to be somewhere?" Lexa clarified, smiling a small smile. Clarke managed to shake her head, because she was honestly surprised that Lexa was asking. "Do you mind hanging around the school with me for a little while? I'm avoiding going home."

Clarke gave the brunette a confused smile. "I don't mind. Why are you avoiding going home?"

She stood up from her desk and hoisted her backpack as Lexa did the same. "My older sister is coming down from where she lives to pick some stuff up from my parents. I don't really want to run into her."

"Why not?" Clarke wondered, as they left the English class room.

"Every time she sees me, she asks me about something that I would rather not talk about. Normally, I would go to Octavia's or Raven's, but they're both busy today. Plus, you're not half bad to hang out with." Lexa flashed Clarke a wide smile, and Clarke felt a small blush on her cheeks.

"Well, neither are you," Clarke managed to say, curious as to how this girl could make her so nervous so easily.

"Do you have any siblings?" Lexa wondered.

"No," Clarke answered. "The closest thing I have to a sibling is Wells – we were practically raised together."

"Have you talked to him yet?" Lexa questioned, giving Clarke a curious look that entailed a raised eyebrow – which Clarke found herself glancing at, and her heart jumped for a moment.

"No. I don't have any classes with him this year, and I only see him during lunch," Clarke admitted.

"Why would you rather sit with us than with him, then?" Lexa asked, seeming genuinely confused. Clarke shrugged.

"I've been going through a lot lately, and I've just been changing a little bit. I want a lot of things that I haven't wanted in a long time," she admitted. "I used to feel really content with everything that I had, but... some things happened and I've felt weird all summer, but now that school has started... I'm just not content with anything anymore."

Lexa looked curious, but it was as if she could tell that it wasn't the right time to question Clarke about what had happened over the summer. Instead, she began to just talk as they walked – and Clarke wasn't quite sure where they were walking to, but she didn't care much anyway. "I used to not have many friends either. Octavia picked me up at the beginning of last year, and I fell in quick with the friend group. It was refreshing for me, too. Still is sometimes, when I think of how life was before. It's nice to feel accepted in a group of people."

Clarke smiled. "I never really had a lot of friends," Clarke reflected, "I've always been sort of shy and nervous around people. I thought that when high school started, I would just _have_ more friends, because the movies and TV shows always show everyone with a whole group of friends. But I didn't change, I was still shy... and I stuck with what I knew, I guess. It's just not enough anymore."

Lexa didn't say anything as she led Clarke outside through one of the side doors of the school. They exited onto the soccer field, which was empty. "Have you ever played?" Lexa asked, as she led Clarke toward one side of the bleachers.

"No," Clarke answered. "I'm more of an artsy type than sporty."

"Me too," Lexa admitted, laughing a light laugh. "Octavia is going to try out for the team this year. Bellamy has been on it since freshman year, and Octavia is very competitive against her brother."

"It's a co-ed team, right?" Clarke questioned, receiving a nod from the brunette. "That's cool."

"Patchwork actually had a really good team when we were freshmen," Lexa commented, "but last year it sort of went to shit when the seniors graduated. Octavia is pretty convinced that if she joins this year, it'll be great again."

"I don't doubt it," Clarke stated. "Octavia seems like she's determined enough to see anything through."

Lexa smiled. "I think so, too."

They had climbed up one side of the bleachers to the top. "Why are we all the way up here?" Clarke wondered as Lexa dropped her bag in the aisle in front of the top row of seats, and then proceeded to sit down.

"This is just where I come when I don't have anything else to do. Octavia and I sat up here a lot last year while Bellamy was at soccer practice, because he could drive before either of us could and was our ride," Lexa explained, shrugging. Clarke dropped her backpack next to Lexa's, and sat down as well.

"It feels far away," Clarke commented, looking down the bleachers at the empty soccer field, and then craning her next to look toward the emptying parking lot.

Lexa nodded in agreement, but her eyes were on Clarke. "I don't mind it. Do you?"

"No," Clarke answered. "It would be nice to draw up here, I think."

"Do you draw?" Lexa asked, sounding slightly surprised. Clarke nodded as her eyes finally made direct eye contact with the brunette's green ones. "Can I see?"

Clarke didn't break eye contact with the brunette as she considered the question. Nobody aside from Wells, Dr. Wright, and her father ever got to look at her artwork. She used to let her mom look at some of it, but Abby Griffin was convinced that art was just a pastime, and that if Clarke wanted to get anywhere in life, she would have to leave art as a hobby. For Clarke, though, art was a purpose, not a hobby.

"You don't have to show me," Lexa added after a few silent moments had passed. "I don't want to overstep."

"You're not," Clarke decided, fumbling with her backpack as she finally pulled her gaze away from Lexa's eyes and dug around for her sketchbook. She pulled it out carefully. "I don't have much with me right now, because this is for my art class. All I have is what I did in class today."

She opened it sheepishly, showing Lexa the rough sketch of the leaf that she had. Lexa smiled, "I like it."

"It's not that good," Clarke stated.

"Or, you're just too modest," Lexa suggested, quirking up an eyebrow and smiling at the blonde.

Clarke blushed slightly. "Well, it's not that I think that I'm not a good artist. I just wasn't into the drawing as much as I am for some of them. I've done much better. Some of that, though, is kind of personal."

Lexa gave her a soft smile. "I understand."

"Do you do any art?" Clarke questioned, recalling that Lexa defined herself as artsy.

"Not the fancy kind on canvas," Lexa answered, chuckling a little bit. The next part she said with a bit of an airy tone, "I like to dance, and I dabble some in writing."

Clarke tried not to smile at how she guessed that Lexa would like to write. She was a little surprised at the dancing part. "Dancing sounds sporty to me," she teased lightly. Lexa smiled slyly.

"I guess it is," she said, "but it's an art to me."

"What kind of dance do you do?" Clarke wondered, trying to scrape up all of her knowledge of dancing.

"Ballet, mostly," Lexa answered. "But I can also do hip-hop if I'm feeling the music at the time."

"That's really cool," Clarke admitted. Then, more to herself than to Lexa, she muttered, "I've never drawn a dancer."

Lexa let out a light laugh. "Do you want to draw me?" Clarke blinked as she felt her cheeks flush dark red.

"Ah... it was more of just a thought than a suggestion," Clarke admitted, her voice small. Lexa was still smiling at her, so she tried not to let herself feel too awkward and weird all of the sudden.

"Well, if you ever want to, I think that would be awesome," Lexa said, and Clarke couldn't really tell if she was teasing or being serious, so she just smiled at the brunette.

Suddenly, Clarke's phone buzzed in her pocket, and she was slightly surprised by the sudden feeling. She slid it out of her pocket and found a text from Wells.

**From Wells – Any chance you've got time to talk? I'm still at the school if you're around.**

Clarke let out a small sigh.

**To Wells – Yeah. Give me a few minutes and I'll meet you in front of the school. Cool?**

**From Wells – Sure.**

She looked up at Lexa, who was giving her an interested look. "Your parents?" Clarke almost winced at the plural in the question, but she forced herself not to, and just shook her head.

"Wells. He wants to talk," Clarke answered, sighing again. "We fought a little this morning and then we all caught him staring at me during lunch, so he's probably a little flustered."

Lexa gave her an understanding smile. "Go talk to him, Clarke. It sucks to fight with your best friend," she stated matter-of-factly. Clarke nodded.

"Yeah, okay," she agreed. "Are you going to have something to do to avoid your sister?"

Lexa shrugged. "Maybe I shouldn't avoid her anyway. I'll just go home and hide out in my room."

"Are you sure?" Clarke asked, raising her eyebrows slightly. "I can make it quick with Wells."

Lexa shook her head. "I'm sure, Clarke. You could walk me to the parking lot, though?" She smiled playfully at the blonde, who nodded in agreement. They started down the bleachers and Clarke clenched her teeth as she debated asking Lexa for her phone number. That wasn't weird, right? They were friends now, why shouldn't she have Lexa's phone number? And if they were friends, why should the idea of asking for it so weird to her? Clarke had no idea what was wrong with her social skills when it came to Lexa, but she decided to face them head on.

"Hey, can I get your phone number before you go?" Clarke asked. She didn't offer any sort of explanation for the question, since she really didn't have one. Lexa gave her a sideways glance, and smiled.

"Of course. Give me your phone," Lexa prodded, and Clarke unlocked her phone and opened a new contact field before handing it to the brunette. Lexa quickly typed some things into the contact field, and then she proceeded to open Clarke's messages app to send a text to herself. Clarke thought that was bold, because she personally would usually wait for someone else to text to her if she gave them her number. She liked that Lexa took the initiative to get Clarke's number as well, though. "There." Lexa's own phone beeped from her pocket as she said the word, and she smiled.

"Is it cool if I text you later, then?" Clarke asked, biting the inside of her lip and hoping that Lexa didn't notice.

"Yep," Lexa agreed, "but I make no promises about what kind of mood I'll be in. My sister can sometimes mess with my head when she shows up."

Clarke gave Lexa an apologetic smile. "I hope she doesn't bother you too much today." Lexa returned the smile and nudged Clarke gently.

"I hope so too," she said. They made their way around the bleachers and found themselves walking in front of the school. "You better get to talking to him," Lexa said suddenly, her eyes jumping away from Clarke and to the outside wall of the school, where Clarke saw Wells leaning against it, trying to look busy on his phone.

"Yeah, I should," Clarke agreed. "I'll text you later, okay?"

"Good," Lexa agreed, smiling. "Bye, Clarke."

"Bye, Lexa," Clarke returned. As the brunette split off and headed into the parking lot, it occurred to Clarke that this was the first time she had said Lexa's name aloud,and she liked the way it sounded rolling off of her tongue. She wondered silently if Lexa noticed that as well.

Inhaling deeply and tearing her eyes away from Lexa, Clarke turned around, trying to brace herself for her conversation with Wells.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey, there," Clarke greeted, raising her eyebrows carefully as she approached Wells, who looked up from his phone.

"You were hanging out with that girl again. She's friends with those people you were sitting with at lunch, right?" Wells questioned.

"Yep," Clarke answered, giving her best friend a careful once over. "She's really nice."

"I'm sure," Wells stated, and Clarke couldn't tell if he was being bitter or not, so she just ignored the comment all together.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asked, her heart rate speeding up as she waited for him to answer.

Wells inhaled deeply. "I'm sorry. For... being rude to you about you wanting to hang out with new people. I guess I'm just not used to it. You used to be so happy with just our friendship, and it's weird."

Clarke bit down on her tongue. "I'm changing, Wells. I think it has to do with losing my dad this summer, but I'm different. I'm not happy with anything right now. I feel this need to do things differently and to change – although that seems to already be happening."

"Change can be good sometimes," Wells stated, his eyes suddenly lighting up as he took a step away from the wall. Clarke felt her heart clench, because she felt like she knew where they was about to be headed.

"Do you have anything else you want to say?" Clarke asked. "Because if not, I do."

Wells looked her up and down and shrugged. "Go ahead."

"Wells... you're my best friend... you know that, right?" Clarke asked slowly, aware that her words were dripping with the friend-zone tone. Wells just nodded, the glisten in his eyes disappearing. "You know... you know that we can't go past that, right?"

Wells suddenly looked defensive. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I think that you're interested in me as more than a friend, and that I'm not interested in you like that," Clarke stated, deciding that it would be better to just come out and say it.

Wells didn't say anything for a moment, instead running his hand over his head. "Clarke... I've felt like this about you for over a year now. And you just now noticed."

Clarke nodded. "I'm sorry that I didn't notice sooner and tell you that I don't feel the same. I love you, Wells, as my best friend. You're like a brother to me." Her best friend winced at the word brother, and Clarke felt her heart sink.

"Friend zoning is hard enough, Clarke. Saving the sibling shit for a different time," Wells snapped, surprising Clarke. He hardly ever let curse words slip out of his mouth.

"I'm sorry, Wells, I-"

"It's fine, Clarke. I'll see you tomorrow, I guess," Wells muttered, walking past the blonde hastily and hurrying into the parking lot. Clarke turned and watched him for a moment. She wanted to yell at him to stop walking, and to talk to her, but she didn't want to hurt him anymore than she probably had.

Clarke wasn't used to this – to having to reject people. She wasn't the type of girl to have boys crawling after her, and yes, this was the first time that she had ever had to tell someone that she wasn't interested in them the way they were interested in her. And it was even more horrible that it was her best friend.

Footsteps behind Clarke drew her attention away from Wells' receding figure, and she turned her head to see Bellamy. "I take it you broke the news to him?" he asked.

Clarke was slightly confused as to when Bellamy had shown up, and as to why he was talking to her. It was like as soon as Octavia had accepted her into their friend group, everyone in the group felt the same way. She made note of that silently, and then nodded to Bellamy. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I don't blame you," Bellamy stated. "Poor guy." Clarke raised a confused eyebrow at Bellamy, not really understanding his comment. "It's hard for guys to feel rejected when they're usually the ones rejecting people."

"First of all, I think that's a little sexist of you to say. Second of all, Wells doesn't reject a lot of people."

"Whatever you say, princess," Bellamy cooed. Clarke narrowed her eyes at him, disapproving of the nickname.

"Don't call me princess," she snapped.

Bellamy smirked at her cockily. "Sure, I won't. Princess."

Clarke stared at him for a second, and then she made a sudden realization. He was intentionally being an ass in order to distract her from what just happened with Wells. And she felt incredibly grateful all of the sudden. She let out a light laugh and shook her head. "What are you still doing here?"

"You know, meet and greet with the fans," Bellamy joked, smirking again.

Clarke shook her head at him. "You're oh so humble, I see."

"Very," Bellamy agreed, grinning. "How about you?"

"Haven't heard me boasting about anything, have you?" Clarke snapped back, raising her eyebrows. She liked this banter with Bellamy – it didn't stress her out. She didn't really care what Bellamy was thinking about it, and she wasn't looking into it. She wasn't sure how Bellamy could have that effect, but she wasn't going to question it at all.

Bellamy shrugged. "Guess not. Octavia seems to think that you're pretty cool, though," he commented.

"Really?" Clarke asked, tilting her head slightly.

"She's been through a lot of stuff, and her friends mean everything to her. She loves having a lot, but she doesn't choose people that she likes lightly. You drew her attention quickly, so you better be a good friend to her," Bellamy said, suddenly sounding almost threatening.

"I don't intend to be a _bad_ friend to her, Bellamy. Honestly, I'm still surprised she even noticed me," Clarke admitted.

Bellamy sighed. "I know, sorry. I'm just very protective of her. She doesn't deserve any bullshit in her life, you know?" Clarke looked over this boy carefully, analyzing his expression. She could tell that he really did care about his sister – no surprise there of course.

"I know what you mean," Clarke said.

"Do you have siblings?" Bellamy asked, curious all of the sudden. Clarke smirked, simply because Lexa had asked her the same question earlier.

"No, but I know that Octavia doesn't deserve bullshit. None of you deserve bullshit. And neither do I. And neither does Wells. But sometimes, it just happens. Don't worry, I don't intend to inflict bullshit on any of you, as long as you don't intend to do so on me," Clarke stated formally. Bellamy smiled.

"I like you, Clarke. You're cool," he decided.

Clarke let out a light laugh and tilted her head. How was it that this group of people she had just met suddenly liked her so much? Was she really that likable? Then again, it was weird how friendships worked in the first place. Clarke supposed that no one could really explain why everyone in the group got along so well with Clarke aside from saying that they would make good friends.

"I heard you're coming to our hang out on Saturday?" Bellamy asked. Clarke nodded.

"I'm looking forward to it," she said.

Bellamy nodded with approval. "Cool. Well, I better go. Octavia should be done with whatever stuff she so adamantly had to stay after school for."

"Oh, so you're here to be her chauffeur?" Clarke teased.

"She's my sister, what else?" Bellamy asked, laughing. "See you around, Clarke."

"Yeah, see you," Clarke returned. Bellamy turned and headed back into the school, and Clarke finally walked into the parking lot and found her car. She sighed slightly as she got into it. What a weird day it had been. It had good and bad in it, she supposed, but she wasn't sure if she should describe it as one or the other, or just weird.

She went with weird, and left it at that.

At home, she worked some on her leaf drawing, before wanting to feel the charcoal in her hands and decided to work on the drawing of her dad. She got lost in her art, and before she knew it, it was nearing eight at night. The picture of her dad was coming along faster than most of the art she'd been doing recently, which she thought might be odd, or it might make perfect sense. Either way, she left her half finished piece on its easel and fell into her bed, taking her phone into her hands.

She went to her messages app and saw the texting conversation with Lexa that the brunette had started in order to get her number. Lexa hadn't texted at all, but Clarke had told her that she would text _her_.

**To Lexa- Hey, there. Hope things went well with your sister.**

She read the text at least four times, trying to decide if she should say anything else, or not mention Lexa's sister at all, but she decided that it was fine the way it was, and she sent it.

She got a reply only seconds later, which made her smile.

**From Lexa- It was fine, I guess. How did your talk with Wells go?**

**To Lexa- It could have gone better, but I don't want to talk about it.**

Clarke wondered if it was pathetic that she stared at the little bubble that said Lexa was typing, waiting for the reply.

**From Lexa- Oh, I'm sorry. He'll understand eventually, though. Guys can be a little slow. :P**

**To Lexa- You seem to be an expert on boys :P**

The comment felt a little strange as Clarke typed it out, but she didn't know what else to say, and she felt strangely comfortable texting Lexa. Why? She had no idea, but it was another thing that she was going to try and not question, if only to keep herself sane.

**From Lexa- Do I? :P**

Before Clarke could type out any sort of answer, or even think of one, another text from Lexa came through, as if the brunette was avoiding the topic.

**From Lexa- What are you up to?**

**To Lexa- Nothing. I just finished drawing for the night. What about you?**

Clarke frowned as the little "typing" bubble disappeared after appearing for a few moments, and no text came through. She didn't text many people, because she really didn't have a lot of people to text anyway, but if there was another reason, it would be this. She got too much anxiety from texting people and reading into things.

Finally, another text came through.

**From Lexa- Dodging calls from my sister :P I managed to avoid her mostly when she was here, but she managed to talk to me a little bit, and I avoided the topic I didn't want her to ask me about, but now she won't stop calling me.**

**To Lexa- Maybe she's worried about you? Sorry, I don't really know the context.**

Clarke wondered if Lexa would tell her about the thing that she didn't want to talk to her sister about, but she had a feeling that the brunette wasn't going to. Which was fine to Clarke, because everyone was entitled to their privacy, and Lexa didn't owe any explanations to Clarke.

**From Lexa- You're fine. She is worried about me. But what she wants to talk about is something that I don't want to talk about. Maybe that means that she does have something to worry over, but either way, I don't want her to talk to me about it, and she needs to understand that.**

**To Lexa- I guess I understand. That's like how I am with my mom. She never leaves me alone about some things.**

**From Lexa- I wish my mom was like that. She doesn't even know about the thing that my sister wants to talk to me about, because she never has time to pay attention to me.**

It was weird, it occurred to Clarke, how differently two people could view situations. Clarke hated the pressure from her mom, and Lexa wished that she had more, since she had none. It was an interesting thing, perspective. And as her eyes rose away from her phone, they locked on the half finished sketch of her dad, and she had an idea. She needed to change the perspective. Not of that drawing, but the leaf. She was using her own perspective to draw the leaf, but that was boring. Anyone could just look at a leaf.

She began to drift into her mind as she thought about how she would change the perspective of her drawing in class the next day, and then her phone buzzed and drew her out of her head.

**From Lexa- Did I scare you away already? ;P**

**To Lexa- Sorry! I had an art epiphany and got distracted!**

**From Lexa- Go off and be an art genius then! I'm a little worn out, so I think I'm going to head to bed.**

Clarke felt her lips turn down in a frown. She liked talking to Lexa, even via text. It was like a reprieve from the hard parts of life and the conflicting thoughts in her mind – even though Lexa herself brought up more conflicting thoughts.

**To Lexa- Okay. Goodnight, Lexa.**

**From Lexa- Goodnight, Clarke. :) Sleep well.**

**To Lexa- You, too. :)**

She locked her phone and exhaled, before realizing that a smile was playing on her face, even though she had just been frowning. Thinking of Lexa made her smile, for whatever reason.

A bit formed in her stomach as she realized that she felt butterflies when talking to the brunette. Was that weird?

Clarke took a deep breath. She felt something just under her skin, almost as if on the tip of her thoughts, that she would need to think about soon. But she didn't want to in this moment, and she wouldn't let herself just yet.

Instead, she curled up in her bed, briefly aware that she hadn't eaten anything since lunch, and let herself get lulled into a faint sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

The rest of Clarke's week was weird. She sat with her new friends at lunch – because she and Wells hadn't exchanged any words since their conversation on Tuesday, but she didn't hang out with Lexa again after school on any of the days. They talked a little in class and after class, though, and they texted occasionally. Clarke was trying to be a little distant from the brunette, if she was being honest, because she was afraid of what she thought she was feeling.

Friday afternoon, as seventh period was ticking away, had Clarke realizing that she wasn't sure if she was going to hang out with Wells or not tonight. She figured not, because her best friend hadn't attempted to speak to her in any form since Tuesday. That realization made Clarke release a conflicted sigh just as the bell was ringing, and she began to slip her English notes into her backpack.

She was so caught up in her head that she forgot to say anything to Lexa – she had been making sure to at least say goodbye to her everyday – but the brunette spoke first. "Clarke, wait," Lexa said, as the blonde was about to walk toward the exit of the classroom.

"Yeah?" Clarke asked, feeling a slight wave of butterflies flying through her stomach. It made her nervous.

"Are you doing anything?" Lexa wondered.

Clarke debated on whether or not to lie to Lexa, but she decided that there was no point in doing so. "No."

"Mind keeping me company for a little while?" Lexa asked, sounding hopeful. "I don't want to bother you, though."

Clarke finally smiled. "You don't bother me, Lexa." Lexa smiled, a shade of pink appearing on her cheeks. "I have to stop at my locker and grab some of my history homework for the weekend. Meet you at... the soccer bleachers?"

"Sure, see you in a few then," Lexa agreed, smiling softly as they left the classroom and split off into different directions. Clarke hurried to her locker, suddenly eager to hang out with Lexa. She hadn't since Tuesday, which wasn't a long time, but it still felt like it had been.

Clarke knew how she was feeling toward Lexa, it wasn't hard to realize. She'd had crushes before, always on guys in the past, though. She knew what they felt like. She hadn't wanted to accept it, but perhaps there wasn't much of a choice in the matter. And if Clarke's instincts were right, Lexa was feeling similarly.

As Clarke approached her locker, she felt a sudden pit in her stomach as she saw Wells at his locker, just next to hers. Inhaling deeply, Clarke went to her own locker and opened it silently. Wells also remained unspeaking. The blonde retrieved her history homework, and Wells closed his locker. He started to walk away, but then he froze, and half turned around to slightly face her.

"In case you were wondering, we're not hanging out tonight," he said, his voice low, but not angry. It was more hurt than angry, and that did nothing to rid Clarke of the pit in her stomach. She gave him a slight nod, and he was off.

Clarke squeezed her eyes shut, forgetting what it was that she was supposed to be doing for about twenty seconds. As she slowly recovered, she recalled that Lexa was going to be waiting for her at the bleachers by the soccer field. Inhaling again, Clarke closed her locker softly and started through the school. Perhaps it would be best just to let Wells be. Maybe he would forgive her, or maybe he wouldn't. Either way, was there really anything that Clarke could do about it?

Clarke exited the school through a set of side doors, and was surprised to see that there were a bunch of people warming up on the field. Clarke spotted Bellamy and Octavia involved in the warm ups, and she gathered that tryouts were happening. The blonde stayed along the edge of the field and then started up the bleachers, her eyes looking up and catching on the brunette was sitting at the top, doing something with her phone.

When she reached the top, Lexa looked up and gave her a soft smile.

"Are those soccer tryouts?" Clarke questioned, looking back down at the occupied field.

"Yeah," Lexa answered. "The first half of the tryouts were yesterday, they're ending today. The team is decided by the coaches after this."

"Is Octavia nervous?" Clarke questioned.

"I don't know if Octavia gets nervous," Lexa answered jokingly, smiling a playful smile. "How are you, Clarke?"

"I'm okay," the blonde said, shrugging lamely. "Wells is still mad at me."

Lexa's lips turned down in a frown, and that made Clarke frown as well. "I'm sorry."

"It'll be fine, I hope," Clarke insisted, shrugging. "He'll understand eventually. He should have told me sooner, and maybe I should have noticed sooner, but that's not my fault. I almost feel a little bad that when he does come around, he's going to feel awful about his timing to start ignoring me."

"What do you mean his timing?" Lexa wondered, tilting her head.

Clarke froze, realizing that Lexa didn't know about her dad's death during the summer. The blonde shook her head finally. "Nothing. It's complicated."

"If you say so," Lexa gave in, maintaining the eye contact between them. "I'm sure he will come around, though."

"Thanks," Clarke said, tearing her eyes away from the green ones that she felt herself getting sucked into. She needed to occupy herself with something besides Lexa, or she would start to go mentally berserk. "Do you mind if I get out my sketchbook?"

"Not at all," Lexa answered. "Are you still drawing the leaf?"

Clarke nodded. "Well, it's a different leaf. It looks a lot better than the one from Tuesday, if you wanna see it."

"It looked amazing on Tuesday, so if it's better now, then I definitely do want to see it," Lexa answered, giving Clarke a soft smile. Clarke felt her cheeks redden as she slid her sketchbook out of her backpack, along with her pencils. She flipped it to the first page, where her leaf from Tuesday was looking rather poor in comparison to what was on the next page.

She flipped to the second page, where the same leaf was etched into the paper, but from an entirely different angle. It was almost as if it was in the perspective of something tiny on the ground or the ground itself. Clarke loved it. It didn't have much color on it, just some around the edges of the different parts of the drawing, as well as a little bit of inner shading.

Lexa gasped when she saw it, drew more redness to Clarke's face. "What do you think?" she asked, her voice small. Lexa gently took the sketchbook from Clarke and moved it to her own lap.

"It's amazing. I have no idea how you can draw something like this," Lexa awed, moving her fingers along the edge of the paper. "I feel like I'm looking at it in person."

Clarke's smile grew. "Thanks," she said, her voice quiet. "It's not quite finished."

Lexa handed the artwork back to the blonde. "Well, I'd imagine that when it is finished, it will look even more incredible." Clarke blushed again, and pulled a few brown pencils from her pencil set and began to slightly shade the edges of the ground in her picture.

"I hope so," Clarke said.

Lexa didn't say anything else as she watched Clarke draw. The blonde could feel the green eyes on her, but she tried not to let it distract her. Finally, though, after a few minutes, she looked up at the brunette, quirking up an eyebrow.

"You're watching me draw," Clarke stated, the corner of her mouth poking up.

Lexa lifted one of her dark eyebrows. "I'm watching you draw like how you watch me write during English everyday."

Clarke's smile disappeared as she realized that Lexa was completely aware of the blonde watching her during English class. "Oh..."

Lexa let out a light laugh. "Sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I like watching you draw. It's when you look the most passionate, I think. At least, in the number of times I've seen you talking and doing things." Clarke titled her head a little, realizing that her thoughts were as far gone as her eyes were lost in Lexa's.

"It's what I love doing most," Clarke finally managed to say, shrugging and wondering how she was so caught up in this girl.

"I can tell," Lexa admitted. Her eyes tore away for a moment to look down at the sketchbook again, but then as her eyes flickered back up to meet blue ones, they jumped back and forth between both of Clarke's eyes, as if she was nervous. Clarke tilted her head slightly in confusion.

Neither of them moved for a good few moments. Clarke's heart was pounding in her chest, and the moments they sat there may as well have been hours. Finally, though, Lexa inched her face closer to Clarke's, and their breaths merged. Clarke lost all sense of anything and every thought escaped her mind except for one that kept internally screaming at her to kiss Lexa.

So she drew all of her courage and bundled it into a ball inside of her, and then used every ounce of it to lean forward and fill in the space between them with her lips. Lexa almost immediately let out a sigh at the contact, which increased Clarke's heart rate even further. At this rate, the blonde pretty sure that her heart was going to burst.

Lexa's lips were not like any other lips that Clarke had kissed – which, granted, were not plentiful. They were soft and sweet, as predictable as that may sound, and Clarke wanted nothing more than to feel them forever. She pressed her lips harder against Lexa's, and she was pleased as the brunette didn't move back at all with the force.

Clarke pulled out of the kiss first, taking in a low breath as she did so. Their faces were still within inches of each other, and Lexa's eyes were nonstop searching Clarke's. By some silent consent after a few moments, their lips met again. This time, Lexa took control of the kiss. Their lips lowered into a firm lip lock, and the brunette's hand came to Clarke's cheek, and the blonde happily leaned into the touch. Their lip lock slowly broke, though, as they came out for air again.

By another silent, mutual agreement, they pulled apart completely, and Lexa's hand dropped from Clarke's face. Clarke caught it, though, with her hand, although her eyes refused to make eye contact. She was not confused about how she felt toward Lexa, it was just new to her. She wasn't sure what to make of it.

Lexa squeezed Clarke's hand, and blue eyes finally flickered up. "Are you okay?" Lexa asked.

Clarke nodded a small nod. "Nervous," she stated. Lexa smiled.

"You're nervous after you've kissed me?" the brunette questioned, clearly a little amused. Clarke narrowed her eyes playfully.

"I used up all of my courage to actually kiss you. I'm all out now," she admitted. "I don't know what to say now."

"You don't have to say anything, if you don't want to. You can just draw," Lexa suggested, still smiling. "I promise that I won't just stare at you again."

Clarke bit her bottom lip and nodded. Lexa, still smiling, gently pulled her hand away from Clarke, who carefully went back to shading the last bit of her drawing. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Lexa reaching into her own backpack and retrieving a notebook, which she opened and began writing in. Clarke was curious as to what it was, but she needed to make sure that she was calm enough to continue talking before she did so.

It was peaceful, sitting at the top of the bleachers and listening to just the noise of their moving pencils and the sounds of the soccer tryouts down on the field. It was nice to simply be in Lexa's presence, Clarke realized. Like she was less stressed just by having her near her.

After perhaps twenty minutes, Clarke had finished the last bit of her drawing. She carefully closed her sketchbook and slipped it into her backpack, before turning on the seat so that she was facing Lexa. "What are you writing?"

Lexa's eyes hopped up to meet Clarke's. "It's part of a story I'm writing."

"What's it about?" Clarke wondered.

"A girl," Lexa answered, her eyes going back down to her page as her voice became slightly darker, "who gets her heart broken." Clarke tilted her head slightly, and decided that she wouldn't delve into it. If Lexa's tone of voice wasn't enough to tell that she didn't want to talk about it, then the slightly fallen expression on her face was. Clarke just nodded slowly.

"I'm sorry," Clarke found herself saying suddenly, and drawing Lexa's attention back from her notebook, "about getting locked up after I kissed you. What I'm feeling for you is new to me, and I can't help but be a little scared, I guess."

"You don't need to apologize, Clarke. You didn't do anything wrong, but I understand. And I'll say that you're forgiven if it makes you feel better," Lexa said, smiling softly at the blonde.

"Thanks," Clarke said, her voice quiet.

"Are you going to Octavia's house tomorrow?" Lexa questioned.

Clarke was still in a weird place within herself, because her kissing Lexa was something she had definitely not planned on doing, but she forced herself to try and act normal. "Yeah, I am. I don't really know where that is, though. Octavia has my number, but she hasn't texted."

"Well, I'll text it to you later," Lexa said, smiling. Her eyes drifted away from Clarke and down at the field, where things seemed to be wrapping up. The coach was inspecting his clipboard and circling things – probably names – on it. "Guess it's almost over."

"Were you waiting for Octavia?" Clarke wondered.

Lexa nodded. "We're having a girls night with Raven," she answered, smiling. "Octavia said she was going to invite you, but that you were busy."

Clarke recalled Octavia asking her about Friday, and she sighed inwardly. "I was busy, but I was supposed to hang out with Wells... and you know, that's off. But I don't want to crash your girls night anyway. I'll just go home."

Lexa raised both of her eyebrows. "Are you serious? You should come. We're just grabbing dinner and then going back to Raven's house to watch movies."

Clarke was hesitant to agree, because her thoughts were still consumed by the unplanned kiss, and she wasn't sure it was the best idea to hang out with Lexa even more at this point. Also, she wanted to work on the sketch of her dad at home.

But then again, it was Lexa, and her new friends. And really, Clarke could over analyze the kiss all she wanted, and it wouldn't do any good. It wouldn't change that Lexa gave her butterflies and made her blush, and it wouldn't change the fact that every time Clarke looked down at Lexa's lips, she wanted to kiss her _again_.

And in the approximate three seconds that she hesitated, she began to realize that there really wasn't anything to analyze about this kiss. She liked Lexa. Yes, Lexa was a girl, but was that so hard for her to wrap her mind around? Not really. She liked Lexa, she liked kissing Lexa, and she would like to kiss her again at some point.

As she let herself accept this, she smiled at the brunette. "Okay, sure."


	7. Chapter 7

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Bellamy was mumbling to Octavia as Clarke and Lexa reached the bottom of the bleachers. "You can think whatever you want. I still think they only let you on because you're my sister."

"Bullshit," Octavia exclaimed, sounding like she was very excited. "You don't even really think that – I can tell!"

Bellamy rolled his eyes, clearly not able to be outright mean to his sister, and instead let his eyes fall on the two girls who had just arrived. "Hey, you guys."

"Hey," Clarke and Lexa greeted simultaneously.

"Clarke's joining us on our girl's night, Octavia," Lexa said. Clarke smiled at the other brunette, whose face lit up.

"Awesome!" she exclaimed. "The more the merrier! I've just gotta get changed and showered real fast and then we can meet Raven at the restaurant. Can you text her, Lex, while I get ready?"

"Sure," Lexa agreed, retrieving her phone from her pocket as Octavia turned away and rushed toward the locker rooms with the rest of the teenagers – aside from Bellamy, who lingered, clearly not in a rush.

He spoke, but addressed Clarke directly, rather than both Clarke and Lexa. "How are you, Clarke?"

The blonde smiled and shrugged. "I'm alright."

"How are things with Wells?" he wondered.

"Not good, but I can't really help that right now. Thanks for asking, though," Clarke said, not really sure what else she was supposed to say in response.

Bellamy smiled. "Don't worry about it. At least you're getting out and not moping about it. That's the worst, especially when it's over someone that important to you."

Bellamy seemed like a caring guy, but Clarke couldn't help but feel like he was pushing it slightly, and that made her a little uncomfortable. The blonde just nodded, and offered a weak, "Yeah," in response. Bellamy smiled again.

"I should probably go get rinsed off. I'll see you tomorrow, right?" Bellamy asked. Clarke nodded.

"Definitely. See you, Bellamy," she returned, a bit relieved that he was leaving. Bellamy smiled and nodded to her, before finally looking back at Lexa, who had long since put her phone down and been standing there silently.

"See you tomorrow, Lexa," he offered, almost as an afterthought, and then he turned and headed to the locker rooms.

Clarke looked back to the brunette, who looked slightly put off by the entire exchange. "You okay?" the blonde asked.

"Fine," Lexa answered. "Bellamy and I just don't always get on so well."

"Really?" Clarke asked, tilting her head slightly.

Lexa shook her head. "Raven and Octavia tend to be the closest to me in the friend group. To be fair, though, Bellamy made a move onto me when I first joined the group, and I rejected him in a not so pleasant way at the time. I've since apologized, but boys are naturally harder to accept rejection I think."

Clarke raised her eyebrows, slightly surprised that Bellamy had made a move on Lexa. She wasn't sure why she was so surprised – Lexa was pretty amazing, after all – but they didn't seem like a match at all. Then again, she supposed that's why Lexa refused his offer. He probably didn't really know much about her when he's made his move.

When Clarke had yet to answer, Lexa continued to talk, "Bellamy is a bit girl crazy, you know? Not like Finn, he's got his heart set on Raven."

"Don't they date on and off all the time?" Clarke questioned, leaning against the bleachers as she asked, wondering when Octavia would be done getting cleaned up.

Lexa nodded. "He hasn't always been the best thing for her, and they fight a lot. They usually end up back together. It's not the healthiest thing ever, but neither of them can be persuaded otherwise when they're back together."

Clarke absorbed the information. As she learned more about these people, she found herself surprised that she actually continued to crave more information about them. She wanted to know how each of them had come to this friendship, since I seemed like it was a place where people fell in together after seeming to have no other place to fall. She wondered briefly if Wells, or even Monty and Jasper, could ever fall into a group like this. She thought so, but she wasn't sure yet.

Clarke still hadn't said anything else by the time that Octavia came out from the locker rooms, looking ready as ever for a fun evening. "Let's go!" she exclaimed, rushing them to the parking lot.

"Where exactly are we going?" Clarke asked, realizing that she needed to take her car. Octavia named the restaurant they had picked out, and Clarke said a quick goodbye to the two brunettes before heading to her car.

During the drive to the restaurant, she let her mind wander and for Lexa to consume her thoughts. She wasn't sure how to act around her when they were also around the rest of the group. Clarke personally didn't want to be open about her shared kiss with the brunette, but that was mostly because of her current mental state. Thinking back to their conversation, Clarke recalled that she had admitted to Lexa that liking a girl was new to her, but Lexa hadn't reiterated that claim. However, Clarke didn't want to assume anything, so she decided to keep her public relationship with Lexa as friends, and her private relationship with Lexa as currently confusing.

Once she arrived at the restaurant, she met up with Raven and Octavia and Lexa, who had all gotten there minutes before her. "Hey, Clarke! I thought you were busy tonight?" Raven wondered, tilting her head.

"Plans got canceled," Clarke answered, keeping it short and giving the other brunette a smile.

"Well, happy to have you join!" Raven said. "Hey, Octavia, how were tryouts?"

"Awesome! Got on the team, of course," Octavia bragged as they entered the restaurant. Raven looked to Lexa.

"Did you see her on the field? As in, did they pick her because of her skill or because of Bell-"

"Hey!" Octavia growled, playfully shoving Raven. "I was amazing, okay? They didn't pick me because of Bellamy."

Clarke laughed as Raven smirked and Lexa smiled. Octavia just shook her head and began speaking with the hostess, who led them to a table in the back of the restaurant. By the look on the woman's face, she knew that they were going to be loud, and wanted them to be as far as possible from the majority of the diners. Clarke tried not to snicker at the accuracy of the woman's prediction.

"So! How's everyone's first week of being an upperclassman been so far?" Octavia asked as soon as they were seated, looking first to Lexa, probably because she hadn't spoken much.

"Pretty good," Lexa answered, her gaze shifting to Clarke for a moment.

"Better than last year's start, right?" Octavia asked. Clarke didn't understand the reference, and her eyes jumped between Octavia and a startled Lexa. She heard a bit of sarcasm in Octavia's voice, as if the brunette knew that this week had definitely been better than the previous year. However, someone would have to be blind to not realize that Octavia was being very serious with the question.

"Yes," Lexa answered, still looking rather caught off guard. Clarke kept her eyes on the brunette's dark eyes for a moment, but they were avoiding her own blue ones. "Definitely much better."

Octavia smiled, and Clarke gave in. Clearly, Octavia and Raven knew something that Clarke didn't, and it wasn't her place to pressure Lexa into telling her. So she sat quietly as the conversation skewed in a different direction, which seemed to let Lexa relax quite a bit. The brunette still avoided Clarke's gaze however, and it began to stress Clarke out.

She detached herself from the conversation even further at that point, trying to think about what would have happened at the beginning of the previous school year.

Finally, she remembered that Lexa had said that Octavia had absorbed Lexa into the friend group at the beginning of last year, and that she hadn't had many friends before then. Clarke racked her brain, trying to remember if there was anything else that Lexa had said that might have indicated what had happened. She came up with nothing.

The waitress came for their drink orders, and Clarke finally spoke again as she ordered a water. As the waitress left, Octavia seemed to have a spontaneous thought that she had to share with Raven, and Lexa finally looked at Clarke. "You're quiet," she commented.

"Just thinking," Clarke answered, forcing herself not to avoid Lexa's eyes like she suddenly felt like doing.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable when we sat down," Lexa apologized, her voice quiet. "And I'm sorry that I'm not ready to tell you what Octavia was referring to regarding last year."

Clarke felt her heart rate pick up, which was surprising, since all Lexa had done was apologize for not telling her what Clarke wanted to know. But Clarke liked how honest Lexa was, and how she directly pursued the tension and flat out said that she wasn't ready to talk bout it. Clarke liked that she was forward like that. It kept Clarke from getting too deep into her stress and worry, like she normally did. "You don't need to apologize, Lexa," Clarke promised, smiling. "I'm sorry I'm so quiet. It's just been a really weird day, you know?"

Lexa nodded, smiling a small smile. Octavia and Raven finally ended their mini conversation, and Octavia finally seemed to remember that she hadn't spoken to Clarke. "Tell us something about yourself, Clarke!" she suggested.

Clarke raised an eyebrow at Lexa, who nodded encouragingly, still smiling.

"Um... I draw," Clarke said, although it came out more like a question.

"Do you draw people?" Octavia asked, her mouth agape in a wide grin. "I've always wanted someone to draw me."

Clarke laughed. "Sometimes I do."

"Are you really good?" Raven wondered. Clarke shrugged, and she felt her cheeks tint a bit redder as she realized that Lexa was still smiling at her. She was grateful that the brunette hadn't said anything about Clarke's art, though, because then Octavia and Raven would expect the blonde to show them her drawings as well.

"I think so," Clarke answered, shrugging. "I don't really... let a lot of people look at my work, though. It's all pretty personal."

Octavia shrugged, clearly not going to push Clarke to do anything she wasn't comfortable with. "Well, one time I tried to draw Bellamy. He turned into a cyclops-satyr hybrid, but I mean, he basically looks like that anyway."

Clarke let out a loud laugh at that, as Raven did the same. Lexa also laughed, but Clarke had already learned that the brunette didn't laugh very loudly, or very often for that matter. The blonde knew that she had the ability to make the brunette laugh, though, and that made her feel a little proud, honestly.

Conversation carried all through their meal, and Clarke continued to be active in it throughout. Before she knew it, they had all paid for their meals and Lexa was telling her to just follow her car to Raven's house for their movie night.

As Clarke drove again, her thoughts drifted away from Lexa and to a bit more of a sensitive subject. She used to have movie nights a lot – with her dad, Wells, and his dad. Neither of their mothers had ever joined in though – no surprise there when it came to Clarke's mom, though. She had always worked way too much.

The last movie night she had ever had was the weekend before her dad's car accident. They had watched a comedy, and it was one of the last times that Clarke had heard her dad laugh and be happy. He had been extremely stressed the following week. Clarke didn't like to think about that, though, because... well, she didn't like to think about her dad much at all. It always hurt a lot.

She cursed herself for allowing herself to think about him while she was trying to have a fun time, because she was sure that she would be in a foul mood for the rest of the night.

But as soon as she pulled up in front of Raven's house, and got out just as Lexa was getting out of her car, she felt a sense of relief. Lexa. Something about that girl just made her feel okay. And she loved it, it was like being held in a tight hug when you felt like you were falling apart.

As a side note, Clarke allowed herself to realize that she really would like to know what it felt like to be wrapped up in Lexa's arms.

Once they were inside the house and entering the movie room, Raven announced, "Okay! We have The Notebook-"

"No!" Lexa vetoed, rolling her eyes in a way that made Clarke think that Raven suggested that movie often.

"Alright, well then we have Definitely Maybe, Princess Bride, Beastly..." Raven was looking through a bunch of movies that she must have rented for tonight.

"Just put one on," Octavia said. "We're gonna watch all of them anyway."

"Please put don't put Princess Bride on unless I'm passed out," Clarke piped up. She actually despised that movie.

"Don't like it?" Lexa asked, laughing a little. Clarke shook her head furiously. Raven abdicated to everyone's wishes and chose Definitely Maybe as the first movie to watch.

There was a flat screen in front of the room, and two full sized couches facing it at a slight diagonal opposite of each other. Octavia hopped onto one of them, and Raven grumbled at her as she flipped off the lights in the movie room and then pushed the shorter girl over to squeeze onto that couch. That left Lexa and Clarke on the other couch.

Clarke sat first, just sitting, on one side, and Lexa did the same on the other. The blonde was extremely conscious of the awkward seating position as the first half of the movie played. Finally, though, she began to get a little more comfortable in the room, and uncomfortable in her rigid position, so she stretched herself out a little bit, so that she was leaning on the arm of the couch and her legs were extending toward Lexa.

Once she was more comfortable, Clarke was able to enjoy the first movie.

When it was over, Octavia realized with repulsion that they had forgotten popcorn and candy, and she demanded that they all raid the kitchen. So Clarke found herself being pulled through Raven's house and dumping all sweets she could find into two bowls.

They split the bowls between the pairs of them, and then Raven put on Beastly and they returned to their couches.

Clarke was genuinely enjoying herself as she watched the next movie, sitting closer to Lexa in order to share the bowl of junk food. She began to get full not fifteen minutes into the movie, though, and withdrew her self slightly from the bowl and from Lexa.

The brunette's gaze left the flat screen and fell on the blonde. Clarke pretended not to notice, but Lexa leaned forward and put the bowl on the floor. Then she leaned slightly closer to Clarke. "Are you tired yet?"

Clarke nodded, surprising herself. It wasn't particularly late, but she was feeling tired. How Lexa knew that, she wasn't sure. "It's probably all the food," she commented, shrugging. Lexa gave her an understanding smile and pulled a blanket off of the back of the couch – which Clarke hadn't even noticed had been there. She tossed it at Clarke, who smiled as she caught it. She wrapped it around herself, and then realized that Lexa was still looking at her. "What?" she wondered quietly.

Lexa looked like she was contemplating saying something, but then she just smiled. "Lay down," she said, gesturing to her blanket covered lap. Clarke felt her cheeks turn pink – not that Lexa could see, though – as she nodded and laid across the couch, her head resting in Lexa's lap and facing the movie.

It was comfy, she noted, and then Lexa began to run her fingers through her blonde hair. Clarke sighed through her nose as her eyes flickered closed. How could this random girl, who Clarke had only seen around a handful of times before the beginning of this week, have such a strong effect on her?

Lexa continued to play with Clarke's hair through the rest of the movie – at least Clarke would assume so later. She was asleep halfway through.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so busy that I forgot to keep updating this. I will be posting 7 chapters of this story today in apologies. If you enjoy and you want to read it all now, it's on Fanfiction under my user BrittzandTana.
> 
> Stay strong lovelies <3

Clarke woke up to a still dark room – the only light emanating from a dimmed TV screen, as though it had fallen asleep from lack of use. Clarke heard the soft breathing of the three girls in the room, and judged that they had all fallen asleep. Clarke inhaled quietly as she judged her position. She was no longer laying on Lexa's lap, because the brunette had shifted to be leaning on the arm of the couch, so she was behind the blonde, who was dangerously close to the edge of the couch.

Slowly pulling herself up, Clarke bent her neck and it cracked quietly. Letting out a sigh, she pulled out her phone to check the time.

Seeing that it was nearing one in the morning, she sent a courtesy text to her mom to tell her that she would be back in the morning. Her mom was probably still working and likely wouldn't have noticed Clarke's absence, but in case she did. Since their conversation earlier in the week, her mother had been back to working way too much. Clarke couldn't care less, though.

Clarke carefully untangled herself from the blanket around her and then made her way into the kitchen, wanting a glass of water. By the time she finally found the glasses, she heard someone else entering the room as well. She glanced over her shoulder as she retrieved a glass, her eyes falling on the recently familiar Lexa.

"Did I wake you up?" Clarke wondered, keeping her voice quiet.

Lexa shook her head. "I wasn't very deeply asleep," she answered. "What woke you up?"

Clarke answered by putting her glass under the water dispenser on Raven's fridge, and nodding toward it. "Do you all normally end up having sleep overs on movie nights?"

"Usually," Lexa answered. "Sorry, probably should have let you know that ahead of time."

"It's not a big deal," Clarke insisted. "I texted my mom, but she probably wouldn't even have noticed that I was gone. She's working really late tonight. Probably still at the hospital."

"Oh," Lexa said, not pushing the subject. "Did you sleep okay? I hope you weren't uncomfortable when I fell asleep."

"No, it was fine," Clarke promised, not sure what to say.

Lexa stood silently, leaning against the counter in the dimly lit room, as Clarke drank some of her water. Clarke's blue eyes were lingering on the brunette. It looked like Lexa wanted to say something, but like she wasn't sure whether or not to say it.

Finally, Lexa took in a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry. About earlier when I ignored you because I didn't want to talk about what Octavia was talking about and then when we watched a whole movie sitting so far apart and uncomfortably. I don't know why there's so much palpable tension in between us. And if it was because of earlier on the bleachers... like if it was because of the kiss, you can tell me, Clarke. I won't be offended."

Something about Lexa's eyes told Clarke otherwise, though. "It's not," Clarke insisted, but then she thought about her words more carefully before speaking again. "I mean... yes, it is because of the kiss. But it's not awful. I just... I don't know how to be around you now. It's easy sometimes, but really hard other times. It's harder when other people are around, because you're a lot different when it's just you and me than when it's the whole group. You know?"

Lexa nodded slowly, and then she sighed. "I'm sorry. I guess that makes it a little bit my fault then."

"And a little bit of mine," Clarke reminded the brunette. "Maybe we should just talk about it. Get things out in the open... you know?"

"Alright," Lexa agreed, straightening herself a little. "I like you, Clarke. I enjoyed the kiss that we shared."

The forwardness of Lexa's statement actually pushed Clarke's confidence up. She wasn't sure as to why it seemed to be a trend that Lexa's straight-forward nature was so appealing to her. "I like you too, Lexa. And so did I. I'm just a little scared. I don't know where you stand, but I've never had feelings for a girl before. And I'm not ashamed or anything, I just don't know that I'm ready to be openly interested in a girl. That makes it hard for me to know how to act around you and other people. It's only hard when we're alone because I get nervous."

Lexa was smiling by the end of Clarke's explanation. She didn't say anything for a moment, her eyes searching Clarke's. When they seemed to have found what they wanted, Lexa took a step toward the blonde and leaned forward slowly. Her lips captured Clarke's in a soft, careful kiss. It lasted but a second, and Clarke felt her heart speed up and then stop abruptly as Lexa pulled back away. "Well, Clarke, I would very much like to share more of these kisses with you. I don't blame you for not being ready to be openly into women. I'm also not ready. Few people know about my sexuality as it is. Which, in case you were wondering, is one sided toward women. Don't feel obligated to tell me yours, though."

Clarke didn't know what to say, so she let her eyes just carefully observe the brunette. Her expression was so incredibly genuine, and it surprised Clarke. She wasn't sure why, but it was just so... soft... and caring, and sweet. Clarke just wanted to kiss her again... and again...

So she did, but only once. A firmer kiss than before, one that got Lexa to sigh against her and lean her body into the blonde's as Clarke's hand carefully stroked Lexa's cheek. When she pulled away, she kept their faces close and she whispered, "Thank you."

"You're welcome, but you do not need to thank me," Lexa insisted, smiling a small smile.

Clarke shrugged, smiling as well.

"Do you want to talk about anything else?" Lexa wondered. "I think that we should go to sleep if not."

Clarke shook her head, and she was suddenly surprised as Lexa took her hand and led her back into the living room. The TV was now off, courtesy of Lexa, Clarke supposed, and Octavia and Raven were still sprawled across one another, sound asleep. Lexa released Clarke's hand and collapsed tiredly onto the couch. Clarke wondered briefly if Lexa had gotten up just to make sure if Clarke was okay. Assuming that that was the case, based on how tired Lexa seemed, Clarke suddenly felt a little guilty, but also a little happy. Lexa seemed to genuinely care about her, and Clarke would be lying if she said that she didn't love that feeling.

"Lay down," Lexa whispered up to her, after Clarke still hadn't laid down. Clarke smiled, and nervously sat on the edge of the couch before spreading across the couch, her back against Lexa's front. At first, she felt like she had been too precariously set upon the edge of the couch, but Lexa's arm slipped around her waist and held her firmly in place.

As Clarke began to drift asleep, she wondered briefly about their position, and how Octavia and Raven would react upon waking. She didn't linger on the thought, though, because she was drifting asleep, and she couldn't think of anything but the heart beating against her back.

Clarke woke up feeling cold – and it only took her a second to notice that her blanket had at some point fallen off of her in the night. The second thing she noticed was that the room was brightly lit, not by an artificial light, but by the curtain that had been drawn back. Guessing that at least one person was, therefore, already awake, Clarke sat up slowly. And that's when she noticed that Lexa was no longer behind her. Her eyes drifted across the room, landing on Raven and Octavia, still asleep and laying in an even more compromising position than Clarke and Lexa had been in. Clarke smiled fondly at them and retrieved her phone from where she had apparently dropped it on the floor.

Sinking into the back cushions of the couch, she unlocked her phone to find a text from her mom.

**From Mom- Okay! Have fun!**

Sent at four in the morning. _No surprise there_ , Clarke thought to herself, leaving her text message app and instead trolling all of her social media. She wasn't really into any specific site, but she followed good accounts on all of them and used it as a past time when she couldn't draw – which she obviously couldn't at this point. Her sketchbook was in her car outside, but she didn't feel like going and getting it.

In fact, she was slightly afraid of leaving the room, because she didn't know what to say when she saw Lexa next.

Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, for her though, Lexa came back in the room just as Clarke was running out of things to do on her phone.

"Hi," Lexa greeted, smiling as soon as her eyes fell on the blonde. "Did you just wake up?"

"A few minutes ago," Clarke answered, shrugging. "When did you get up?"

"About an hour ago," the brunette answered. "I'm an early riser even on the weekends. How did you sleep?"

Clarke felt her cheeks turn slightly pink as she realized that she had slept incredibly comfortably. "Really well actually." Lexa smiled again and sat next to Clarke on the couch. "So, what are parties like at the Blake household?"

"Oh yeah, that is tonight," Lexa said, as though she'd forgotten. "Well, there's alcohol and games and movies and gossiping and whatever else everyone decides to do."

"Sounds fun," Clarke said, chuckling. "Well, I don't really have anything else to do anyway, so."

Lexa smiled. "Speaking of which, though, we should probably wake up those two weirdos." Lexa nodded to Raven and Octavia, but neither of them made a move to wake them up.

"How does one go about doing that?" Clarke wondered, laughing to herself.

After about half an hour, they successfully got Octavia and Raven to wake up, and then Octavia freaked out about needing to be somewhere and she left the house without a goodbye. Lexa and Clarke both then decided that they should leave, and after a quick goodbye, they went their separate ways as well.

Clarke arrived at her house feeling slightly refreshed. She couldn't get the previous night out of her head – her kisses with Lexa and feeling like she wasn't a problem for not being ready to be completely open about her sexuality or... sexual preferences, or whatever. She felt at peace about it, not to mention that she was also pretty excited for going to the Blake's house that night with her friends.

As she entered her room, though, her eyes fell on the still unfinished drawing of her dad, and she felt her heart clench. Not just because of the pain of remembering her dad, though, but also because the pain that had gone into the drawing reminded her of Wells, and then she recalled why she had time to spend with Lexa. Wells hated her.

Clarke inhaled deeply as she collapsed onto her comfy bed, and she pulled out her phone.

**To Wells- Hey. Can we talk?**

She tapped her fingers against the sides of her phone impatiently as she waited for a response.

**From Wells- Depends. Can it wait?**

**To Wells- Not really. I miss you Wells. I hate that you're mad at me.**

**From Wells- Maybe you should have thought of that before you made your decision then, Clarke. You didn't even give us a chance.**

**To Wells- How could I give us a chance if I don't even feel anything like that for you? It wouldn't have been fair to me, and I definitely would have not been fair to you to make you think that there was a chance. I didn't want to hurt you, Wells.**

**From Wells- It doesn't matter if you meant to or not, because you did. So leave me alone so that I can attempt to get over you. Bye.**

Clarke's face was hot with anger, but as the conversation ended, the anger dissipated and sadness mostly came over her. She had possibly just caused herself to have even less of a chance to be friends with Wells again.

Squeezing her eyes closed, she abandoned her phone somewhere in her bed blankets and made her way to her charcoal and her half covered canvas. She picked up her charcoal and began to add some lines.

She went on autopilot for about an hour, just sketching and filling in shadows and filling out her father's hairline. She became increasingly aware of her stress level rising, though, as she struggled to remember the exact texture of her father's hair. She had plenty of pictures to pull out, but she didn't think that she should have to. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to picture it, and she could practically imagine how it felt, but she couldn't get it on her canvas.

Everyone has a breaking point, it occurred to her, and she roughly set down her charcoal and removed her canvas, stuffing it a little roughly behind the rest of her full canvases. She couldn't do it. She couldn't draw her father.

Collapsing onto her bed for the second time that day, she tried not to cry and she hugged her pillow and wished that it was time for her to go to Octavia's house so that she could be distracted by Lexa and her new friends.

That's what they felt like right now. They were all distractions. All of them. And eventually, they would be gone, like her dad, like Wells, like her mom might as well be. None of them would stay. They were distractions.

As she insisted this to herself, she finally began to cry. Hot tears down her cheeks. A few minutes to crying turned into half an hour, and then she fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Clarke woke up to her phone ringing somewhere near her feet, vibrating the bottom half of her bed and confusing her as she pulled her stiff body out of bed. She dug around for her phone and found two missed calls from Lexa. It was nearing eight, and Lexa had texted her Octavia's address, and was checking on whether or not she was coming, since she hadn't answered.

**To Lexa- Sorry, I fell asleep! I'll be a few minutes late, but I'm on my way!**

**From Lexa – Okay :)**

Jumping out of her bed, Clarke blinked and felt sleep in her eyes. Not to mention, she could practically still feel the tears that had dried onto her cheeks. Sighing shakily, she entered her bathroom and washed her face before even looking at it. Then she began to touch up her makeup – she was determined not to look like she had been crying or sleeping or anything.

She then ran a brush through her hair, causing it to poof up a little bit, and let out a long breath. She ignored the thoughts swirling around in her head about Wells and how she had previously convinced herself that all good things would come to an end, and she instead tried to pretend like everything was okay. She was going to enjoy her distractions while they lasted.

So she finally left her house, got in her still pretty much brand new car, and started for the address that Lexa had sent her. She saw a couple cars parked in front of the Blake residence as she pulled up to it, and she recognized one as Lexa's. She parked her car and approached the front door, knocking carefully on it.

Octavia answered the door, surprising Clarke by squealing with excitement. "Yay! We're all here! Bellamy, get the drinks ready! Clarke, what do you drink?"

Clarke blinked. "Um, coke?" Octavia laughed as though Clarke had some said something funny.

"C'mon, we're all in the living room," Octavia said, before leading Clarke into the house and around a corner into the living room, where the group was all sitting around a cleared area of the floor.

"Hey, Clarke!" all of them exclaimed almost simultaneously.

"Hey," she returned, chuckling as she looked around the circle. There was a wide area in between Lexa and Bellamy – enough space for two people to sit – open, so Clarke decided that she would seat herself next to Lexa.

As Bellamy jumped up to get drinks, and Raven continued talking to Octavia about whatever had been in the process of being discussed prior to Clarke's arrival, Lexa leaned toward Clarke. "Sorry if I woke you up when I texted you."

Clarke smiled. "Don't apologize. I've been asleep for most of the day, so I needed someone to wake me up anyway."

"You slept for a long time last night as well," Lexa commented, looking curiously at the blonde, who shrugged. Clarke would rather have not addressed her issues at all, and that's what her unbalanced sleep schedule meant. Lexa knew nothing of Clarke's problems, and even if the blonde could picture herself possibly telling Lexa in the future, which she did, it meant nothing for right now.

Lexa seemed to get the idea that the topic was sensitive, as a lot of topics seemed to be between the to of them, and said nothing else of it.

Bellamy came rushing back int the living room with bunch of drinks, which he distributed easily to the group of people. Clarke got hers, took a small sip, and tried to keep from coughing. Yeah, that was definitely a little more than just coke. Though, to be fair, Lexa had warned her that alcohol was definitely a part of these parties.

And who was Clarke to judge any of them for it?

She took another sip of her drink.

As long as none of them drove home before morning, how big of a deal could it be?

"Okay, okay!" Octavia was exclaiming, in a tone of voice much louder than her normal one. "First of all, what kind of pizza does everyone want?"

"Cheese," Clarke answered, as everyone else shouted out their preferences. Octavia rolled her eyes at the group and grabbed her cellphone, dialing what presumably was the pizza place. When someone picked up, she began to order two pizzas – a cheese and a pepperoni. Finn and Bellamy immediately protested, saying that each of them could literally eat a whole pizza if they got hungry enough, so Octavia begrudgingly added another pepperoni to the order. When she hung up, she looked pointedly ta her brother.

"You are paying for all of them, just so you know," she stated, quirking her right eyebrow up. "Now! What shall we do first?"

"Truth or dare!" Raven exclaimed, looking devilishly at Finn, as if she'd planned something ahead of time.

As Bellamy agreed enthusiastically, and Octavia nodded, Clarke realized that she had no idea what she was getting herself into.

"Lexa, you go first," Octavia nominated, getting a groan from Raven, who clearly wanted to begin the game. Octavia sent her a knowing smirk, and then everyone looked expectantly at the brunette sitting next to Clark.

"Okay. Bellamy, truth or dare?" Lexa asked. Clarke was surprised that she'd picked Bellamy, since Lexa has previously said that she and Bellamy weren't exactly great friends.

"Dare," he answered, looking at her wearily.

"I dare you to let Octavia do your makeup before the rest of the party continues," Lexa said, the corner of her mouth turning up slightly as Octavia's face lit up.

"Yes!" she exclaimed, jumping up and running off to what Clarke assumed was the location of her makeup. Bellamy grumbled to himself while Finn smirked. Lexa turned to look toward Clarke, who met her eyes and smiled a little bit as she raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"Do you have something against him?" Clarke asked jokingly, and Lexa surprised her by smiling a bit wider and shrugging, as though the answer could be yes or no, and Clarke would just never know. Before she could question any further, Octavia was back and ready to redo all of Bellamy's face with her makeup.

A good ten minutes was dedicated to this process, and Clarke was surprised at how much it got her to laugh. She felt herself getting more comfortable with this setting, though she knew it was only just getting started.

Still grumbling and upset, Bellamy looked to Raven. "Raven, truth or dare."

Raven grinned widely, happy that someone had decided to pick her. "Truth."

"How many different guys have you ever kissed?" Bellamy asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Raven rolled her eyes,

"Four," Raven answered honestly. "Moving on. Finn, truth or dare?"

"Truth," Finn answered, looking like he was terrified of getting a dare.

Raven deflated. "Seriously? You're not going to pick dare?"

"Not from you, no," Finn answered, raising his eyebrows high above his eyes as he gave Raven a pointed look, as if questioning how Raven thought he would possibly pick dare. Perhaps there was something that had happened once before in another game of truth or dare that Clarke had not been there for.

"Lame," Raven muttered. "I don't want to play anymore."

"Seriously?" Octavia groaned.

"We could always play something else," Finn suggested, seeming to not really be into the game anymore either. "How about something a little more fun... like... Kings?"

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows slightly – she had no idea what that was. Go figure, she'd hardly ever had a drink in her life.

"Yes!" Octavia agreed. "Let's do it. Everyone knows the rules?"

"Um... no," Clarke answered.

"Bellamy, you explain, I'll go get cards!" Octavia jumped up, and Bellamy cleared his throat.

"An empty cup goes in the middle of the circle, and the circle is surrounded by cards. Everyone takes turns around the circle turning over a different card, and each card has a rule. Two is for you, three is for me, four is floor, five is guys, six is chicks, seven is heaven, eight is mate, nine is rhyme, ten is categories, jack is rules, queen is question master, king is for kings cup, and ace is waterfall."

Clarke swallowed thickly. "Okay so... like... what does that mean?"

Lexa smiled at the blonde. "It's easy. If someone draws a two, they point to someone to drink. A three, they drink. Four, last person to touch the floor drinks. Five, guys drink. Six, girls drink. Seven, last one with their hand in the air drinks. Eight, you get to pick a mate, who has to drink every time you do. Nine, we go around the circle making rhymes until someone can't think of one, and they drink. Ten is same thing, but with a category that the card turner chooses. Jack means the person gets to make a rule, and everyone has to follow it for the rest of the game. Queen makes someone the question master, which means that the only way you can answer their questions is by answering with another question, or not answering at all. King means that you pour some of your drink into the king's cup in the middle. Ace, you start drinking, and everyone after you starts as well, and then no one can stop until the person to their right starts. So, if you drank, I would too, and I couldn't stop until you did, and Octavia couldn't stop until I did, and so on. Game ends when all of the kings have been drawn, or until we're all too drunk to keep going, I guess."

"You call that easy?" Clarke asked, feeling nervous.

"Relax," Raven insisted. "It's so much fun, I promise. You'll catch on quick."

"Alright!" Octavia exclaimed, coming into the room with and extra cup and a stack of playing cards. She put the cup in the center of their circle, and spread the cards evenly around it. "Who wants to start?"

"Let Lexa start," Bellamy suggested, "so that Clarke gets to see everyone else go before she has to go."

"Sure," Lexa agreed, holding her drink firmly in her right hand as her left hand reached forward and flipped a card. Four, the only one that Clarke remembered instantly for some reason. Still, she was the last person to slam her had onto the floor.

"Well shit," she muttered, taking a drink. She wasn't usually one to curse, but the atmosphere surrounding these people was loose feeling, and it had been a long day.

"You'll get used to it," Lexa insisted, grinning and nudging Clarke.

Octavia grabbed a card, and it was a five. "Sorry guys." Finn and Bellamy gladly took drinks from their cups.

Next was Finn, and he drew a two. He pointed at Raven, "You."

"Fuck you," Raven snapped, but she didn't hesitate to take a long drink from her plastic cup. Then she drew a card, and it was a three. "I'm so done with this game."

"Stop being such a downer and drink!" Octavia commanded, bouncing excitedly. Clarke tried not to laugh at the girl's energy. Raven did as she was told and then looked to Bellamy. He drew a seven, and Clarke shot her hand into the air, with everyone else, and was very pleased to see that Finn had been the last one. Maybe she was going to catch on to this game pretty quickly.

On her turn, she flipped over a random card, and it was a two. She looked at Lexa and quirked up an eyebrow. "You."

Lexa took a drink from her cup, maintaining eye contact with the blonde, and then looked back down at the cards as she flipped one over. Queen.

"Ooh, Lexa's question master now," Raven said excitedly, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Do you have a problem with that?" Lexa asked.

"I don't know, do I?"

Octavia laughed, shaking her head and flipping over a card. Ace. "Waterfall!" she exclaimed, immediately starting to down her drink. Finn followed suit, and then Raven, Bellamy, Clarke and Lexa. Nobody drank for particularly long, aside from Bellamy, which was frustrating since Clarke wasn't really accustomed to drinking, so she ended up drinking just as long as him, and Lexa just as long as her. She supposed maybe it was payback for Lexa having gotten Octavia to do his makeup.

Finn pulled a king, and poured half of his drink into the king's cup, and then refilled it with whatever alcohol he was drinking. Raven got a nine, and immediately exclaimed, "Sign!"

Bellamy didn't hesitate. "Pine."

"Mine," Clarke said quickly, not eager to drink again.

Lexa. "Fine."

Octavia. "Line."

Finn. "Rhine."

Raven. "Nine."

Bellamy. "Vine."

Clarke. "Wine."

Lexa. "Benign."

Octavia looked at Lexa. "Seriously? Benign." Lexa smirked, looking expectantly at the other brunette. Octavia couldn't think of another one, and she expressed this by simply taking a swig of her drink.

Bellamy's turn, and he drew a six. "Take it down, chicks."

"Six should be for dicks," Raven muttered, taking a drink from her cup as the other girls did as well. Clarke then flipped a card, and got a jack.

"What's jack?" Clarke asked, not even feeling very embarrassed for having to ask.

"Make a rule," Lexa reminded her, giving her a smile.

"Okay... Um. Six is for dicks?"

Raven let out a loud cheer, and Bellamy huffed. "Wow, thanks Clarke."

"My pleasure," Clarke returned, a smirk across her face.

Lexa's card was flipped, and it was a ten. "Art mediums."

"What kind of category is that?" Raven groaned. "Do you just not want it to get full circle?" Lexa shrugged.

"Do you think that's what I'm doing?"

"Yes," Raven groaned.

Finn laughed. "Drink, Raven, she's question master."

"Fuck this," Raven exclaimed, taking another drink.

Octavia cleared her throat and began the categories round.

"Paint."

Finn. "Sculptures."

Raven, begrudgingly. "Pencils."

Bellamy. "Crayons!"

Clarke's lips turned up a bit. "Charcoal."

Lexa. "Music."

Octavia huffed, though she didn't sound mad, and took a drink from her cup. "Sitting next to you is difficult," she said to Lexa playfully, rolling her eyes. She then drew up a card and it was another jack. Excitedly, she tapped her chin as she considered which rule to put in place. "Ooh! For any rhymes and categories, we have to sing out the words! If you don't, you drink!"

"Not everyone here is musically inclined, you know?" Bellamy pointed out, shaking his head.

Octavia grinned evilly, and Fill flipped a card. A four, and everyone went to slam their hand onto the ground. Lexa got last, and took a drink without any attempt to get out of it. Raven took her turn, and got a two. She pointed across the circle at Clarke. "You, newbie."

Clarke took a drink. "Thanks."

"Why did you pick the 'newbie'?" Lexa asked Raven.

"I don't know, she's new," Raven answered.

Lexa smirked. "Drink, I'm still question master."

"Ooh! Lexa is so good!" Octavia exclaimed loudly.

"I hate you all!" Raven exclaimed, taking a drink.

"You didn't want to play truth or dare," Clarke reminded her, taking part in the playful banter and teasing..

"Shut up," she muttered.

Bellamy pulled an eight suddenly, and grinned. "Clarke, be my mate."

Clarke gave him a 'Seriously?' look, and then she nodded reluctantly, since she really had no choice. She flipped a card a few cards down from the eight, only to pull another eight. "Ooh," Octavia said, looking with interest at the blonde.

"Lexa, would you like to be my mate?" Clarke asked, giving Lexa a silly look. The brunette laughed and nodded.

"If you insist," she answered, as though she did have a choice. Lexa pulled a card, and it was a seven. Everyone's hands shot up, and Bellamy's was last, leading him to drink, and then Clarke to drink, and then Lexa to drink as well. Raven seemed to find it quite humorous that they all had to drink.

The game went on for a while, until all the kings had been drawn. They'd sung out many a rhyme and all had their fair share of alcohol, and somehow, nobody else drew a queen, so Lexa continued to somehow dominate as question master. By the time the last king was drawn, it was Clarke who had gotten it, and she was forced to drink the disgusting cup of liquor in front of her.

She held her nose as she drank it down, and she told herself that she would never drink again after that night.

Luckily, their pizza got there just as they were finishing, and they laid sprawled on the floor for nearly an hour, eating pizza and candy. Octavia had gotten that candy from her kitchen somewhere, and Clarke wasn't really sure when it had gotten there, but she know that she probably ate too much of it. She knew that she was getting drunk as the night progressed, and the pizza and candy did nothing to subdue the alcohol. Perhaps water would help, she knew, but her impaired state didn't really care to sober up. It had been a hard week. Why shouldn't she relax?

Raven turned on some hardcore dance music at some point, probably just so that she could grind on Finn, since that's what they proceeded to do for quite a while. The other four of them sort of just danced around together, though Lexa wasn't doing much dancing.

At some point, Bellamy had grabbed Clarke's hand and twirled her around, and suddenly, she got a billion times dizzier than she'd been the moment before. She fell away from him, and Lexa caught her with ease, as if she'd seen the change in Clarke's demeanor. "Don't feel so great?" Lexa asked her in a soft voice.

Clarke couldn't answer, but Lexa seemed to just know, so she carefully took Clarke out of the living room and into the nearest bathroom. Closing the door, she led Clarke into a kneeling position in front of the toilet, and Clarke immediately puked out everything she had consumed at the party. "Shit," she cursed, once her stomach felt empty.

"You don't drink often, do you?" Lexa asked lightly. Clarke only realized just then that Lexa was holding her loose, blonde hair back for her.

Clarke shook her head.

"Heads up, don't drink so much next time. Kings makes it hard, but you can always go for small sips, even while water falling," Lexa offered.

Clarke groaned. "I don't think I'm ever drinking ever again."

"You say that now," Lexa said, laughing lightly. "I'm going to go get you a glass of water, okay? I think there are extra toothbrushes under the sink in here if you want to brush your teeth."

Nodding, Clarke sat back from the toilet and flushed it. "Thank you."

"Don't worry about it," Lexa insisted, slipping out of the bathroom. Clarke stood up carefully, going to the sink and seeking out an extra toothbrush. Once her mouth was clean, she closed the toilet seat lid and sat down on top of it, waiting for Lexa.

The next person to open the door, though, was Bellamy. "Hey, are you okay?"

Clarke nodded. "Yeah. Just... drank too much." Lexa appeared behind Bellamy, clearing her throat as the cue for him to move aside. He stepped back a bit to let her in, but didn't leave. Lexa handed Clarke the glass of water, and looked warily at Bellamy.

He kept his eyes on Clarke. "So are you going to be fine?"

"Yeah," Clarke answered. "I'll be good. I probably just need to go to sleep right about now."

"There's a spare bedroom I can show you to," Bellamy suggested.

"I'll show her," Lexa interrupted, surprising both Clarke and Bellamy a little bit. "You should go back to everyone else, Bellamy. I'll take good care of Clarke."

Bellamy gave a brief nod, and then he was gone. Clarke didn't question Lexa at all as she stood up from the toilet seat and followed the brunette to the spoken of spare room. Immediately after entering, Clarke set down her glass of water and fell into the big bed. "Are you going to sleep in here?" she murmured to Lexa.

"If you want me to," Lexa answered, pulling the blankets out from under Clarke and pulling them over her instead. "But I won't be going to sleep for another hour or so."

"Mkay," Clarke muttered, snuggling into the blankets.

And as she drifted off to sleep, she felt herself beginning to sober the tiniest bit, and a glimpse of everything she'd tried to drink away shone through into her brain, and she knew this wasn't going to be a peaceful night's sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Clarke forced her eyes open when she was awoken by the sound of a door closing. The house had gone quiet, and suddenly, there was a dip in the mattress on the bed. She knew that it was Lexa, who else would it be after all?

The brunette said nothing, though, so Clarke assumed that she thought the blonde was asleep, which was a valid assumption. Clarke had no idea how she was awake, probably just an hour or so after having gone to sleep. She didn't know whether she was sober or not, though she figured that she wasn't.

She still definitely didn't feel very in control of herself, and perhaps that was why she found herself murmuring, "Lexa?"

"Why are you still awake?" Lexa asked, her voice gentle and soothing. Clarke suddenly felt soft hands and fingers running through her hair, and the feeling caused Clarke's eyelids to fall.

"Dunno," Clarke mumbled, suddenly feeling ten times more tired.

"Go to sleep," Lexa encouraged, and Clarke didn't have to be asked twice.

When she woke up for real the next morning, with sun dripping in from the outside world and some awful sound coming from the kitchen, Clarke felt absolutely terrible. The only thing that kept her from groaning as though she'd woken from the dead was the sleeping form of Lexa next to her. She was slightly surprised that the brunette was still asleep.

She wasn't for long, though, because as Clarke was laying on her back, with her eyes closed and her brain strained in trying to make herself feel better, Lexa stirred. "Are you awake, Clarke?" she asked quietly.

"Mm," Clarke hummed, afraid that if she spoke, her head might implode on itself. She felt movement on the bed next to her, and then Clarke felt herself sink further into the mattress, telling her that Lexa had gotten up. She forced her eyes open, despite the light, and looked at Lexa as she stretched her toned arms up above her head.

When the brunette turned around, she gave Clarke a soft look. "I'll be right back with some water."

Clarke didn't say anything as Lexa left the room, but when she was gone, the blonde let out a deep breath. The previous night was somewhat a blur, but she could recall the basics. After feeling like shit, she had decided to over indulge in alcohol, which had been a lot of fun until she reached her limit and threw up.

A few moments later, Lexa returned to the room and sat on the side of the next, next to Clarke. She handed the blonde a water bottle, and a painkiller. Clarke, still not trusting her voice, sat up a little and took back the painkiller with a swig of water, and then took a few more sips of the smooth liquid before she thanked Lexa.

"Thank you," she finally said, exhaling carefully and then inhaling through her nose. She felt like she might throw up. "Ugh. I'm so stupid."

Lexa gave her a reassuring smile. "Trust me, we all are at some point or another. Do you feel alright to get up? Bellamy's made pancakes. They help with your stomach, and your head, I promise."

"Give me a second," Clarke said, inhaling slowly again. When she exhaled, she gave Lexa a curious look. "How are you all fine and dandy?"

"I think that I may have a little more experience with alcohol than you do, Clarke," Lexa answered, her voice teasing and yet serious. Clarke nearly laughed, but then her stomach complained and she winced. Food would probably be the best idea at the moment, but she couldn't bring herself to move at all. "Drink some more water, and you'll be fine, I promise."

Clarke sighed, nodding, and took another drink from the water bottle. Then, holding it tightly in her hand, she sat up the rest of the way. Lexa got off of the bed, giving Clarke room to get out of it, and then they both went to the kitchen. Bellamy was a the stove, a stack of pancakes on a plate next to him. Lexa and Clarke headed for the bar stools lined neatly at the bar, and Bellamy turned to give Clarke a wide smile.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, but it wasn't hard for Clarke to tell that he obviously knew the answer.

"Just great," she muttered, seating herself on a stool, Lexa following suit next to her.

"Need any painkillers?" he wondered.

"Lexa already got me one," Clarke answered, still trying to focus on her breathing as Bellamy tossed two pancakes on two plates and handed one to each of the girls. Lexa immediately began to eat hers, but Clarke took another moment, and then tentatively took a bite.

As she swallowed it, she felt her stomach growl, and she took another bite. She already felt a good degree better.

"What's the time?" Octavia mumbled, suddenly walking into the room, massaging her forehead.

"Eleven," Bellamy answered. "Pancake?"

"Three," Octavia answered, but Bellamy had already begun to place three on the plate, clearly having known what Octavia would respond with.

"Where did Finn and Raven sleep?" Lexa wondered.

"Thought they took the guest bedroom?" Octavia asked. Lexa shook her head.

"Clarke and I were in there," she answered. The four of them all exchanged curious looks Just then, Raven came stumbling into the kitchen from the living room, looking like she was in desperate need of water.

"Speak of the devil," Bellamy commented, sliding a plate across the bar to Raven as she approached, along with a glass of water and a painkiller.

Raven muttered something that was not at all coherent, and immediately took a drink of the water, swallowing the pill with it and then diving into her pancake. The question of where she and Finn had slept answered, everyone went silent as they all began to soothe their aching heads and stomachs with water and pancakes. Finn hobbled into the room to do the same a few moments later, but it wasn't until Octavia had finished two of her pancakes that she spoke, breaking the silence. "So. Our parents will be back in a couple of hours, so not to be rude, but you'll all have to be gone pretty soon."

"Yeah, yeah," Raven mumbled, waving her hand at the other girl. "We'll be gone."

"Where were your parents?" Clarke wondered, now finished with her pancake and her water, and feeling much better.

"Work," Bellamy answered for the two of them, shrugging.

Octavia nodded. "Yeah, they work out of town, so they're pretty much gone all week. Sometimes they come back on Saturday and leave midday Monday, but usually they get back Sunday and leave Tuesday morning. It's weird."

"Leaves lots of time for parties, though," Finn piped up, grinning. Bellamy nodded in agreement, and Clarke just feigned an amused smile. She knew what it was like to have an absent parent, since her mother was basically never home, but she couldn't imagine what it would have been like if her dad had been gone so often when he had still been alive. How would she have been affected by his death if he had hardly ever been home?

She managed to shake away her thoughts in order to listen to the conversation around her. "Oh by the way," Raven was saying, "there's an iPhone in the living room in a dark red case that kept going off this morning."

"Shit," Clarke hissed, getting up from the bar stool and hurrying into the living room. Her phone was placed neatly on a coffee table, and as she picked it up and hit the home button, she saw that she had about ten text messages. As she walked back into the kitchen, a conversation was going on, but Clarke just unlocked her phone to check her messages.

Her mother was the first.

**From Mom – Where are you? I thought you were in your room, but I checked, and you're not.**

**From Mom – Clarke Griffin, where are you?**

There weren't anymore from her mom, but the next eight were from Wells.

**From Wells – Clarke, your mom just texted me saying that she doesn't know where you are.**

**From Wells – Are you okay?**

**From Wells – I haven't answered her yet, but if you answer me, I'll tell her you're with me.**

**From Wells – Clarke?**

**From Wells – Are you with Octavia and her friends?**

**From Wells – I won't be mad or anything, just tell me so I can calm your mom down.**

**From Wells – Jeez, Clarke, where are you?**

**From Wells – I told your mom that you're with me, so you better be safe. And don't say I never did you any favors.**

Clarke let out a deep sigh. If Wells didn't already hate her for every stupid thing she'd said to him in the past week, he definitely hated her now. Though, nobody forced him to cover for her, he had done that all on his own.

**To Wells – I'm fine, thank you. I didn't have my phone on me this morning.**

**To Mom – Sorry, I didn't have my phone with me earlier! I'll be home soon!**

Clarke, letting out another breath, took her seat again at the bar stool and set her phone in front of her.

"Who was spamming your phone?" Raven wondered, as the previously occurring conversation came to an end.

"My mom, and Wells. Apparently, my mom freaked out when she saw I wasn't home this morning, and she tried to find out from Wells, who had no idea where I was, so he covered for me and now I'm officially the worst person in the world," Clarke muttered, dropping her head in her hands.

"Why? Because he's mad at you and still covered for you?" Bellamy asked, his eyebrows furrowed. "That doesn't make you a bad person. You didn't do anything to make him cover for you. Plus, him doing so without knowing if you were okay was probably stupid anyway. What if you hadn't been okay? He would've been in deep shit. That's not your fault."

"Bellamy's right," Lexa agreed, drawing Clarke's gaze toward her. "You haven't done anything to him aside from tell him that you don't like him."

"I told him he was like a brother to me." Clarke said the statement with a monotone voice. Bellamy made a slight hiss.

"Yeah, that was probably not the best thing to say," he stated.

"Nevertheless," Octavia interrupted, "you didn't do anything wrong. So you shouldn't feel like an awful person. And clearly he really cares about you, and so he'll eventually forgive you, and you two can be best friends again."

"Maybe," Clarke said weakly, letting out a light breath. "I should probably go, though."

"Same," Raven agreed, sliding off of her bar stool.

"Well, we'll see you guys tomorrow," Octavia said, smiling at both of them.

"Good luck with your mom," Lexa said to Clarke, who smiled gratefully.

"Thanks," she returned. "Text me."

"Okay."

Clarke drove herself home, feeling much less hungover now, so she hoped that it wasn't at all evident from her appearance, or she was going to get into a lot of trouble with her mom. She pulled her car into her driveway, behind her mom's car, and headed inside. Her mom sometimes worked on Sundays, but apparently today was not one of those days.

As soon as she walked in, she was bombarded by her mother.

"Clarke! Why did you not have your phone with you this morning?" her mom demanded. "You always have your phone on you when you're with Wells."

"I left it on the coffee table," Clarke mumbled the honest answer that was intended to be misinterpreted by her mother.

Her mom let out a sigh. "Alright. Please don't let it happen again. Did you stay over at Wells' house two nights in a row?"

"Uh, no," Clarke answered. "There is this other group of people I started hanging out with."

"Hmm, well, okay," her mom replied, looking suspiciously at her daughter. "Well, I'm going to run to the store and restock the fridge. Doesn't look like you ate much this past week, though. Have you been getting enough food?"

"Yeah, mom, I'm fine," Clarke insisted. "I have to finish up some homework, though, so can I go upstairs?"

"Yes, of course."

And just like that, Clarke was up the stairs and closing herself in her room. She collapsed back onto her bed and stared at her ceiling. As she stared at the textured, white paint that covered the otherwise bland drywall, she began to trace invisible patterns on it with her gaze. She didn't really have any homework, thankfully, but she hadn't wanted to be around her mom anymore.

Sitting up a bit on her bed, she looked at her stack of blank canvases and drawing paper. It was beginning to dwindle, as she had been doing a piece of art every month for nearly a year now, excluding her weekly drawings for school.

Though she had started the one of her dad, she was not in the state to finish it, so she figured that she may as well start a different piece for this month.

Getting out of bed, she retrieved one of the canvases and set it up on her easel. She decided on paint for this piece, and gathered up her paint palette and paints and brushes, and started away.

She was hardly sure of what her strokes were creating as she painted, until she took a step back and saw wavy, brown hair along one side of the canvas, and the beginnings of a soft colored face. She wasn't one to paint very detailed, but it was easy to identify what it was she was beginning to paint, or who, rather.

It was Lexa.


	11. Chapter 11

Clarke had gone to bed pretty early on Sunday, because the excitement of the entire weekend had drained her completely, even though she'd slept so much already. She knew that she should probably be focused less on sleeping and more on eating enough food, because her mom had made a good point about how much Clarke had been eating, but she just felt so conflicted.

The only things that calmed her down were her new friends, and her art.

Which is why she expected Monday to be a decent day, and it would prove to be, luckily.

Having gone to sleep so early the previous night, Clarke was up before the sun began to rise on Monday morning. She didn't mind waking up early, either, because she had plenty of time to wake up before driving herself to school, and she even arrived at school early. However, upon arriving, she realized that she didn't have anyone to talk to or anything to do, since she and Wells were no longer interacting, aside from, evidently, covering for one another when the other was getting hammered.

So, seeing no other option, she went around the campus to the soccer field, and found that the newly updated team was practicing. She saw Bellamy and Octavia on the field, and decided that it wouldn't be too weird to sit on the lowest set of bleachers and wait for the first bell to ring.

She thought it was a little odd that soccer practiced in the morning and the afternoon, but from the small number of people on the field, she guessed that the morning practice was option. It didn't surprise her at all that both of the Blakes were up bright and early to practice, especially since Bellamy was Octavia's ride.

Their practice ended shortly after Clarke had sat down, and when she looked up, she saw Bellamy coming toward her. "Hey, princess," he greeted.

Clarke rolled her eyes at the name. "Hey."

"What are you doing over here?" he wondered.

"Wound up early to school, and I didn't have anyone else to go really," she answered. "I didn't know that you guys had practice in the mornings."

"It's not an official practice," Bellamy explained. "But some of us really want our team to get better this year, so we're trying harder than ever."

"Maybe you'll finally get better then," Clarke teased, smiling a small smile. "Practice does make perfect."

"You must practice a lot, then," he said, smiling a flirty smile, and Clarke was immediately surprised by the flirting. She had no idea what to say in response, but then the bell saved her, and she tried not to make her sigh of relief too obvious. "I'll see you at lunch."

"Yeah, see you," she returned, and he was off running toward the locker room, where the rest of the soccer players had gone off to already. Clarke quickly headed inside and to her locker, where she was happy to not see Wells anywhere, and then to her first period, where she saw Octavia yet again.

"Hey, Clarke!" Octavia greeted loudly when the blonde came in. "What were you doing at the soccer field this morning?"

"I got to school early and I didn't really have anything to do," Clarke answered, shrugging.

"Bellamy thought you came to see him," Octavia said, sounding slightly amused and slightly disturbed. Clarke raised her eyebrows at Octavia, and then at Raven, who was nodding along.

"He totally likes you," Raven said. "It's so cute!"

Octavia gave Raven a disgusted look. "No, it's weird. Clarke is way too good for Bellamy."

"I can picture it," Raven insisted, not backing down.

Clarke cleared her throat awkwardly. "I don't like Bellamy," she stated, "so it doesn't matter."

"Aw, but it would be so cute," Raven whined.

"Leave her alone," Octavia said to Raven, rolling her eyes. "Clarke has enough boy problems as it is."

Clarke nodded in agreement, and then sat down in her desk finally, as she had apparently just been standing next to it. "True," Raven agreed. "Too bad not everyone can have an amazing relationship like I do with Finn."

"Are you kidding, Raven?" Octavia asked her. "You and Finn break up like every other month."

"Well, we always end up together. And we don't really _break up_. We just have slight disagreements," Raven insisted.

"Mm," Octavia hummed, raising her eyebrows, "right." She gave Clarke a look that said "t _his happens a lot_ ", and then sat down.

The bell rang at exactly the same moment, and Mr. Sanchez cleared his throat. "Thank you, Miss Blake, for taking your seat on time for once. However, it would be quite significantly more useful if you were facing forward, with your notes out ready for class."

"Always giving me the best tips, Mr. Sanchez," Octavia said, grinning toothily as she joked with the teacher, who just shook his head, and began to discuss history.

That was the first day that Clarke didn't focus very well in history, but surprisingly, it wasn't for any bad reason. She couldn't get Lexa out of her head, especially when she doodled a little ballerina dancing across her notes on the migration patterns of ancient Egyptians. The ballerina had an extremely graceful stature, considering the simplicity of the drawing. Clarke briefly wondered what Lexa looked like while she danced – did she put her hair up, or did it billow around her like silk might, if she were wearing loose clothing? Did her thighs, toned as they probably were, tense as she twirled around, or leaped, or with whatever action she took? Clarke drew the possibilities, the ballerina migrating across her page in the same way that the Egyptians she should have been taking notes on migrated down the Nile.

But Clarke knew all about that, and by the end of history, she hadn't learned what she really wanted to know.

"What were you drawing all class over there?" Raven called out as the bell rang.

"You watched me from over there?" Clarke asked, unbelieving.

"Nah, I just saw you once or twice. Your hand never stopped moving, but there's no way your handwriting is so fancy that you have to draw so many little circles and details," Raven stated, wiggling her eyebrows. "What were you drawing?"

"Just doodles," Clarke answered, closing her notes before Raven got close enough to make out any real shapes. "I've gotta get to second period. I'll see you guys at lunch."

"Yeah, see you," Octavia called, before glaring obviously at Raven, who pretended to be clueless as to what her crime had been. "Leave her alone," was the last thing Clarke heard Octavia said as she was leaving the room.

Through the rest of her beginning classes, Clarke managed to regain some focus, at least until lunch rolled around.

She planned to make a stop quick at her locker to grab her lunch and then escape before Wells appeared, but her stop was lengthened as Bellamy somehow caught her there. "Your locker is in a really inconvenient spot, princess," he stated.

"Why's that?" Clarke asked. Her locker was directly between the majority of her classes and the cafeteria, so she didn't see the problem with it, aside from it being so close to Wells' locker. Though, that hadn't ever been a problem until now.

"It's far away from the front of the school," Bellamy commented, as though he hadn't been expecting the why question and had to make something up on the spot. "Ah, I passed you and thought I might as well walk with you to lunch."

"Mm," Clarke hummed, knowing that Bellamy hadn't just passed her – he'd clearly gone out of his way to get here. Why else would he have commented that her locker was in an inconvenient spot? Having gotten caught off guard, Clarke realized that she hadn't even opened her locker yet. She quickly did so, and then she felt a tension that came with her knowing that Wells had just walked up to his locker. She could feel his eyes on her, and then on Bellamy, and she knew what it looked like.

_Screw Bellamy._

At the same time, though, she wondered if it was better that Bellamy was with her right now, so that Wells couldn't bring up the previous day. She quickly grabbed her lunch and then gently cleared her throat, looking back to Bellamy. "Let's go then."

"How was the end of your weekend?" Bellamy asked, just as gleeful as normal.

"Alright," Clarke answered. "I had fun on Saturday."

"That was the intention," Bellamy joked, as they made their way into the cafeteria. "That's good to know, though, you seem to fit in with all of us really well, you know? That doesn't usually happen. I mean, even with Lexa, I still don't really know her all too well because we just don't click."

"I thought that was because you came onto her?" Clarke asked, before realizing that she totally should have _not_ mentioned that.

Bellamy coughed awkwardly. "Yeah, well, I was stupid. I used to come onto everyone and anyone."

Slightly surprised that he blamed his former self rather than Lexa, Clarke made note to get to know Bellamy more. As long as she could keep it clear to him that she only liked him as a friend, she could imagine that he would make a good one. "Well," Clarke said, going back to his original statement, "I don't know all of you that well yet. I haven't talked much to Finn."

"Everyone clicks differently," Bellamy stated, smiling at her cheekily.

She shrugged, and then, as they approached their lunch table, she saw Lexa talking to Octavia, and her heart skipped three beats in a row – or at least that's what it felt like. Bellamy stepped around the table to sit in his normal seat, and Clarke seated herself across from Lexa and next to Octavia, as per usual.

As whatever conversation had been going on between the two dropped off, Lexa gave Clarke a welcoming smile. "Has anyone seen Raven since this morning, by the way?" Octavia asked suddenly, before anyone else could talk. "I texted her about fifth period – I need her help, and she didn't answer, and she wasn't at her locker before she came here. _And_ Finn wasn't in fourth period."

"He was in second period," Lexa stated, though she looked unfazed by both his and Raven's disappearance.

"Well, where are they?" Clarke wondered.

"Fighting," the other three of them stated.

Clarke blinked. "Oh."

"That's the more likely option, anyway," Octavia explained further.

Bellamy nodded. "It's either that or they've been fucking in one of the janitor closets for two class periods."

"What did you need help with for fifth period?" Lexa asked Octavia, tilting her head slightly. Clarke's eyes lingered on the way the silky looking hair fell off of Lexa's shoulder, little bits dangling all the way down to her mid chest. As soon as Clarke felt her eyes going down that direction, though, she pulled her gaze up and over to Octavia, pretending to listen as the brunette complained about her Latin class. Apparently, the sentence structure was finicky and it was bothering her – what she wanted Raven's help for seemed to be a mystery to everyone, though, because according to Lexa's next statement, Raven was in French class.

Clarke spent the next few minutes trying to listen to Lexa and Octavia converse, without her gaze getting stuck to the taller brunette. She also became aware of Bellamy's eyes on her, and she wondered if he noticed where she kept looking to, and she wondered if Wells was behind her, his dark eyes watching Bellamy's face, and maybe his brain was swirling with thoughts of what her own face was portraying.

Meanwhile, Lexa seemed oblivious.

After lunch, Clarke said her goodbye to her friends and headed for her locker, but a certain brunette caught up to her rather quickly. "Mind if I walk with you?"

Clarke gave Lexa a smile that she hoped looked as genuine as it actually was. "Nope."

"You looked uncomfortable during lunch," Lexa stated. Clarke briefly wondered how Lexa knew, since she'd been mostly discussing Latin with Octavia during the half hour eating period. But perhaps Clarke had just missed the brunette glancing at her.

"Bellamy met me at my locker before lunch, and Wells saw us," Clarke admitted. "It was weird."

"Has he tried to talk to you again?" Lexa wondered. "Wells, I mean?"

Clarke shook her head. "No. Radio silence after yesterday, yet again."

"Want to get your mind off of it?" Lexa asked, smiling reassuringly at the blonde. "You can come to my place after school if you want." Clarke was already nodding – she would've nodded before the offer had even come – getting her mind off of Bellamy and Wells was definitely a good idea, especially if it involved Lexa. Lexa, of all people, was on her mind the most, anyway.

"Yeah, sure," Clarke agreed, smiling.

"Cool, so, you can follow me after school then," Lexa said. "I've gotta get to fifth period. See you later, Clarke."

"Bye," Clarke returned, flashing another smile at the brunette, and then stopping at her locker to drop some stuff there. Lexa headed into a different direction, and Clarke let out a light sigh. She had a feeling similar to what she imagined being high was like when she was with Lexa, and she couldn't help it.

She found her seat in her art class as soon as she walked in – it hadn't changed in her three years of being in the class. She stretched out her arms and massaged her hands a bit as she waited for class to start, getting ready to draw.

Dr. Wright, as the bell rang and class began, immediately announced their weekly challenge. "Draw something in motion. We did a work like this in last year's class, but we focused on the movement. This time, I want you to focus on the little details. What parts of an object are manipulated while they are in motion? An animal – the small creases in fur and shading. A ball – the exact shape and dimension. A person – the wave of hair or crease of skin. Pick a subject and go."

Clarke didn't hesitate, immediately sketching out the image that she couldn't get out of her head – the one she had created of Lexa twirling like a ballerina, only with her hair falling loose and flying everywhere, rather than be tied up in a restricting bun. When she was drawing, she preferred to sketch an entire outline before filling it, so after sketching where Lexa's head was, and the wave of her hair, she began to go down to her thin body. Profound breasts that she had accidentally stared at during lunch, a tight stomach, especially rigid while in the motion she was depicting, and toned thighs and calves. She drew her toes coming to a point, and then sketched the outfit she imagined Lexa in while dancing.

She was proud of the overall sketch as she finished it, and then suddenly, Dr. Wright was at her side, commenting as he did every week. "Your picture is very specific. You clearly had this image in your head before coming to class, or are you using a reference?"

"No reference," she answered. "I guess I have been picturing it."

"It's very bravely sketched, you have very few erase marks and yet you're confident with every curve and outline. I don't usually see you this confident on a first sketch, Miss Griffin. You know the subject fairly well, yes?" Dr. Wright asked, intuitive as always.

"Yes, sir," she answered.

"Perhaps you could ask her for a reference photo," he suggested. "I'm intrigued to see what you could turn this into with a stronger reference than your imagination. You seem very passionate lately, Miss Griffin. Have you been thinking about perspective as I suggested last week?"

"Trust me, Dr. Wright, I've been thinking a lot about a lot of different things," Clarke answered, giving him a weak smile.

"Whatever troubles you," he insisted, "will pass as you pass it on to paper. This piece, though, I don't think comes from that source, and I don't think you think it does either. I'd say, if this girl eases the troubles that have been haunting you, Clarke, tell her so. A girl like that is special. And show her this – it'll flatter her for sure."

Clarke felt a blush appear on her cheeks and she nodded. "Yes, sir." He gave her a knowing smile, and then continued on.

Clarke couldn't fathom how Dr. Wright could pick up on things so easily, but it was just as well that he did. It made him easily her favorite teacher, and an amazing mentor.

As she continued on finishing her sketch, though, she didn't think of Dr. Wright and his brilliance. Rather, she thought of toned legs forming a firm grip around her midsection, and she thought of soft lips on light colored skin, and her pale hands tangling in dark hair.

She thought of things that she knew she probably shouldn't think of just yet, but that she couldn't help, because Lexa was floating all around her mind and her paper and she just wanted her.


	12. Chapter 12

The two of them had decided to stop for a snack and some ice cream, and then they finally headed to Lexa's home, Clarke following behind the brunette in her own car. Once they arrived, Clarke immediately began to gape.

"Wow, your house is nice," Clarke commented, getting out of her car. She had her book bag over her shoulder – should she need her sketchbook, she wanted it with her already. Lexa was already out of hers, but she was leaning against it as she waited for Clarke. Her blue gaze dragged over the tall house in front of her, but then they quickly dropped back down to the beautiful brunette in front of her. She was wondering if it would be weird to ask Lexa if she could draw her, since she honestly did want to try and draw her with more than a picture from memory. And despite Lexa's comment from the previous week, Clarke thought it might still be weird if she drew Lexa while she was dancing. Or, at least, that Lexa would think it was weird.

"Thanks," Lexa answered, pushing off of her car and starting toward her front door. "You should see my dance studio, it's the best part."

Clarke's heart fluttered, because she couldn't hear that without picturing Lexa dancing, and clearly that was a picture that she actually enjoyed. "Show me," Clarke suggested. Lexa was looking curiously at Clarke, as though she could sense that something was turning in her head, and then nodded, heading toward her front door.

Inside, Clarke couldn't help but gaze around the place in awe. The floors were all hardwood, and the house was spotless, shiny things shining properly and all of the wood furnishings completely polished. Breathing out gently, Clarke blinked. "Wow."

"Come on," Lexa said, heading toward a gently curving staircase that was nestled in a sort of corner area.

"Your house is awesome," Clarke stated, still gaping as she followed the brunette upstairs.

"Yeah, it's not bad," Lexa agreed, though it didn't take a psychologist to derive the Lexa didn't like her house much. Clarke wondered about the specific reasoning, though, but she supposed that she would find out eventually, or else it didn't matter. Around two more corners appeared large, white, double doors. Lexa opened them to reveal a smooth floored studio. A few speakers were lined on parts of the walls, and a stereo system was set on a small table in the far corner, along with a laptop. A couple of chairs were also against the far wall. A huge mirror covered one of the long walls, and the room was illuminated amazingly – though the numerous light switches on the wall suggested that it was possible to get dim lighting in the room as well.

"Whoa," Clarke managed to say. "This looks like a dancer's heaven."

"It is," Lexa agreed, chuckling a little.

"Man, I wish I had an art studio in my house. All of my art is just cluttering my bedroom," Clarke admitted, imagining what it would be like to have a completely separate space for Clarke to do what she loved most.

"My mother is a bit... over the top," Lexa justified, shrugging.

Clarke shrugged. "Maybe, but this is awesome."

"This is my favorite place to spend time," Lexa said, taking a step into her dance studio. Clarke didn't follow, because it somehow felt like she shouldn't invade this space of Lexa's, but the brunette was looking at her expectantly after a moment, and Clarke took a tentative step into the room. "Can you dance?"

"With varying levels of success, yeah," Clarke answered, "but I think in dancer terms, that means no."

Lexa smiled fondly at the blonde. "We all have our talents. I've tried drawing, and it always looks so bad when I do. I swear I draw worse than a three year old child." Clarke couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of her throat, and she smiled widely.

"I'm sure you redeem that flaw with your dancing," Clarke teased.

Suddenly, catching Clarke entirely off guard, Lexa narrowed her eyes at bit at the blonde, taking a small step backwards. "You tell me." The brunette abruptly turned and headed for her laptop, and Clarke bit the inside of her lower lip, going to sit against the far wall. She set her bag next to her, deciding that she would only slip out her sketchbook once Lexa was already absorbed into dancing. As Clarke sat down, the song Beautiful Now, by Zedd, began to play, though it was a remixed version that Clarke didn't recognize.

And Lexa began to dance.

And holy _shit_ it was even more beautiful than Clarke had imagined in her head.

It was only a few seconds after the brunette had started that Clarke had her sketchbook out, to the page after her rough sketch, and began to draw. She did so for much of the time while hardy glancing at the paper, because her focus was almost entirely on the beautiful girl in the studio in front of her. Clarke had no idea how long Lexa danced for, and she wasn't sure when the music had turned off, because the next hing she knew, Lexa was taking a seat next to her. Clarke could feel heat radiating from her body, and her skin glistened a bit with sweat, though it wasn't the disgusting kind that appeared on people after things like... soccer, per se.

"What are you drawing?" Lexa asked, almost as though she'd thought that Clarke had stopped paying attention to draw – as though she didn't suspect that it was her figure that Clarke's pencil was creating.

"Do you want to see it?" Clarke asked back, not answering the question and instead hugging the sketchbook to her chest, suddenly beginning to feel self conscious. Lexa met her gaze, and the nodded slightly. Clarke, her cheeks already red, pulled the book away from her chest and angled it so that Lexa could see. The sketch was far more prominent than the one from earlier that day, though both pictures featured Lexa in a similar position. The second one highlighted even more the shape of the girl's body, and Clarke couldn't help it – not only was Lexa extremely attractive, she was also a dancer, and what else is there to draw about a dancer than her figure?

Lexa blinked, confirming that she actually had had no idea that Clarke had been drawing her. "Wow." Her voice sounded a bit different than normal, deeper a bit maybe. "You did that just now?"

Clarke nodded, and then turned the page back one. "This one I did in class today," she admitted, her voice coming out much weaker than intended. She cleared her throat a bit, and said, "I just pictured what you'd look like."

"Can I keep it? When its done, and when you don't need it for class." Lexa looked back at the blue eyes staring back at her, and Clarke blushed a bit again, nodding.

"Of course."

Lexa's eyes, ever captivating, dropped her gaze to a spot lower on Clarke's face than her own eyes. Knowing where it was, Clarke nervously bit down on her bottom lip. She felt Lexa's presence getting closer to her before she realized it with her own eyes, but then her eyes were closed anyway the second that Lexa's lips touched hers.

Clarke immediately inhaled through her nose and leaned into the kiss. Lexa didn't hesitate to scoot a bit closer in order to facilitate the kiss, and then Clarke felt teeth gently grab onto her lower lip. Electricity shot through Clarke's entire body as Lexa sucked on her lower lip with gentle intensity. Clarke, surprisingly, was the one to push even further, attempting to invade Lexa's mouth with her tongue. The brunette's had no objections, releasing her lip in order for their tongues to twirl together between their mouths, like two dancers might on a dance floor. At least Clarke's tongue was better at dancing than she was, and she only supposed this was true since Lexa hadn't set stopped kissing her.

So suddenly that Clarke barely even realized it, Lexa moved her position from on the floor, to on Clarke's lap, straddling her as she broke the kiss a moment for some air.

The blonde could feel hands holding her face and her neck, and somehow, her own hands had seemingly developed a mind of their own. Already they had tangled into long, dark, wavy hair, pressing her lips and tongue harder against Lexa's. It was nothing less than intoxicating, having Lexa's lips this way.

One of Lexa's hands drifted down to Clarke's lower back, pressing against it with her palm and, in effect, making them even closer to one another. Lexa's lips suddenly tore away from Clarke's, but it wasn't for any bad reason, she only moved them down to Clarke's neck. Her head immediately tilting back, Clarke bit down hard on her lower lip as she became aware that moans were going to start trying to escape her.

Suddenly, as if Lexa were trying to achieve a better angle at Clarke's neck, she scooted up a bit on Clarke's lap, effectively shredding whatever thoughts had been going through her mind as the only thing she could think of became her proximity with Lexa's core.

One of her hands tightening its grip on Lexa's hair, the other one took of running down Lexa's upper body and to her lower back. She hardly realized her own motivation until she found herself trying to get their centers even closer to one another.

Lips broke away from her neck, reattaching to her lips, and Clarke officially could think of nothing aside from what was happening in that very second. A hand slipped up under her shirt, burning her pale skin there and eliciting Clarke's first moan, and then she could no longer hold them in. Every touch burned, and Clarke had never been so hungry for sex as she was in this moment. She wanted nothing more than for Lexa to touch her, and Lexa seemed to know that.

One of Lexa's hands was slipping into Clarke's pants just as a sound began to penetrate the otherwise mostly quiet room. Clarke, her attention wrongly torn from the girl on top of her, realized that the noise was coming from her bag.

Before anything could be said about the ringing, Lexa removed her hands from Clarke's body and detached their lips.

"I don't wanna answer it," Clarke mumbled, clearly annoyed by the interruption.

"If you don't, I will," Lexa murmured, placing a soft kiss on the corner of Clarke's lips, before getting up and off of Clarke and the chair. "Answer it," she prompted.

"Fine," Clarke grumbled, reaching for her bag and retrieving her phone. She expected it to be her mom, or a spam phone call, but she was surprised that it was Octavia's number. She knew that she'd given Octavia her own number, but at some point during their party thing the past weekend, Octavia must have saved her contact into Clarke's phone. Answering the phone, she took a shaky breath, still trying to recover from her swirled thoughts. "Hey, Octavia."

"Hey!" Octavia exclaimed. "Are you busy?"

"Um... to an extent," Clarke answered, feeling her cheeks redden a bit. "Why, what's up?"

"Raven has a family dinner tonight, and Lexa won't pick up her phone – knowing her she left it in her car – so... do you want to go to the mall with me? I really need a hair cut – my ends are getting so bad, oh god," Octavia rambled.

Clarke swallowed thickly. "Ah, well, I'm with Lexa right now, so."

"Awesome! So you both can come!" Octavia exclaimed. "I'll see you guys there in fifteen?" The call abruptly ended, and Clarke blinked, taken aback by the exclamation.

"Alright," Clarke muttered, setting her phone back in her bag and looking up at Lexa who had moved over to her laptop, scrolling through something or another to look busy. "That was Octavia. She wants us to meet her at the mall in fifteen minutes."

"I have some homework," Lexa said, sounding suddenly very closed off. "Tell Octavia that I'll hang out with her tomorrow."

Clarke looked over the brunette carefully, and then she just nodded. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," Lexa agreed, smiling again. "I'll text you tonight." Clarke nodded, feeling a bit of relief by hearing that, because Lexa being a bit disconnected was making her nervous.

Clarke grabbed her bag and headed for the exit of Lexa's incredible dance studio. Suddenly, though, Lexa's soft hand gently grabbed Clarke's forearm, and the blonde froze, turning to face the brunette, who immediately pressed a light kiss to her lips. Clarke was slightly surprised by it, but as soon as it ended she smiled softly at Lexa. "Bye," she said quietly, and then she did leave.


	13. Chapter 13

Clarke hung out with Octavia for a little while, who was, as usual, hyper and excited, and basically made conversation by herself. After that little while, Clarke claimed that she had to get home because of her mom, and then she did just that, although her mother still hadn't gotten home. In reality, Clarke's mind was swarming with an abundance of different thoughts, and she couldn't talk to Octavia anymore before taking some time to just calm herself down.

It wasn't until she did get home, and set her bag on the floor next to her bed did she realize that her sketchbook was not in it. She swallowed thickly, retracing her steps in her head, and realized that it had probably started off on her lap, or Lexa's, after she showed the drawing the brunette. And then... well, Lexa had ended up on her lap, so the sketchbook had probably fallen. Clarke had been shaken to say the least by the time she left, and she didn't remember putting her sketchbook back in her bag at any point.

"Fuck," Clarke cursed, siting on her bed and squeezing her eyes shut. What was she doing? Every thought in her brain connected to a different emotion, and none of them matched up. She considered texting Lexa about her sketchbook, but she knew that Lexa would have already noticed it there, and she didn't feel like texting Lexa at the moment anyway.

Eventually giving up on trying to figure herself out, she slipped into her bathroom and shed herself of her clothing. She turned on the hot water in her shower, and waited a few moments for it to get hot enough. Looking at herself in her mirror, she recalled the moment between her and Lexa. What did it mean? She had no idea.

A moment later, she was under hot water, trying to let it wash away every emotion crowding her mind, and then she became aware of something. The area in between her legs was throbbing, awoken from her heated moment with the brunette she was always thinking about recently. She could still feel Lexa's lips on hers, and then on her neck, and her hands burning Clarke's skin. She could still feel her body reacting to every touch, and even if she had no idea what that moment had meant, or why it had happened, it had certainly woken up her sexuality.

Her pale hand slid down her paler midsection, and she bit down on her lip as her fingers began to relieve the ache. She touched herself until all she could think about was that one feeling, and by the time she was done, she did feel quite relieved.

Finally washing her hair and her body, as one is supposed to do in a shower, Clarke began to feel completely calmed and refreshed.

Back in her room a little while later, Clarke found herself drawing again – drawing the picture of her dad. She found herself smiling as she did so. The calm she'd created for herself fed her focus and her passion, possibly more so than what came from her desperate emotions.

Somehow, she finished the charcoal piece that same night, though she found herself up until at least half past midnight. Before she went to bed and while she was plugging her phone into its charger, she realized that Lexa hadn't texted her like she'd said she would.

Clarke didn't let herself think about it, and instead chose to let happy memories with her dad lull her into sleep.

Subsequently, she didn't sleep well, because happy memories are an easy reminder of the painful present. She'd slept a total of maybe two hours by the time she got out of her bed the next morning for school. Tired, stressed and grumpy, she got herself ready for school as best as she could, and then headed off. Her mom had never come home, but that didn't warrant any concern from Clarke.

Clarke went to the soccer field when she got to school, mostly to keep herself occupied, but found that there was no practice going on. Biting on her lower lip, the blonde headed into the school, needing something else to hold her attention until class would begin.

Instead of finding something, however, someone found her. Two someones actually – Jasper and Monty, who she hadn't talked to since her last lunch with them and Wells.

"Clarke!" Monty called. "What's up? We hardly see you since you switched lunch tables."

"Hey guys," Clarke greeted, smiling genuinely at the two boys. "Yeah, things have just been weird. You're all welcome to come sit where sit now, Octavia said so when I first sat over there. I just don't think Wells really wants to."

"Yeah. What's been up with him?" Jasper asked, looking concerned.

Clarke pursed her lips. "I think you'd better talk to him about that." Jasper still seemed curious, but he just nodded.

"Well, you'll be proud to know that this past weekend I went on a date with that girl Maya that I met in my art history class," he announced, a wide grin on his face.

"Meanwhile, I'm all alone, but not everyone can be in a happy relationship I guess," Monty added, rolling his eyes playfully at Jasper, who shook his head.

"We aren't official yet," Jasper stated plainly, and Clarke found herself laughing lightly.

"Well, good to know you're doing well," Clarke said to Jasper, and then she looked to Monty and added, "And I'm right there with you, Monty, so I understand."

Monty grinned, and Clarke realized that she actually had missed talking to them, but she couldn't rightly go back and sit with them at lunch, because with them was Wells. And Wells still hated her, that was for sure. "Well," Jasper piped up, "we have to get to first period early, so see you later, Clarke."

"Bye, guys."

Clarke headed toward her own first period as well, even though the bell was still ten minutes away from ringing. When she walked into Mr. Sanchez's class, the first thing she saw was that a homework assignment was posted on the board to be turned in – something they had gotten the previous day that Clarke had apparently forgotten about. Cursing under her breath, she slipped back out of the classroom and tore open her bag. She found her history stuff and retrieved the worksheet, though not a single blank had been filled in. "Shit," she groaned. She gripped it tightly in her hand as she headed back into the classroom, and made her way to her desk.

Octavia and Raven came in a few seconds after Clarke, who was debating on what to do about her homework.

"Hey Clarke!" Octavia exclaimed. "Oh, I saw Lexa this morning, and she gave me this to give to you. She didn't know when you needed it by, so."

Octavia was holding Clarke's sketchbook, which was cover up, clearly closed. Confident that Lexa hadn't let Octavia look at any of the drawings, Clarke took it back. "Thanks," she said, aware of how relieved her voice sounded when she had her sketchbook back in her hands.

Raven gave Clarke a curious look. "You didn't do the homework?"

"Ah... no," Clarke admitted.

"Wanna copy?" Octavia asked, grinning.

"Octavia," Raven scolded, and the other brunette shrugged.

"It's one worksheet. And it's the second week of school," Octavia stated, rolling her eyes. "Offer's still open, Clarke."

"No thanks."

Mr. Sanchez came into the room just then, and Clarke made a beeline toward his desk, where he was beginning to sit down. "Mr. Sanchez?" she addressed him.

"Yes, Miss Griffin?" he asked, smiling kindly at her. He had been her teacher the previous year as well for her Honors History class, but she rarely ever approached him unless it was important.

"I just wanted to tell you ahead of time that I forgot to do my assignment last night, and I'll turn it in tomorrow for the points off. I had a stressful night," Clarke admitted, perfectly happy with accepting the late penalty.

However, Mr. Sanchez surprised her. "Turn it in tomorrow, that's fine, but I won't count any points off. I know how hard school must be for you right now. With your dad, and everything."

It was like a smack in the face, almost, someone talking about her dad. The first person to say anything about it since school started, aside from her mom and Wells. "You don't have to do that," she insisted, feeling a bit of nervous energy being created in her stomach.

"Don't worry about it, Clarke," he insisted. "Have it done tomorrow, alright?"

"Yes, sir," she replied, turning back around and heading for her desk.

"What'd he say?" Octavia asked, looking doubtful of Clarke's decision.

"He said I can turn it in tomorrow."

Raven looked pointedly at Octavia. "See? Cheating is not the answer."

Clarke was a bit unstable through the first part of her day, and it only got worse once she went to lunch. Why? Because the first thing she noticed after having to be walked to lunch by Bellamy – again – was that Lexa was apparently making an effort to not talk, or make eye contact, with her. And that was like a knife in the gut.

That wasn't the worse, though, because as conversation progressed, Octavia brought up something that Clarke knew would inevitably get nowhere good. "Clarke went all teacher's pet in history today."

"I did not," Clarke argued, rolling her eyes. "I just told him my paper wasn't done, and he said I could turn it in tomorrow."

"Mr. Sanchez?" Finn asked, surprised. "One time I told him that I hadn't finished an assignment, and he went ballistic. I mean, he let me turn it in the next day, but he was all on me about responsibility and didn't take any of my excuses."

"Did you give him an excuse?" Raven wondered.

"I told him that I had a stressful night," Clarke answered, aware that Lexa was finally looking at her as she said that, but she refused to give in and make eye contact with her now. Clarke had done nothing wrong at this point, and if Lexa wanted to avoid her because of what happened the previous day, that wasn't Clarke's problem.

Though, it did sort of feel like it was.

"Wow," Bellamy said, leaning back a bit in his seat, "you must be a pretty good student then. Does kind of sound teacher's pet style."

"Can we just drop it, please?" Clarke snapped, surprising everyone and herself with her harsh tone.

"We're just messing with you, Clarke," Octavia said slowly. "I'm sorry if I made you upset."

But Clarke was upset now, not really at anyone except for Lexa, though, which she knew was unfair. She shouldn't be mad at Lexa, but she was. And she was mad at Mr. Sanchez for giving her any special treatment because of her dad dying, and she was mad at herself for not having told any of her new friends.

"Mr. Sanchez was fine with me turning my paper in late because he thinks that the reason I had a stressful night is because my dad was in a car accident last year and got taken off of life support during the summer, alright?" Clarke snapped. Everyone at the table was frozen. "Happy?"

Clarke was up and out of the cafeteria before anything could be said. Once she reached the empty hallway, she was running, because she could feel hot tears on her cheeks and she didn't want anyone to see her.

She heard a lot of voices calling her name behind her and one of them, surprisingly, was Wells.

Clarke took a left at some point in the school, trying to make her way to one of the side doors – the one by the soccer field that she could sneak out through the easiest.

And she did – but she didn't go to her car and leave, because she didn't trust herself to drive. Instead, she went to the bleachers by the soccer field and climbed the steps up to the top of them, sitting in the corner of the entire thing and letting the chilly air dry her tears onto her face.

For some reason, it didn't surprise her when she heard gentle footsteps retracing her steps about five minutes later, nor did it surprise her when she opened her eyes to see Lexa.

"Go away," Clarke found herself growling, pulling her legs up to her chest and hugging them there. She didn't need Lexa here.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Fine." Clarke didn't have the energy to fight.

Lexa sat next to her, and the blonde realized that she had both of their bags with her. Neither of them were going back to school, that was for sure. Neither of them spoke for a while, they heard the bell for fifth period ring, and they still didn't say anything to one another.

"Why didn't you tell me about your dad?" Lexa finally asked, her voice very quiet, almost fearful. It hurt Clarke's heart to hear that voice, but something about it was soothing still.

"Why did you decide to avoid me after yesterday?"

"Clarke." Lexa sounded exasperated. "Please."

The blonde let out an uneasy breath, and closed her eyes again, still hugging her knees to her chest. "I just didn't want to. I didn't... I didn't want to mess anything up. I feel different, ever since he died, and that's why Wells and I are clashing lately, and that's why I needed new friends, and that's why the only thing that keeps me from going insane is... spending time with you. And _that's_ why I need to know why you're avoiding me."

"I'm not."

"But you were."

"I didn't mean for anything to get that heated yesterday," Lexa admitted. "I'm not ready for that, and neither are you. I shouldn't have let that almost happen."

"It's not your fault."

Lexa scowled down at her lap. "That doesn't matter. I'm sorry for avoiding you. I didn't know what I should say, and I didn't want to hurt you."

Clarke bit her tongue, because she didn't want to make Lexa feel any worse than she already did, because by now, Clarke didn't have the energy to be mad at Lexa at all.

"I'm sorry that you had to tell us about your dad that way," she said, her voice soft and careful again. "Octavia has a strong urge to protect her friends, I would know, but sometimes she can't tell what parts of everyone she should be protecting."

"Yeah."

"I would ask you if you're okay," Lexa started, "but I know that you're not."

Clarke let her blue eyes make eye contact with green ones again. Lexa's eyes were free of tears, unlike Clarke's, but they were not without emotion. Looking at Lexa's sad, maybe even helpless, expression drew more tears from Clarke, and she buried her face into her knees. She hated crying in front of people.

"Clarke, look at me," Lexa pleaded.

Clarke shook her head and felt more tears leaking down her cheeks. Suddenly, strong arms wrapped around her, and Clarke felt her entire body become jello as she collapsed into Lexa's embrace. Lexa laid Clarke's head across her lap, and her fingers began to fiddle with strands of blonde hair. Clarke didn't cry for much longer, but she also made no attempt to get out of her current position. She had already mentally accepted Lexa's apology, even though she hadn't said that out loud, and now she just wanted to be comforted by her.

"You're gonna be okay, you know?" Lexa said suddenly. "Life sucks sometimes. I know you're not okay. But you will be. And I know you don't want to, but you can cry in front of me. I promise you that it's better than crying alone."

Clarke said nothing.

"Where do you want to go?" Lexa whispered the question so quietly that Clarke barely caught it.

"Home," Clarke murmured into Lexa's lap, though she really would rather not move at all. The chilly air didn't bother her while Lexa was running her fingers through her hair.

"I'll take you home," Lexa said softly, "okay?"

Clarke forced herself to sit up now, and looked at Lexa with her probably reddened eyes. "It's fine, I can take myself home."

"No." The word was said in such a final tone that Clarke didn't even dare argue. She just nodded and Lexa stretched out a hand to the blonde. "Come on."

Clarke hesitated for only a second before taking hold of Lexa's hand. The brunette stood, picking up both her and Clarke's bags, and Clarke followed suit, not arguing with Lexa's decision to carry both bags.

They didn't say anything as they walked down the bleachers and toward the parking lot, but Clarke didn't want to say anything anyway. All she wanted was to keep feeling Lexa's firm grip around her hand.

Lexa reached into Clarke's bag and pulled out her car keys. "Which one's yours?"

Clarke, still not saying anything, led Lexa to her car. When they reached it, Lexa released Clarke's hand and went for the driver's seat, and Clarke, once again, didn't object.

"Where's your house?" Clarke gave Lexa the address, and the brunette began driving.

"Lexa... you didn't have to help me. I'm fine."

"No, Clarke, you're not," Lexa stated. "Don't try to pretend with me, please. You are clearly not okay. You do a good job of pretending, Clarke, but you can't fool me. It has to be hard..."

"It's not just my dad," Clarke stated. "It's been a few months, and I'm... I miss him, but it's beyond that. I have such hate for my mom – she's the one who took him off life support. Not to mention she's just a shitty mom in the first place. And it's Wells, who _hates_ me even though all I've done is try to be myself around him. He hates me for things that I can't even control. And because he hates me, I can't see my other friends, because they're his friends. And not only does Wells like me as more than a friend, so does _Bellamy_ , and Raven keeps telling me I should date him. And then there's still school and my art and..."

"If you ask me, Clarke, you're very strong," Lexa stated, "if you haven't fallen apart until now."

"But I have," Clarke whispered. "Nothing helps." Lexa didn't say anything in response, so Clarke went silent for the rest of the ride to her house. When they got there, Clarke was not surprised to see that her mom's car was not parked in the driveway. "My mom's not home."

"I'm coming in, then," Lexa stated matter-of-factly, pulling the car into the driveway, taking out the key and getting out. Clarke followed suit, and a few minutes later, she was in her room with Lexa.

"Thanks," Clarke mumbled, sitting on her bed, not sure what she was going to do now. "You don't have to stay."

"And where else do you think I'm going to go?" Lexa asked, leaning against the door frame in Clarke's room.

"Lexa," Clarke argued, "I'm serious. I'm okay."

"And I'm serious, Clarke," Lexa snapped back. "Okay?" Clarke nodded weakly, unsure of what else she could do, and Lexa seemed to visibly relax. As Clarke scooted back a bit on her bed, the brunette glanced around her room. Her eyes caught on the charcoal drawing of Clarke's dad, but she didn't say anything, clearly aware that it would be sensitive for Clarke to talk about.

Clarke didn't really mind though. "I finished that last night, when I should have been doing my history homework. I did it from memory. Didn't even need a picture."

"That doesn't surprise me," Lexa stated. "He's your father."

"You never talk about your dad," Clarke said simply.

"I'm not the biggest fan of my family." Lexa answered. "My father is never really around. He works a lot, across the country usually. My mom is unbelievably overbearing. My sister is a mix of both of them. My family is just... not the best thing ever."

"Neither is mine," Clarke said. "At least what's left of it."

"Do you want something to eat?" Lexa asked, changing the topic.

"No," Clarke answered.

"Clarke, I'm sorry about ignoring you today. I was scared. It was stupid," Lexa said quietly. "A lot of things have happened to me in my past too, Clarke. I don't... I don't always make the best judgment calls."

"Don't worry about it, Lexa, really," Clarke insisted. "I was mad for like five minutes, and I'm already tired of it, trust me. I don't need another thing to be mad about."

Lexa took a small step forward, closer to the bed, and looked questioningly at the blonde as if asking if she could sit down. Clarke gave her a small nod, and the bed dipped a bit next to her as Lexa sat down. "Okay, I won't apologize again then."

"Thanks."

"What do you want me to tell everyone?" Lexa asked, drawing Clarke's gaze up to meet hers. "Do you want me to ask them not to mention your dad?"

"Yeah, please," Clarke answered. "At least, not until I'm ready."

"Of course," Lexa said, her voice soft. Her eyes were flicking between both of Clarke's, and Clarke suddenly realized how grateful she was for Lexa. And she didn't really know how to say it, but she was already at a close proximity with the brunette, so she leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Lexa's even softer lips.

Clarke felt Lexa's hand lightly touch her cheek as she leaned into the kiss a bit, and Clarke felt the last of her immediate stress wash away. Lexa pulled out of the kiss after a few moments, though, giving Clarke an apologetic look.

"How much did you sleep last night?"

"Not much," Clarke admitted.

"Take a nap," Lexa commanded, though her voice was still soft. "Please."

"Okay," Clarke agreed, nodding and moving into a normal sleeping position on her bed, laying against her pillow. "You don't have to stay, Lexa."

"I know," Lexa said, though whether or not she would was a mystery to Clarke as she finally got some decent sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Clarke heard someone talking in her room before she really registered that she was waking up. She was surprised for a moment, wondering if her mom was home, and then she recalled the morning's events, and recognized the voice as Lexa's. She was talking on the phone.

"She'll be okay," Lexa was saying softly, "and no, I don't think she's mad at you, Octavia. She's had a rough week. Don't tell me that I was the only one who noticed that."

Clarke stayed frozen in her bed, under the blankets, interested to hear what else Lexa would say to Octavia.

"She's sleeping," Lexa said, sounding like she was answering a question. A pause. "No, she's not ready to talk about it, and that's why she never said anything in the first place. I can't say that I blame her. No. Don't let him do that."

Who do what? Clarke wanted to know, but if she gave away that she was awake now, she was afraid that Lexa would hang up the phone. So she stayed silent, listening.

"Okay, put him on the phone." A pause. "Hi, Wells. This is Lexa." Wells? They couldn't all still be at lunch – was school already over and he'd sought them out to ask about Clarke? Clarke was itching to find out what was going on. "Yes, she'll be fine. I haven't left her side. Didn't Octavia tell you, or no? It's about her dad." A pause. "She hadn't told us, that's why it became a big deal. She told me that she thought it would mess things up to say anything. No, I'm sure it wasn't because she thought that it messed up things between you two." A longer pause. "She's asleep, Wells," Lexa's tone suddenly became firmer, "and I think that is a conversation you should have with Clarke in person. Not with me." A pause. "You're welcome. If that's all, could you give the phone back to Octavia?"

Clarke swallowed thickly, somehow surprised that so many people were worried about her. She had made some good friends in that small amount of time. Maybe they were all more than just mere distractions. "Yeah, I don't want to leave until I know that she'll be okay. She was exhausted earlier. Octavia... can we please talk about that later? Seriously, you don't know what you're talking about right now."

Clarke took Lexa's impatient tone as her cue to begin stir, so she rolled over a bit, groaning as she stretched out her limbs a bit.

Lexa immediately said into the phone, "Clarke is waking up. I'll talk to you later." Clarke heard the phone being set down as she opened her eyes, rubbing them. She felt very refreshed, but she still wasn't sure of the time.

"Lexa?" Clarke called out, her voice raspy with sleep.

"I'm right here," Lexa promised, sitting on the bed near where Clarke's feet were, causing a dip that way and making it easier for Clarke to sit up. "Do you feel better?"

Clarke nodded, unable to fight the small smile that had grown on her face. Knowing that everyone cared abut how she was, and even just the fact ha Lexa had stayed with her, had Clarke feeling like the luckiest girl ever. After a quick debate in her head, Clarke said, "I heard you on the phone."

"Oh," Lexa said, blinking. "Everyone was just really worried. You did kind of run out of that place like... I don't know. Like you were going to do something crazy."

"I may have," Clarke admitted, letting out a light breath. "Good thing you followed me." She smiled again, and seeing Lexa's returned smile made her heart bounce a little in her chest. "What time is it?"

"School just got out," Lexa answered. "How much of the conversation did you hear?"

"I heard you tell Octavia to not let someone do something, and then I heard you talking to Wells," Clarke answered, pulling her legs closer to herself and folding them under herself.

"Bellamy wanted to call you when you woke up, and ask you if you wanted to talk to him," Lexa explained, looking visibly annoyed. "Then Wells wanted to make sure you were okay, and he was worried that you didn't talk about your dad because you thought that was what messed up the stuff between you two. And then he asked me if I could get you on the phone to talk to him, because he wanted to basically apologize in hopes that you might forgive him enough to give him a chance beyond friendship."

"Ugh," Clarke groaned. "Why are boys so complicated?"

"That's just how they are," Lexa stated, smiling a little. "Can't say that girls are much better, though. We just like to put up with the complications of the people we prefer more than the people we don't."

"Are you trying to say something about me?" Clarke asked, blushing a little as Lexa gave her a teasing smile. This may have been the most relaxed that Clarke had ever seen Lexa, and it was astounding and humbling and amazing.

"Not at all," Lexa teased.

Despite wanting to cherish Lexa's relaxed demeanor, Clarke was still curious about the phone call. "What was Octavia asking you about before you hung up?"

Lexa pursed her lips gently. "It's nothing. Just something personal. I'll tell you about it some other time."

That assurance in itself brought a small smile to Clarke's lips, and she nodded. "Okay. Thank you, for staying. I really appreciate it. I feel a lot better now that everyone knows now, too, I think."

"Secrets always weigh us down," Lexa insisted. "Telling those we care about is both selfish and selfless, because not only do we give them what they need to know, but the relief is so incredibly beyond belief."

Clarke wanted to tell Lexa that she could tell her her secrets in return, but she knew that Lexa was focused on Clarke right now, and that she wouldn't think of her own problems until she knew that she was alright.

"Are you hungry now?" Lexa asked, standing up from the bed as Clarke nodded. Lexa extended a hand to the blonde, who took it shyly and got out of bed.

"Please tell me that you weren't standing for three hours," Clarke said, realizing that she'd been asleep for quite a while. They were going down Clarke's stairs now, but their hands were still connected, and Clarke loved the feeling. She felt protected with Lexa holding her hand.

"No, I came down here and tried to find something to watch on TV," Lexa assured her. "As it seems, I hate television, so I couldn't find anything."

Clarke laughed a little. "For some reason, I'm not surprised. You seem too classical." Lexa gave the blonde a curious look.

"What do you mean?"

Clarke shook her head. "I don't even know."

When they got to the kitchen, Clarke gently separated her handhold with the brunette next to her and made a beeline for her fridge. "Did I even eat during lunch? I'm so hungry."

"No, you didn't eat anything," Lexa answered, leaning against one of the counters. "You kept poking at your food, but you never ate any."

"I guess you were paying more attention to me than I thought," Clarke commented, though she didn't mean it the way she realized it sounded. "I mean... I just thought you weren't even looking at me."

"Did you really think that I could completely ignore you?" Lexa asked, sounding a bit distressed. Clarke glanced over her shoulder at the brunette, giving her a reassuring smile, and shook her head. Lexa relaxed a little again, and Clarke went back to her hunt for food. She eventually decided on a grilled cheese, so she grabbed some cheese from the fridge and some bread from the counter and went to work.

"Do you want one?" Clarke asked, smiling at the brunette, who nodded politely.

"Sure."

So for the next few hours, Clarke felt nothing but calmed as she and Lexa hung out. She tried to get the brunette into her favorite reality TV show, but Lexa hated it, unsurprisingly. And then Clarke showed her some of her old art pieces, getting nothing but praise from Lexa. By the time that the afternoon was drawing to a close and the evening time of day was beginning, Clarke felt none of the negative emotions she'd felt that morning. Somehow, she just knew that things would work out, somehow.

Before Lexa left, they were sitting on Clarke's bed, just talking.

"Do you ever listen to relaxing music while you sleep?" Lexa wondered. They'd been talking about music that Lexa liked to dance to.

Clarke shook her head.

"There's a beautiful lullaby song that's in Chinese that I used to listen to when I had a bad a night. I can't remember what it's called, though," Lexa admitted, looking disappointed in herself. "And it's in Chinese, so I don't think I'll recall it so easily. It's about picking a flower and enjoying its sweetness, and spreading that sweetness to everyone."

"Sounds peaceful," Clarke commented. Lexa nodded. "I don't know if I would be able to fall asleep to music playing, though. I don't usually fall asleep easily, unless I'm completely exhausted physically or mentally or emotionally, I don't sleep much at all."

"Doesn't sound healthy," Lexa commented. Suddenly, Lexa's phone rang next to her, and she picked it up. "Octavia." She announced, before answering the call, "Hey. Yeah, I'm still here. Yeah sure, that would be great, mine's still at the school. Thanks. I'll be out there in a minute." She hung up the phone and looked back at Clarke. "Octavia said she can give me a ride back to the school for my car."

"Okay," Clarke said, smiling. "Thank you, again, for staying with me."

Lexa leaned forward abruptly, placing a kiss on the blonde's lips. Clarke immediately kissed her back firmly, and simultaneously, their tongues poked out of their mouths. Clarke gave Lexa the reigns, and Lexa's tongue gently explored Clarke's.

They broke the kiss as soon as they needed air, and nothing continued further, because they both knew that neither of them were ready for that. "I'll see you tomorrow, Clarke," Lexa promised, giving the blonde a smile.

"Tomorrow," Clarke agreed, relaxing backwards a little bit as Lexa got up.

"I'll see myself out. Don't forget your history homework," Lexa reminded her, finishing the sentence with a wink that ignited a stick of dynamite that subsequently exploded in her chest, causing her heart to jump.

"I won't," she insisted, quite aware of her dark red blush. Lexa gave her one more smile, and then left the room. Clarke laid back onto her pillow, feeling nothing but content and relief.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... maybe one more extra for today. I promise I'll try to remember to do daily updates from here on out. xx

The rest of the week was surprisingly, and luckily, pretty uneventful. None of Clarke's friends brought up her dad, except in the brief moment that Octavia had apologized the following morning. Clarke had, of course, insisted that it was okay, and said that she'd rather just forget about the drama of it all. Octavia agreed easily.

So nothing changed, and Clarke was happy about that, mostly. Bellamy still wanted to walk her to lunch everyday, and Wells hadn't said anything to her, even after him having talked to Lexa on the phone.

Speaking of Lexa, Clarke hadn't gotten much time outside of school to spend with her since Tuesday, because her father had come into town, and her mom had forced them all to have family time. Clarke had gotten more than one text about how much fun Lexa was _not_ having.

Friday, though, was when her dad left again for work, so she would be free again. Clarke kind of assumed that meant they would hang out, but neither of them had offered up anything to the other about what to do.

Friday morning, Clarke woke up to a text message from Lexa.

**From Lexa – Are you going to be by the soccer field this morning?**

Clarke stretched her arms a bit as she stood up, and then responded to the text.

**To Lexa – Yep! Especially now that you've woken me up twenty minutes early. ;)**

**From Lexa – Good morning :)**

Lexa had done that on Wednesday as well. She had texted to make sue that Clarke was still alright from the previous day, and ended up waking the blonde up early. Clarke, however, didn't really mind, and Lexa knew that.

**To Lexa – Morning!**

Clarke pulled herself out of her bed and began to get ready. There always a motivation to do so quickly, with the chance that she may see Lexa before her day had hardly even begun.

She was at school within half an hour of her waking up, which definitely meant she was early, so she immediately headed off to the soccer field. She could hear the team practicing before she could see them – someone had blown a whistle and then the sound of many feet kicking many soccer balls was easy to be heard.

When Clarke got to the edge of the field, by the bleachers, Lexa wasn't there yet, so Clarke sat herself down on the first row and set her bag next to her. She looked mostly at her phone, scrolling through some app or another, rather than look up at the soccer practice. She didn't find much entertainment in watching sports.

Suddenly a voice distracted her. "Hey," was all it said, but Clarke immediately looked up, recognizing the voice as Lexa's. The brunette was holding two paper cups of coffee, and as she sat down next to the blonde, Lexa offered one to Clarke.

"Thanks," Clarke said, taking the coffee. "You had time to go get coffee?"

Lexa shrugged. "My mother woke me up nearly an hour early to say goodbye to my father, and I couldn't fall back asleep. So I just got ready and thought it'd be nice to grab coffee. And it's been a long week."

Clarke nodded in agreement, taking a sip of the hot drink. After swallowing, she looked hopefully at the brunette. "So now can you hang out after school?"

"Not exactly," Lexa answered, clearing her throat a bit and looking slightly nervous, which caught Clarke completely off guard. Lexa wasn't supposed to be nervous – that was Clarke's job. Now, Clarke felt worried.

"Oh. Why not?" she asked, hoping for an answer that would dispense her new nerves.

"Well," Lexa started, her gaze dropping a little bit, "there's this girl I like, and I'm pretty sure she likes me too, and I kind of want to take her out on a date tonight." Her beautiful green eyes directed their gaze back at Clarke, and a shy smile that Clarke found adorable appeared on Lexa's lips.

Clarke was clued in enough to know that Lexa was talking about her, and despite the statement being a very good one, her heart rate rose significantly as her nerves intensified. "Oh yeah?" she managed to get out, looking pointedly at the next to her.

"Yeah, but she has to say yes first," Lexa stated.

"You should ask her, then," Clarke answered teasingly, and Lexa's cheeks tinted pink – something that didn't usually happen, and Clarke felt a smile appear on her face when she saw the blush.

"Clarke, will you go on a date with me tonight?" Lexa answered, the corner of her mouth turning up.

Clarke grinned. "Yes, I will. Now stop acting so nervous, it's unnerving."

"You could tell I was nervous?" Lexa asked, looking genuinely surprised. Clarke nodded, smirking, and took another sip of her hot coffee. "How?"

"You never get nervous," Clarke stated, "so it's not too hard to tell when you are." Lexa frowned. "But don't worry, even though it was a little surprising, it was still super cute."

Clarke definitely didn't miss the pink color spread across Lexa's cheeks, and the blonde gathered that she wasn't used to being called cute. But Lexa really was cute – especially right now, after she'd brought Clarke coffee, asked her out while she was nervous, and had a blush spread across her cheeks. Clarke really wanted to give Lexa a soft kiss on those blushing cheeks, but she wasn't sure how she felt about public displays of affection, and she didn't know how Lexa felt about it either. "I was trying not to talk myself out of asking you all morning, so yeah."

"Why were you so nervous?" Clarke asked, frowning and leaning her elbow on her knee, and her chin on her hand. "You didn't think that I'd say no, did you?"

Lexa adjusted her seating position, looking nervous again. "It's a long story, and I would tell you now, but as it seems, we haven't got a long time to sit and talk about it. I'll tell you tonight, or else tomorrow."

Clarke smiled a little. "Are you saying we're hanging out tomorrow, too?"

Lexa looked confidently at the blonde. "Yep. I missed two Clarke days. That's unfair." Clarke smiled wider again, because Lexa was choosing to be absolutely fucking adorable this morning.

"Fine by me," the blonde answered, even though Lexa hadn't been asking. The brunette smiled at her, a bit wider of a smile than the ones that Lexa usual gave out, and Clarke took that as a good sign.

Suddenly, someone blew a whistle on the field, and everyone began to disperse, mostly toward the locker room. Octavia was headed over to Clarke and Lexa, though, without Bellamy this time around.

"Hey bitches!" Octavia greeted, glancing between the two of them. "You didn't bring me any coffee!"

Lexa rolled her eyes. "You've already had coffee today."

"So?" Octavia said, shaking her head. "Anyway! The _boys_ on the soccer team are having a hang out tonight, so Bellamy is going to be MIA at the house. You girls wanna come over and we can do another movie night?"

"Can't," Clarke said first.

"Yeah, same," Lexa said. "I made plans already, sorry."

Octavia pouted at the two of them. "Lame! Raven can't come either."

"I have an idea," Lexa piped up. "You can ask out that guy Lincoln you're always staring at."

Narrowing her eyes, the other brunette asked, "Are you kidding? I've barely even talked to him. I just stare at him in third period and then again at lunch."

"So talk to him," Clarke suggested, smiling coyly at her friend and standing up. "I'm going to go to my locker and then class."

"Yeah, I'll see you there in a few," Octavia returned.

Clarke flashed Lexa a smile. "See you at lunch, Lexa."

Lexa nodded. "See you."

Then Clarke was headed inside, her bag over her shoulder and her coffee clutched in her hand with her phone. She knew that she was going to have a good day, because any day that would end in a date with Lexa would be a good day, that much she knew. And she was hardly nervous about the date – she'd already hung out with Lexa quite a bit, and they were pretty much beyond the first date stage anyway. It just so happened that they hadn't gone on a real date yet.

First period was pretty standard, with Octavia ending up getting called out for some reason by Mr. Sanchez, but the difference today was that Clarke could hardly focus, since she couldn't stop thinking about her date with Lexa that night.

When she left first period, though, she ran into a bit of a complicated situation. As she was walking, someone grabbed her arm and pulled her off to the side of the hallway. Turning her head, she was surprised to see that it was Wells. "Wells?"

"We need to talk," Wells stated.

"Well could wait? I have class," she stated, though she was concerned by Wells' tone of voice.

"Can you hang out after school?" Wells asked. Clarke didn't know what time her date with Lexa was, however, and she wanted time to get ready, so she was pretty sure her answer was no. Wells seemed to read this on her face. "Then can you please skip second period? I just want to talk."

Clarke let out small sigh. "Okay."

She followed Wells through the school as she located and took an exit out onto the baseball field – something that Clarke was barely aware that the school even had. She wondered briefly if Wells used the spot he was leading her to as his getaway, like the one in the soccer bleachers was Lexa's.

They went to a spot behind one of the bleachers, not too far away from the school building, though, so that they wouldn't have any trouble slipping back into school.

"Okay, first thing, I need to know what you were doing last weekend when I covered for you with your mom. I know you didn't have your phone, but that's not enough," Wells stated.

"Why does it matter?" she asked, worried that he might tell her mom. She immediately scolded herself for thinking that, though, because Wells and her told each other everything before this school year, and they never ratted each other out.

"I just want to make sure that you're okay. Because Tuesday definitely didn't make it seem like you were," Wells stated.

"I was fine on Saturday night. I was with Octavia and Bellamy and Finn, Raven and Lexa," Clarke answered, leaning against one of the beams holding up the bleachers and trying to relax a bit.

"But you just didn't check or hear your phone at all?" Wells looked doubtful, or maybe he suspected that something else had been going on, like Clarke drinking and ending the night unconscious. Naturally, Clarke was opposed to admitting that to Wells, but his look told him that he already knew anyway.

"What do you want to know, Wells? Ask me directly."

"Were you drinking?"

Clarke swallowed thickly. "Yes. But if you tell my mother, I swear –"

"Clarke, I'm not going to tell your mom," Wells promised, shaking his head. "I just wanted to make sure that I knew what kind of stuff you do with them, so I can keep it in mind the next time you disappear from the radar."

"It sounds like you think I'm already lost," Clarke stated, crossing her arms. "You really don't like my new friends that much?"

"I just think they've made you different," Wells asserted.

"They're good friends, Wells. And they didn't make me any different, I just am different," Clarke insisted. "I've felt different since school started, Wells, and I can't explain it. I just needed to stop living contently. I want to feel everything, Wells. I even want to feel what it's like to make stupid teenage decisions."

"So did you want to know what it felt like to hurt your best friend, too?" Wells asked, his tone bitter all of the sudden.

"No." Clarke stood her ground. "I didn't want to hurt you Wells. I can't help that I can't picture you as more than a friend, I just can't."

"Do you like Bellamy?" The question was so sudden that Clarke did a physical double take.

"What?"

"You asked me to ask you directly what I want to know," Wells said, though she'd said that for an entirely different topic, "and I want to know if you like Bellamy Blake. And do you even notice that he's always flirting with you?"

"I'm not blind, I know he likes me," Clarke stated. "But I don't like him, and that ship is never sailing."

"So how did you never know that I liked you?" Wells asked, his tone much more genuine now than bitter.

Clarke shrugged. "You never flirted, Wells, you were just sweet, and that's your personality whether you like people or not. How was I supposed to know the difference?" Wells just sighed, looking down at his feet.

"Can I ask you another question?"

Clarke respected that he respected her enough to ask permission first, and she answered with, "Yeah."

"Would you say that that girl Lexa is who replaced me the most?" Wells asked.

"Wells, nobody _replaced_ you," Clarke insisted, trying not to sound impatient.

Wells nodded that he understood, but then he asked, "But you and her have clicked pretty well, right? On Tuesday when you freaked out and ran from the cafeteria, she seemed to think it was obvious that she should be the one to follow you."

Clarke's heart skipped a beat, thinking about Lexa immediately going to help her. "Well, I have hung out with her the most since I met them all. Plus, she knew where to go look for me."

Wells was watching Clarke's expression very carefully. "Please just tell me the truth, Clarke."

"About what? I haven't lied to you," Clarke insisted, lost now.

"Lexa."

"What about her?"

"That you feel for her as more than a friend."

Clarke's heart dropped into her stomach. Was this was it felt like to come out about being interested in the same sex? Because if it was, Clarke wasn't sure when she'd be ready to do so. Or maybe it was just because it was Wells who had found out, somehow, someone who she knew liked her. "I..." Clarke couldn't get out any words she was so taken aback.

"When I was on the phone with her on Tuesday is when I realized," Wells admitted. "First of all, she sounded like she didn't really like me, and I know you well enough to be sure that you hadn't gone off to all of your new friends telling them bad things about me. And then when I asked her about the possibility of you having feelings for me, she got even more annoyed sounding. You should tell her that she doesn't hide her feelings well."

"She shouldn't have to," Clarke murmured, her voice small.

"So you do like her as more than a friend?"

Clarke nodded. "Yeah."

"Who knows?"

"You, me, Lexa." Clarke sighed a little. "I'm not exactly sure if Octavia suspects anything – she might. I don't know when I want to tell people."

"Well, are you and her dating?"

Clarke shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

"Exclusively?"

Clarke shook her head. And finally, she looked up at Wells' face again, wondering what he was thinking. He didn't look angry at all, which was good.

"You've seemed happier in the past few days, from what I've seen. Not that I'm stalking you or anything, but... yeah."

Clarke nodded.

"Is that because of her? You were so upset on Tuesday, but then she spent the whole day with you and you were magically better," Wells said, clearly not at all fooled. If he had been able to tell, did everyone else know as well?

"I guess," Clarke answered.

"So she takes good care of you?" Wells asked, and Clarke suddenly got it. Wells didn't have any problem with her wanting to be with Lexa, clearly, he just wanted to make sure that she was safe and well taken care of.

Clarke let a small smile play on her face. "Yeah, she does."

"Good," he said, nodding. "I'd rather you be dating her than Bellamy Blake anyway. That guy is crazy."

Clarke let out a laugh. "I don't think Lexa likes him either."

"I don't think Lexa likes anyone who likes you," Wells asserted, looking pointedly at Clarke, who didn't really think it was that extreme. Lexa didn't really dislike Wells a lot, she was probably just protective... which Clarke thought was adorable, so she didn't mind. "But maybe that's just her way of taking care of you. I guess... if you're happy with her, then I hope you two become exclusive at some point. Because as much as I didn't want to admit it, you had been in a really weird place at the end of summer. And I can tell that's getting better."

"Does this mean that we can be friends again?" Clarke asked hopefully, giving him a small smile.

Wells smiled back. "Of course. Does that mean you'll come sit with us at lunch again?"

Clarke bit her lower lip and shook her head. "Sorry... but you and Jasper and Monty can come sit over with us if you want to. Nobody would mind. Octavia even said so on the first day that she asked me to sit with them."

"Yeah, I'm not sure about that," Wells muttered. "Not gonna lie, I'm a little scared that either Bellamy or Lexa might kill me."

"They won't," Clarke insisted. "But you don't have to if you don't want to, seriously. The offer is just open."

Wells nodded. He looked a little like he wanted to say something else, though, so Clarke waited. Finally, he asked, "Things aren't going back to the way they used to be, huh?"

Clarke shook her head. "They can't, Wells. And yes, that means that on a lot of days, I'll be hanging out with Lexa or Octavia or all of them... but that doesn't mean that we can't hang out, too. Trust me, this is weird for me too. I've never had more than one really good friend in my life until this week."

Wells frowned. "When you say it that way, it sounds really bad to only have one good friend."

"I think it's better to have more," Clarke reasoned, "so you can be used to different kinds of people, and they can help you learn and grow. That's why it seems like I've changed since I started hanging out with them. I was already changing, but they helped me grow into my changing self a little bit more."

"I guess that makes sense," Wells said, nodding. "Thanks for talking to me Clarke." The bell rang as he said the last part.

"I"m glad we talked," Clarke told him, smiling. "Maybe we can hang out on Sunday and catch up a little bit more." Wells nodded, smiling as well, as they both headed back to the school. Walking into the school, they split off into different directions after giving each other a slight wave.

Clarke had to find an alternate route to her third period, and she passed Octavia standing outside of her own third period, looking nervous. She immediately approached her friend. "What's with you?"

"What are you doing here?" Octavia asked, looking very caught off guard.

"Had to find a different way to class," Clarke said without further explanation. "Are you okay?"

"I'm debating whether or not to talk to Lincoln," the brunette admitted, tapping her foot and clearly on edge.

"Talk to him," Clarke insisted.

Octavia crossed her arms.

"Come on, Octavia, are you really that nervous? What's the worst thing that could happen? You realize that you two don't hit it off? You know that you're not going to fall apart in shambles when you talk to him," Clarke reasoned.

"I don't know that," Octavia argued.

"I do," Clarke said, laughing a little. "I have to go, _talk to him_."

Octavia huffed. "Fine, I will. But if if it goes badly, I'm gonna have to kill you at lunch."

"Deal," Clarke agreed, rolling her eyes playfully at the brunette and then making her way to her third period.

Bellamy arrived at Clarke's locker before lunch, just as he had decided he was going to do every day, and Clarke realized that she really didn't mind much. Aside from the flirting, which Clarke was pretty sure he would do whether he really liked her or not, he was a decent friend. Especially since Tuesday – he had been completely normal to her, if not a slight bit less annoying. Clarke could definitely picture them remaining friends for a while.

When they got to lunch, Clarke immediately saw a beaming Octavia. "I take it that things didn't go awfully in third period?" she asked immediately.

"Nope," Octavia answered, grinning. "He's just as perfect as he seems from a distance. And he even asked if I want to hang out later today."

"Who?" Lexa asked, suddenly seating herself across from Clarke as usual.

"Lincoln," Octavia answered.

"Whoa, who got you to finally talk to him?" Raven asked, sitting down as well.

"Clarke," Octavia answered, looking pointedly at the blonde. "And Lexa, sort of I guess, since this morning when I realized I was going to be all alone, she suggested that I ask him out. Which I didn't, but yeah."

"Well good, then we all have plans tonight, so none of us will be all alone," Finn piped up, smiling widely. Clarke assumed that he had plans with Raven, and that was why Raven couldn't hang out with Octavia. Thinking about it that way, Clarke realized that basically all of them had plan with a significant other, or possible future significant other, aside from Bellamy.

Though, none of them knew that Lexa and Clarke were hanging out that night, and they definitely didn't know that they were going on a date specifically.

"Hey, look, Wells has finally stopped staring at you all through lunch," Bellamy piped up, his words obviously directed at Clarke, who didn't turn around to look at Wells.

"I skipped second period to talk to him, today," Clarke admitted, and the rest of the group looked at her, interested. "We talked through a bunch of stuff, and he's accepted that I don't like him as more than a friend, and I explained to him everything going on with me." She said the last part while looking at Lexa, wondering her reaction. She didn't have much of one, however, aside from the smile she gave the blonde.

"Well, that's good," Octavia said, smiling. "So, is he going to start sitting over here then?"

"I told him he could," Clarke answered, "but I don't think he's really ready for that. He... sort of thinks that all of you guys are just trouble makers."

Everyone at the table laughed, aside from Lexa, who just smiled. "He's not really wrong," Finn admitted, shrugging.

"Yeah well, he wanted me to come sit back over there," Clarke said, "but with no offense to him, I'd rather sit over here."

"Aw," Octavia cooed teasingly, grabbing Clarke in a side hug. Clarke laughed and rolled her eyes, and then caught Lexa's gaze. The look in the brunette's dark, green eyes was one that she hadn't really seen, but whatever it was about it drew a blush on Clarke's cheeks that she hoped no one noticed.

She knew that Lexa did, though, because the brunette immediately bit back a smile.

By the time seventh period came around, Clarke was feeling very relaxed. It had been a good day, and her classes had gone well – aside from second period, since she hadn't gone. And immediately when Lexa came into seventh period, Clarke once again got super excited for their date that night.

"Hey," she greeted as Lexa sat down.

The brunette flashed her a smile. "Hey. You look happy."

Clarke couldn't hold back her smile. "I am."

"Good," Lexa said, smiling as well, and Clarke couldn't help but wonder if she'd seen Lexa smile so much in one day. She knew that she'd seen Lexa smile plenty of times, but usually they were sympathetic or understanding smiles, and the ones she'd been getting today were genuine, happy smiles.

And Clarke _loved_ them.

After seventh period, Clarke and Lexa walked to the parking lot together before they would go their separate ways. As they neared the lo, Clarke asked the brunette, "Hey, what was with that look you gave me at lunch?"

Lexa smirked, a somehow surprising expression from her. "What look?"

"The one that you laughed at me blushing under," Clarke asserted, looking pointedly at Lexa, who stopped walking just in front of the parking lot.

"That, Clarke, was the look that said that I really wanted to do this," Lexa said. Before Clarke could question was "this" was, Lexa's lips were on hers in a soft, slow kiss that Clarke immediately reciprocated. It lasted only a few seconds, and then Lexa's soft, plump lips were gone. Clarke pouted at the blonde, unaware that she was even doing so until Lexa let out a light laugh at her. "I'm going to pick you up at six, so be ready."

Clarke bit down on her lower lip and nodded. "Okay."

"Bye, Clarke," Lexa said, smiling once more and then turning, heading off toward her car.

Clarke took a few seconds to tear her eyes away from the brunette and then a few more to remember where her car was.

As she walked toward it, she realized that there was no doubt – she was completely infatuated by Lexa Tierra.


	16. Chapter 16

"Clarke, is that you?" Clarke heard her mom call as soon as she entered her house. She'd already seen her mom's car in the front, so she couldn't say that she was surprised, but she didn't understand her mother's questioning of whether or not Clarke had entered.

"Who else would it be?" Clarke called back, hoping that she could escape upstairs. Why her mom was home already was a mystery to her, but she definitely wanted to avoid her.

"Not so fast, Clarke, come here please. I want to talk to you."

Clarke inhaled deeply, hoping to keep herself calm, and dropped her bag onto the first step of the stairs before heading into the kitchen, where her mom's voice was coming from. "Yeah?"

"I got a call today," Abby Griffin began saying, standing tall in the way that she did when she wanted Clarke to know that she had the authority. Clarke tried not to roll her eyes. "It was from the attendance office at your school. Apparently, you left early without being signed out on Tuesday, and then today, you were missing in second period."

Clarke bit down on the inside of her lower lip. The skipping of second period today she could probably get out of pretty easily, if she told her mom that Wells had been going through something so she'd spent the hour talking to him – that was half true after all. But as for Tuesday, how would she give any sort of answer without being partially truthful? The last thing she wanted was for her mom to know about the shit going on in her life. Why? Because her mom would exaggerate the whole issue a billion times over. "Yeah."

"Care to explain?"

Clarke instantly fabricated a lie that had partial truths in it, and began to explain it. "Tuesday was weird, because I had a conversation with my friends about my dad, and then Wells and I got into a fight, and I was just so overwhelmed and I had to get away. I hadn't been talking to Wells since then, and then this morning, he pulled me aside and asked if I could hang out after school, and I said I couldn't, so we skipped class to make up. It sucked to be fighting with him."

She intentionally focused on Wells, because she knew that her mom trusted him and, honestly, she was sure that if Clarke had ever dated Wells, her mom would have been completely overjoyed.

"What did you fight about?" her mom wondered. Of course, there she was again, prying too much.

"He doesn't really like those new friends I was talking about," Clarke admitted, even though she knew that might cause even more problems. It was the only thing she could formulate in an instant.

"Why? What's wrong with them?"

"Nothing. Just a personality clash for him, I guess," Clarke answered.

"You should have them over for dinner sometime so I can meet them. How about tomorrow?"

Well that caught Clarke off guard. First of all, since when was her mom home long enough to have a dinner party?

She knew this wasn't a good sign. If her mom was legitimately taking off more time in order to be more a part of Clarke's life, it wasn't going to end well at all. But she had to go along with this, because she felt like if she said one wrong thing to her mom right now, she would end up grounded, and grounded was the last thing she wanted to be tonight.

"I'll ask them if they're free," Clarke suggested. "I'm actually planning on hanging out with them tonight, so I'll ask them then."

A bit of another lie, but still partially true. Abby was nodding pleasantly. "Okay. Will you be home late?"

"Yeah," Clarke answered.

"Okay, just text me if you end up staying over with your friends. I don't want a repeat of last weekend when you were with Wells and forgot to text me," she said, her tone clearly holding a warning. Clarke smiled as amicably a she could, nodding.

"Yeah, so sorry about missing some school. I'm already caught up from Tuesday though, so don't worry," Clarke insisted. Abby nodded firmly.

"Okay, that's all. Let me know before you leave tonight."

Clarke swallowed thickly, nodding. "I will."

_Just please don't open the door when my ride gets here._

When Clarke got up to her room, she realized that she was quite tired, and that she had a while until she had to be ready. So she curled up onto her bed and fell asleep almost instantly, without even bothering to set an alarm.

It was by complete luck that she woke up at five sharp, giving her an hour to get ready. After she checked the time, she immediately hopped out of her bed and rushed to her closet. She was sure that Lexa just wanted her to dress casually, but Clarke still found herself in an inner conflict over what to wear.

It actually didn't take her too long to pick something, or too long to do her makeup, and then she decided that she was ready, and she headed downstairs so that when Lexa got there, her mom wouldn't be the one to open the door.

Her mom, did, however, question Clarke's appearance. "Are you wearing more makeup than you were when you went upstairs?"

"No."

"Yes, you are."

"I just put on some eyeliner," Clarke insisted, rolling her eyes. "I care about my appearance more outside of school than inside school."

"Is there something that you aren't telling me, Clarke?" Abby Griffin questioned, narrowing her eyes.

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yep."

Abby looked at her daughter warily. "Okay. But just so you know, the next time you skip a class, you're grounded for three days."

Clarke swallowed thickly. Imagining being confined to her house for three days after how used to being out with people she was... that would be difficult. So she nodded to her mom and then sat down in her living room, tucking her feet under her as she took out her phone. No text from Lexa, but she did have one from Octavia.

**From Octavia – I hung out with Lincoln after school, but he had a family dinner thing to go to. We hit it off pretty well, I think! Are you sure that you have plans tonight? I still want a movie night. :(**

**To Octavia – No, I'm sorry, I have plans :(**

**From Octavia – Can I crash them? Or like nah?**

**To Octavia – Not really. Sorry. :c**

**From Octavia – Don't worry about it. I'll just go crash Lexa's.**

Clarke raised her eyebrows a little bit, not sure what she should say in reply to that, but then Octavia sent her another text.

**From Octavia – No she said I can't crash hers either! D: I give up, movie night alone. Feel guilty. :( JK but yea.**

**To Octavia – I'm sorry. :( Hang in there!**

Clarke didn't let herself feel guilty, because she knew that Octavia was just joking, but she did feel bad that her friend had no plans.

Hearing her mom in the kitchen and realizing that it was nearing six o'clock, Clarke realized that maybe it wasn't the best idea for Lexa to pick her up, since her mom might very well answer the door. However, since Lexa was somehow so freaking amazing, she texted a few minutes before six.

**From Lexa – Is it safe for me to come to the door? :)**

Clarke felt her entire body relax.

**To Lexa – Probably not. Are you here? I'll meet you out there. :)**

**From Lexa – Yes, I'm here! :)**

Clarke got up from the couch. "My ride's here mom, I'm leaving!"

"Okay! Don't forget to text me if you end up home late or not coming home tonight!" her mom reminded her, again, and Clarke quickly called that she wouldn't, and then she escaped outside. Lexa's car was parked on the street, and the brunette was leaning against the side of it, looking at her phone. She was dressed similarly to Clarke, with tight jeans a bit darker than Clarke's, and then a black blouse. Her flowing brown hair was loosely curled, though a bit more than normal.

Clarke started down to Lexa's car, and the brunette looked up as she approached, smiling. "Hey," she greeted.

"Hey," Clarke returned. "Sorry, my mom's home because she found out that I skipped some classes this week and well... I managed to get out of being in trouble, but she's like a hawk in there."

"That's okay," Lexa insisted, sliding her phone into her back pocket. "Did Octavia text you too about tonight?"

"She wanted to crash my plans, and then she said she was going to crash yours, and then she texted me in distress," Clarke confirmed, laughing lightly. "I feel a little bad that she has nothing to do."

"She'll survive," Lexa promised. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yep!"

Lexa opened the passenger door for Clarke – leave it to her to bring chivalry back – and then slid into her own seat through the other door. "So," Lexa began, as she pulled her car onto the road, "you like movies, right?"

"Duh," Clarke answered. "Ooh are we going to see a movie?"

Lexa gave Clarke an amused look. "You have good deduction skills," she said sarcastically, but Clarke wasn't fazed at all. She couldn't contain her excitement and giddiness right now, and she just hoped that she didn't seem weird at all.

"What are we gonna see?" Clarke asked, trying to seem chill, but she knew that she wasn't succeeding. Lexa gave her a curious look. "I haven't seen any new movies in a while, okay?"

Lexa smiled a small smile. "We can see whatever you want to."

Clarke smiled, and then, hoping to redirect the conversation so that it didn't get awkward, she asked, "So... are you glad your dad's left again now?"

Lexa shrugged, the small smile disappearing on her face. Clarke didn't take that as too much of a bad thing, since Lexa didn't really smile all that much in general, even when she was happy. "I wouldn't mind if he was around if my mom didn't suddenly jump into the mom role so much. I mean, I do wish my mother cared more about me, but it's all fake when he's around. Everything good she's ever really done for me was because my father had come home to visit. For example, my dance studio. My mother becomes overly caring and obsessive for the short times that my dad is around. In her defense, though, I don't think she was fit to be a mother on her own. I think she did it because she knew she could do it with my father, and well... he's gone so often now."

"Was he gone a lot when your sister lived at home?" Clarke wondered.

"Probably. He's never been home consistently as far as I can remember. Maybe he used to be home more when both of his daughters lived at home. I know that Anya doesn't hate either of them nearly as much as I do. She's usually defending them anyway," Lexa admitted, looking not really rubbed one way or the other by the topic.

"Anya, your sister?"

Lexa nodded. "She lives a few hours away now, and has for a while. She's not a bad sister, but like I've said previously, she is a bit like both of my parents, which is hard. I used to tell her everything, and ever since last year I've been inclined to keep more things from her."

"What happened last year?" Clarke asked.

Lexa's gaze hopped away from the road for a moment to meet Clarke's, and then she looked back at the road. She was silent for a moment, and then Clarke realized that they were already approaching the movie theater. "I'll tell you after the movie, if that's okay."

"That's perfectly okay," Clarke insisted, giving a grateful smile to the brunette. She did want to know what had happened last year that she had yet to know about, but she didn't want to push Lexa to talking about it by any means. However, she knew that Lexa wanted to talk about it too, probably even more since Clarke told everyone about her dad's death. She'd just kept offering up that she'd tell it later, and though Clarke didn't blame her, she could tell that Lexa was disappointed in herself for doing so. So Clarke felt that it was important that Lexa did actually tell her, so she would be supportive, naturally, when she did find out whatever it was.

Lexa parked in the parking lot by the movie theater, and both girls exited the car. "So, what do you want to see?" Lexa asked, smiling at the blonde, apparently having recovered from the bring up of her past in the car.

"Would you be surprised to know that I don't know what's showing?" Clarke asked, giving the brunette a shy look. Lexa shook her head, her green eyes giving off a bit of amusement. "Maybe we should just watch whatever you want to watch."

They ended up watching a movie that they both agreed didn't look half bad, and Lexa bought a small thing of popcorn – she didn't ask Clarke to pay, and Clarke didn't question the gesture. She also bought a couple of other snack foods, because Clarke went and blabbed that she was hungry, and the blonde ended up feeling rather guilty. Lexa, of course, insisted to her that she shouldn't feel guilty at all. So she tried not to.

If Clarke was being honest, though, she was absolutely and completely nervous that she would mess up this date, somehow. It was her first real date with anyone and well, that was pretty nerve wracking. She hoped that Lexa didn't notice.

The movie they ended up seeing wasn't all that great, in Clarke's opinion. However, that said nothing about the date itself. Because Lexa grabbed her hand at some point in the movie, and by the end of it Clarke was leaning against the brunette, her head on her shoulder, feeling pretty comfy.

When the movie was over, Lexa admitted that she didn't really have anything else planned, and wondered if they could just go hang out back at her place, and Clarke obviously said that was fine. She knew that Lexa wanted to talk anyway. And that was the first time that night that Clarke realized that Lexa was nervous being on the date as well, which she supposed wasn't too surprising, since she had been nervous to ask Clarke in the first place as well.

At Lexa's house, the brunette showed Clarke her room, which Clarke had yet to see. It was pretty big, a theme throughout the house, but simple. She had a queen sized bed pushed up into the corner of the room, leaving a big clear area in the middle. The floor was hardwood, but a fluffy carpeted rug filled tin the empty space. A nightstand was next to the accessible side of the bed, with a lamp set up on it, as well as a bookmarked book. There were a few shelves around the room, holding books and music and other things. Next to the sole window in the room was a desk, covered in only some school work, a laptop and a lamp. The desk chair was pulled out from the under the desk a bit, the only thing in the room that wasn't perfectly neat. It was far less cluttered than Clarke's room, that was for sure.

They made simple conversation for a few minutes, both sitting on Lexa's bed by Lexa's suggestion. Clarke leaned against the wall, and Lexa against her headboard.

When their meaningless conversation came to an end, and neither of them said anything for a moment, Lexa took a deep breath.

"I want to tell you about what happened last year, before I met Octavia and Raven and all of them," Lexa said. "I haven't ever really told anyone voluntarily, aside from Octavia. My sister found out this past summer, but that's a different story really."

"Okay," Clarke said, her voice softer than normal, and very quiet, as she waited for Lexa to continue.

"I once dated a girl named Eva," Lexa began, talking slowly, like it was hard to talk about. Clarke knew that it was. "She was a lot like you, actually. She was shy, but sweet, and beautiful. She, however, was used to getting what she wanted. She came from a family that spoiled her rotten, but I didn't mind. She was sweet to me, and I gave her what she wanted anyway, willingly and without any thought. And in doing so I gave her my first kiss, and I lost my virginity to her, and I gave her every piece of my heart, over a single summer, the summer before my sophomore year. She gave me nothing, aside from the superficial things. I belonged to her, and she belonged to herself. And in the end, everything belonged to her, and she took it all with her when she moved away, leaving me with a goodbye note that said something along the lines of 'Thanks for letting me experiment with you, too bad I'm straight, have a nice life'. She'd known all that summer that she was going to be moving by the end of it."

"Oh my god," Clarke murmured, as soon as Lexa stopped talking. She had no other words, because she couldn't fathom somebody taking advantage of Lexa like that. She couldn't help but wonder how much of Lexa's reserved personality was developed out of necessity to protect herself after Eva had done that to her.

"Needless to say, I was absolutely heartbroken after it happened, and I started sophomore year off in a very bad state. I met Octavia because, in my desperate need to escape reality, I had fled to the very top of the soccer bleachers, and Octavia had been there, waiting for her brother to be done with soccer practice. She'd seen me at the top, scribbling things onto a piece of paper probably, since all I did in that time was write and write. I don't write as much anymore, actually. But yeah, Octavia caught me, asked me what was wrong, and I'd spilled everything to her before I'd even heard her introduce herself. I'm glad it was her who I got all of my emotions out to, because she ended up being completely accepting and understanding, and she dropped all of her plans to take me out to have ice cream, and I still had barely known her name.

"The next day, she found me somehow during lunch and basically forced me to sit with her and her friends instead of by myself, and none of them even questioned it. They built me up again, I guess. Before that summer, I didn't really have many really good friends, but I wasn't shy either. After that summer, I was terrified of people. Sophomore year was... intense. I worked hard to be a good friend to Octavia, since she'd helped me so much, and it wasn't hard. That December, I was getting a lot better, feeling less and less like a broken person that had been haphazardly taped up. That's the month that Bellamy asked me out, and I turned him down and ended up crying for nearly an hour, fearing that I'd lost my friends somehow. Octavia told me that was stupid of me to think, which it was, but I was still at the point where I was pretending to not be broken.

"During this past summer was the first time that I realized I was nearly completely healed," Lexa said, looking up from her hands, which she'd been staring at, and giving Clarke a small smile, as if to reassure her that she was okay. "It was a small thing that made me realize it, really. I just saw a girl at the store or something, and she was pretty and my heart skipped a beat, and I realized that I wasn't completely broken. That being said, I still haven't dated anyone since Eva... well, aside from you. That's why I, first of all, suck at taking people out on dates, and why I got scared this week. I know that I'm fixed from last year, but my first instinct is to protect myself."

"Well, that's understandable," Clarke stated, her voice still quiet and careful, "I mean, that's a lot of shit to have gone through. And if it helps, I don't think you suck at taking people out on dates."

"Are you kidding?" Lexa asked, looking at Clarke with a slightly wary expression.

Clarke shrugged. "No, I didn't have a bad time. Plus, dates are fun, but the whole point of them is to be with a person, and I was with you, so that was definitely great."

Lexa rolled her eyes, but a small smile appeared on her face. "If you say so."

"I do," Clarke said, before leaning forward a bit, away from the wall. She leaned close enough to Lexa to give the brunette a soft kiss on her lips, and Lexa reciprocated it lightly. The kiss made Clarke's heart skip a beat, like every kiss with Lexa. When she pulled away and leaned back against the wall, she said, "And I also think that _Eva_ was a bitch with no heart."

A slightly wider smile played on Lexa's face. "I think so, too."

"I can't imagine doing that to anyone," Clarke said, "especially not to you. You're literally the sweetest person on the entire fucking planet."

A pink blush appeared across Lexa's cheeks. "Oh really?" Clarke nodded surely, enjoying the fact that she'd made Lexa blush. "What time do you have to be home?"

"I don't," Clarke answered.

"I thought you said your mom was mad at you?" Lexa asked, raising a curious eyebrow.

Clarke shrugged. "I did a very good job of stretching the truth to get out of her really being mad. Plus, she thinks I'm with a whole group of people, so. Anyway, why do you ask? Do you want me gone already?" Clarke gave Lexa a teasing smile.

"Definitely not," Lexa promised.

They talked for nearly another two hours, about any and everything. Clarke told Lexa about her dad, telling her all of her favorite memories with him. They talked about their childhood, and Clarke told the brunette about her high school experience before this year – about Wells and Jasper and Monty. Lexa suggested that she invite them all to sit with them at lunch, and Clarke admitted that she'd already done so.

Nothing felt hard to talk about with Lexa anymore, and Clarke hoped that Lexa felt the same way in return.

Clarke excused herself to go to the bathroom at some point in time, and when she got back, she found Lexa asleep already, laying on top of the blankets on her bed. She didn't blame her for being tired. How she was sleeping in jeans, however, Clarke had no idea. The blonde quickly texted her mom that she'd be home in the morning, and then she stole some of Lexa's pajama pants from the walk in closet she had – hoping that was okay. And then she got into the bed, behind Lexa, and wrapped her arms around the brunette and fell asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the comments and the kudos, you're all beautiful and amazing. <3

Lexa woke up pretty early, though that wasn't new at all, feeling arms around her midsection. She opened her eyes, recalling the previous night, and she didn't remember much of her falling asleep. She thought she may have fallen asleep while Clarke had been in the bathroom, but even so, she didn't remember pulling blankets up around her.

Speaking of Clarke, however, the blonde was laying just behind Lexa, and obviously, it were her arms wrapped about the brunette. Lexa inhaled deeply, a little surprised waking up this way. But it wasn't the first time they'd slept this close, so it didn't feel all too weird.

Lexa moved a little bit, came upon the realization that she was still wearing jeans. Carefully pulling out of Clarke's embrace, she got out of her bed and stretched. She glanced at the beautiful girl asleep on her bed, and saw that Clarke had changed her pants into one of Lexa's pairs of pajama pants. For some reason, that brought a smile to Lexa's face.

Lexa went to her closet and stripped off her jeans, slipping on some pajama shorts instead, and then went back into her room. Her phone was resting on her nightstand, and she picked it up and gently sat back on the bed, next to Clarke, trying not to cause too much of a change in the leveling of the mattress.

She slid her feet under the blanket and leaned against the headboard behind her, and Clarke groaned a little in her sleep and turned over. Lexa smiled at the sleeping girl fondly, and then unlocked her phone.

She had a text from Octavia.

**From Octavia – You busy today? We should hang!**

**To Octavia – I think I'll have time. When?**

**From Octavia – Whenever. Bellamy's been out since last night so just come over. :)**

**To Octavia – Will do. How was your lone movie night?**

**From Octavia – Lonely. :( How were your plans with Clarke?**

Lexa's heart stopped in her chest and she swallowed thickly. She knew that Octavia had been suspecting something – after all, the other brunette had tried to bring it up multiple times over the past week, and Lexa had kept pushing the topic away. She was sure that Octavia hadn't asked Clarke about, it though.

**To Octavia – What?**

She might as well try to get out of it, right?

**From Octavia – Don't try it, Lex. Tell me about it when you get here later. XX**

Lexa sighed, setting her phone down on her nightstand again. She couldn't really pinpoint any moment in time that Octavia may have realized that something was going on, but she also wasn't entirely sure that Octavia knew exactly what was going on. She had a feeling that Octavia had only noticed that Lexa liked Clarke, and not necessarily the other way around. Or maybe she did know. Lexa would have to find out later.

But she wasn't going to push Clarke out of her bed in order for that moment to get any closer, that was for sure. Instead, she grabbed her book from her nightstand and opened it up to read, and then her left hand fell down next to her and began to run its fingers through Clarke's blonde hair.

Possibly half an hour later, Clarke began to stir, but Lexa didn't move her fingers from the soft blonde hair they were still playing with.

"Lexa?" Clarke murmured, turning over. Lexa pulled her hand away, as the hair to play with was now under Clarke's head anyway.

"That's me," Lexa replied, smiling down at blue eyes. "Good morning."

"Morning," Clarke mumbled out as a reply. "What's the time?"

Lexa glanced over at her phone. "Nearly ten," Lexa answered. "Why?"

"I gotta go home," Clarke grumbled. "Told my mom I'd be home in the morning." Lexa let a small frown play on her face, but then she gave the blonde an understanding smile.

"Okay," she said. Clarke climbed out of the bed and stretched her arms upward. "I hope my pajamas were comfy."

Clarke gave Lexa a small smile. "They were. Thanks."

"Thank you," Lexa said suddenly. When Clarke gave her a curious look, she continued with, "for holding me. I slept well."

Clarke blushed a little. "You're welcome. You looked cute so, I couldn't really help it."

"Smooth," Lexa commented, giving Clarke a teasing look. "Shouldn't you be getting ready?"

"I guess," Clarke agreed. "What are you doing today?" she asked, slipping into Lexa's closet, where she'd probably left her pants.

"I think I'm going to Octavia's," Lexa answered, "why?"

"Just wondering," Clarke called, and the emerged from the closet with her jeans on. "I better go. I have a feeling that my mom didn't go to work this morning, and I have a bad feeling about getting home too late."

"You better go then," Lexa said, though she was feeling a bit sad that Clarke was leaving. She knew that she had to go talk to Octavia though. Clarke nodded and then, looking a bit shy, walked up to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. Lexa gave her a curious look.

"Thanks for telling me about all that stuff last night," Clarke said softly. "I know that was hard."

Lexa couldn't help but smile. Instead of saying anything in return, she leaned forward and pressed a firm kiss onto Clarke's lips. She loved Clarke's lips – they were soft and careful, maybe because Clarke was nervous every time they kissed, but she didn't mind. The kiss ended just as quickly as it started though, and Clarke gave Lexa a bashful smile.

"Bye," she whispered.

"Bye," Lexa replied, and then Clarke was up and leaving the room, after grabbing her phone from the nightstand.

She began changing into clothes that were more suitable for leaving her house, and then she went into her bathroom to clean her face and reapply her makeup – she hadn't gotten to take her makeup off the previous night before she'd gone to bed.

Once she was presentable enough, she grabbed her phone and left her house. Her mom hadn't come home all night – no surprise there, though. Lexa didn't think that she liked to be around when Lexa was around, because she felt guilty about being such an awful mother. Lexa didn't mind, though. She'd rather her mom be gone all the time, because when she was around, she still didn't care about Lexa enough for it to matter.

Lexa got to Octavia's house in about twenty minutes, and saw no cars in its driveway, so she assumed that Bellamy was still gone. She parked her car and went to the front door and, not bothering to knock, let herself in. "Octavia?" she called.

"Up here!" the other brunette called from her room upstairs. Lexa immediately headed up the stairs, finding Octavia in her pajamas on her bed, doing homework of all things.

"Hey," Lexa greeted, walking into the room.

Octavia looked up from her paper and smiled. "Hey!" She set down her pencil and sat upright on her bed. "What took you so long? Lazy morning?"

Lexa dropped her gaze, because she knew that Octavia had already caught her, somehow, even though Lexa had done nothing wrong. "Clarke was over," she stated

"Did she stay the night?" Octavia asked, pulling her legs up underneath her and looking curiously at Lexa.

"Yes, but nothing happened, so save your lecture."

Octavia raised her eyebrows. "What makes you think I want to lecture you?"

"That's what you wanted to do earlier this week, when I was at Clarke's house keeping her from having a mental breakdown," Lexa stated, accidentally going immediately on the defensive. "So I'm sure nothing has changed."

"I don't want to _lecture_ you, Lex," Octavia insisted, standing up. "I just want to know what's going on between you and Clarke."

"Who says that it's your business to know?" Lexa demanded.

Octavia frowned. "Calm down, Lexa. I'm not going to tell anyone about anything, I promise. You know me. I just want to make sure that _you're_ okay. And that Clarke's okay."

"We're both okay, okay?"

"Look, it's obvious to me that you like her. And though it may not be obvious to everyone else, it's also obvious to me that she trusts you, and that she responds better to you than to anyone else in our friend group. So I just want to make sure that she knows the way in which you like her," Octavia stated. "Because I don't want you to get hurt again, Lex. I remember what you were like last year, and a year later, you don't deserve to go back to that."

"Clarke is different than Eva, Octavia," Lexa insisted. "Trust me."

"How do you know?" Octavia demanded.

Lexa set her jaw – she didn't want to tell Octavia about her and Clarke, because she felt like that would be giving away information that was Clarke's decision. But then again, Octavia wouldn't tell anyone, and it was also Lexa's business what was going on between her and Clarke.

"C'mon, Lexa," Octavia pleaded.

"First of all, Clarke knows that I like her, so you can stop worrying about that," Lexa gave in. "Probably despite what you think, she also likes me. And for your information, I told Clarke about Eva, and I know that Clarke would never do what she did."

Octavia looked completely taken aback. "You told her about Eva?"

"Yeah, I told her about Eva," Lexa answered. "It was the right thing to do. Anyway, she talked to be about her dad. She could never be like Eva. She cares too much about people. She's too used to losing things to do what Eva did. Eva had everything she wanted, Clarke is nowhere near that. She lost her dad, she feels as though she's lost her mother, she nearly lost her best friend. She is terrified of losing _us_ , Octavia, and that's why she didn't tell us about her dad."

"She told you this?" Octavia asked.

"Not in so many words," Lexa answered, shrugging. "But trust me."

"I do," Octavia promised, nodding. "Have you two... done anything?"

Lexa narrowed her eyes at the fellow brunette. "If you're asking what I think you're asking, no. Why?"

"I'm just trying to figure you two out," Octavia stated. "I've been able to pick up on things, like how you seem to get even steelier around Bellamy when Clarke's around, because he flirts with her. And how you wanted to be the one to take care of her, both when she was drunk and when she was breaking down."

"So you've been able to pick up on _me_ ," Lexa said, "and you don't know so much about Clarke's intent? Is that what you're saying?"

"Have you two at least kissed?" Octavia asked.

"Yes."

Octavia blinked. "When?"

"I don't know. Last Friday I think. At least, that was the first time. Do you want a calendar?" Lexa was getting a bit impatient with this conversation already. "And, if it helps whatever you're trying to figure out, I took her on a date last night before I told her about Eva. And then we talked for a few hours, and I fell asleep basically mid conversation, so she stayed with me."

"So is she... gay?"

Lexa shrugged. "I don't know. It doesn't matter what her sexuality is. She is clearly not straight."

"She doesn't seem like the type to deceive, so I guess," Octavia agreed. Sometimes, it surprised Lexa how much Octavia cared. Lexa, despite having been friends with her and the rest of them for a year, was not the most naturally friendly. And yet, Octavia was always consistently supportive and nice to her, even when it involved one of her other friends.

"I promise, Octavia, Clarke is amazing. She's the first person I've liked as much as Eva, and... well, she's already given me more than Eva ever did," Lexa stated. "She gave me her trust, and I don't think Eva ever gave me even that much."

Octavia nodded slowly. "Okay. I'm sorry for prying. I was just... getting worried. Since last Saturday at the party. And especially once I realized that Clarke's dad had died. I mean... if I wasn't already scared that you might get hurt again before finding out that Clarke had a lot more history than I'd thought... well, I was a hell of a lot more scared after finding out. You can't really blame me."

"I don't," Lexa promised, physically relaxing. "But if you could be the one to tell Clarke that you made me tell you about everything, that would be much appreciated."

"Sure," Octavia agreed. "Are you... are either of you going to be ready to tell anybody else?"

Lexa shrugged. "I don't know about her, but you know me Octavia. I've stayed in the closet because it's been the simplest way. If Clarke and I get into a relationship with one another... then coming out of the closet will become the simplest way, and that's the way I'll take. I... I'd like to think that Clarke would do the same thing. I think what happened on Tuesday made her realize that she doesn't want to hide things anyway."

"So why is she still hiding you and her?"

"She's not," Lexa stated. "Neither of us were. There's not really anything to hide. We haven't really talked much about what any of it means or anything."

"Well in that case, I'm still worried that it's not going to end well for you," Octavia muttered, narrowing her eyes a bit.

Lexa shook her head. "Don't be. We just had our first date yesterday, to put things into perspective, and we've known each other for two weeks. I think things will get better next week. Since her and Wells made up and whatnot."

"Right," Octavia said, nodding, and finally seating herself on her bed again. "Alright, I'll trust you, Lexa. But if something happens, don't say I didn't try to help."

Lexa smiled at her friend and shook her head. "Alright. So now, you tell me about Lincoln."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay Strong <3


	18. Chapter 18

On Monday morning, Clarke felt like it was going to be a pretty decent Monday. She'd hung out with Wells the day before, and caught up with him a bit. Evidently, there was a girl he was starting to become interested in, and Clarke was relieved to hear that – though she didn't really say that to him exactly like that. However, despite them discussing who he was starting to like as he got over Clarke, the blonde didn't mention Lexa at all. She just had a feeling that it would be weird, and it was too early in their reunion to be making things weird.

But yes, Monday definitely had a good start. Clarke woke up early of her body's own accord, which she took to mean that her period of sleeping excessively had passed. Finally.

When she got to school, she went to the soccer field, as per usual, and found Lexa waiting for her – a coffee in her lap and one sitting in the spot next to her. The brunette immediately looked up as Clarke approached. "Good morning."

"Morning," Clarke replied, already chirping happily despite having been awake for only an hour. She took a seat next to Lexa and took the warm cup of coffee in her hands. "Thanks."

"Who said it was for you?" Lexa asked, giving the blonde a teasing look.

"I did," Clarke replied, taking a sip of the drink. "It's mine now, anyway."

Lexa smiled a small smile at the blonde, one of her kind ones that made Clarke smile as well. "Are you busy today?"

"There's that thing called school," Clarke answered, raising a playful eyebrow at the brunette sitting next to her.

"Well, after that," Lexa clarified.

Clarke shook her head. "Nope. Why?"

"Do you want to come over after school?" Lexa asked, and something about her expression told Clarke that the brunette wanted to talk to Clarke about something. Nodding without hesitation, Clarke briefly wondered what exactly Lexa wanted to talk to her about, but she didn't question it. No point in talking about it now if they were going to actually have time set aside later to really talk about it. "How was hanging out with Wells yesterday?"

"It was nice," Clarke admitted. "I think he's starting to move on from liking me, so that's a bit of a relief."

Lexa smiled at the blonde. "That's good."

"Next step," Clarke continued, "get Bellamy to stop flirting with and staring at me all the time." If she was being honest, she mostly said anything about that in order to see Lexa's reaction, but the brunette seemed to realize that.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Lexa asked, narrowing her eyes a bit, trying to figure the blonde out.

"Like what?" Clarke asked, trying not to smile or laugh at all, and tilted her head. Lexa narrowed her eyes a bit more, and Clarke couldn't help it when the corner of her lips turned up a bit. Lexa's face relaxed a little, but she still looked suspicious.

"What?"

"What?" Clarke asked back, now thoroughly amused. "Nothing."

"Clarke," Lexa insisted.

"Lexa," Clarke said back, her smile stuck on her face as she tried to keep from laughing.

Lexa shook her head, unable to fight the smile that was appearing across her face, and took a drink of her coffee as if to cover it up. "You're weird," she said, after she'd set her coffee back down in her lap. "Why did you look at me like you thought I would say something about Bellamy flirting with you?"

"You don't like him," Clarke stated.

"So? I've never particularly liked him."

Clarke was still a bit amused. "Yeah, I know. You just get really steely in the face when he's talking to _me_."

Lexa narrowed her eyes at the blonde, but she didn't deny anything. "And why is that so amusing?"

"Because I think it's cute when you get frustrated over Bellamy flirting with me," Clarke answered, looking pointedly at the brunette, and turning her whole body to face her, rather than just her head.

"I don't get frustrated," Lexa attempted to lie, avoiding Clarke's eyes, though she looked guilty.

Clarke smiled, about to say something else, when her peripheral vision saw someone approaching them. Her smile diminished a bit, and she turned outward a bit again, her gaze dropping down for half of a second before looking up at Bellamy, who was approaching them. "Hey," she said to him. She may have found it amusing that he had approached after she'd been talking about him, but as it seemed, he had interrupted her Lexa time, and she was not amused about that.

"Are you guys busy after school?" Bellamy asked them, surprising Clarke and Lexa both when he addressed the two of them at once.

Lexa and Clarke exchanged a quick glance, and then they both nodded. "Yeah, sorry," Clarke answered. "Why?"

"Octavia's bummed that we didn't all get to hang out last weekend, and I told her we should wait until next weekend, but she really wants to have us all go bowling or some shit," Bellamy answered, now looking only at Clarke, like he usually did. Clarke could pretty much sense Lexa being much more tense than before Bellamy had arrived.

"We can talk about it at lunch, I guess," Clarke suggested, lifting an eyebrow a little. Bellamy nodded.

"That's what I told her, but she was freaking out about it," Bellamy agreed. "I'll catch you later, Clarke."

"Bye," she returned, and he was off to the locker room, leaving Lexa and Clarke alone by the field. Clarke turned to look at Lexa again, whose cheeks were pink – she knew that she'd definitely been caught about getting frustrated when Bellamy talked to Clarke. "You can't lie anymore," Clarke teased.

Lexa looked defensively at the blonde, and Clarke felt a small smile playing on her face. "Now what's _that_ look for?" Lexa questioned her.

Clarke hadn't been aware that she had been giving Lexa any sort of look, so she just smiled a little wider and played with the opportunity she'd been given. "This one?"

Lexa, narrowing her eyes a bit again, nodded.

"It's for letting you know that I think you're cute," Clarke started, already seeing the slight blush appear on Lexa's face, "and warning you that I'm probably about to do this." Neither of them had a chance to say anything before Clarke had her lips pressed softly against Lexa's. The brunette gasped – clearly surprised – and the sound made Clarke's heart skip at least three beats.

Lexa leaned into the kiss, her hand rising to brush some of Clarke's blonde hair out of her face, but after doing so, she didn't move it. Instead, Lexa's long fingers tangled into Clarke's hair, and gently pushed Clarke's lips harder against Lexa's.

Clarke hummed contently against Lexa's lips, and the brunette's tongue suddenly poked out of her mouth a bit, running along Clarke's bottom lip until she opened her mouth to accept the entrance.

Suddenly, the warning bell that marked ten minutes until first period started rang out loudly. Lexa's pulled her lips away from Clarke's, but their foreheads remained pressed together for a moment, and Lexa's hand stayed tangled in blonde hair. "I don't like school," Clarke muttered.

Lexa let out a light laugh, pulling her face away from Clarke's, and her hand out of her hair, only to lean forward again and press a firm kiss onto her lips. It only lasted a couple of seconds, and then she leaned back again. "Neither do I, but I mind it less when you're here."

Clarke's heart jumped in her chest, and she felt her cheeks flushing what she figured was a bright red. At a loss for words, she simply watched Lexa get up and grab her coffee and bag.

"See you at lunch, Clarke," Lexa said, giving Clarke a confident smile and then walking toward the doors leading inside.

Clarke bit down on her bottom lip, still blushing, and grabbed her stuff, including her coffee, before hurrying inside. She'd never known someone who could make her feel as giddy as Lexa did. She was sure that it required no effort on Lexa's part either, so it was natural and it was amazing.

"What's got you looking like that?" was the first question that Octavia asked Clarke when she walked into first period.

"Like what?" Clarke asked, though when she asked the question, she couldn't help the amusement she felt at remembering her conversation with Lexa.

"Come on, Clarke," Octavia said, rolling her eyes. "I may have only met you a few weeks ago, but in that whole time, you've never looked that goofy and excited about something."

"I'm not."

"Uh huh, sure," Octavia retorted, smirking a little bit like she knew more than she was letting on. Clarke gave her a curious look, and then wondered if Octavia already _knew_ why Clarke was so happy.

"Is there something you aren't saying right now?" Clarke asked, genuinely confused.

Octavia blinked, as though realizing something, and she just gave Clarke a look that the blonde wasn't sure she understood. "Have you talked to Lexa since Saturday?"

"Um, yeah," Clarke answered, confused. "Why?"

"Talk to her again," Octavia suggested, confusing Clarke even more, but the bell was nearly going to ring, and they couldn't continue talking.

By lunch, Clarke was pretty sure she'd figured it out. Lexa had gone to hang out with Octavia on Saturday – after her date with Lexa had officially ended. She guessed that Octavia had already had suspicions, so Clarke had the feeling that she had asked Lexa about them on Saturday. It didn't surprise Clarke that Lexa would've told Octavia, either.

As she was retrieving her lunch from her locker, Bellamy appeared next to her, as per usual. "Hey, princess," he greeted. "So I know you're busy after school, but what about tonight?"

"Why?" Clarke asked, giving him a confused look.

"Just wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out or something," Bellamy answered.

Clarke softened her expression. "Uh no, I can't tonight."

"Tomorrow night?" Bellamy asked, looking hopeful.

"Bellamy, I don't..." She couldn't say it, she was just remembering what happened with Wells, and she couldn't say it. And she thought about Lexa, when she told Bellamy that she didn't like him, and she thought it would ruin her friendship with everyone else, and Clarke was suddenly petrified.

But Bellamy caught on, and he smiled. "That's cool," he said. "Just testing the waters, anyway. Ready to go to lunch?"

Clarke was frozen for another two seconds before she managed to nod – she had not been expecting that at all. It's almost like he had expected her to not want to go with him, and that she wouldn't be able to say it aloud. What was with that?

They headed to lunch, and Clarke tried to ignore her confusion. She needed to ask Lexa about Octavia, but obviously she would do that after lunch, not during. As they reached their lunch table, only Octavia and Raven were presently seated. "Hey," Clarke greeted them, sitting next to Octavia in her normal spot.

"Hey," Octavia answered, smiling widely.

"You look like you had a good morning," Clarke commented, and Octavia grinned even wider.

"Lincoln asked me out on a date – a real one," Octavia admitted, unable to control her excitement. "It's not until Friday, but still."

Bellamy coughed. "I haven't even met him yet."

"Chill, Bell," Octavia insisted, shaking her head. "I can take care of myself."

Lexa appeared from outside of Clarke's peripheral and took her seat across from the blonde, who gave her a smile. Lexa returned it, and then gave Octavia a curious look. "What are we talking about?"

"How Lincoln asked me out on a date for Friday," Octavia answered, grinning. Then she coughed a bit, her smile falling as she glared at her brother. "And how Bellamy thinks he has to be all protective big brother about it."

"He can't help it, Octavia," Finn said, sitting down suddenly in his usual spot by Bellamy. "Cut him some slack."

"He's not even a full year older than me," Octavia said, and as she continued to talk, Lexa made a brief eye contact with Clarke and then glanced over the blonde's shoulder. Clarke turned around and saw Wells, Jasper and Monty picking up their lunches. They began to walk toward the table that Clarke was presently seated at, and she couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face as her friends approached them.

"Hey," she said to them, once they were stopped at the table, standing a bit awkwardly like they were afraid to sit down.

Octavia had stopped what she was saying to look over at Clarke's friends. "Ooh, it's Clarke's friends!"

"Is it cool if we sit here?" Wells asked Octavia, as if she was the boss of the table. She nodded though, and Wells sat next to Clarke, Jasper next to him, and then Monty went around to sit on the other side of the table. He seemed scared to sit next to Lexa, which Clarke found really funny even though she didn't say so, and made sure that he was distanced enough from her.

When Lexa made eye contact with her a second later, Clarke could tell that she thought it was funny as well, and the blonde hid her amused smile by taking a bit of her lunch.

That day being the first that Clarke's old friends sat with her new ones, the two groups didn't really interconnect with their conversations much – in fact, Wells, Monty and Jasper didn't do much but listen the conversation from the other side of the table. But Clarke knew that it was an important step nonetheless.

After lunch, Clarke caught up with Lexa easily, probably because Lexa was waiting for her to do so. "Hey, did you tell Octavia about... us, or whatever?" She didn't really know what to call it, so she said the first thing that came to her head, which probably wasn't the smoothest thing she could have ever done.

Lexa blinked. "Oh. Yeah. She already knew, basically."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Clarke asked, tilting her head.

Lexa shrugged. "I was going to tell you after school. When were you going to tell me that you told Wells?"

Clarke blinked, realizing that she hadn't told Lexa that. "Oh. Right. Sorry. But wait, how'd you know that?"

"He kept looking at me like he was trying to figure out what kind of person I was. And that was the only reason I could think would make him care so much. You should tell him that he doesn't do a good job of hiding when he stares at people," Lexa suggested.

"I think he knows that already," Clarke commented.

"Anyway, I'll tell you about when I talked to Octavia after school, okay?" Lexa suggested, looking to Clarke for an affirmation, so the blonde nodded.

"Okay. See you in seventh period," Clarke said, getting a smile and a nod from the brunette, and then they parted ways.

Clarke was accidentally at bit late when she did get to seventh period – simply because the test she'd had in sixth period had taken way too long to complete, so she didn't get to say anything to Lexa before their class began.

But, as per usual, her eyes constantly wandered over the brunette, and what they noticed was that the brunette seemed distracted. The end of her pencil kept tapping on her paper, and Clarke found it easy to sense that there was something on the other girl's mind. She couldn't help but assume that it had something to do with whatever Lexa wanted to talk to Clarke about after school. Thus, the blonde began to feel a bit distracted.

It was a safe assumption, then, that neither of them really absorbed much information that class period.

After class, though, Lexa immediately turned to Clarke with a smile on her face. "Walk me to the parking lot?" she asked, and Clarke laughed lightly.

"You're a dork. We're literally both going to the parking lot, and then to your house, anyway," Clarke said, sliding her stuff into her backpack.

"So?" Lexa asked playfully, standing up and slinging her backpack over her shoulder.

Clarke stood up as well and followed Lexa out of the classroom. "So, you're a dork," Clarke answered, walking alongside the brunette now. "What was with you in English today?"

"What about me in English today?" Lexa asked, clearly avoiding the topic.

"You were all fidgety," Clarke answered, aware that her concern was showing. "You barely wrote anything down."

"Well I guess you weren't paying attention to English class either," Lexa commented, still avoiding.

"If you don't wanna talk about it, you can just say so," Clarke said, her voice quieter now. Lexa gave her a guilty look.

"Sorry, it's not that. I just... can I talk about it when we get to my house?" Lexa asked. "I don't mean to worry you, it's nothing really."

"Sure," Clarke answered, though she was already worried now.

About twenty minutes later, Clarke and Lexa were both in Lexa's bedroom – Clarke had claimed a spot on Lexa's bed because it was comfortable, and the brunette was downstairs making coffee. That's how Clarke knew that the brunette was nervous about something. It seemed to be a trend that Lexa had coffee when she was nervous – to ask Clarke out on a date, to ask Clarke to come over, and now.

Clarke was trying to distract herself, scrolling through her phone, and by the time she'd been bored by it, Lexa was walking back into her room with two sealed cups of coffee. She took a seat next to Clarke on her bed, and passed one of the cups to Clarke.

The blonde took it and took a long sip, as Lexa did the same. "Alright, so what did you want to talk about?" Clarke asked, relaxing against the wall by Lexa's bed and looking expectantly at the brunette.

"I'm sorry to make it seem like such a big deal," Lexa murmured. "I did talk to Octavia this weekend, about you and me, and she's fine with it and everything. I just... it was bothering me that... I trust you, Clarke. But I haven't trusted anyone the way I want to trust you since Eva. And I..."

It was the most flustered and nervous Clarke had seen Lexa, and hearing her sounding so shaky made Clarke's chest clench. "Hey," Clarke murmured, "it's okay." Lexa nodded, taking a sip of her coffee and then inhaling deeply.

"It scares me," Lexa began again, "that I like you so much."

"You don't have to be," Clarke whispered. "I couldn't hurt you, Lexa."

Lexa nodded. "Like I said. I trust you. It just scares me to do so."

"What would stop you from being scared?" Clarke asked, her voice still quiet and her heart was pounding in her chest. Lexa's green eyes glanced between both of Clarke's blue ones, and she suddenly stole a kiss from the blonde's lips, and Clarke immediately lifted her hand to Lexa's long, brown hair, and tangled her fingers into it gently. Lexa pulled her lips away the smallest bit, and whispered against them.

"I have one idea," she murmured.

Clarke bit down on her bottom lip, and asked, "Tell me."

"Be mine," Lexa mumbled, her nose bumping with Clarke's as their lips continued to hover in front of each others. Clarke froze a little, wondering if Lexa was asking what Clarke thought she was asking.

"What?" Clarke asked, her voice shaky.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" Lexa asked, and Clarke's heart skipped a beat.

Before answering with words, Clarke pressed her lips firmly to Lexa's again, brushing away some of the beautiful long hair out of her face. Lexa hummed against Clarke's lips.

When Clarke pulled away, she pulled away far enough to look at Lexa's eyes, beautiful specks of green staring back of her. "Yes," Clarke answered, her heart beating much faster than she had ever felt it beat before. Her gaze dropped down to Lexa's lips, and she bit onto her own, before Lexa grabbed them again with her own.

The blonde leaned far away from the wall, pressing her lips more and more firmly to Lexa's, but the brunette suddenly reversed the direction. Clarke's body rotated a bit so that she was falling backward onto Lexa's pillows rather than the wall, and Lexa's strong legs straddled Clarke's midsection, her core resting exactly above Clarke's.

Clarke's hands tangled further into Lexa's hair, while Lexa's followed down the sides of Clarke's body and slipped under the bottom edge of her shirt, spreading her fingers across Clarke's midsection. Lexa's lips slid off of Clarke's and trailed kisses up her jawline and to her ear, where she whispered, "Tell me if you want to stop."

"I don't," Clarke murmured, and Lexa hummed some understanding before attaching her lips to Clarke's exposed neck. Clarke's entire body was waking up, and she felt the area between her hips begging already for a touch.

The blonde bit down hard on her lower lip, holding in the sound she felt might escape from the feeling of Lexa's lips and tongue and teeth against her skin. She hadn't noticed that her own hands had dragged down Lexa's body and now had a firm grip on her shirt – pulling it upward on her body. Lexa abruptly pulled away, but not for any bad reason – she stole the grip on her shirt from Clarke and tore the piece of clothing off of her body and then, as Clarke sat up a bit, they both peeled Clarke's shirt off of her body as well.

Lexa's lips were attached to Clarke's again, her tongue pushing through Clarke's lips, which did nothing to stop it of course. Clarke's hands were on Lexa's midsection, feeling slightly defined abs under her fingers and moaning into Lexa's lips from the feeling. At hearing the sound, the brunette reacted, her position adjusting slightly as her thigh slid purposefully in between Clarke's, and then thrust up into Clarke's center.

The blonde gasped, though the sound and air was lost somewhere in Lexa's mouth. Her body immediately responded, and her hips began rocking against Lexa's thigh of their own accord. Simultaneously, her hands moved to Lexa's back, scratching her hardly existent nails against the skin, and then her fingers hooked onto Lexa's bra clasp.

A second later, it was undone and Lexa hummed into Clarke's mouth as the blonde began trying to tug it off. Lexa adjusted her position a bit so that Clarke could slid the bra straps over her arms and toss the thing aside.

Lexa detached her lips from Clarke, resulting in both of them taking in large gulps of air, but a second after the division, Clarke found her bra being removed from her body. She felt slightly exposed all of the sudden, but when her eyes dropped down to Lexa's bare chest, something like comfort seeped into her thoughts. She was with Lexa.

She leaned up, grabbing Lexa's head and pulling her down on top of her, stealing her lips out of necessity rather than want. Now, their breasts touched as their bodies got closer together. It was an altogether new feeling for Clarke, but she suddenly just felt free. Two soft hands suddenly covered her boobs, squeezing them experimentally, and Clarke lost control of her mind. She let out a deep moan, her body arching up into Lexa's, and the brunette further pressed her thigh into Clarke's center, but it wasn't enough.

" _Fuck_ ," Clarke growled into Lexa's lips. " _Lexa_."

The sound of her name her name from Clarke's throat elicited a low moan from the brunette, followed by almost a growl, and the brunette's lips began exploring Clarke's chest area as her hands went to work on removing the pants that Clarke desperately wanted off of her. Though, she was sure she wasn't helping much when her hips kept bulking upwards due to Lexa's tongue, which was playing with Clarke's nipple.

Her pants were gone in a handful of seconds – though it felt like an eternity – and Lexa took Clarke's entire nipple between her lips as she wiggled her own pants off of her body, and then she removed Clarke's final item of clothing as she began to nip and suck on the areas around the center of Clarke's breast.

Clarke's body, entirely naked now, was demanding for Lexa to touch it, as her hips rocked against Lexa desperately. "Lexa," she pleaded, her voice sounding different than she'd ever heard it.

Lexa placed a surprisingly gentle kiss in the very middle of Clarke's chest, just in the valley between her breasts, and then murmured something that Clarke did not hear, before the blonde suddenly felt two fingers press against her center. The air was suddenly ripped from Clarke's lung in the form of an abrupt gasp, followed by a moan as Lexa began to touch her.

Clarke wriggled under Lexa's body as her breathing sped up significantly, moans stealing what little air she could get. She had lost every bit of control she had previous retained over her body as Lexa drove her all the way up to her climax, and the orgasm she definitely had created a feeling of ecstasy and relief at once, and she collapsed onto the sheets – damp from sweat.

Lexa's lips had been placing feathery kisses across Clarke's chest, and now they placed on on her lips, not lingering though so as to let Clarke breathe. Lexa laid next to the blonde, playing with her hair and waiting.

A minute passed before Clarke said anything, but still before she did, she rolled onto her side to face Lexa. "What did you say?" she asked, knowing that Lexa knew what she meant.

The brunette blushed a little, her eyes narrowing in a sly expression. "You're sexy." Clarke felt red spread across her entire face as it warmed up. Nobody had ever called her sexy before, and she by no means had ever considered that one of her traits. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Clarke shook her head. "Nope," she murmured, scooting a bit closer to Lexa. Her naked body, Clarke imagined, would be great for cuddling. "You're amazing."

"That's what I was going to say," Lexa muttered, her hand going back to playing with Clarke's hair, running her fingers through it.

"I didn't do anything."

"Of course you did," Lexa insisted, her voice still just a murmur. "You make me feel important."

"You are," Clarke said, furrowing her eyebrows a bit. That's what it was. That was the thing about Lexa, the thing she was always so nervous about. She was afraid that she wasn't important enough to matter. It was because of Eva, obviously, but Clarke didn't want to think about that right now. She wanted to think about her _girlfriend_. "And I'm not the only one who thinks so."

Lexa's gaze of green jumped between Clarke's two eyes, and then she nodded. "You look tired," she said softly.

"I wanna cuddle," Clarke admitted, not caring if she sounded like a dork as she said it. A smile broke out onto Lexa's face. She didn't say anything, just pulled Clarke close to her, and their naked bodies were flush against each other. And Clarke face was buried in Lexa's neck, and she could smell _herself_ on Lexa's lips and on her fingers, which were again playing with her hair, and it was like this that Clarke accidentally fell asleep, too content to not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So glad you guys have been enjoying ;) Don't forget that the full story of this is on Fanfiction.net - we still have about 19 more chapters to go on here! :D

When Clarke woke up, she gently pulled herself away from Lexa, her eyes glancing around the brunette's room. It was darker than it had been when Clarke had fallen asleep, though it couldn't have been too late in the evening, or she was sure she would've woken up by now. Glancing back at Lexa, Clarke saw that she was fast asleep. She had a look of peace across her face, and that made Clarke smile.

The blonde carefully separated herself from Lexa. She sat up a bit, the blanket that had at some point been pulled over her naked body now falling away. Clarke shivered a little, but as she glanced down at Lexa – completely naked but with a blanket to partially cover her – she felt something in her chest, like her heart was doing jumping jacks or maybe just flipping out. The beautiful girl sleeping naked next to her was Clarke's _girlfriend_.

Clarke bit down on her lip to keep her grin in check, and then she carefully climbed over Lexa and off of the bed. She found her jeans on the floor, and her phone in one of the pocket. She saw that it was just seven in the afternoon – which meant that though she'd been asleep for a while, it wasn't too long of a while.

Not putting forth the effort to get dressed, Clarke went to Lexa's bathroom to shower.

Fifteen minutes later when she emerged, she first located and slipped on her underwear, and then went straight to Lexa's closet to steal pajamas. She grabbed what looked comfiest – soft pajama pants and a sweatshirt – and then went back to Lexa's bed. She didn't have any homework that she recalled, so what was the harm in sleeping a little longer?

She wrapped her and Lexa in the blanket again and pulled Lexa closer to her. The brunette murmured something unintelligible in her sleep, and Clarke smiled fondly. Lexa was adorable.

No more than five minutes later, Clarke suddenly heard someone call, "Alexa, are you here?"

Lexa was awake before Clarke even had to try and wake her, looking alert. "What is she doing here?" Lexa muttered to herself.

"Who is that?" Clarke asked, whispering.

Lexa looked nervously at Clarke. "Anya."

"Your sister?" Clarke asked for clarification, and Lexa just nodded as she hopped off of her bed. She grabbed the clothes laying across the floor and went to her closet, Clarke just watching, at a loss for what to do. When Lexa came out of her closet, she was also wearing pajamas like Clarke.

"Alexa?" Anya called, her voice sounding closer now.

Lexa went to her door and slipped out of her room. "Yeah, I'm here. What are _you_ doing here?"

"Mom went out of town. She asked if I could stay with you for a couple of days. Didn't she tell you?" Clarke heard Anya ask. She sounded like she could be twenty-two or so, maybe older, or that could be just because she was talking to her younger sister.

"Since when does mom tell me anything?" Lexa answered sarcastically.

"I guess since you started telling her things," Anya answered back, just as sarcastically.

"Exactly."

"Well. Either way. I'm staying in her room for the next few days. Cool?"

"Sure."

"Also, whose car is that in front of the house?" Anya asked. Clarke bit down on her lower lip – that was her car, obviously.

"A friend's."

"A friend who's in your room?"

"Go unpack your shit, Anya, and do me the favor of leaving me alone."

There was a pause in the conversation, and Clarke pulled the blankets on Lexa's bed up around herself a bit more. "Alexa, why won't you just talk to me?"

"Can we do this later, Anya? _Please_."

"Sure."

"Thank you," Lexa answered, though she just sounded annoyed. There was a slight pause, and Clarke imagine that Lexa was heading back toward her room.

"But if you want to talk about this _later_ , she better be gone in the next hour!"

"Fuck off, Anya!"

Clarke blinked, completely surprised by this side of Lexa – though she couldn't say that she blamed her at all. Her sister did seem like a bit much, at least from what she had heard from Lexa and from this conversation.

Lexa came back into her room, looking exhausted despite the long nap they'd just had. "I'm sorry about that," Lexa muttered.

"She doesn't seem so friendly," Clarke commented.

Lexa shrugged. "Her problem is that she wants to listen to what I have to say, but before I can get more than two statements out, she makes assumptions and takes hold of the conversation. She only knows half of the story about me and Eva, and she barely knows what _lesbian_ actually means," Lexa growled. "I gave up on trying to talk to her about any of it. I mean, I never really expect her to just show up."

Clarke frowned, not sure what to say.

"The bright side is, I guess, that she hasn't told my mother about any of it. I think she could get nicer about it all eventually, if I figure out how to keep her from talking before she knows enough to actually talk," Lexa admitted, approaching her bed and seating herself next to Clarke. "Anyway. Sorry you heard me acting like a little bitch."

"It's okay," Clarke insisted. "I would probably have done the same thing if I had a sister who said any of that to me." Lexa shrugged, looking like she was considerably upset that she had acted that way where Clarke could hear her. But Clarke honestly didn't mind, and it wasn't like she was judging Lexa at all. So she steered the conversation a little bit away. "So. Alexa?"

Lexa narrowed her eyes. "If you want this relationship to work, you'll never call me that." Clarke let out a laugh, finding the threat and the fact that Lexa's name was actually Alexa to be quite amusing. "Seriously. Both my parents and Anya are the only people who call me that. No one else even _knows_ that that is my real name."

Clarke smiled involuntarily. "Don't worry, I like 'Lexa' better anyway."

"Me too," Lexa said, smiling softly. "Anyway, I'm sorry, but you should probably go. I guess I should try to talk to her again, since she's going to be here for more than just a day this time."

Nodding, Clarke sighed inwardly. "Okay. But you have to text me before you go to sleep."

"Why's that?" Lexa asked, smiling teasingly.

"It's part of your new girlfriend duties," Clarke stated, looking pointedly at the brunette.

"Can't say it's a bad duty to have I guess," Lexa said, smiling. "I'll text you tonight." Clarke grinned, and then got up off of Lexa's bed and went into her closet. She shed Lexa's pajama pants and sweatshirt, putting her own clothes back on. However, she hesitated, and then decided to slide Lexa's sweatshirt back over her head. It smelled like Lexa, anyway, and Clarke wanted to sleep in it.

When she left the closet, she went over to where Lexa was still sitting on the bed and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said after.

"You too," Lexa agreed, before adding, "and you better have that sweatshirt with you. It's my favorite one."

Clarke gave the brunette a playful smile. "I'll have it." Lexa got up off of her bed and walked with Clarke out of her bedroom and downstairs. Luckily, they saw no sign of Anya on Clarke's way out, and she managed to escape.

At home, Clarke was in the middle of working on her new sketch for her art class when her phone rang. She glanced at it, saw that it was Octavia, and answered it. "Hey," she said lamely, still sketching with her right hand.

"Are you with Lexa?" Octavia asked, sounding impatient.

"Nope," Clarke answered.

"Do you know where she is?" Octavia wondered.

"Her house," Clarke answered. "Her sister just showed up."

"Why?" Octavia asked, sounding annoyed.

Clarke shrugged, but then it occurred to her that Octavia couldn't see that, and she said, "Apparently her mom is out of town and asked her to come stay with Lexa? I don't know, she just sort of showed up. Lexa wasn't very happy."

"Sounds like neither were you," Octavia said pointedly. "Were you there?"

"Uh, yeah," Clarke answered, her cheeks flushing a little as she thought about being in Lexa's bed earlier that day.

"Why does it sound like you're embarrassed?" Octavia asked, sounding intrigued.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "No reason."

"Come on, did you talk to Lexa about Saturday?"

"Yeah, I did," Clarke answered.

" _Okay_ , so why aren't you dishing yet?" Octavia demanded.

"Um what?"

Octavia huffed. "Have you never done this before? You're supposed to talk about Lexa and gush like normal teenage girls do. Go."

"Yeah, I don't really do that," Clarke murmured.

Octavia groaned. "Well I'm bored, and Raven's with Finn, and Lexa's with _Anya_ , so talk to me," Octavia pleaded.

Clarke released her pencil and rolled over her on bed. "Okay."

"Clarke," Octavia grumbled. "Ugh, fine. What did you and _Lexa_ do today?"

"Um..."

Octavia sighed. "Can I come over?"

"Yeah," Clarke answered.

"Cool. Text me your address."

Twenty minutes later, Octavia and Clarke were both in the blonde's room, the brunette taking up half of Clarke's bed as she laid on her back staring up at the ceiling. Clarke took the other half, laying on her stomach. "Long day?" Clarke wondered, raising her eyebrows at the brunette, who looked quite tired.

"Little bit," Octavia answered. "Bellamy's been weird all day – and Raven's been just eh. Haven't talked to Finn – he and Raven had plans tonight though, so that's that. Lincoln was busy, so I couldn't talk to him after school at all. Ugh, and school has just been stressing me out a lot which is _lame_."

"I'm sorry," Clarke apologized, giving her friend a sympathetic smile.

"I bet your day was a lot better," Octavia mused, raising an eyebrow at the blonde, as if hoping she would now "dish". "Come on, Clarke, you have to want to talk to _somebody_ about her." She didn't even have to specify at this point who she was talking about. "Wells knows, right? He was so obviously sizing up Lexa during lunch. You should really let him know that he doesn't ever hide his opinions well. Anyway, I'm sure you can't talk to _him_ about her without it being weird. So talk to me."

"Would that be weird though?" Clarke asked, concerned. "I mean, you're better friends with Lexa than you are with me."

"Doesn't matter, wouldn't be weird," Octavia insisted. "I mean... yeah, I would tell her if I thought you were going to hurt her, but I would do the same for you if I thought she would hurt you. You're both my friends, and I don't want either of you to get hurt. Aside from that, though, I'm not gonna go tell you all the mushy things you say about her to me."

Clarke rolled her eyes at the last part, but the corner of her lips turned up in a tiny smile.

"So, what did you do today?" Octavia asked.

"We just hung out at her place," Clarke stated, hoping that the heat she felt rising her to cheeks wasn't visible... but it was, and she knew, because Clarke immediately let out a laugh.

"Just hung out?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay, well, not to sound creepy or anything, but I know what Lexa's shampoo smells like. And I smelled it when I walked in. So, either Lexa has slept in your bed enough times to spread her smell everywhere – which I think is unlikely – or you used her shampoo, which means you used her shower, which means that there was some specific reason that you had to _shower_ at her house, and not wait until you got home," Octavia finished, looking pointedly at the blonde, who in return gave her a baffled look.

"Seriously? You're crazy."

Octavia grinned. "But am I wrong?"

Aware of her blush, Clarke looked down at her hands, which were turning her phone over and over in her hands. If she was being honest, she was actually just messing with it so she wouldn't miss if Lexa texted her. She knew that Lexa was used to her sister, but Anya kind of scared Clarke, and she was slightly worried about her... girlfriend.

She was definitely not used to that term yet.

Finally, she looked back up at Octavia and said, "She asked me to be her girlfriend."

"Wait, really?" Octavia asked, propping herself up on her elbow to make better eye contact with Clarke. "She did?"

"Yeah," Clarke answered.

"You said yes, right?"

Clarke gave Octavia an incredulous look. "Are you kidding? How could anyone say _no_? She's literally _amazing_."

Now, Octavia was grinning. " _That_ , Miss Griffin, is how you dish and gush like a normal teenage girl." Clarke blushed a little more and rolled her eyes. Octavia pressed for more, though, "So? Then what happened? I assume that what followed was dirty enough for you to take a shower afterward."

"Yeah, it was, do you want a play by play?" Clarke asked, done with denying what Octavia already knew.

Octavia grinned at the sarcastic bite. "Nah, I'm good. But damn, your face is so red!" Clarke looked away from Octavia, still blushing, but the next thing the brunette said sounded more serious, "Clarke... I just want you to know that Lexa really cares about you. Sometimes she's a little reserved, especially around other people, but she was a lot more shy like that when I first met her. She's gotten a lot better, and I'm sure you've noticed her get more open with you as you got to know her, but she doesn't take feelings lightly."

Clarke, looking at Octavia again already, nodded that she understood. She couldn't tell if what Octavia was saying was an attempt to protect Lexa or to protect Clarke, but either way, the blonde made a note of it. Though, she did sort of already know that. "I really care about her, too," Clarke said quietly, glancing at her phone and wishing Lexa would text her right about now. "She's so kind and she knows how to make me feel better – more so than anyone I've ever known. She's also adorable, and beautiful. Especially when she dances, even though I've only seen that once. Also, she gets all protective or jealous or something whenever Bellamy talks to me," Clarke said, smiling a small smile as she recalled that morning. "And I can make her blush, and I don't think many other people can do that, so maybe no one else really sees it, but it's super cute. And I can tell when she's nervous – she always drinks coffee when she's nervous. She brought me coffee that morning that she asked me out on a date, and again this morning when she asked me to hang out today. Then she made coffee when I got to her house after school, and I actually nearly freaked out by how nervous she was."

Octavia was smiling when Clarke looked back up at the brunette. "See, Clarke, you're great at dishing."

"You've changed me," Clarke teased, smiling.

Suddenly, there was a knock on Clarke's door. "Clarke, are you in there?" Her mom was home now, apparently, though she hadn't heard the front door open.

"Yep," Clarke called, and the door opened without permission.

"Oh, you have company," Abby Griffin said, sounding surprised. That was fair enough. Her mom had only seen her have Wells over.

Octavia sat up on Clarke's bed. "Hi, Ms. Griffin. I'm Octavia."

"Nice to meet you, Octavia," Abby returned, nodding to the brunette. "Clarke, I thought I'd make a late dinner for us tonight. Octavia, you're welcome to stay if you'd like."

Octavia shook her head. "No, thank you. My brother should be home sometime soon, and I have to make sure that he doesn't use all of our food money for the week on ten pizzas for him tonight. Thanks, though. I'll see you tomorrow, Clarke."

"Bye," Clarke returned, and then Octavia slipped past Clarke's mom. Neither Clarke nor her mother spoke until they heard Octavia leave the house. "I don't need dinner."

"Yes you do," Abby insisted. "And what did your friend mean about all of their food money for the week?"

"Her parents work all week and come back on the weekends, so I guess they leave them money for the week," Clarke answered, shrugging. She was about to add on that she really wasn't hungry, but then she realized that she was. That was weird, because Clarke was used to really not eating much more than two meals a day. She got up off her bed. "I'll help you with dinner."

They made a quick meal of pasta and garlic bread – Clarke being sure that her mother didn't ruin anything – in silence. They didn't speak again until they were both seated at their table, eating. "So... Octavia is one of your new friends?"

Clarke nodded. "Yeah. She's cool."

"I'm not really used to you having other people over. Besides Wells, I mean. Do you two still hang out a lot?"

"Yeah, some," Clarke answered. "We've sort of begun having a bit of a division of interest." Her mom looked concerned, and Clarke sighed, deciding to admit the truth. "Well, actually. He told me that he liked me as more than a friend, and I don't like him that way, and I accidentally friend zoned him harder than I should have. We stopped talking for a bit, but we're okay now. It's just a little different than normal. Anyway, I hung out with him yesterday for a while."

"Oh, that's a pity that drama caused you guys to be less close," Abby stated, frowning.

Clarke shrugged. "I don't really regret what happened." She had only realized that was true as she admitted it. "I mean, if that hadn't have happened, I wouldn't be as close to my new friends. And they've helped me a lot so far this year."

"You mean coping with what happened with your father?" Abby asked, looking like she was trying to tread gently, which was wise.

Clarke nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, I'm glad you're opening up to other people. I think that's healthy. I do hope that you and Wells work through your little rough patch, though. I always thought you two would be good together, but if you don't like him that way... I still think you two make the best of friends."

Clarke just nodded, not sure what to say in response to her mother. She was nearly done with her pasta now, and was feeling full and tired and ready to sleep – despite having slept for a while at Lexa's house. Lexa still hadn't texted her yet, which meant she hadn't yet gone to bed, and Clarke didn't really want to go to sleep until she did get her text from the brunette. "I think I'm gonna head to bed, mom. Thanks for dinner."

"You're welcome," Abby answered, as if it was really her dinner at all. Clarke didn't say anything about it, though, and just put her dishes in the sink and headed upstairs.

She tossed her phone onto her bed and began getting ready to sleep. Ten minutes later, she turned her lights off and went to her phone, curling up into her blankets, and checked her phone. She had a text from her girlfriend.

**From Lexa – Hey. :)**

**To Lexa – Hi :) How was talking to your sister?**

**From Lexa – Eh. Better than normal, I guess, but she's a bit too much like my mother to get anything through her head after one real conversation. Let's just say, she'd let you come over, but she'd be very passive aggressive about it.**

**To Lexa – At least it went better than normal.**

**From Lexa – Yeah. How was the rest of your evening?**

**To Lexa – Actually pretty good. Octavia came over for a little while, and then my mother appeared home at an actually normal time, and she and I had dinner. I think she's actually trying to be a randomly absent, yet understanding mother. Rather than the normal, randomly absent, never understanding, overbearing mother.**

**From Lexa – Not quite sure what that means, but okay. :P Glad it went well.**

**To Lexa – I think I'm going to go to sleep, though, I'm pretty tired. But I'll see you tomorrow :)**

**From Lexa – Yeah, you will c: Goodnight. :)**

**To Lexa – Goodnight :)**

Clarke plugged her phone into its charger, smiled to herself as she curled up into her blankets, and before she drifted into the world of dreams, she realized what Octavia meant about Lexa's shampoo. Her hair did smell like Lexa's, and so as she fell asleep, she thought of cuddling with her girlfriend, and of how good of a day she'd had, and she felt nothing but happiness and peace.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LGBT fans deserve better...  
> But please don't forget that that issue extends past The 100, and the show shouldn't necessarily be canceled because of it. Some of us still need the show for our own sanity. Without it, I'd be a billion times more stressed with life, and I would never have started writing Clexa fanfic in the first place.
> 
> Enjoy xx

When Clarke woke up on Tuesday, she felt like it should've been much later in the week. As it seemed though, it really was just Tuesday, and Clarke was relatively indifferent about it. She was still in a pretty damn good mood from the previous day. The more she thought about it however, a few different things began to become more and more apparent to her. For one, she was slightly mad at herself for making _Lexa_ feel as good as Lexa had made her feel. But that was an easy problem to solve. What wasn't an easy problem to solve was the fact that Clarke was now in a relationship that she wasn't sure if she was ready to share with anymore people than those who already knew about it.

For one, telling her mother would result in the last strings in her mom-daughter relationship probably being snipped apart with those fancy little scissors that left no fraying string. Perhaps if she waited long enough to tell her mom, and their relationship progressed enough to the point that they could actually discuss certain problems without taking completely opposing sides, maybe then her mother would be able to understand.

Her mother, however, was not the only problem. Wells, who still didn't really know the _nature_ of Clarke's relationship with Lexa, was already skeptical of it – despite whatever he had said to her about it the previous week. How would Jasper and Monty react? And Octavia may be completely supportive of both Lexa and Clarke and their relationship, but that didn't really anything at all about Bellamy. It said nothing definitive about Raven and Finn either – especially since Raven had been cooing over how cute Bellamy and Clarke would be together.

And _on top of that_ , there was still just the entire world, which was constantly trying to find anything different about anyone and using that thing to make them out to be something awful.

Clarke didn't really know how to, or want to, specifically define her sexual orientation, or her sexuality, or whatever. What she did know was that she really liked Lexa, and she wasn't ashamed of that. Not in the slightest.

But that didn't mean that she wasn't scared of whatever other people would think.

She couldn't really be blamed for that, could she?

These thoughts clouded her thoughts as she got to school on Tuesday, and she was slightly glad to see that she'd arrived a bit late. That meant that she could go straight to class, and hopefully have time to try and act like she wasn't having a mental war with herself before seeing Lexa at lunch.

She didn't want Octavia to notice either, so as soon as she saw her, she began to immediately draw her attention to something else. "Hey," she greeted. "Did you still want to go bowling this weekend?"

Octavia tilted her head. "I don't remember saying anything about wanting to do that. I would like to have a party this weekend, though."

"Wait," Clarke said, now actually confused as she furrowed her eyebrows, "Bellamy said that you wanted to go bowling."

"Well, Bellamy was lying," Octavia said. "I had going bowling with him. I like it in general, but he always wins by cheating."

Clarke was slightly confused as to how Bellamy allegedly cheated, but she was more confused by the conflicting conversations. "Okay, so why would Bellamy have asked me and Lexa if we were busy yesterday if it wasn't because you said you wanted to hang out?"

"Maybe he was trying to see if you were busy so he could ask you out," Octavia suggested.

Clarke shook her head. "He asked me out anyway, before lunch yesterday," she admitted. "That was _after_ Lexa and I told him we were busy after school."

Now Octavia looked equally confused. She tilted her head. "Bellamy has been acting kind of weird, not gonna lie." She looked over her shoulder at Raven, who seemed to be quickly bullshitting some answers on her history homework that was due in about five minutes. "Hey, have you noticed anything weird about Bellamy lately?"

Raven looked up, raising her eyebrows a bit. "He's always weird," she stated.

"No shit. I mean besides that," Octavia said.

"I mean... I don't know? Yesterday was the first day that he wasn't staring at Clarke all through lunch, if that counts," Raven contributed. "Why?"

"He told Clarke that I said something that I didn't say, but it's no big deal," Octavia insisted, and Raven nodded, going back to her unfinished homework. Octavia looked back at the blonde. "I'll try to figure out what's up with my crazy brother."

Clarke nodded, and then the bell rang out through the school, and Mr. Sanchez began speaking. Clarke sat down, the conflicting thoughts about whether or not to come out wiped successfully from her head as she tried to figure out what was up with Bellamy Blake.

However, Bellamy didn't seem to be too off or weird when he came by Clarke's locker before lunch. "Hey," she greeted him.

"Hey," he replied. "How's your Tuesday treating you so far, princess?"

"Alright," she answered, shrugging. "It'd be better if there wasn't school."

"As per usual," he agreed, smiling. "Hey, could you do me a favor?" They were walking to lunch by now, and Bellamy's voice had dropped a bit in volume.

"What's up?" Clarke asked, raising a concerned eyebrow.

"Have you met Lincoln yet?" Clarke shook her head. "Could you try to meet him somehow and like see what kind of person he is? I'd do it myself, but Octavia is very adamant that I don't get involved."

Clarke shrugged. "I have a better idea," she suggested. "So, Octavia has her first date with him on Friday, right?" Bellamy nodded. "So, plan a party on Saturday and invite him. Then, we can all see what kind of person he is. I'm sure that he's great for Octavia, since she likes him so much, but if it's that big of a deal... Anyway, if he's going to date Octavia, he should get to know all of us, shouldn't he?"

Bellamy nodded. "That's not a bad idea. Except, our parents are going to be here on Saturday. We're spending the day with them – but they go to bed early when they're home, and we can't really have a party while they're asleep in the next room."

"So can we have the party as someone else's house?" Clarke asked, no longer talking in a hushed voice at all, since it wasn't really necessary at this point.

"Yours?" Bellamy suggested.

Clarke blinked. "Um no."

"Why not?"

"You've never met my mother, Bellamy. She probably wouldn't even be home, but it just wouldn't be a good idea. Trust me," Clarke insisted.

"I'll ask Raven then," Bellamy said, not arguing with the blonde, as they approached their lunch table.

"Ask me what?" Raven asked, having heard them talking as they'd approached.

"Can we have a party at your place on Saturday night?"

Raven was already shaking her head. "Nope."

"Finn?" Bellamy asked, as the other guy sat down. Octavia and Lexa were now the only ones of their usual group not yet seated – Wells, Jasper and Monty were also not there yet.

"Huh? Party on Saturday? I'm in, but my mom's going to be home that night," Finn answered, giving Bellamy an apologetic look.

"Why can't we have it at your house?" Raven asked Bellamy.

"Have what at our house?" Octavia asked, taking her spot in between Clarke and Raven. As she sat down, Lexa reached the table and sat as well. Clarke immediately made eye contact with her and smiled involuntarily. Lexa returned the smile without hesitation, and Clarke felt her heart jump a little bit.

"A party," Bellamy was answering Octavia. "On Saturday."

"Oh," Octavia said. "Our parents are going to home," she answered Raven.

Bellamy looked at Lexa. "How about your place?"

Lexa shrugged. "Yeah, sure," she answered. "My sister will be gone by then, anyway."

"Your sister is staying with you?" Raven asked. Though the other girl did not know the specifics of Anya and Lexa's relationship, Clarke assumed that everyone there knew that Lexa and her older sister definitely did not get along.

Lexa answered Raven with some words that Clarke didn't catch, because her attention had been diverted as Wells, Jasper and Monty sat down to her left, in the same spots as the previous day. "Hey," Wells said to her, giving her a small smile.

Clarke returned it, and then her attention was drawn back to the conversation about the party. "Well then its settled," Bellamy was saying, "we'll have it at Lexa's house. You could invite Lincoln if you wanted, Octavia."

Octavia looked at her brother wearily, but then she glanced at Raven, who was nodding with enthusiasm. "Fine," she agreed, "but Bellamy, I swear if you mess up anything between him and me, I will personally see to it that –"

"Alright, girly," Raven cut her off, nudging her friend in the side even though she was trying to not laugh.

Octavia glared at Raven for a moment, but then she just turned around and looked at the other end of the table, where Clarke's friends were. "If it's cool with Lexa," she said, "you guys are definitely invited as well."

Lexa nodded, and Clarke smiled encouragingly at her other friends. Jasper and Monty were already nodding in agreement – their excitement was obvious and that made Clarke smile a bit wider. Wells, however, hesitated.

"Um. I don't know," Wells muttered, apprehensive.

"Well, you don't have to," Bellamy piped up.

"But if you want to," Clarke added, giving Bellamy a slight glare, "you can."

When lunch ended, and Clarke and Lexa were leaving the cafeteria, Clarke asked, "Can you hang out later?"

Lexa gave her an apologetic look before she even spoke. "No. Anya is being insistent on _sister bonding time_. Or something."

"That could end up going well though, couldn't it?" Clarke asked, trying to be hopeful, since the idea of Lexa's afternoon going badly bummed Clarke out. Lexa just shrugged, and Clarke blinked. "Oh hey, before I forget. I have your sweatshirt in my locker."

Lexa gave her a soft smile. "Don't worry about it. I don't need it."

Clarke raised an eyebrow and then she nodded. "You sure?" Lexa nodded, and then she gave Clarke a small wave as her path carried her toward her next class.

Next period was art for Clarke, and she found herself so completely absorbed into the abstract sketch that had been assigned to her the previous day that she had nearly missed that the bell had rung. Everyone was already getting up to leave as she realized class was over, and she quickly slipped away her pencils and her sketchbook and put her bag over her shoulder.

As she left the classroom, her phone vibrated in her pocket. Furrowing her eyebrows a bit, she grabbed it.

**From Octavia – Hey so update. Talked to Bell. He thinks there's something going on between you and Lex. Guess it wasn't just obvious to me. Good luck with that. XD**

**To Octavia – What did you say?**

**From Octavia – Told him he was crazy. Don't worry girl, I got your back.**

**From Octavia – But are you just gonna keep hiding your relationship with Lexa? I mean, you're official now. It's gonna be a load of shit to keep it a secret. It's not like anyone's gonna care anyway.**

**To Octavia – I don't know.**

Clarke turned off her phone and slipped it into her pocket, not eager to continue talking about the subject. She was aware that it was something she had to think about, but she'd successfully pushed it out of her mind for the majority of her day, and it felt unfair for Octavia to force her to think about it again already.

Sixth period was boring, but since they'd had a test the previous day, it was less strenuous. However, Octavia was in the class, so she desperately avoided the brunette's eye contact, and by the time she got to seventh period, Clarke had had enough time to contemplate the issue of coming out.

Not enough time to get anywhere near an answer of what to do, but enough time to think about it, that was for sure.

"Hey," Lexa said, sitting down in her normal seat next to Clarke.

Clarke flashed her a smile, but she wasn't really up for talking, and she felt a little bad about it.

"Are you okay?" Lexa asked, clearly concerned.

"I'm fine," Clarke insisted. "Bellamy's just being weird and I'd rather be done with school for the day."

Lexa gave Clarke a sympathetic look, and then class began, and they could not say anything else to one another. Unlike the previous day, Lexa was back into her normal, intensely focused self during English class. She took down all the notes diligently, and Clarke tried to do the same, but she was more interested in watching Lexa. She'd noticed from the first day of them being in the same English class that Lexa always seemed genuinely interested in the discussion. Perhaps that was due to the fact that she actually enjoyed reading and writing.

Clarke wondered about Lexa's writing, because she'd mentioned at some point in the previous few weeks. Clarke figured that dancing was more important to the brunette than the art of words, but the blonde imagined that Lexa would be quite good with them. She really had nothing to go on besides just knowing Lexa, and from that alone, she could just _tell_.

When the bell rang, Lexa began sliding her binder away into her bag. "Hey," she said gently to Clarke, "I don't have to go straight home, if you want to hang out for a little bit."

"Thought you had sister bonding time?" Clarke asked, though she was not at all disappointed by the proposal.

"It's not until five. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that going home before then has really no point. I can't even go into my dance studio without her being around. Which is annoying, because I need to practice," Lexa muttered.

"If I had a dance studio," Clarke said, "I would offer to let you use it."

The brunette smiled. "Thanks, but I guess I'll be fine. Want to grab some coffee?" Clarke nodded, grabbing her backpack, and following Lexa out of the class room. When they reached the parking lot, Lexa said, "I can drive you to the coffee place if you want – I'll bring you back here for your car."

"Sure," Clarke agreed, and then she followed the brunette to her car. "So, what do you have to practice for? Dancing wise, I mean."

A small smile played on Lexa's face as she unlocked her car door. "There's a recital," she stated, as the two of them slid into the front two seats. "I don't dance for any studio, but I used to, and they invited me a few weeks back to dance in their first recital. It's in a couple of weeks." Lexa started her car, and pulled out of the parking lot.

"That's so cool," Clarke said, smiling widely. "When's the last time you did a recital?"

"When I danced at that studio," Lexa answered honestly. "Freshman year, I guess. I kind of miss it. Dancing in front of people is a completely different experience than dancing alone. For one, there's added pressure, and I work better under pressure."

"Really?" Clarke asked, and Lexa nodded.

"Also, it's just exhilarating to dance in front of people," Lexa added. She sounded so engulfed in the thought of her recital. "Not that I can see any of them during the performance – it's dark everywhere but the stage. But the light is hot, and it follows a dancer across the stage and traces their every move."

Clarke was smiling, simply because Lexa was adorable.

Lexa's green gaze flickered away from the road and at Clarke. "What?" she asked.

"Nothing," Clarke lied. "Don't look away from the road, it's dangerous."

Lexa did as she was told, but she still raised an eyebrow. "Why were you looking at me weird?"

"I wasn't," Clarke said. "You look so passionate when you talk about dancing. It's cute."

A blush spread across Lexa's cheeks. "Mm."

"So," Clarke said, effectively changing the topic with her tone, "are you nervous to hang out with your sister?" She already knew the answer – Lexa had suggested coffee, after all.

Lexa nodded. "Yeah. I don't know why. I feel like she wants to talk about... _all_ of it again. It's all she ever wants to talk about when we actually talk, even though its usually her just talking like she knows every detail of it."

"That's what she wanted to talk to you about when she came during the first week of school – when we first met," Clarke stated, without having to ask. Lexa nodded in response.

"I just hope that one day, she'll realize that we've talked about it enough to forget it all. I've put most of it behind me, but talking about it with her every time I see her is still a little hard," Lexa admitted, exhaling carefully. "Anyway. What's up with Bellamy?"

"It's nothing," Clarke answered, as Lexa pulled up into a parking spot in front of the little coffee shop they'd arrived at. The brunette than gave her an unconvinced look. She let out a light breath. "He told Octavia that he thinks something is going on between us."

"Does that bother you?" Lexa asked, her tone suddenly careful. She was getting out of the car, though, clearly still eager to get her coffee, so Clarke followed suit.

"I mean... I don't know," Clarke answered. "Does it bother you?"

"Not particularly. It's just Bellamy, after all. He hardly has a real mean bone in his body when it comes to his friends, and he likes you as a person. I don't think it would make him dislike you at all, if that's what you're worried about," Lexa stated. "As for me, I think he's suspected my sexuality for nearly a year now anyway. I've done nothing to hide it, there's just really been nothing to show it."

Clarke didn't look at Lexa as they walked into the coffee shop – instead she looked around to see if anyone she knew was in it. Luckily, there was no one.

They were in line for coffee when Clarke spoke again. "So, you would come out?"

"I've only not done so because it's been easier to not. It kept people from bugging me about relationships and past relationships, and it's allowed me to heal from what Eva did to me. But it becomes much harder to stay hidden when you're in a relationship," Lexa said, looking carefully at the blonde, who noticed even though she wasn't looking at her.

They reached the counter, and Lexa ordered herself a drink. Clarke got the same thing, not really caring what kind of coffee she got, and a few minutes later, they were sitting a table with their warm coffee drinks. Clarke took a deep breath, and a sip of her coffee. "I'm just scared of what people would think of me. I mean... I don't really _care_ , but it's a daunting thought anyway, that everyone might somehow hate me for no reason. I've never... really been one for big groups of friends, and anything that could possibly ruin what I have now scares me."

Lexa didn't say anything, simply taking a long drink from her coffee. It occurred to Clarke that she may have just made Lexa more nervous with the discussion, and she suddenly felt guilty. However, it was difficult just to diverge from the discussion.

"I don't know, Lexa," is what she chose to say, exhaling quietly. "I guess I mean... I guess everyone in our friend group would be fine. But if I told my mom... she would go berserk."

"No one is asking you to tell your mom," Lexa stated, her voice sounding reassuring. "Trust me, when I say coming out, I don't mean telling _my_ mom either. If my sister can barely handle it, my mother would... I don't even want to think about it."

"So does that mean that you're asking me to tell everyone else?" Clarke asked, biting on her lower lip.

Lexa blinked. "No, I'm not," Lexa answered, seeming to have missed her choice of words in her previous statement. "I just think that if you don't, it will just get harder to hide it."

"But do you want me to?" Clarke wondered, realizing that _her_ decision would impact her _girlfriend_ as well. Why that hadn't been obvious to her already she wasn't sure. "If I don't, you can't either."

Lexa's gaze dropped a little. "I think that you are scared they will react badly, but I've known them for longer than you, and I don't think that they will."

She hadn't answered the question one way or the other, but it was easy to guess what her opinion was. Clarke took a sip of her coffee. "Can I think about it for a little while? I didn't really think about this at all until today, and I feel awful. But... I'm scared."

"You don't need to be scared, Clarke," Lexa said, her voice as soothing as always, "but of course."

 _Yes I do_ , Clarke thought, as a sudden realization hit her. _I can't lose them, any of them._

That was the first moment that it dawned on her that her new friends were completely more than distractions. They were holding her together, making her feel alive, fulfilling something that Clarke had always wanted, or needed, deep down.

She couldn't lose them.

The question was, would she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay Strong <3


	21. Chapter 21

Friday – finally. The week had felt long after Clarke's good day on Monday. She and Lexa hadn't again talked about the coming out thing, but after Anya left on Wednesday night and Lexa's mother "returned", yet still stayed away as per usual, Clarke had finally gotten to spend ample time with her girlfriend.

It was a funny thing how easy it was for Clarke to slip into a feeling of complete trust and comfort when she was with Lexa. They could talk for hours, the two of them, without thinking really or worrying about the other judging her at all. They mostly spent time together at Lexa's house, since Clarke's mother, though generally absent from dawn to dusk, had seemed to randomly appear more and more recently.

However, due to that, Clarke tried to be back at her house by eight every night, earlier on most of the days that particular week, because she'd been thrown into a homework whirlwind that, if was any indication about the intensity of her junior year, she was totally screwed.

But midday through Friday, Clarke was already relieved. Her sixth period was having a quiz that she wasn't worried about, so that meant little stress, and in English they were having a reading day. Fifth period was always the best class, so Clarke felt herself calming considerably as she went to lunch.

Bellamy met up with her at her locker, and words immediately began spilling from him. "If Octavia says one more thing about how excited she is for her date tonight, I'm going to actually get up and go introduce myself to Lincoln during lunch."

"Chill out, Bellamy," Clarke insisted. "Octavia is allowed to be excited. And he said he's coming to the party tomorrow, right?" Bellamy nodded. "So you'll meet him in at least thirty-six hours. You can survive."

Bellamy still looked grumpy about it, but he changed the topic. "What are you doing tonight?" he asked.

"Probably hanging out with Lexa," Clarke answered honestly. She hadn't finalized her decision on whether or not to tell her friends about her sexuality, but the idea that keeping it hidden would keep Lexa's hidden, and keep their relationship hidden, was more painful than the idea of possibly losing one of them. She knew that she wouldn't lose Octavia, and probably not Bellamy either, and not Wells, so really... was there much harm in telling anyone?

So she wasn't really hiding her attachment to Lexa, not that she'd done that previously either. But she knew that since Bellamy was already suspicious, he was definitely suspecting by now. "What are you guys doing?"

Clarke shrugged. "I don't know. Why?"

Bellamy shrugged back at her. "Did Wells tell you if he's going to the party tomorrow?" he asked, effectively changing the subject.

"No," Clarke answered, "he hasn't given me a definite answer. Why? Do you not like him?"

"I don't know," Bellamy answered. "He just seems to not like us very much. Like, any of us. He sits at our table just to sit with you."

"Well, I already knew that," Clarke stated, "but I think he would like you guys if he was given the chance."

"I don't know, Clarke," Bellamy said as they approached their cafeteria table. "I don't know."

Clarke just looked away from him, taking her seat. Octavia was already seated, practically bouncing up and down with excitement as she rambled to Raven about how hyped she was for her date later. Bellamy was already looking grumpy again, and Clarke was slightly amused.

"Where is he taking you?" Clarke asked.

Octavia tilted her head. "I don't know, I keep guessing but he won't tell me. He keeps telling me that its a _surprise_."

"That's disgustingly predictable, stop," Raven said, shaking her head.

"You're just jealous that your _boyfriend_ doesn't surprise you with dates anymore," Octavia stated, looking pointedly at Finn, who had just sat down.

"Hey, what?" he asked, raising his hands up in defense. "I just got here."

"How come you don't surprise me with dates?" Raven asked, crossing her arms over her chest and proving Octavia correct.

"I don't know?" Finn answered, like a question, looking at Bellamy for backup. The other guy just shrugged his shoulders.

Lexa came into Clarke's view and her attention was officially diverted. She smiled at her girlfriend. "Hey," she greeted.

"Hey," Lexa returned. "You busy later?"

"Yep," Clarke answered, giving Lexa only a few seconds to look disappointed before she qualified, "with you."

Lexa narrowed her eyes at the blonde. "That was mean."

"Lexa," Raven suddenly said, drawing the brunette's attention, "tell Finn he's an awful boyfriend for not surprising me with dates."

"Finn," Lexa said, "you're an awful boyfriend for not surprising Raven with dates."

"Why are all the girls always on the same side?" Finn demanded, lifting his hands in confusion. "You guys outnumber us!"

Just then, though, Wells, Jasper and Monty sat down. Finn and Bellamy shared a look, and Octavia was about to object before anything occurred, but Bellamy was already looking toward the three new additions. "Wells, you're coming to the party tomorrow right?"

Clarke blinked, surprised that Bellamy was asking in a way that suggested that he _wanted_ Wells to come.

"Uh," Wells muttered, "I don't know."

"C'mon man," Bellamy pushed, "we need to outnumber these girls for once."

"You'll outnumber us already," Raven pointed out, crossing her arms, "whenever Jasper, Monty _and_ Lincoln come."

"You can never have too many guys," Finn stated.

Clarke choked on the water she was drinking as she let out a laugh. The comment, for some reason, was very amusing to her. "Uh, yeah you can."

"What, don't like being surrounded by testosterone, Clarke?" Octavia teased, nudging her playfully.

"Hey, with the amount of estrogen _we've_ had to put up with over the years, I think we deserve a little bit of extra testosterone," Bellamy stated.

"Do you mind using a term that _isn't_ referring to gender hormones? It just sounds weird when you keep saying it over and over," Lexa said, rolling her eyes at the people around her. Clarke's lips turned up in a smile, because Lexa was cute, as per usual.

"The estrogen doesn't bother you though, right Lexa?" Wells asked suddenly, causing the table to become suddenly silent. The question may have come off as a joke, if Wells had meant it as a joke.

Clarke nudged him hard, and when he looked at her, she raised her eyebrows, "What the fuck?"

Wells glanced between Clarke and Lexa, and it was obvious that he had not gotten over Clarke, and whatever bullshit he'd said to get to be Clarke's friend was just that, bullshit. He suddenly grabbed his stuff and left the table. Jasper and Monty made no move to follow him, however, and Clarke let out a long breath, before getting up from the table and going after him.

"Wells Jaha," she growled at him as they reached the empty hallway, "stop."

Wells turned around. "I can't, Clarke. I tried to be cool, because I miss being your friend. But you're different – a lot different, and _she's_ not what you need, and it's just not _right_."

Clarke was taken aback, and she felt tears appearing in her eyes. "Yeah?" she asked him, her voice shaking. "Is this about how you feel about same sex relationships, or is this about how you feel about me?"

"Clarke, don't make this about you specifically."

"It is about me, Wells," Clarke growled, trying to keep her voice low in volume. "It's about the fact that I'm your _best friend_ , and you've been mine since basically forever. It's about the fact that you liked me, I didn't like you, and by the time you decided to pretend to be over me to be friends again, I'd started liking someone. And on _top_ of that, she's a girl. So yeah, you can be all old school about gay people or whatever, but this isn't about that. This is about you not being over me."

"Maybe it is," Wells agreed, "but that doesn't mean it's any different. I can't sit there and watch you two _look_ at each other like that."

"No one is asking you to," Clarke snapped. "I didn't tell you to be okay with it. I didn't _tell_ you to sit with us, or to talk to me, or _anything_. I _offered_ , because you're my best friend, Wells! At least, I thought you were."

Wells was frozen, and Clarke was pissed, and she turned on her heel and went back to the cafeteria. There was something final about the statement, and the action, and Clarke hoped that it wasn't the ultimate end of her friendship with Wells.

For now, though, she wasn't going to submit herself to that relationship any further. It was bad for her, it was bad for Wells, and until he could handle being completely platonic, Clarke couldn't handle the relationship.

When she got back to the table, conversation had picked up again, but it stopped once she sat down. "What's up with him?"

Clarke shook her head. "Same shit as always."

"I thought he said he was over you?" Lexa asked, furrowing her eyebrows a little bit.

"He did. He lied."

"Wait, what?" Jasper asked, completely clueless. "We knew that you and Wells were fighting, but he never said anything about liking you. I mean, not that it wasn't completely obvious all through last year, but I didn't know he told you."

"Yeah," Clarke muttered, "he told me."

Monty gave her a sympathetic look. "For what it's worth, we told him last year that we didn't see _that_ happening at all."

Clarke gave him a small smile, and then she took a deep breath. "So. Let's talk about _not_ Wells."

After lunch, Lexa and Clarke were walking out of the cafeteria, and the brunette nudged the blonde lightly. "You gonna be alright?"

"I'm not really upset," Clarke admitted, looking at her girlfriend. "Better he be honest and actually get time to deal with his shit. Plus, even if he was over me, he's apparently homophobic and just decided to stay in the closet about it, which is totally cool," she added sarcastically.

Lexa frowned.

"Sorry about the comment he said."

"Don't apologize on his behalf," Lexa insisted. "Anyway, I don't care about what he said."

Clarke didn't say anything in response, just giving Lexa a half smile. The brunette, though, was not done talking.

"So, I have to go one place later before we can hang out," Lexa stated.

"Where?" Clarke asked, because she felt like Lexa wanted her to ask.

"The studio I used to dance at. They want me to show them what I have of the dance so far, which is pretty much all of it. I guess they want to make sure that I'm actually still a good dancer," Lexa answered.

Clarke smiled. "They won't be disappointed." A smile appeared on Lexa's face as well.

"Will you come with me?" she asked. "I'm... actually kind of nervous to dance in front of my old instructor again. Like I said before, it's been a while. I may have gotten worse, who knows?"

"I doubt that," Clarke said, "but yeah, sure. Like I said, I've only got plans with you today anyway."

Lexa looked possibly more excited than Clarke had yet to see her, and Lexa's Adorableness Scale was overfilling to the point where Clarke really just wanted to kiss her.

She really wanted to, and she almost did, but then she couldn't and she instead just smiled widely. "Don't get too excited," she teased, "you've got three more classes to suffer through."

Lexa didn't seem to care as she just flashed Clarke another excited smile as they parted ways.

By the end of seventh period, Clarke was pretty sure that Lexa had been possessed by another person. She was visibly nervous, excited and stressed, and Clarke was utterly clueless as to how to take it. "Lexa, calm down, or I'm not letting you drive," the blonde said as they approached the parking lot, though the smile on her face wasn't hidden at all.

Lexa calmed a bit. "Better?" Clarke nodded the affirmative as they stopped at the edge of the parking lot.

"So I'll just follow you to the studio, and then to your house," Clarke said, and Lexa nodded in response. Clarke's gaze scanned around them for a moment, and when she decided that the handful of people going to the parking lot were not paying any attention to her, she smiled at her girlfriend. "You're adorable when you're excited," she stated, "but if you get too excited that you can't drive properly, I will not be happy."

Lexa nodded that she understood, a small smile playing on her face as she listened to Clarke talk.

"But yeah, you are pretty cute, so..." Clarke placed a simple, small kiss on her girlfriend's lips. "I'll see you at the studio."

"Okay," Lexa agreed, clearly eager to go. They went to their separate cars, and Clarke easily picked Lexa's out as she pulled out of the parking lot and began to follow it. Clarke and Lexa didn't live particularly close to one another – if they did, they might've carpooled so that they didn't have to drive separately all of the time. By now, anyway, Clarke had gotten over the hype of her new car. It was nice to have free reign, though.

It wasn't far to get to Lexa's dance studio, so soon enough, both girls were parked and getting out of their cars.

"Have I proved to you that I can operate a car while excited?" Lexa asked, looking pointedly at the blonde as she waited for her before going into the studio.

"I guess," Clarke answered. Clarke said no more before Lexa was headed up to the studio entrance.

It was like the typical dance studio – there was a nice little entrance area, but then the inside split up into individual rooms, each with a giant mirror and laminate flooring, and those bright lights. None of them in its singularity was as impressive as Lexa's at home studio, and that didn't particularly surprise Clarke at all.

The thing at the studio didn't take long – Lexa met up with her old instructor, they caught up for a few minutes, and then she danced for them. Clarke watched alongside the dance instructor, at Lexa's request, and, just as Clarke had said, the instructor was definitely not disappointed. She gushed for about ten minutes about how impressive Lexa had gotten in the past couple of years, and Lexa didn't say much in response – though she did smile quite a bit – and then they left.

"What did you think?" Lexa asked Clarke as they excited the studio's building.

"You're asking me, after a professional just boasted about you for ten minutes straight?" Clarke asked back, amused as she raised an eyebrow at the brunette. Lexa just nodded, looking pointedly at the blonde as she waited for an answer. "You were awesome, obviously. And you had nothing to be nervous about."

"Thanks," Lexa said, blushing a little, which was funny since she hadn't blushed all through her former instructor's boasting. They were at their cars now. "I'll see you at my place."

"Yes you will," Clarke agreed, grinning.

During the drive to Lexa's house, Clarke admittedly couldn't get the picture of Lexa dancing out of her head. She'd tried not to really focus on it while another person had been in the room, but thinking back... _damn_ she had a good looking girlfriend.

How exactly did she manage that? She wasn't exactly sure. The previous weeks almost felt like a sort of blur between pain and happiness when she actually thought about it, and somehow, it all turned out pretty well.

Before she got to Lexa's house, she realized that her car was nearly out of gas. Huffing, she used her car's Bluetooth to call Lexa, though she wasn't sure if Lexa's car had Bluetooth or not, so she would keep the call very short.

"What's up?" Lexa asked, when she answered the call.

"Gotta get gas, I'll be at your place a few minutes after you," Clarke answered.

"Alright, just let yourself in when you get there."

"Will do," Clarke agreed, before hanging up the call. She took a right at the next turn option, while Lexa continued going straight.

Clarke got to Lexa's house probably about ten minutes after Lexa would've gotten there, and she let herself into the pretty much silent house. She headed upstairs without hesitating, and when she opened Lexa's door, she saw the brunette sitting on her bed, reading the book that was always sitting on her nightstand, and Clarke bit down on the inside of her lower lip. Lexa looked up after a second, as though she'd been finishing reading a sentence, and Clarke was dropping her bag on the ground.

"Hey," Lexa said, sounding like she was in a relatively good mood – which she obviously should've been. Clarke didn't answer her, instead just walking toward her. Lexa's green gaze followed her movements.

Lexa had already set her book down, as if anticipating Clarke's actions, and the blonde immediately straddled her across her lap and joined their lips together. Clarke felt the brunette's hands in her hair and her own hands were under Lexa's top, feeling along her abs.

It was becoming apparent to Clarke that watching Lexa dance was one of her biggest weaknesses. And that, plus the fact that earlier in the week, Clarke had never gotten to touch Lexa, was motivating the blonde to take control despite her lack of experience.

Lexa didn't seem to mind as Clarke's fingers ran across her midsection and then got a grip on her shirt, pulling at it impatiently. Lexa hummed against the blonde's lips, and then separated their kiss in order to shed her upper body clothing, and Clarke did the same.

Clarke realized that she was a bit nervous now, but she forced the feeling away. She shouldn't be nervous. Her hands rose to Lexa's chest, and as she felt Lexa's breasts, the brunette let out a mix between a moan and a sigh, and Clarke briefly imagined what it would sound like for Lexa to moan out her name. Every part of her wanted to make that sound a reality.

Lexa was no longer sitting up against the headboard of her bed, rather her head was now on her pillow and Clarke was entirely on top of her. The latter's hands were now searching for the button on Lexa's jeans, and as soon as she'd found it, she undid it a bit forcefully.

Lexa wiggled out of her pants, and then she muttered into Clarke's lips, "Yours too."

Clarke obliged, taking her own pants off of her body and tossing them off of the bed. Clarke felt a little nervous again now, but she wouldn't let that stop her from expressing to her girlfriend how fucking hot she was. She dragged her lips off of Lexa's and onto her neck instead, experimentally sucking the skin there, and when she felt Lexa's hips move a bit, she assumed that it had some good effect.

She tried the same thing on Lexa's collarbone, then in the valley between her breasts, then around one of her hardened nipples, and by that point, Lexa was squirming under her, and it fueled Clarke's motivation.

Keeping her mouth occupied on Lexa's breasts, her fingers took hold of Lexa's underwear and the brunette helped her get it off of her. Then, those same fingers pressed gently against Lexa's center, causing Lexa to inhale sharply despite her already uneven breathing.

Clarke had only ever touched herself before, and that was all she had to go on as she began to explore Lexa's core with her fingers. She wasn't trying particularly hard to actually bring Lexa to an orgasm until she heard her girlfriend whimper. She subsequently brought her lips back to Lexa's, kissing them sweetly as her fingers began to relieve the brunette.

She moved her lips again though to Lexa's neck, because Lexa was already breathing unevenly and she probably needed as much air as she could get.

"Fuck," she heard Lexa breathe out as she got closer to climax. Clarke smiled against Lexa's neck, moving her fingers a bit faster, because she wanted desperately to hear Lexa say her name, and she knew that she could get it from her. Sure enough, Lexa gasped, "Clarke," before letting a moan escape her lips and then her body arched up a bit, before collapsing down again.

The puff of air that Lexa released indicated to Clarke that she'd completed her goal, and she stilled her fingers. However, she didn't yet retrieve them. She didn't do so until her lips were on Lexa's. She gave her just a short, feathery kiss, because the brunette's breathing was still not even.

Clarke was still straddling her girlfriend as she watched her regain air. "What was that for?" Lexa asked, sounding still a bit breathless.

"You asked what I thought about your dancing," Clarke answered.

Lexa gave her a smile. "Is that a thing with you? You like dancers?"

"I don't think its that," Clarke admitted. "Have you ever _seen_ yourself dance, Lexa? You're really fucking hot."

Lexa's entire face turned red, and Clarke bit down on her lip to hide her proud smirk. Lexa tilted her head a bit as she looked up at the blonde. "I used to think you were shy."

"I am," Clarke said. "There's no point in being shy around you anymore. You've seen me when I'm in tears and breaking down, and you've seen me completely naked, and you've seen me super drunk."

A smile appeared across Lexa's lips. "I guess that is a valid point. I like the second one."

The statement drew a blush onto Clarke's cheeks, especially when she caught Lexa's eyes drop down to glance at Clarke's bare breasts. "I like _you_ ," she stated in return, drawing the brunette's gaze back up to blue eyes.

"Yeah?" Lexa asked, amusement in her voice.

"Yep."

Lexa's phone suddenly went off, catching both girls off guard. It was sitting on her nightstand, next to her book that was balancing haphazardly on the edge. Clarke groaned and got off of Lexa, instead sitting next to her on the bed as she grabbed her phone. "It's Octavia."

"Of course," Clarke said.

Lexa answered the phone and put it on speaker. "Yeah?"

"I'm freaking out! Raven won't answer her phone and I need to pick an outfit for tonight and like he told me to dress casual but what the fuck does that mean? I dress casually every single day but I'm not going to wear _school_ clothes on my date!" Octavia exclaimed.

"Um..." Lexa blinked. "Wear something either blue or black, first of all."

"Why?"

"Because those are your best colors," Lexa answered, rolling her eyes.

"And wear something like... tight, but not like _tight_ ," Clarke added.

"Hello to you, too, Clarke," Octavia said sarcastically, though she didn't sound particularly surprised at hearing the blonde. "And what does that mean exactly?"

"Like, wear skinny jeans," Lexa clarified, "but don't wear too tight of a top."

"And don't wear too dark of skinny jeans," Clarke interjected. "Because that pushes you past casual. Unless they're black, then it's fine."

"How do you know this?" Octavia asked, because she sounded doubtful. If Clarke was being honest, she would've thought that Octavia had more experience in getting ready for dates. But then it occurred to her that she definitely at least hadn't dated anyone during the time she'd been crushing on Lincoln and well... when she'd first met the girl, everyone had been super protective of her, like something bad had happened in her past.

Clarke had almost entirely forgotten about that. "I don't know, I just do?" The answer came out like a question, and Octavia just hummed on the other side of the line.

"Okay. I have the jeans. They're black. Top?"

"White," Lexa answered, "and wear that one black jacket you have. And leave your hair down, and don't overdo it with the eye shadow."

"Got it," Octavia replied. "Thanks. And by the way, you two sound like moms."

The line ended, and Lexa looked at Clarke with a raised eyebrow. "Well alright then," she said.

An hour later or so, they'd both put on some of Lexa's pajamas, though neither had yet bothered to shower, and were both in Lexa's bed. Clarke was drawing, trying to perfect the sketch she'd been doing in class throughout the past week, though she didn't it think it really looked good at all. Next to her, Lexa was reading her book, still. Clarke wasn't exactly sure what book it was – she hadn't asked, because she knew that she wouldn't know it anyway. Books were not her things. She hated reading and writing, which was why she couldn't bother to focus in her English class. Admittedly, she had a pretty low grade in there after not focusing at all in it and hardly reading any of the required books, but she didn't really care as long as she was passing.

Examining her drawing carefully, Clarke sighed before closing the notebook and tossing it to the end of Lexa's bed. "Abandoning art?" Lexa asked, looking up from her book with a teasing expression.

"Just that one. I don't want to look at it anymore," Clarke admitted. Lexa didn't say anything, and Clarke slid her legs under the blanket on the bed. "That doesn't usually happen. Most of the stuff I draw I end up liking. Except one I did _last year_. I tried to draw my mother – that was a mistake. I mean, it wasn't _bad_. It was just weird. Her face was all stern and uncaring – because that's how I picture her in my head."

"She didn't see it though," Lexa stated. It wasn't a question.

"No, but my dad did," Clarke said, letting out a breath. "He walked into my room one night to ask me to do the dishes or something, and he saw the drawing on my easel. He didn't really say anything about it then, but later he asked me if I would show it to her, so that she would understand that she wasn't 'connecting with me properly'. Evidently, that was something he had been trying to convince her of. Clearly, he never got a chance to do that before he died."

Lexa's book was in her lap, closed with a neat bookmark in a place further than its old one, and the brunette was turned slightly listening to Clarke. She didn't say anything.

"I still have the drawing, somewhere in one of my billion drawing pads. I think I put it at the bottom of my stack so that my dad wouldn't be able to grab it easily if he decided to show my mom. He never did, though, thankfully. He probably guessed that if he had, I wouldn't show him anymore art. He liked my art, and he always asked me what I was working on and how art class was. He bought me my first set of colored pencils actually. Like, real ones, not those stupid Crayola ones everyone uses in elementary school. He gave them to me when I was eleven, and I used them up until each one was about an inch long," Clarke said, in a daze now. "I felt bad about using them all up, so I didn't ask my dad for anymore. But he asked me why I hadn't been drawing, and when I told him why, he _immediately_ went and got me more pencils, and a lot more paper. I never really stopped after that."

"I'm glad you didn't," Lexa commented. Clarke met Lexa's eyes and smiled.

"Usually I get sad when I think about my dad." Clarke recalled the previous week, when she'd gotten two hours of sleep total due to letting herself think about him. Her smile diminished a little bit. "Is it bad that I'm starting to feel less sad? I mean, I'm sad, but I don't feel... broken."

"Maybe because you aren't broken anymore," Lexa suggested, giving the blonde a soft smile. "I think its a good thing you can talk about him without getting really sad. It means that you're enjoying the memory of him, rather than thinking about how he's gone, and it's a good thing to have that memory."

Clarke nodded, feeling suddenly very tired. It hadn't by any means been a bad day, but it had felt pretty long, and it wasn't even over yet. "I think I wanna take a nap," Clarke murmured, aware that she did sound very tired.

"Go ahead," Lexa said, and Clarke nodded again, sliding further under Lexa's blanket as her head rested on the soft pillow. She fell asleep to the feeling of Lexa's fingers playing with her hair.


	22. Chapter 22

"Wait, how exactly did you get my number?" Clarke asked into her phone, which was currently connected to a call with Bellamy.

"Octavia," he answered, "obviously. But this isn't about you, this is about Lincoln."

"Okay, what about him?" Clarke asked, going into her bathroom and examining her hair. She'd showered earlier, so it was still a little damp. It would dry in the proper way, though. Her hair was relatively easy to get to cooperate.

She put her phone down on speaker as Bellamy spoke. "Did you talk to Octavia about her date with him last night?"

"No, but I think Lexa did," Clarke answered. "Why?"

"She won't say a word to me about it, but she keeps acting all overly happy and shit," Bellamy stated.

Clarke rolled her eyes, taking two small bits of her hair from either side of her face and connecting them behind her head with a small rubber band. "So? Shouldn't you be happy as long as she's happy?"

"She didn't come home until like midnight! What if they like... _did stuff_?"

"Then she probably doesn't want you to hear about it anyway," Clarke stated. "Look, Bellamy, you're overreacting. Octavia likes Lincoln, we're all going to officially meet him in a couple of hours, and it's going to be fine. Alright?"

"Clarke, you don't have a little sister. If you did, you'd understand," Bellamy insisted.

"Maybe, but I know for a fact that you need to chill out. You can be protective, but if she's not acting distressed, you should at least relax until there's something you need to be protective of her for," Clarke insisted right back at him. She scrunched the ends of her hair a little bit and then moved on to her makeup.

"Fine. Whatever. So, Wells isn't coming tonight, is he?" Bellamy asked.

"Nope," Clarke answered, dabbing some light foundation onto her skin. "At least, I'm pretty sure he's not. He hasn't spoken to me since yesterday, and I never gave him Lexa's address, so."

"What about Jasper and Monty?"

"They'll be there," Clarke answered. "And they already have the address."

"How'd you meet them anyway? You seem different than them."

Clarke grabbed her blush from her makeup back and tilted her head. "I don't know. I used to have a few classes with both of them, and Wells and I just started sitting with them at lunch last year. I can't say we all have much in common, but they're nice."

"So they're cool with the drinking and everything?"

"Probably," Clarke answered. "I mean, I can't see them not being cool about it. Wells, though, that probably would've been the one thing to keep him from going if he hadn't gone berserk yesterday."

"Yeah, what was up with that anyway?" Bellamy asked. "What was with that comment to Lexa?"

Clarke felt her throat clench suddenly, but she swallowed thickly to open it back up. "I don't know. I told you, he thinks you guys are all weird."

"But that was a pretty directed statement," Bellamy argued. Now, Clarke could tell that he was definitely fishing for Clarke to admit at least Lexa's sexuality, but she wasn't going to be the one to do that, whether or not Lexa cared about being out of the closet, she wasn't going to put Lexa out there and not herself.

"Yeah well, ask him about it if you really think it meant something," Clarke suggested, trying to keep her voice steady as she gently colored the area above her eyes. "How was your day with your parents, by the way?"

"Fine," Bellamy answered. "They were home for a few hours, and we all caught up for the week, and then they went out to relax. They'll be home soon and then probably sleep for a solid ten to twelve hours."

"I wish my mom had some kind of schedule so that I knew when she was doing what. She likes to pop up at the most inconvenient times," Clarke muttered, rolling her eyes as she searched for her eyeliner.

"Well, she's a doctor right? Her schedule has got to be pretty random, right?"

"Yeah, but she did a good enough job over the summer being gone all the time. I don't see why now she has to randomly come home when I'm content with her being gone," Clarke admitted, painting a careful black line just above her eye with her eyeliner.

"It's weird that you prefer your mom less involved in your life," Bellamy stated.

"Yeah, well, she's not really the typical mom type anyway," Clarke replied bluntly. She set down her eyeliner tube and checked over her appearance in her mirror. Approving of herself, she picked her phone up and took it off of speaker. "That's what I'm used to anyway, so it's weird when she tries to actually be a mom."

"It's just weird to think that people could have such different opinions of their parents," Bellamy clarified.

"Yeah, I agree." Clarke went to her closet to find something to wear. "But it was different with my dad. He and I got along great, and even though he worked all the time, he always took time for me, and to understand me. My mother does not understand me at all."

"You never talk about your dad."

Clarke blinked, her thoughts freezing for a moment, before she cleared her throat. "Yeah well, it's still hard sometimes to."

Bellamy didn't say anything for a moment, and neither did Clarke as she looked through her clothing. "Hey, Clarke."

"Yep?"

"I just want you to know that... we're friends."

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows a little bit. "I know."

"Yeah, but I want you to know that _I know_. Because I know it bothered you when I kind of liked you, but I don't spend time fawning over girls who don't like me back," Bellamy admitted. "So, I thought you might feel better knowing that."

Clarke felt a smile appear on her face, because she'd been right about Bellamy. He really was turning out to be a good friend. "Well, thanks."

"No problem. I'll see you tonight – I've got to go see if I can get some liquor."

"Good luck," Clarke said, laughing lightly, and then the line ended. Clarke was still smiling to herself as she grabbed some skinny jeans and one of the few shirts she had that clung to the right parts of her upper body, and quickly changed.

An hour later – and one hour before the party was set to start – Clarke was already at Lexa's house. "Have you met Lincoln?" Clarke was asking her girlfriend as she laid across her bed with her feet at its head. Lexa was presently half in her closet and half out, looking for something to wear.

"I did once," Lexa answered, "last year sometime. He seemed really sweet."

"Bellamy is still freaking out about not having met him," Clarke said. "Apparently, Octavia won't tell him anything about her date with him, and he thinks they had sex."

Lexa raised an eyebrow as she glanced back at the blonde. "Really? They didn't."

"I didn't think so." Clarke propped her chin on her palm as she looked across the room at her girlfriend. "Haven't you found something to wear yet?"

"Nope."

Suddenly, Clarke's phone vibrated to indicate a new text message. She grabbed it off of the bed next to her.

**From Wells – Are you still mad at me?**

"What the fuck?" Clarke muttered under her breath.

Lexa turned around. "What's wrong?"

"Wells just texted me asking if I was still mad at him," Clarke answered. "Should I even answer him?"

Lexa shrugged. "He seems very inconsistent."

"He does, doesn't he," Clarke agreed, sighing. She decided to answer him, but only once.

**To Wells – Leave me alone until you've realized that I have every right to be mad at you, and until you've figured yourself out.**

Clarke set her phone down again and sighed again, shaking her head and trying not to think about it. "Every time I'm on your bed I want to take a nap," Clarke mumbled, grabbing one of the pillows from the head of the bed and pulling it to the foot of the bed where she was.

"Why's that?" Lexa asked, sounding amused.

"I dunno," Clarke admitted. "Smells good."

"If you fall asleep, I'm not waking you up when everyone gets here," Lexa stated, finally pulling some clothes out of her closet. Clarke groaned, burying her face into Lexa's pillow for a moment. She looked up almost immediately afterward, though, to see Lexa peeling off her shirt to reveal just her bare midsection and then her bra.

Clarke felt her eyes darken a bit as she stared, unable to help herself. Lexa almost immediately pulled her new top on, though, and Clarke whined, "You're mean."

"Am not," Lexa countered, though there was a smirk visible on her face as she slid her sweat pants off. Clarke tore her eyes away from her bare legs, turning over on Lexa's bed and looking up at the ceiling. Suddenly, her thoughts went back to her phone call with Bellamy earlier, and she sighed.

"Bellamy totally knows."

"What?"

"That we're together," Clarke answered. "Today, he tried to get out of me why Wells would make that comment to you yesterday. He totally knows. But I don't think he cares. He told me today that he doesn't like me anymore – thank goodness. He seems like he'd be a good friend."

"That's good."

Clarke rolled over again, looking back at Lexa, who was now fully clothed. "You still don't like him."

"Not particularly," Lexa agreed, "but it's not because I think he's a bad person. We just don't really get along."

"I bet you two could be friends," Clarke said, raising a curious eyebrow at her girlfriend, who raised both of hers.

"Really?"

Clarke nodded.

"Well, I don't know if I see that happening anytime soon," Lexa returned. Clarke let out a light laugh, and then a yawn. "Are you really already tired?"

Clarke shrugged. "I told you, your bed makes me tired."

"So come downstairs and help me make sure all my mother's glass is put away," Lexa suggested, and Clarke nodded, getting up off of the bed finally.

"You really think they'd break all the glass?" Clarke asked, amused.

"I don't trust them not to accidentally break something," Lexa corrected as they went downstairs. "And my mom might not come home very often, but she would notice if something was broken." They got downstairs, and Lexa pointed to the wooden furniture piece that was under her TV. "I put it all in the cabinet."

So they went around Lexa's house collecting everything glass and ceramic and putting it away in the cabinet, and by the time they were done, the doorbell rang. The door opened without either of them getting it, though, to reveal an excited Raven and Finn. "Hey!" Raven exclaimed as she came into the house.

"Are we early?" Finn asked, noticing that only Clarke and Lexa were there so far.

"A bit," Clarke answered, shrugging.

"So who all is coming again?" Raven asked, taking a seat on one of the _three_ couches in Lexa's living room. Finn sat next to her – Clarke and Lexa were seated on another one next to each other.

"Octavia, Bellamy, Lincoln," Lexa listed.

"Jasper and Monty," Clarke finished.

"Wells was a no go then?"

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Um, yeah."

"I'm sure he'll chill out eventually," Raven insisted, giving the blonde an encouraging smile. "Anyway! Someone is bringing cards tonight, right? I need to redeem myself in Kings for last time."

"I'm sure Octavia or Bellamy will have some," Lexa answered.

The bell at the door rang again, and Clarke offered, "I'll get it," and went to Lexa's front door. When she opened it, she saw Bellamy, alone. "Is Octavia not with you?"

"No, she said she was waiting for Lincoln to pick her up," Bellamy answered, crossing his arms.

"Chill out," Clarke insisted, rolling her eyes and stepping back to let him in. "I'm sure he's great. And if _you_ don't chill, Octavia is going to hate you so much."

"Whatever," Bellamy muttered, walking past Clarke and into Lexa's house.

"Hey Bell Boy!" Raven called, looking toward him from the living room. "You brought cards right?"

Bellamy rolled his eyes as he made his way to the living room. "Yeah, I've got them. Also got the liquor." He gestured to the bag he was carrying, which Clarke hadn't noticed. He sat himself down on the couch that Finn and Raven were cuddled on – they were so close anyway that over half of the couch was available. He eyed the couple though, as if imagining his sister and Lincoln cuddling like that as well.

Clarke had seated herself by Lexa against, and the conversation had picked back up between the five of them, when the next people arrived. They didn't knock on the door however, just knocked tentatively, so Clarke figured it was Jasper and Monty. She had a feeling that Octavia would've just stormed in, anyway.

She wasn't wrong, because after having let her two old friends in and inviting them into the conversation in the living room, Octavia basically busted Lexa's door down. "Sorry we're late!" she immediately chimed, predicting possibly by the cars outside Lexa's house that they were the last to arrive. Lincoln was coming in behind the brunette, and he closed the door as they came in.

"Yay! We're all here!" Raven exclaimed. "Bellamy, you better start working on drinks."

The beginning of the party thing was a bit awkward, all of them could admit that. For one, Jasper and Monty were new to the group, and so was Lincoln, and it didn't help that when Bellamy introduced himself to Lincoln, he kind of looked like he wanted to beat the guy up. Yeah, that didn't help.

But about half an hour after everyone had gotten there, things were considerably less weird. They all had a cup in their hand, had moved from the couches to the floor, scooted Lexa's coffee table off to the side to be the bar, and well, they were just about ready to start their game of Kings. Apparently it was a party tradition, and Raven really wanted to redeem herself. Plus, the group was bigger, and according to Lexa's comment aside to Clarke, Kings was always better with more people.

"Has everyone played before?" Octavia was asking, glancing at Lincoln and then at Clarke's friends.

"It's the game with the cup in the middle, right?" Lincoln asked, and everyone nodded.

"Yeah, we've played it before," Jasper answered for him and Monty, making Clarke feel like a loser since up until a couple of weeks prior, she'd never played it. "But everyone has different rules for some of the cards, might as well go over how you guys do it."

Bellamy took charge of that job, and quickly ran through all the cards again. Clarke actually remembered all of them, somehow. Two is you, three is me, four is floor, five is guys, six is chicks, seven is heaven, eight is mate, nine is rhyme, ten is categories, Jack is a rule, Queen is question master, King is king's cup, ace is waterfall. Last king is the winner.

They decided on going counter clockwise, and Finn volunteered to go first just to playfully piss of Raven, who, sitting to his left, would now take her turn last. He pulled a three, to everyone's amusement, and drank without a complaint.

Jasper was next, pulling a six. He yelled out a hyped, "Drink ladies!" Clarke looked at Lexa, giving her a small smile as the two of them and the other two girls in the circle took their first drinks.

"Clarke, you couldn't have had friends that were girls?" Raven asked, whining despite the fact that she was obviously kidding. "We are seriously outnumbered now."

"You're outnumbered by _one_ ," Finn argued, rolling his eyes and nudging his girlfriend, who was still being pouty.

Monty turned over his card, and at the sight of the seven, everyone's hands shot up into the air. Lincoln's had been the last one up, and Octavia nudged him. "Drink!" she chimed excitedly. It was easy to tell that Octavia was a bit nervous, now that Clarke thought about it. Aside from the fact that the vodka in her drink greatly outbalanced whatever soda was also in it, there was something in her general energy that said it.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm drinking," Lincoln said, giving her a small smile as he brought his cup to his lips.

Bellamy was next to flip over his card, and he got an eight. Clarke knew who was going to be his mate before he said it, because there was only one person he could pick without it being weird anyway, and he looked to Clarke. "Clarke, be my mate?"

"Fuck you," she answered, rolling her eyes. Bellamy just grinned widely at her, and Clarke leaned forward to turn over a card. Five. All the guys groaned and gave in, taking sips of their drinks, and then Clarke took one as well, now that she was mated to Bellamy.

Lexa turned over a card, and it was a two, and she immediately looked at Clarke. "You," she said, poking the blonde's side.

Clarke pouted. "Why is everyone targeting _me_ now?" she asked, taking a drink of her... whatever her drink was. It didn't taste as strong as her drink from the last party had been, but Bellamy had gotten her this and she knew that the guy had been worried about her during the last party when she'd drank a bit too much.

"Doesn't feel so great does it?" Raven asked, looking pointedly at the blonde.

Lincoln turned over a card next, because he was sitting next to Lexa, and got a nine. He took a second to think about his rhyming word, and once he came up with one, he said, "Plate."

"Mate!" Octavia said next.

Raven tilted her head. "Gate."

"Late," Finn said.

"Wait," Jasper rhymed, grinning at Monty as he took a second to think of another word.

"Fate," he said.

Bellamy huffed, looking like he might've just given up for the sake of not having to think about it, but Clarke knew that he wouldn't. After all, it was Lincoln's card, and there was no way that Bellamy was going to end up drinking because of Lincoln. "Bait."

"Sate," Clarke said. She got a look of skepticism from Raven, and she said, "It's a word, chill."

"Rate," Lexa rhymed easily – she never seemed to have a problem with the rhymes anyway.

"Berate," Lincoln said next, looking pointedly at Octavia next to him.

"Nope, not doing that," she said, giving in an taking a drink. "Do those things always end on me? You're just as bad as Lexa with rhymes, Lincoln."

"Could've said date," Raven pointed out, but Octavia just stuck her tongue out at her and flipped over a card. Queen, and the brunette looked excited to be the question master.

"Wait, wait," Jasper said, before Raven could get to her card, "what are your specific rules on question master? Can we choose not to answer or do we have to answer with another question?"

"Either way," Finn answered, "as long as you don't answer normally. Don't worry, you'll catch on what _not_ to do from Raven."

"Shut up," Raven growled at him, finally getting to flip her card over. "Eight!" she said happily. "Finn, you're my mate." Finn didn't look too happy about it, but Clarke smirked, because now he couldn't tease Raven when she had to drink.

Completing the first go all the way around, Finn turned over his next card. It was the first ace, and he immediately started the waterfall. Raven groaned as everyone's cup went up one by one, her being last. Finn kept it up for a few seconds, but then he dropped his. Jasper didn't stop for another few seconds later, wanting to bother Monty, who didn't even try to bother Bellamy.

Bellamy only drank for another half a second after Monty, so Clarke could've stopped, but she was taking small sips in her waterfall like Lexa had suggested the last time she'd played Kings, so she kept it up for another few seconds before stopping.

Lexa immediately stopped after that, narrowing her eyes at the blonde. "You're mean," she stated.

"That makes two of us then, huh?" Clarke asked pointedly, wiggling her eyebrows at the brunette, and picturing her girlfriend's bare body again from earlier when she'd called Lexa mean.

"You look like you're trying to undress me with you eyes," Lexa said with a low voice, raising an eyebrow at the blonde.

"Maybe I am," Clarke suggested, raising an eyebrow.

They were broken out of their small conversation as they realized that the game was about to move on to the next turn. Raven had been grumbling about the waterfall, but Jasper was finally grabbing his card. It was a two, and he pointed at Monty immediately. "That's you, buddy."

"Of course," Monty said, rolling his eyes at his friend and taking a drink before flipping over the next card. It was a Jack, and Monty grinned widely when he realized that he got to make a game rule. "Anyone who says a cuss word has to drink," he stated.

"Seriously?" Octavia grumbled, even though she had yet to curse at all so far.

"You heard him," Jasper backed up his friend, grinning as well. Clarke could tell that her two friends were fitting in pretty well, and that made her smile.

Bellamy drew the first king of the game, and poured the last of his cup into the King's Cup, before getting himself another drink. Everyone else got their refills as well, but before the game could continue after that, Lexa brought up the fact that they needed to order pizza so that they could at least start to balance out the alcohol.

So the brunette took a vote on what pizza everyone wanted, and they ended up deciding to get four total – two cheese and two pepperoni. Bellamy muttered something about the probability that they'd need more, but Octavia just waved at him to be quiet, and Lexa had gone off into the kitchen to order the pizzas. She insisted that everyone keep playing though.

After Clarke took a turn, drawing a three and taking a drink quickly, she claimed that she needed to get a drink of water, and followed Lexa into the kitchen. She thought she caught Octavia giving her a pointed look, but she ignored it.

Lexa was in the middle of ordering the pizza when Clarke walked in, and she hoisted herself up onto one of the counters and sat on it, watching Lexa and waiting for her to be off the phone. When her girlfriend got off the phone, she set her phone down and looked curiously at the blonde.

"What's up, beautiful?" she asked, surprising Clarke with the endearment.

Clarke blushed a little as she answered, "I wanna tell them."

"Tonight?" Lexa asked, looking a bit surprised as she tilted her head, now standing in front of the blonde, with her hands on the counter to either side of Clarke's legs.

Clarke shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe instead of _telling_ them, I could just pretend to get really drunk again and we could start making out."

Lexa broke out into a laugh on accident, and then she said with a smile still on her face, "I'm not sure that would be the best way to tell them."

"Yeah, but it'd be easy," Clarke muttered. "Plus, I wouldn't mind some kisses." She suddenly wrapped her legs around Lexa, preventing her girlfriend's escape. "Gimme!"

Lexa was smiling as she leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Clarke's lips, warming up her body. It probably helped that she had a little bit of a buzz going through her body already.

"You guys could get caught _so easily_ ," a voice suddenly said, causing the two of them to break apart. Clarke wasn't worried, though, because the voice was clearly Octavia's.

"Hello to you, too," Clarke muttered to their friend, releasing Lexa from the hold her legs had her in.

"I'm just saying," Octavia stated. "Anyone could've just walked in here."

Lexa exchanged a brief look with Clarke and then they both shrugged at the same time. "We're gonna tell them," Lexa answered for both of them.

Octavia looked at Clarke, surprised. "Really?"

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. "What? Did you think that I was going to spend weeks feeling like shit while I tried to decide whether or not to tell all of my friends, who I'm pretty sure wouldn't care anyway, that I have a freaking awesome girlfriend?"

"Who has a freaking awesome girlfriend?" a fourth voice asked suddenly, as Bellamy appeared in the kitchen.

Clarke looked away from him instinctively, taking a deep breath as she heard Lexa answer, "Not you."

"Obviously."

"Are we doing this now, or what?" Octavia asked.

"You're not doing anything," Clarke pointed out, looking back up. Everyone had pushed their way into the kitchen at this point, curious as to why everyone had disappeared. Clarke suddenly felt overwhelmed, and she inhaled sharply at seeing everyone there in front of her. She was frozen, and then she scooted herself off the counter. "I'll be back."

She escaped from the kitchen from the second exit, and then she bolted up Lexa's stairs and went straight for the girl's bedroom. She closed Lexa's door behind her, and went and sat in her girlfriend's bed.

Her breathing was too fast, so she squeezed her eyes closed and took in a deep breath. Yeah, it was one thing for her to say that she was going to tell everyone, but she didn't mean necessarily all at once, right away, while they were all looking at her expectantly.

She wanted Lexa to tell them, it would be easier. She wasn't scared of doing it, and Clarke wasn't scared of _being out_ , she was just scared of being the one to tell. Like with Octavia, she hadn't had to tell her, but once Octavia knew, Clarke was fine.

No one came into the room for a few minutes, even though Clarke thought Lexa would've followed her, but finally there was a knock on the door. "Lexa?" Clarke called out.

"It's Bellamy."

That was a bit of a surprise. Clarke bit down on her lower lip, kind of wishing that it was Lexa. She wiped at her face, even though there weren't any tears on it, and cleared her throat. "You can come in."

Bellamy came into Lexa's room and barely glanced around. Clarke wasn't sure that he'd ever seen it before, but she didn't think he had, which meant he knew that he was in a place that wasn't his and that he shouldn't feel comfortable enough to snoop. "I want to apologize."

"For what?" Clarke asked.

"I was trying to get you to tell me about you and Lexa earlier today, when I kept asking about Wells' comment, but I already knew," Bellamy stated.

"I know," Clarke murmured, hugging Lexa's pillow to her chest and inhaling through her nose. She could smell Lexa's shampoo.

Bellamy looked confused. "You knew? So why didn't you just tell me?"

"I don't know."

"Octavia knew, didn't she?" Bellamy asked.

"Lexa told her," Clarke answered. "I told Wells."

Bellamy raised an eyebrow. "I assume that didn't work out too well."

"It was fine for a while," Clarke answered. "But yeah, no. I want to tell everyone but then you were all right there in front of me and I just... It was too much pressure."

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that I already know, and that I'm cool with it. Not at all surprised that Lexa's into ladies anyway," he stated. "And... well, I think you could definitely do a lot worse than Lexa."

Clarke gave him a small smile. "Did you just compliment Lexa? I thought the relationship between you guys was you flat out ignoring her and talking to me while she got all stiff when it happened."

Bellamy cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well yeah, we don't really know each other very well, or whatever, but... I'm not stupid. She's a good friend to Octavia and Raven, and she seems really comfortable around you. And speaking of, she really wanted to come in here and talk to you, so I'm gonna go before she rips my head off."

Clarke just nodded, and then Bellamy left the room, and Lexa came in. She shut the door purposefully behind her. "I'm sorry," she said immediately.

"Why are _you_ sorry?" Clarke asked, furrowing her eyebrows at her girlfriend a little. "You literally did nothing wrong."

Lexa came and sat next to Clarke on her bed. "If I made you feel like you have to tell anyone."

"You didn't."

"Yeah I did," Lexa argued. "Maybe I didn't say it, but yeah, I want you to tell people. I can't help that I want you to. I don't want to keep you a secret, and I know you don't want to keep me a secret."

"I don't want to tell them," Clarke said, surprising Lexa for a moment before she clarified with, "I just want them to know. It would be easier if they just _knew_."

"Like Octavia and Bellamy did?" Lexa asked, reaching up and brushing a bit of Clarke's hair out of her face.

Clarke nodded. "Wells, too. I didn't tell him before he asked me about it. It's just so much easier. I don't mind everyone knowing. Telling them is scary. Do we _have_ to?"

"No," Lexa said softly. "We could just pretend to get drunk and start making out in an hour." Clarke smiled a little bit at the statement, and Lexa smiled as soon as she saw Clarke's.

The blonde grabbed Lexa's hands and pulled her closer to her, stealing a long, sweet kiss from her. When she pulled away, she said, "I can do this. I can tell them."

"You sure?"

Clarke nodded. "As long as you're going to hold my hand the whole time."

Lexa smiled. "Of course."


	23. Chapter 23

When Clarke and Lexa came down Lexa's stairs, Clarke immediately noticed that their friends had begun playing Kings again. However, Monty and Jasper both seemed a bit concerned, and even Raven and Finn both wore frowns on their faces. Clarke figured that Bellamy and Octavia had both forced everyone back to playing to give Clarke and Lexa time to talk.

Clarke was appreciative of that, but none of the group hid the fact that they immediately glanced back at the two coming downstairs. "Are you okay, Clarke?" Raven asked, and despite the fact that Clarke and Raven were not all that close yet, that was the first time that Clarke realized that they definitely could be.

All in one swift moment, Clarke smiled, grabbed Lexa's hand and said, "Yep, just needed a moment with my girlfriend."

And then it was done. It felt completely relieving, a beautiful feeling, one that Clarke hadn't even felt when she had told Lexa and her new friends about her dad. It was better than that, like the last thing she needed to do to completely open up to her friend group – full of people she somehow knew were _her_ people.

Octavia was grinning, Bellamy was smiling, and no one else really seemed fazed by the statement aside from Jasper and Monty. Lincoln didn't really seem to react at all, but for all Clarke knew, Octavia could've told him already. She didn't think so, though, so it was likely that he was just a pretty chill guy. She immediately noted in her mind that she needed to talk to him at some point, so that she could make sure before telling Octavia to definitely not let him go.

"Whoa whoa!" Raven exclaimed. "You two are dating?" she demanded as Clarke and Lexa went back to their seats in the circle. "Why didn't I know?" She was seemed only upset that she wasn't told.

"Same," Finn said, furrowing his eyebrows a little bit.

"Because you haven't reached my cool level yet," Octavia answered, grinning at Raven, who shoved her.

"Octavia knew?"

"This is what happens when you stop talking to someone for a couple of weeks," Jasper said. "I didn't know you liked girls, Clarke."

Clarke just shrugged, because she didn't care what any of them commented at this point – clearly none of them felt like burning her at the stake, and that was all she wanted.

"Bell Boy," Raven said, "why haven't you said anything?"

Bellamy just shrugged.

"Wait hold up! _Bellamy_ knew? But I didn't?" Raven exclaimed, looking between Clarke and Lexa.

"He figured it out by himself," Lexa said, looking pointedly back at the other brunette. "Same goes for Octavia. So I guess it's your fault for not noticing."

"Noticing what?" Finn asked. "It's not like you two were obvious."

"Are you kidding?" Octavia asked, looking at the guy. "Seriously? You couldn't see them eye fucking each other all the time."

Clarke's eyes widened. "Um... we don't do that."

"Yeah, you do," Lincoln answered, though no one but Clarke and Lexa heard him, because Finn and Raven had begun arguing with Octavia, and the room was loud at this point. Clarke gave him a surprised look. He was smiling a small smile. "In my defense, I kind of heard you two, ah, whispering."

Lexa's face flushed, and Clarke blushed as well, though she just thought it was adorable to see Lexa flush. "Well, I guess Octavia was right about us being able to be caught easily," Lexa commented.

"Well," Monty said suddenly, "did Wells know?"

Clarke looked over to him. "Uh, yeah. He figured it out. He wasn't too um, happy about it, though."

"Is that what that comment was about yesterday?" Jasper asked, looking to Lexa, who just nodded to him in response. Clarke was just impressed that he'd made eye contact with Lexa, because he and Monty both seemed a bit scared of her still for some reason.

"That explains why he was weird when I asked him about it," Monty commented under his breath.

No one said anything for a moment, and then Clarke cleared her throat. "So, ah, Kings?"

Nothing was at all weird as they began to play again, and Clarke briefly wondered why she'd been so worried. Plus, at that point, it was really only four people that they were telling.

The relief of telling their friends wasn't the only upside to telling them, Clarke immediately noticed that Lexa was leaning into Clarke a bit, since they were sitting next to each other. Just feeling Lexa closer to her was amazing, because Clarke realized then that she could kiss Lexa whenever she wanted to. She could hold her hand, or simply not feel like there was some secret between them in every moment that they were together.

They went around some more in Kings, and then they ended with Jasper claiming that he had an even better drinking game, even as Octavia was just gulping down the full king's cup at the end. It was some game called "Sip Sip Shot", and it was essentially duck duck goose, but with alcohol. It was fun for a little while, until everyone got too lazy to move around that much.

That's when Raven decided to go and find a movie from Lexa's room, though Clarke hadn't been aware that there were many movies there, and Raven demanded that Clarke help them look.

So Clarke flashed Lexa a quick smile and then followed Raven upstairs. They went straight to Lexa's room, but Raven closed the door and looked pointedly at Clarke. "Uh, you're not going to kill me, are you?"

"Look, I don't know you very well yet, Clarke. And I'll admit, you probably know Lexa better than I do, even though I've known her for a year now. But no matter what I don't know about her past, I know that when I met her last year, she was so fragile and broken and it was heartbreaking to even see anyone in that kind of condition. Now, I'll admit, you were a little like that when we first met you, but not nearly as bad as she was. She's gotten so much better, and if you break her like whoever else did in her past, you're going to be in some deep shit," Raven stated.

Clarke blinked, surprised mostly because she hadn't been expecting the talk from anyone. It was almost reassuring that she'd received it, though, because Lexa deserved to have people watching her back anyway. She nodded immediately. "I don't think I could hurt her if I wanted to. She's the sweetest person I've ever met."

Raven smiled. "Why haven't we gotten to know each other very well yet, Clarke? I think you and I would make a good team."

"In what sense?" Clarke asked, laughing lightly.

"If we put our magical powers together, I bet we could basically outnumber the guys again," Raven said, grinning wickedly. "But that's a concern for a later date, let's find a movie!"

"I didn't know Lexa had movies in here," Clarke admitted, as Raven led her to one of the shelves on the far side of Lexa's room. Clarke had noticed the books and music CDs that were on some of the shelves, but she hadn't noticed that one was entirely covered in DVDs. Perhaps it was also because she just didn't expect Lexa to care much about movies – she didn't care much about TV anyway.

"You mean you haven't snooped through all her stuff?" Raven asked. "I did that to Finn days after I started dating him."

"Yeah well, that's not really something I think Lexa would appreciate," Clarke commented, smiling an amused smile as she and Raven scanned over the movies on the shelf.

Raven paused for a moment, though her eyes moved to look at Clarke rather than the movies, and Clarke gave her a curious look in return. "I think you make her happy," Raven admitted. "She seems really soft around you. And even though I had no clue you two were dating, I should've been able to guess. After you talked about your dad, and ran out of there, Lexa looked like she was deciding whether to be distraught or to hold it together so that she could rush after you. In retrospect, it was pretty hilarious."

Clarke just smiled.

"Oh shit, I just realized I mentioned your dad. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Clarke insisted, grabbing a couple of movies that looked good from the shelf and handing them to Raven. "I think I'm starting to accept that he's gone now. But it does kind of suck."

Raven gave her a gentle smile, and looked down at the movies – just some dramas that Clarke thought looked good. Raven nodded approvingly, and then said, "Yep, we will definitely be good friends. Let's go back downstairs so you can look all cute with your girlfriend."

Clarke blushed at the comment of her and Lexa looking cute together, but the other girl didn't seem to notice as she turned and headed out of Lexa's room. Clarke followed her, and as they got back downstairs, a loud discussion was going on. It probably didn't help that everyone was definitely tipsy by now – even Clarke could tell that her head was getting pretty fuzzy.

Raven announced the few movies they'd picked, and Bellamy immediately groaned at the selections. Clarke ignored the majority of the movie picking argument that commenced, because she'd picked them in the first place. So she just grabbed her girlfriend's hands and pulled her up, stealing a seat on one of her couches. "Hi," Lexa said softly to her as she sat down next to the blonde, both of them ignoring the arguing around them.

"Hi," Clarke answered. "Raven thinks that she and I are going to be partners in crime."

"Not gonna lie," Lexa started, "I can picture that."

"Me and Raven as friends?" Clarke asked. "Or me committing crime?"

"The first one," Lexa answered, shaking her head playfully. "And I think you're a little bit tipsy."

Clarke grinned widely and nodded, grabbing her drink from where it was on the floor still in front of her, and taking another drink. "Maybe a little."

"As long as you don't end up throwing up all over my house," Lexa threatened playfully. "I have to admit that you are pretty cute right now, though."

Clarke felt her face flush red, but before she could say anything in response, Octavia said, "Clarke, Lexa, you two need to choose which movie you guys want to watch, because we can't decide."

"I don't care," Clarke answered, shrugging at her friends as she pulled her gaze away from her girlfriend.

"Same," Lexa agreed.

"So unhelpful!" Octavia whined.

They spent the next couple of hours watching the movie that Bellamy ended up just grabbing at random and putting in Lexa's TV. Despite the fact that Clarke actually enjoyed it, she agreed with everyone else when they said it was predictable, and they began to make a drinking game out of it – drink every time something predictable happened. By the end of it, everyone had drank quite a bit more and were pushing past the point of tipsy.

Clarke excused herself to go get water, and as she was in Lexa's kitchen filling up a glass, she was surprised to see Lincoln follow her in. "You guys are crazy," he stated, shaking his head with amusement. Clarke had almost forgotten that he hadn't met everyone until just that night.

She gave him an understanding smile. "Hey, if it makes you feel better, I've only been apart of this for just a few weeks."

"You do seem a bit less crazy," Lincoln commented in a friendly tone, filling a glass of water as soon as Clarke was done. "You seem pretty close with everyone already, though."

"They're easy to fall into," Clarke admitted, shrugging and taking a long drink of her water, knowing what she could expect in the morning if she didn't do so. "Plus, being close with Lexa made it pretty easy too."

"They definitely seem like a fun group," Lincoln agreed. "Octavia was really nervous about me meeting everyone, though. Especially her brother. She was worried he wouldn't like me."

Clarke's eyes widened. "Really? Bellamy has been so anxious to meet you, and Octavia has basically been brushing him off. That's so adorable that she actually cares what he thinks, though."

Lincoln just smiled. "He seems like a decent guy so far."

"He really is," Clarke admitted. "He's a good friend, and he really cares about Octavia."

"She seems to trust him a lot as her brother. She pretends that she doesn't, but she does," Lincoln admitted. "There's something I can't figure out about Octavia."

Clarke tilted her head. "I haven't known her long enough to help you out with that," she said, finishing her glass of water and shrugging. "We should probably rejoin the crazy people now."

Lincoln nodded. "Probably."

When Clarke got back to the living room, she knew that the water had definitely helped steady herself a little, but as soon as she sat down next to Lexa on the couch and tried to join into the conversation, she took a small sip from her drink and knew that she was definitely leaning toward the drunk side.

"What are we talking about?" Clarke asked, nudging her girlfriend and nodding to the conversation.

"Who knows?" Lexa answered. "Who can keep up?"

"Not me, I'm sleepy," Clarke admitted, only realizing that she was as she said it. She hadn't thought that drinking really made her tired, but thinking back, she had gone to sleep earlier than everyone else the last time she'd drank.

"Are you a sleepy drunk, then?" Lexa asked sweetly. "Stay awake longer, don't leave me all alone."

"Maybe I am a sleepy drunk," Clarke said, shrugging. "But okay." She smiled widely at her.

"Or maybe you're not," Lexa said thoughtfully, "you wanted to take a nap earlier too. You sleep too much."

Clarke just shrugged, scooting away from Lexa a bit to lean against the arm of the couch and stretch her legs over Lexa's lap. The brunette rested her hands on Clarke's legs, tracing small shapes on the blonde's jeans with her fingers, and Clarke tried to pay attention to the conversation between all of her friends.

She finally joined the conversation, though, and she woke up a bit, and at some point her attention drifted to Lexa's fingers tracing shapes on her leg. Her thoughts were then on Lexa's fingers in general, and her mouth when dry, and she wanted everyone else to leave or go to sleep so that she could steal her girlfriend and go upstairs and celebrate their coming out properly.


	24. Chapter 24

Clarke woke up the next morning feeling an arm over her waist. She was in Lexa's bed – she knew because it smelled like her, and she slightly remembered going upstairs to sleep rather than staying in the living room. She was wearing minimal clothing – a t-shirt and her underwear, but despite that, she knew that she and Lexa hadn't had sex the previous night. She was kind of glad that they hadn't, though, because she likely wouldn't have remembered it.

Clarke began to wake up a bit more, becoming more aware. For one, Lexa was holding her against her front, and their bare legs were tangled under the blankets. Clarke could feel Lexa's chest rising and falling evenly. For another, Clarke realized that her head actually wasn't pounding.

Though, she could tell that she was a bit hungover, it didn't seem near as bad as the first time. That was partly because she'd tried to keep water in system all night, a decision she was definitely happy with right now.

She carefully slipped out of Lexa's embrace and climbed out of her girlfriend's bed, standing and stretching her arms up above her head. She didn't know when she'd changed into this t-shirt, but she imagined that Lexa had been responsible. She smiled a small smile to herself and went to Lexa's closet to grab some sweat pants and a hoodie to slip on as well.

After washing herself up a bit in the bathroom as well, she left Lexa's room to see if anyone was up. She was pretty sure that no one had gone home, since they'd all been way too drunk to drive by the time they'd gone to bed.

Sure enough, everyone was still in Lexa's living room, but no one was awake. Bellamy was asleep across the floor, looking actually somehow comfortable, and while Lincoln and Octavia shared a couch, Finn and Raven shared the second couch, and Jasper and Monty were both on the third. The room would've been silent except that Jasper was snoring.

Seeing no reason to stay downstairs, Clarke went straight back up to Lexa's room. As she opened the door, she saw Lexa sitting up in her bed, rubbing her eyes. She looked over to Clarke. "Where did you go?" her voice was tired and a bit raspy, and Clarke couldn't help the small smile that appeared on her face when she heard it.

"I was just seeing if anyone is awake," Clarke answered. "They're all still passed out." She closed the door behind her and went to sit back next to Lexa on the bed. "Did you wake up because I left?"

"Maybe," Lexa admitted. "One sec, I need to brush my teeth because I still taste alcohol."

Lexa climbed out of her bed and went into her bathroom, and Clarke scooted to the spot that Lexa had been laying and curled up in the still warm blankets. Lexa came back into the room a few minutes later and started back toward the bed. Clarke peeked out at her through the blankets.

"You stole my spot," Lexa said, pouting at Clarke as she sat on the bed next to the blonde. Clarke thought her pout was probably one of the cutest things she'd ever seen.

"Yeah, it's comfier," Clarke stated. She pulled the covers down away from her face and looked up at her girlfriend. "If you want it, you'll have to take it from me."

Lexa didn't say anything, but she was suddenly straddling Clarke, who was caught off guard as her breath hitched in her throat. "Or we could share it."

"That works too," Clarke agreed, immediately feeling heat pool between her legs. "Now are you just going to sit there, or are you going to kiss me?"

Lexa laughed lightly, before leaning down and pressing her lips firmly to Clarke's, and the blonde immediately tangled her fingers into dark, slightly messy hair. Clarke groaned slightly as Lexa's tongue slipped through her lips. Lexa's hands were under Clarke's layered tops, and Clarke wondered why she'd even put on extra clothing.

Lexa's lips dragged down to Clarke's neck, and the blonde let out a sigh at the feeling, but her breath caught in the moan that escaped her lips as she felt Lexa's leg suddenly slide in between her thighs and press up against her center, which was already a bit wet. The blonde's hips rolled against Lexa's thigh, and the brunette's lips met Clarke's again.

"Hey, is there any –" Clarke and Lexa immediately broke their lips apart and Lexa nearly fell over as someone opened their door speaking. They both looked toward to see Raven, who exclaimed. "Oh my god!" She immediately left the room and closed the door. "Sorry!"

"Fucking Raven," Clarke muttered, less upset about Raven walking in on them and more upset about the fact that her chance at hot morning sex had just been taken away.

"Actually I think I was about to be fucking you," Lexa corrected, laying on the bed next to Clarke, who frowned.

"That's not funny," Clarke muttered.

There was a quiet knock on Lexa's door, and the brunette slipped her bare legs under her blanket as Raven called, "Is it safe?"

"Yes," Lexa called, and Raven slowly opened the door.

"Ah, sorry. I didn't think about the fact that um... yeah. Sorry."

"It's fine," Lexa insisted, though Clarke was still quite grouchy as she just sat up a bit and looked over at the brunette by the door.

"What's up?" she asked, trying not to sound like an upset, horny teenage girl.

"Wanted to ask Lexa if there was something I can start making for breakfast?" Raven asked, looking back at Lexa.

Lexa shrugged. "I'll come down and find something. Give me a sec to get pants on." Raven nodded, and then she left the room, purposefully closing the door behind her.

"I don't wanna get up," Clarke whined, still frustrated.

"So stay here," Lexa said, smiling an amused smile as she got out of her bed. She leaned down to give Clarke a quick kiss, and then she went to her closet to get some pants. "What do you want to eat?"

"Do you even cook?" Clarke asked her.

"To an extent," Lexa answered, pulling on the sweats she'd grabbed. "What do you want?"

"You," Clarke said bluntly, raising her eyebrows a little bit.

"I meant for breakfast, Clarke."

"Yeah, so did I," Clarke insisted, smiling a wide, cheeky smile.

Lexa rolled her eyes and shook her head, though her lips were turned up in a slight smile. "I'll be downstairs making breakfast."

"Fine," Clarke muttered, and her girlfriend left the room. Sighing, Clarke ignored the feeling in between her legs as she got up and stretched again. She lazily made her way downstairs after her Lexa, who was already in the kitchen doing something or another when Clarke got to the living room. Raven wasn't in there – she was probably in the kitchen with Lexa – but everyone else in the living room was starting to wake up.

"My head," Jasper groaned from one of the couches.

"Shh," Octavia muttered from the other couch, and then she slowly sat up. "Clarke, know where the aspirin is?"

"Nope," Clarke answered.

"How are you awake without aspirin?" Finn muttered from the third couch as he sat up.

Raven came into the living room suddenly with a handful of pills and some bottles of water, and began distributing them. "Clarke had a different kind of wake up call, that's how."

"You're not allowed to joke about that, Raven, I might still have to kill you for messing up that 'wake up call'," Clarke said, and of course despite the fact that she was mildly upset, she was joking.

"Hey, I'm just glad I didn't walk in a minute later," Raven said, smirking.

"Stop talking to so loud," Octavia groaned, taking back her aspirin and downing half of the water bottle that was handed to her. "Is someone making food?"

"Lexa," Clarke answered, and then she proceeded to make her way into the kitchen, where Lexa was making pancakes.

Two hours later, Clarke was home and wishing she was still at Lexa's. After they'd all eaten and most of her friends had left Lexa's, Clarke had gotten a text from her mom asking her to come home right away. It sounded urgent, so Clarke had obeyed her mom and left, even though she was still waiting for her girlfriend to finish what they'd started that morning.

Upon getting home, Clarke immediately found her mother sitting in the kitchen at the breakfast table and picking at some food that she probably had picked up at some point or another, because there was no way she'd made food that looked that decent. "What's up?" she asked, going straight for the table and sitting across from her mom, even though she'd pretty much rather be anywhere else.

"So, last night while you were with your friends, I had a night in with Wells' parents, and Wells tagged along," her mother started, and Clarke knew that this couldn't be good. "I'd assumed he was going to the place you were to hang out with friends, and he told me that he doesn't know them well enough to have gone. Is that true?"

"That's true, I guess," Clarke answered. "They invited him, though."

"Well," Abby continued, "I asked him why he wouldn't just go anyway, since you were going, and he said something interesting.

Clarke felt her whole body tense, because at this point, there were a number of things that Wells could've told her mother to make her seem so stoic. Of course, the worst being her sexuality. "Which was?"

"A number of things, actually. Apparently, you've seemed to abandon him for your new friends, despite what you've told me. Also, that there was alcohol where you were last night. And that the last time I didn't know where you were and Wells said you were with him, you actually had been out somewhere else drinking," Abby stated.

Clarke felt herself relax only a little bit, because it still was not good that her mother knew she was drinking. "So what? It's not like I got plastered, and I didn't drive."

"Clarke Griffin!" Abby exclaimed. "Do not pretend that you don't know how alcohol can hurt you! Even without that in mind, it's stupid for you to drink! You're still underage!"

"I'm careful, mom! I haven't been arrested! It's not that big of a deal!" Clarke exclaimed. "And on top of that, I didn't _abandon_ Wells for anyone! He's a pretentious ass who can't accept the fact that I'm not the same person I was a year ago!"

Yeah, maybe that was a little harsh, but Clarke was mad now. "Clarke! What has gotten into you? You've been distant, hardly coming home –"

"Don't give me shit about that, mom," Clarke growled, "you're _never_ home!"

"Is that what this drinking thing is about?"

Clarke let out an exasperated breath. "It's not like I'm drinking every night to drown my sorrows, mom! I'm just drinking for fun, and I'm careful, and I don't see what the big deal is!"

"The big deal is that you could be arrested!"

Clarke crossed her arms over her chest. "Alright, I'm breaking the law, it's awful, you're mad. Can I leave now?"

"What has gotten into you, Clarke? Is it those new friends of yours? I don't think you should hangout with them if they drink. That's not a good influence on you. Plus, you _lied_ about what you were doing that other night, Clarke. That is unacceptable."

"There's nothing wrong with my new friends, mom."

"They're pressuring you to drink!" Abby exclaimed.

"No, they're not! And mom, don't even try to lie. You're not mad about the drinking. You're mad that Wells and I aren't close anymore and whatever perfect picture you had of me or us in your head is completely wiped out now," Clarke growled. "And I'm not going to just stop hanging out with my friends because you think you don't like them."

"Yes you will, or you'll be grounded."

Clarke felt her blood boil a bit. "Yeah? You're going to ground me? And then what, you're going to actually be home enough to make sure that I don't leave the house?"

"What is this, Clarke?" Abby demanded, crossing her arms. "What's causing this?"

"Maybe I've just finally realized that I'm a person with more than just one dimension." Clarke stood up from the seat and rushed upstairs as she heard her mom yelling at her to stay downstairs. Moments later, Clarke was locking her door and holding her back to it. There was suddenly knocking against it.

"Clarke, open the door."

"No."

"You're grounded."

"Fine."

"Give me your phone."

"No."

"What do you think being grounded means, Clarke?" her mom growled.

"I think it doesn't matter if you can't get into my room."

"Well, your keys are downstairs. I'm taking them."

"Go ahead, I'll just call one of my friends to pick me up for school."

She heard her mom let out an exasperated puff of air. "Just open the door, Clarke."

"Why should I?" Clarke demanded. "Leave me alone."

She stepped away from her door and collapsed onto her bed. Her mom continued to say something or another about her being grounded from behind her locked door, and Clarke pulled out her phone.

**To Lexa – If I were to figure out a way to get out of my house safely through my window, would you be my getaway car?**

The response came a couple of minutes after Clarke's mom finally abandoned trying to get Clarke's attention.

**From Lexa – Of course. What happened?**

**To Lexa – Mom's a bitch, nothing new. I'm "grounded".**

**From Lexa – For what?**

**To Lexa – Drinking. :-) Thank you to Wells for being the GREATEST at telling my mother exactly what I DON'T need her to know.**

**From Lexa – Why did he do that?**

**To Lexa – I don't know, I don't care. I'm just wondering what kind of accident I can get someone to cause so that the hospital gets another patient and needs to call my mom in to work. She took my keys but I locked my door so she can't get my phone.**

**From Lexa – You know that house doors have keys, right?**

**To Lexa – There's no way she knows where those are.**

And before Clarke could even get a response from Lexa, she was proven wrong as her door open, and her mother came into the room in a rage, practically wrenching Clarke's phone out of her hands and then giving her back her car keys in order to get to school the following morning.

Then her mother proceeded to rant about Clarke being disrespectful or something, questioned with annoyance who was texting Clarke, and then left the room, her little door key with her.

And Clarke spent the rest of her day trying to draw and not think about the fact that Lexa was probably texting her, and her mother could probably scroll back and read all of her text messages, and that her former best friend was officially her least favorite person.

Approximately twenty hours later, Clarke got to school a bit early, feeling like shit and needing to see Lexa.

She went straight for the soccer field, and saw Octavia and Bellamy practicing among most of the rest of the soccer team. Lexa wasn't there at the bottom of the bleachers, but Clarke sat down anyway, waiting for her.

A few minutes later, Lexa did show up. "Hey, what happened to you yesterday?" The concern in Lexa's voice was adorable and appreciated.

Clarke sighed. "My mom busted into my room and took my phone. She gave me my keys though, to get to school. I don't think that she thought it through, though, because I am not going home tonight and she has no way to contact me. So. Pretty sure I have the upper hand."

Lexa frowned. "I'm sorry." She sat down tentatively next to her girlfriend. "I figured she took your phone, but I was worried about you. And you can come over to mine after school, if you want."

"I'm okay," Clarke promised, leaning her head against Lexa's shoulder. "And thanks." The brunette pulled her closer, and Clarke let out a content sigh. Her mom couldn't take this away from her, that was for sure.

When Clarke went to her first period, Octavia immediately asked her, "You okay? You looked pretty bummed this morning."

"My mom took my phone away, because Wells told her that I was drinking with you guys," Clarke said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, don't worry about it," Raven said immediately, "I've got your covered. Is an iPhone 5S okay?"

"What?"

"I have like six extra phones that people asked me to fix and then never came back for," Raven answered, waving her hand. "They all work now."

"AKA, she's a nerd," Octavia explained, rolling her eyes.

"I have one in my locker if you want it. It doesn't have a data plan on it anymore, but you can use it at least on WiFi," Raven said, smiling helpfully.

"That would be awesome, thanks," Clarke agreed, sitting down and smiling gratefully over at the girl, who just nodded in response.

Clarke took a deep breath as the class started. She may be in shit with her mom, and with Wells, and her life might not be perfect, but she did have a pretty awesome girlfriend and some pretty great friends.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for no updates recently! D: I had a busy spring break, and barely had time for fanfiction. I'll post a handful of chapters right now to make up for it XD 
> 
> xx

Clarke grabbed her lunch out of her locker and started to the cafeteria as fast as possible – she was trying her hardest to avoid Wells so she didn't have to feel the pain that she knew would come the next time she saw him. As she hurried, Bellamy intercepted her.

"What's the rush, princess?"

"Rather not run into Wells," Clarke answered, shaking her head. "Sorry, I didn't think about the fact that you were gonna meet me there."

"Don't worry about," Bellamy insisted. "How's your Monday treating you?"

"Depends on if Raven has a phone for me when we get to lunch," Clarke answered, letting out a light sigh.

Bellamy gave her a curious look. "What happened to your phone, princess?"

"The evil queen took it once she found out that the princess decided to drink and lie about it," Clarke answered, rolling her eyes. "Which is totally _awesome_ , since if she wanted to, she could go read all of my texts with everyone. Including Wells and _Lexa_."

"I'm guessing the queen doesn't know about her royal daughter dating another princess?" Bellamy asked, smirking as if he thought his continuation of the monarchy theme was amusing. Clarke just rolled her eyes fondly at him.

"No, she doesn't. And I'd prefer it to stay that way. Fingers crossed she doesn't look at it," Clarke muttered. They were now approaching the lunch table, and Bellamy made his way around to sit on the opposite side as Clarke took her normal spot.

"Raven, where's O?" Bellamy asked.

Raven shrugged. "Not sure. She was here in first period."

"Where would she go?" Clarke wondered.

Finn sat down, and Bellamy immediately looked to him. "Was Octavia in fourth period?"

"Nope," Finn answered. "Should she have been?"

"Uh, yes," Bellamy answered, looking rather disgruntled.

"What's going on?" Lexa asked as she sat down suddenly, seeming to be able to sense the concern at the table.

"We don't know where Octavia is," Clarke answered, looking at her girlfriend with a slightly worried expression.

"Would she be with Lincoln?" Lexa wondered.

Everyone's heads turned to where Lincoln normally sat for lunch, but he was there without Octavia. Bellamy let out a huff. "I'm going to go find her." He was up and gone in a matter of seconds.

"Should we...?" Clarke started slowly.

"No," Raven answered, sighing. "Whatever is up, Bellamy is probably the best to try to talk to her first. If she won't talk to him, we can try. Oh hey, by the way. You might want this."

She slid an slightly used looking iPhone across the table, and Clarke picked it up. "Thanks."

"You'll have to use your email to message from it," Raven said, waving her hand. "Should be fine. My number is in it, by the way."

Clarke messed around with it for a minute, and Raven fell into conversation with Finn. Lexa wasn't saying anything, and Clarke wondered as she messed with her phone if she was worried about Octavia.

Once her message app was set up, she slid the phone across the table to Lexa. "Gimme your number."

"Smooth," Lexa commented, a small smirk on her face as she grabbed the phone.

"I never claimed to be smooth, so don't make fun of me," Clarke said playfully, and Lexa handed the phone back to her.

"Who said I was making fun of you?" Lexa was still giving her that amused look.

Clarke leaned forward a bit in her seat, though she didn't really notice she was doing it. "Your face says it all."

"Oh yeah?" Lexa asked, quirking up an eyebrow.

Clarke nodded. "You can't hide things from me, because your eyes are really obvious."

"My eyes?" Lexa asked, and Clarke would've _sworn_ she saw the beautiful green eyes sparkle.

"Yes," Clarke answered, and then she made the mistake of looking into Lexa's eyes for a second too long, and she just _really_ wanted to kiss her girlfriend. But leaning any further over the table would've made it awkward.

"Hey blondie," Raven said suddenly, snapping Clarke out of her gaze.

"What?" Clarke asked, looking to her right at the other brunette and leaning back a bit, ignoring the amused half smile on Lexa's face.

"Where are you friends?" Raven asked.

Clarke blinked, realizing that Jasper and Monty were not at the table – it was just Lexa, Clarke, Raven and Finn. She immediately glanced over her shoulder and saw that they were sitting with Wells. However, they didn't all seem to be talking. In fact, Jasper and Monty looked a bit uncomfortable, and Wells just looked upset.

Clarke felt her stomach twist and she tore her eyes away from them.

"Are you okay?" Lexa asked her.

"Yeah, I just... ugh," Clarke muttered, running her hands through her hair. "I'm fine."

"You can't feel bad about the way he reacted to things," Finn piped up kindly. "It's not your fault."

"It sure feels like it is," Clarke said, letting out a short sigh. "Whatever. Let's just talk about something else."

"Ooh, I have something!" Raven said, grinning widely. "So, assuming that everything is alright with Octavia, I think that the six of us should go on a triple date on Saturday."

"Six of us?" Lexa asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Me and Finn, you two, and Octavia and Lincoln, obviously," Raven answered, grinning. "We can go to the arcade or something."

Clarke and Lexa exchanged a quick glance, and Clarke shrugged. "Fine by me, assuming my mother hasn't decided to lock me in the room by then."

"If she does, we'll come kidnap you," Raven volunteered.

Lexa smiled. "I already told you I would be your getaway car anyway."

"You did say that, didn't you?" Clarke said cheekily, grinning at her girlfriend.

"You know," Finn said, drawing the girls' attention to him, "I'm not sure how I didn't notice that you two were together. It's so _obvious_ the way you look at each other."

"Yeah, same," Raven agreed, frowning. "I feel so unobservant."

"You are," Clarke said helpfully, and then the bell to dismiss lunch rang out around them. Raven sighed.

"Clarke, let me know if Octavia is in sixth period."

"Sure thing," Clarke answered, before getting up from the table and walking with Lexa out of the cafeteria. "Do you think Octavia is okay?"

"She's probably just a little overwhelmed with everything. School, and trying things out with Lincoln. It happens every now and then," Lexa admitted. "Hopefully she'll be fine."

Clarke nodded slowly, wondering what exactly was up with her generally chipper friend. "I can still come to your place after school, right? I'd like to stay away from my mom for as long as possible."

"Sure," Lexa answered, smiling, "but don't get into too much more trouble."

"She can't really do much more. She can't take my keys – without my phone that would be awful. And she can't monitor whether I go out or not, because she's never home," Clarke said, shaking her head. "I'll just tell her I stayed after school for tutoring or something."

"Well I'm glad she can't make you stay home," Lexa commented, "because then I would miss my Clarke time."

Clarke felt her cheeks turn pink as she smiled. They stopped at the spot where they usually split directions, and Clarke gave her what she hoped was a cute smile. "You're cute."

"Likewise," Lexa said, her cheeks flushing as well. "What are you looking at me like that for?"

"Like what?" Clarke asked, but before Lexa could answer, she said, "You always think I'm looking at you like something."

"Because you always are," Lexa defended.

Clarke rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. She took a small step forward and placed her lips boldly against her girlfriend's. Lexa immediately kissed her back, though she seemed a bit surprised. They weren't quite accustomed to public displays of affection. When she pulled back, the blonde gave Lexa a smile and a bat of her eyelashes. "See you later."

Art class was, as per usual, her favorite class of the day. They got a new theme to sketch for, and despite Clarke's progress, she found herself constantly getting distracted. She was either wondering about Octavia, or thinking about Lexa, or trying her hardest not to think about Wells or her mom, and then she would realize that she needed to be paying attention to her art.

On her way out of fifth period, Dr. Wright said, "Clarke. Try to be more attentive tomorrow, please."

"Yes, sir," Clarke responded, nodding. As she left the classroom, she scolded herself mentally for zoning out so much.

Clarke walked into her sixth period, immediately noticing that there was a substitute teacher in the class and that the board announced that it was just a study day. Clarke found herself relieved at that, and she sat down in her seat.

Moments later, Octavia walked in, noticing the writing on the board and looking relieved as well. She sat next to Clarke, who was giving her a concerned look. "Hey, are you alright?"

Octavia let out a long breath. "I guess."

"What's up?"

The bell rang to start class, and neither of them spoke as the sub quickly introduced himself and then let them begin to study and work among themselves. Clarke looked back at the brunette, who looked like she didn't know how to start whatever it was she wanted to talk about. Finally, she asked, "Do you ever wonder if you and Lexa moved too fast?"

Clarke blinked. She hadn't been expecting that question. "I mean... no, I don't. But I guess we moved kind of fast."

Octavia shrugged. "I'm not trying to say it's bad or anything. Both of you needed each other, so it's fair enough that you would get attached so quickly. I get pretty close to people pretty quickly too, especially friends. That's probably why I'm so picky with people that I like. I know as soon as I get close to someone it'll be a done deal, you know?"

Clarke nodded, even though she didn't really know the feeling exactly.

"But I guess that's not _why_ I'm picky. Right before I met Raven and Finn – I met them around the same time – I wasn't really close to Bellamy as much. He was just my brother who was somehow exactly old enough to be in the same grade as me. We never really talked though, because we were always in different level classes. I was in this really big group of friends, and it was fun and always exciting to be a part of. Parties, hangouts, gossip. They were really good at making everyone feel like a part of the group, even though there was nearly like fifteen people a part of it. But I was the one that was always struggling to be a part, I guess," Octavia muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Maybe I should've known that having to fight so hard to stay a part of a big group that didn't seem to fight to keep me there was unhealthy, or maybe I should've at least figured it out before they decided that their group was too big and they dumped me and left me behind. They said that I was clingy and weird or something like that."

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. "Wait, seriously? They don't sound so great."

"Exactly," Octavia said, sighing. "I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty resilient. I was fine a couple of months later, when I met Raven and Finn. But for a little while there, I had nobody. I didn't want to talk to Bellamy about it, but when he noticed that I wasn't always out doing things, he asked me about it. And I told him, and we've been closer ever since. My friends are all really protective over me because of it, but I'm usually fine. I trust all of my friends, you included, Clarke. And I hope you trust me."

Clarke nodded, because she did trust Octavia. Why shouldn't she? She'd been nothing but honest and trustworthy thus far.

"Every now and then, when things are changing a lot, I get... panic attacks I guess. It's probably stupid, because people get panic attacks for way more important reasons. But I just start to feel like things are changing and I'm going to be left behind and... that's what I don't like. I don't like feeling like I'm going to be left behind while everything is still moving around me," Octavia murmured.

Clarke gave her friend a sympathetic smile. "O, that would never happen. We all love you too much to leave you behind."

"I know," Octavia said, smiling gratefully. "It's still a scary thing to think about. Anyway, now that that's out of the way..."

She didn't say anything else, so Clarke took the conversation into her own hands, even though she knew that she should probably be using this time to actually study. "So... do you think that Lexa and I moved too fast?"

"Well... you're girlfriends... you've had sex..." Octavia listed, and Clarke felt her face flush at how bluntly Octavia said it. Luckily, no one seemed to hear around them. "I know plenty of people who have moved faster than you two. You haven't said the _three words_ yet, right?"

Clarke's eyes widened. "Oh. No."

"Then you're perfectly fine," Octavia reasoned, waving her hand. "In my opinion, the only thing that can be defined as too fast is when you tell someone you love them before you know for sure. So as long as you only tell Lexa you love her once you actually love her, I think you're going at the perfect pace."

The blonde relaxed a little bit. "I guess that makes sense. Thanks."

Octavia smiled widely. "Don't worry about it. So, I texted Raven that I'm all good, and I heard something about a triple date on Saturday?"

Clarke laughed lightly. "Yeah, apparently we're doing that."

"You and Lexa are going, right?" Octavia asked.

Clarke nodded. "I think we are."

"Yay!" Octavia squealed. "I'm so excited!"

Clarke smiled fondly at her friend and then finally pulled out her studying materials. She might as well use the period for what it was being given to her as.


	26. Chapter 26

"What kind of question is that?" Lexa asked, looking pointedly at the blonde sprawled across her bed, who furrowed her eyebrows a bit.

"It's totally a valid question," Clarke insisted, "and it's an important thing to know for future reference."

"Fine, it's blue."

Clarke shook her head. "Lies. Your favorite color is not blue."

"Says who?" Lexa asked defensively, raising both of her eyebrows.

"Me," her girlfriend answered, batting her eyelashes. "You were looking at my eyes when you said that."

Lexa picked up on what Clarke was trying to say, and she smiled a small smile. "And who's to say that the color of your eyes isn't my favorite color?"

"Did Eva have blue eyes?" Clarke wondered, looking up curiously at the brunette, who was surprisingly only slightly fazed by the question. She gave a shake of her head.

"They were hazel, I think. Maybe brown." She blinked suddenly, realizing that she couldn't remember. "I don't remember. Yours are much prettier. Why?"

"Curious," Clarke answered. "So. What do you think of the triple date we are apparently going on this weekend?"

"I think that as long as I'm with you, it'll be awesome," Lexa answered, giving the blonde a cheeky smile.

A shade of pink appeared across Clarke's cheeks, and Lexa tried not to smile even wider. She thought Clarke's blush was adorable. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did," Lexa stated, as Clarke wriggled under the blanket and turned on her side to face the slightly taller girl, "but go ahead." Absentmindedly, she let her hand fall on Clarke's and begin to draw small shapes onto the smooth skin there.

"Did you know who I was before I met you on the first day of school this year?" Clarke wondered.

Lexa shook her head. "No. Though how I'd never seen you in the hallways escapes me. Why? Did you know who I was?" Clarke nodded a small nod. "And?"

"I didn't know much about you," Clarke admitted. "I knew that you were quieter than Octavia, for one. I knew that you had really awesome hair. I knew your name." She added the last one with a silly smile.

"You like my hair?" Lexa asked, an amused smile dancing across her face.

"Uh, yes," Clarke answered, her hand sliding out from under Lexa's and instead gently going to drag her fingers through dark hair. Her green eyes nearly flickered closed at the feeling, but they were too intensely looking at blue ones to do so. "I didn't really know much about you, though. I stared at you a lot on the first day of school. At lunch, and in English."

"I noticed during English," Lexa stated, though Clarke already knew that much, before adding, "and I had no idea who you were."

"Lame," Clarke teased, before smiling contently at her girlfriend. Lexa returned the smile easily, and she was about to respond with something or another, but Clarke suddenly scooted closer, and her voice caught in her throat. They were frozen for a moment, and then their lips joined together carefully. However, it slowly began to heat up, and Clarke's tongue delved past Lexa's lips as she straddled the brunette.

There was something about being under Clarke that didn't fail to give Lexa a high. She couldn't explain it really, it was just a wonderful feeling. Especially when pale hands began to slide up under her shirt and burn and tickle her skin simultaneously, and when Clarke put more of her weight on the brunette's toned body in favor of sliding a leg in between Lexa's. It could have been forceful if Lexa hadn't so readily accepted it. She was becoming more and more aware of the burning heat between her legs, and by the time Clarke had rid Lexa of her shirt and her bra, Lexa's nipples were hard and her center was incredibly hot.

Clarke's fingers grazed over Lexa's breasts, causing the brunette to gasp slightly in her girlfriend's mouth. Clarke adjusted herself again a bit, and her thigh came up in between Lexa's, giving the other girl a temporary sense of relief that only made her need for Clarke incredibly. She rolled her hips against her girlfriend's thigh impatiently.

Suddenly and annoyingly, Lexa's phone began to vibrate from her pocket. Clarke groaned against the brunette's swollen lips, and then she separated them reluctantly. Lexa grabbed the phone impatiently, but didn't recognize the number. She hit decline and then tossed it next to her somewhere. "Who was it?"

"No clue," Lexa answered, her voice breathy and low, before pulling Clarke back down on top of her. They picked up exactly where they'd left off, but seconds later, the phone went off again. Lexa growled against Clarke's lips, and the latter chose to sit up completely, just straddling Lexa's hips now. "One sec," she promised her girlfriend, before answering her phone. Clarke's hands were tickling against Lexa's abs, teasing her, as she answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Is this Lexa?" a woman asked.

"This is she," Lexa answered, trying not to think about Clarke's hands tracing shapes along the skin on her torso. "May I ask who you are?"

"You know who I am, and I want you to tell me where my daughter is." The woman's voice was suddenly harsh, and Lexa froze, stiffening slightly. Clarke's mother had gotten her number from Clarke's phone. _Great_.

"I'm sorry, who?" Lexa asked, hoping not to be caught in her panic caused lie. Clarke tilted her head, realizing that Lexa was freaked out, and the brunette just gave her a careful look.

She pulled the phone down from her ear and put it on speaker just as Clarke's mother began to speak again. "I asked you were my daughter is, Lexa. I took her phone, and I know you were the last person she texted. Is she with you?"

Clarke was frozen now as well, and Lexa knew that the blonde was not going to answer her mother by any means. She took the phone off of speaker and held it back to ear to answer. "I guess you would know that if you hadn't taken her phone."

"I don't need you to be a smart ass with me. I just need Clarke to come home."

Clarke still didn't look at all interested in speaking with her mom, so Lexa tried to think of something else to say. She wasn't big on flat out lies, so she did her best to avoid any. "Like I said, probably an easily solvable problem if Clarke had her phone right now. As it seems, I couldn't call her through her phone if I wanted to find where she was either." True, but perhaps a stretch, since Clarke had another phone now.

"Give me your address. I need to come pick up Clarke."

"She has her car."

"Yes, and clearly, I can't trust her to come home after school."

Lexa looked back to her girlfriend, who looked rather deflated, as though accepting the misery she would have to face. The expression on her face made Lexa's heart hurt, and she just wanted to kiss Clarke's pink lips and hold her and promise that it would be okay. She didn't, though, because Clarke was holding a hand out to Lexa, indicating that she would talk to her mom now. Lexa handed her the cell.

"Mom," Clarke stated. She flinched a bit as her mother responded quickly, but Lexa couldn't hear what was being said. "Yeah. I'll come home." Lexa was slightly surprised to hear that, but she didn't make it known. "Save it for when I'm home, mom. Yeah. Twenty minutes. Chill. Bye." She hung up the call, set Lexa's phone down on the bed, and then collapsed unceremoniously on top of Lexa with a groan. "I don't wanna leave."

Lexa gently pushed Clarke off of her enough to wrap her arms around her instead. "I know."

"She's so pissed," Clarke muttered, and Lexa could feel her lips move just next to the skin on her collarbone. She knew that she shouldn't, but she immediately wished that Clarke's lips were on her body. Her center was still hot, but she pushed the thoughts away.

"What do you think she'll do?"

"I guess we'll see," Clarke muttered. "I'll text you once I'm home, I guess. And I am hiding that phone so far in my backpack, because there's no way I'm letting her find out about it. She'd probably move us out of here if she saw I had it."

"Well, keep it hidden, then. It would be rather unfair of you to move away before you could even finish what we started a few minutes ago," Lexa stated, hoping that she didn't sound as sexually frustrated as she actually was.

"Why?" Clarke asked, her voice lower suddenly. "Feeling worked up, Lexa?"

Maybe it was the way Clarke said her name, or it could have possibly been the hot breath against her bare skin, but something caused Lexa to let out a quiet whimper, because yes, she was fucking worked up.

"I might have another minute or two to take care of that," Clarke murmured, placing a hot, wet kiss suddenly on Lexa's collarbone, and then lower on the top curve of her breast, and even lower onto her abs. A moment later, Lexa's pants were gone, and Clarke slipped her fingers under her underwear. "Fuck, Lexa, you're wet."

"Really?" Lexa asked sarcastically, but the end of the word disappeared as she gasped instead when Clarke's fingers gingerly touched their target location.

Clarke attached her lips to Lexa's abs as she worked with her fingers, going faster without much teasing because of the time restraint she was now under. Lexa didn't particularly mind, her hands were grasping at the sheets and at blonde hair, her hips were rolling against Clarke's fingers, and her heart rate was ever increasing. Moans were torn out of her throat, until she finally felt herself reaching her climax. She bit down hard on her lip, trying to keep in her cry, but it inevitably escaped in the form of Clarke's name.

It was amazing and it was beautiful, as Lexa knew it would always be, but this definitely ranked high up on the worse times to have sex, because Clarke had to leave literally a minute after Lexa climaxed.

Once Clarke was gone, and once Lexa had finally smoothed her breathing completely, she let out a long breath. Worry began to possess her thoughts – because what if Clarke got into more trouble with her mom? What would happen?

She should've just ignored the phone call.

After ten minutes of worrying and realizing that it was getting the best of her, she laid down all the way in her bed and buried her face into the pillow on her bed that smelled most like her girlfriend. She cared considerably for Clarke, but her feelings were progressing quickly, and she was sure that this was even more intense than with Eva.

Clarke was not Eva, of course, but the speed at which her feelings were growing was terrifying.

_-Clarke-_

"Clarke Griffin!" Abby Griffin immediately yelled upon hearing the door open.

Clarke let out a low breath and pushed some of her blonde hair out of her face, before heading toward the living room, where her mom's voice had come from. "That's me."

"What were you thinking?" Abby demanded. "I expected you to come straight home after school!"

"Sorry," Clarke said indifferently. "I had something to do."

"That is unacceptable, Clarke, and you know that," her mother growled. "I'm trying to figure out why you're suddenly being so... so... I don't even know! You're not yourself, and I don't understand why!"

"I'm growing up," Clarke stated, keeping her voice as calm as possible. "You know that. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm less than two years away from college. I'm allowed to pick my friends, I'm almost to the age where you can't tell me what to do anymore, mom. And if you keep trying to micromanage me up until that point, I'll never learn how to do it."

"That isn't why you've been different."

"Yes it is! I'm getting older, but I'm learning more about myself than I ever did when I was younger. I'm not the same little girl I used to be, mom. I've grown up a lot. I can make decisions for myself now. You can't keep denying that," Clarke insisted.

Her mother said nothing, which was new. In fact, she said nothing for nearly a whole minute, an agonizing minute during which Clarke began to get the inkling that her mother was about to bring up something else. "Who is Lexa?"

"A friend."

"One of your new friends?" Clarke nodded in response. "I think your new friends need to learn to be less rude to adults."

"It's not Lexa's fault that you –" Clarke bit down on her tongue before she finished her sentence, and her mother just narrowed her eyes. "Never mind. She was just trying to occupy you until I figured out what to say to you."

Her mom was quiet again for a moment. "I'm going to give your phone back to you. But I want you home every day right after school, is that understood? That means no hanging out with Lexa, or that other girl who was here that one time, or anyone. Got it?"

Clarke nodded, and it wasn't until after Abby handed her her phone that she asked quietly, "If I come home on time every day, can I go out this weekend?" The question did not draw a pleasant look onto Abby's face.

"Are you really asking me that?"

"We wouldn't be going out to someone's house, we'd be going out. So there won't be any drinking. Not that I would drink, since I'd be driving anyway. Please? They already made plans," Clarke pleaded. After a week of not hanging out with her girlfriend, yeah, she was going to need this triple date thing that was being planned.

Her mother looked at her carefully. "Fine. _If_ you don't break anymore rules this week."

"Thank you," she breathed out, and was almost in the mind to grab her mom in a hug, before she remembered the downside of this agreement and also the fact that she probably hadn't hugged her mother in a year or so. Her mom just gave her a nod in response, so Clarke quickly turned and headed upstairs.

As soon as she was there, she collapsed onto her bed, opened her phone and looked at her text message history with Lexa. She knew that her mother had seen that she'd texted Lexa, but she was pleased to see that there wasn't anything particularly obvious in their text messages. She decided to keep it that way, and hit the call button rather than the text.

The answer was almost immediate. "Clarke?" Lexa's voice was nervous, like she thought that maybe it was actually Clarke's mom.

"Hey," Clarke said, her voice coming out soft, because she loved hearing Lexa's voice and that was just the natural effect of it. "My mom gave me my phone back."

"I can tell," Lexa commented, sounding very relieved now. "What happened?"

"We had the closest thing to a heart to heart that we've ever had," Clarke answered, though she was rolling her eyes. "We made a deal though. She gave me my phone, and didn't take my keys, and I can still go on that triple date thing this weekend."

"Deals always have a downside," Lexa said, sounding like she already knew what it was.

"I have to go straight home every day after school, at least for the rest of this week," Clarke admitted, frowning to herself. Saying it out loud made it sound like much more of a bummer.

Especially when her girlfriend let out a sad noise that was something like a whine. "That's not fair," Lexa whined.

"I know, babe," Clarke agreed, before her eyes widened suddenly at the word she'd accidentally let slip.

"Did you just say that in the hopes that I would stop complaining?" Lexa asked. "If so, it's not gonna work."

Despite the bummer of not being able to see Lexa except for twice during each school day for the rest of the week, Clarke felt a small smile appear on her face. "Oh yea? What if I call you it again?"

"Won't work."

"But _babe_." Clarke emphasized the endearment.

"Not gonna work, Clarke," Lexa stated, though her voice sounded considerably lower. "I'm still upset I won't get to see you except for during school."

"Me too, but talking about it doesn't help," Clarke mumbled, her smile dropping for a moment before she decided to try out something else. "What if I call you _baby_?"

Lexa let out a little squeak, and Clarke grinned, raising an eyebrow even though Lexa couldn't see her. A moment later, the brunette answered, "I'd say that if you'd like to stay on the phone with me any longer, you shouldn't say it. Because I'm still horny, and I'm just imagining you screaming that word rather than just saying it while I'm doing certain things to your body."

" _Fuck,_ Lexa," Clarke groaned, feeling the area between her legs wake up as she squeezed her legs together. She knew that this conversation should probably stop before it went too far, but she couldn't help it. "Like what things?"

"Like running my fingers across your skin, sucking the spot on your neck that makes you moan, feeling every part of you with my tongue," Lexa husked out, and Clarke whimpered in response, "and making you scream out my name."

"Fuck," Clarke breathed out. "I need you, Lexa."

Lexa let out a light sigh. "I know. Unfortunately, I'm a bit of a ways away at the moment."

"Don't remind me," Clarke murmured. Her center was still burning, and she couldn't help it as she gently undid the button of her pants and slid her hand down into her underwear. As soon as she touched herself, she let out a brief sigh of relief.

"What are you doing?" the question was low in Lexa's voice, and the blonde knew that she didn't need an answer to know. " _Clarke_."

"Thinking about you," Clarke promised, as her fingers began to do what they knew her body liked, and her breathing picked up.

"Are you seriously touching yourself while you're on the phone with me?"

"Would you rather me be on the phone with someone else?" Clarke asked, her voice breathy. She tried to hold in any sounds her throat tried to let slip, but she wasn't sure if she was successful or not.

"I'd rather be doing that myself," Lexa growled

"I'd rather you be doing it yourself too, Lex," Clarke agreed, closing her eyes and picturing Lexa on top of her as she began to drive herself closer and closer to release. "But it's your fault I'm so needy."

"Clarke," Lexa said lowly, and Clarke couldn't even decipher whether she was mad or just sexually frustrated, and she didn't really care to at the moment. Because she was rolling her hips and trying to pretend Lexa was on top of her, and she became aware of the small sounds she was letting escape her.

When she finally felt release, she actually let out a real moan, and then she just relaxed back onto her bed. "Mm," Clarke hummed. "Yes?"

"I'm getting revenge for that on Saturday."

"How are you gonna do that?" Clarke asked, smirking to herself.

"You'll see."

Clarke pouted. "Lexa," she whined.

"Don't try to be cute," Lexa muttered, "you just made me listen to you without getting to touch you. You're in trouble."

"Fine, I'll accept my payback when it happens," Clarke accepted, though she imagined that it couldn't be too bad.

"Mm," Lexa hummed.

Clarke was quiet for a second. "You're not really mad at me, are you?" The light laugh on the other end of the line immediately soothed the blonde, though.

"No, Clarke," Lexa promised. "Unfortunately, I need to go take as shower and do some homework. And _you_ probably need a shower as well."

Clarke frowned. "Can't we just stay on the phone forever?"

"I wish we could," Lexa said apologetically. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," Clarke agreed, a little bummed. "Bye, Lexa."


	27. Chapter 27

Saturday couldn't have come fast enough. The whole week passed by painfully slow for Clarke, and she was sure her girlfriend felt the same way. They saw each other during lunch – when they were also with their friends. Jasper and Monty had started up an alternating system where they sat with Wells one day, and the next day with Clarke and their newer friends. On those days, Wells ate somewhere else, and Clarke had a feeling she knew where.

Aside from lunch, Clarke only saw Lexa again during seventh period. She spent most of it staring at Lexa, as per usual, and her girlfriend didn't bring it up, because she knew how hard it was for them to not hang out after school

What they did do, though, was talk on the phone every single afternoon. Clarke was pretty sure that she'd never talked for so long on the phone before, and it made her realize how lucky she was to have a girlfriend who wasn't long distance. She would never be able to handle that. Going four days of only seeing Lexa for an hour or so total was painful enough.

She did no more masturbating during the week – she had begun to feel bad even though Lexa hadn't been mad. She managed it pretty well, though she came to the realization either on Wednesday or Thursday that since she'd been with Lexa, she'd learned that her sex drive was way more intense than she'd thought it was.

Clarke had obeyed her mother every single day, coming home right after leaving school, even though her mother had worked every day until late in the night. She continually took the time out of her work day to call Clarke to make sure she was home, and then again later, and if there were more than two rings before the younger girl answered, Abby would freak out. She even had the neighbors that neither of them knew really well make sure that Clarke's car was in the driveway on Wednesday, and that was when Abby began to calm and trust Clarke's word more.

Clarke was trying to fix this problem as civilly at possible. No, she didn't think it was a big deal that she'd gone out and drank, because she'd been careful, but clearly her mom was not okay with it. And yes, it was technically illegal, so Clarke could somewhat understand. Maybe that was why she was making the effort, or maybe it was by some underlying thought that if she messed up, her mother would make this punishment a billion times worse. And if that happened, Clarke would start to fear for her relationship with Lexa.

The bright side of all of this was that Clarke and Lexa didn't at all lean away from each other in the emotional sense. If anything, they got closer emotionally. A lot of the time they'd spent with each other in person was talking, but most of it was cuddling, sleeping, having awesome sex, or just sitting in each others company. There was no way to do this over the phone, so they talked, and they talked and Clarke officially began her fall.

She felt it when it first happened, too. It was on Thursday night, and she'd been on the phone with Lexa for at least two hours. They'd been talking about their futures, and what had been planned out or them as opposed to what they wanted to do.

Clarke had gone first, telling Lexa that her mother had always wanted her to follow in her footsteps and be a doctor, but that art had always been her main calling. Lexa's response had come after a moment of silence.

"I think you could be a doctor if you wanted to be. If your art is any indication, I think you could do whatever you put your mind to successfully. But you should do what your heart tells you to do, and if for some reason my opinion mattered, I think if the world got to see your art, it would be a better place." Her voice had been so soft, careful even, and Clarke had closed her eyes halfway through listening to her talk. She loved the way Lexa talked. Sometimes she sounded like an old soul, though other times she did sound just like a normal teenage girl. It was intriguing, and adorable, the way she talked.

But it was in that moment that Clarke felt her heart slip and lose its footing, beginning its fall for Lexa. It was painful initially, because she so wished that Lexa was next to her, so she could kiss her or hug her or somehow show her how important she was to Clarke, but the blonde had only been able to respond with words.

All she'd said was, "Thank you," in a soft voice that she hoped didn't sound as nervous as she felt trying to say the words. She didn't want to say the wrong thing, but as soon as she heard the light laugh from Lexa before replying with, "You're welcome," Clarke knew that it was ridiculous for her to be nervous about what she said to her girlfriend. Lexa would never judge her, that much had thus far been made completely clear to the blonde.

Aside from talking to Lexa on the phone, Clarke also spent a considerable amount of time talking to Octavia while they were both doing their shared classes' homework. The nearly constantly happy girl was always pretty easy to talk to about anything, and was a nice person to be in conversation with when Clarke didn't feel like talking as much. She would respond thoughtfully when she needed to, but a lot of the time, Octavia just wanted to talk.

Clarke talked to Bellamy a bit as well, holding easy conversations with him about random things. She also spent quite a bit of time texting Raven, and she had no idea why they hadn't already begun talking a lot. The girl was hilarious, for one, and she was also pretty intense in the best way.

Friday after school, Clarke had gotten home and checked her phone to see texts from each of these three friends, one from Jasper as well asking how she was, and one from Lexa letting her know when she could call her.

**From Octavia – I'm so excited for tomorrow! Don't go stir crazy before then please! ;D**

**From Bellamy – So is this your last day of confinement, or did your mom say rules apply to next week too? Our first real soccer game is next week and O and I both want you there. Lexa's going too, so she probably wants you there too.**

**From Raven – What are you wearing tomorrow? Send me a pic or I'm breaking past your mom's defenses tomorrow to pick for you, bc I'll assume you don't know.**

**From Jasper – I hope you're doing okay stuck at home so much!**

**From Lexa – I am all yours after five, beautiful.**

The one from Lexa had been routine from the past four days, though it made her heart flutter all the same, but the rest were unexpected, and suddenly, something hit Clarke for the first time.

She was a part of the group, completely. She hadn't felt it until just then, the feeling of complete acceptance.

And maybe this was what she'd been seeking when she was younger, wishing for more friends and wondering why it was so hard to get them. This was what she wanted – she waned people to need her as much as she needed them, and she wanted to feel accepted with people that she accepted, and she wanted exactly what she had now.

Lexa was the bonus.

On top of all of that, she'd spent any free time she had working on the painting that she still hadn't finished of Lexa, and it was nearly done by the end of the week.

Saturday was it – the day she'd been waiting for all week. She woke up a bit late in the morning to another handful of text messages.

**From Lexa – Good morning! :)**

Her girlfriend was clearly as happy as she was.

**To Lexa – Morning, babe :)**

Clarke had taken to calling her girlfriend babe, because she knew that despite Lexa's denial, she knew the girl loved being called it.

She checked the rest of her text messages.

**From Octavia – What time are you allowed out? Us girls wanna meet at Raven's – and yes that includes your girlfriend but you two better not be making us wish our dates were with us until they actually are.**

**To Octavia – You make no sense sometimes, but okay. XD I'll ask my mom, I think she took the morning off because she got home late last night. Will let you know.**

**From Raven – Did O ask you about meeting at my place?**

**To Raven – Yep, will let you know. What time?**

Clarke pulled herself up out of her bed easily and grabbed a hair tie from her nightstand swiftly and easily pulling her hair up into a loose bun. It was still morning, despite it being nearly noon, so Clarke had more than enough time to get ready.

She grabbed her phone and headed downstairs, checking a text from Raven that said they were meeting at her place at five. When she got downstairs, she immediately heard her mom talking on the phone to a coworker in the kitchen.

"No, Jackson, it's the one on the left. Yes. Is it there? Thank god, thought I'd dropped. No, just hold onto it until I get there later today. Thank you!" Her mom hung up the call just as she noticed that Clarke had entered the kitchen. "Good morning sweetie. I accidentally left my wedding ring in the OR prep area."

"That's not good," Clarke commented, though she said nothing about the wedding ring itself. She knew that her mom still wore it all of the time, and she didn't blame her.

"Luckily, its still there," she said, smiling. "I haven't seen you all week. How are you?"

"Fine," Clarke answered, setting her phone down on the counter and beginning to get out some cereal. "So, I'm gonna leave around four forty-five. What time do you need me home by?"

"Depends on what you'll be doing," her mother answered.

This was the only part of the night that Clarke planned on lying to her mom about. "Well, we're going straight out to this arcade thing that's a bit more in the middle part of the city. I think it might be the one we used to go to when I was a kid. Then we're going to grab food, and see a movie, so it'll probably be pretty late before we head back out from the city."

Only a bit of a stretch. They were going to the arcade, and they would probably grab food, but the movie was a maybe, an unlikely one, since Clarke and Lexa hadn't seen each other outside of school since Monday. If Finn, Raven, Octavia and Lincoln decided to see it, Clarke was sure that she and Lexa would go back to Lexa's house instead. Her mom didn't need to know that. "Who all is going?" Abby wondered.

"Me and five others," Clarke answered.

"Can I have their names?"

Clarke tried not to act like she thought her mom was being suspicious, even though she did feel like she was. "Lexa, Octavia, Raven, Lincoln and Finn."

"I want you home by one in the morning. Doable?"

"Definitely," Clarke agreed, nodding instantly. That was more than enough time – a sold eight hours out total, and hopefully at least two with just her girlfriend. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," her mother answered.

"Can I ask another question?" Clarke asked, getting a nod from Abby. "Does this week's terms apply to next week? Octavia has a soccer game next week and she wants me to go, but it's after school and well..."

"We'll see," Abby answered. "You've been honest with me so far. If you get home on time tonight, I'll consider letting you off the hook in exchange for you telling me whenever you plan on drinking."

That was a surprise. If anything, Clarke had suspected her mom would offer freedom in exchange for _no_ drinking. Was her mom actually becoming more understanding, or was Clarke imagining things? "I'll be home by one, don't worry."

Her mom nodded. "I'll be at work all night until about three, so I want you to text me when you're home. I expect you to be honest with me."

"I will," Clarke promised.

"If your friends start drinking in public, you come straight home, got it?"

"They wouldn't," Clarke insisted, before agreeing, "but of course."

Her mother nodded stiffly, and Clarke could tell that this whole deal was a bit weird for Abby's taste. "I'm... I'm sorry about last weekend, Clarke, and yelling at you so much. I'm trying to understand, and I was a teenager once, so believe it or not, I do know what it's like. I still would prefer that you save some bad decisions for college, though."

Clarke smiled a genuine smile at her mom, surprising both of them, and she said, "I'm sure that I will."

As their conversation ended there, and Abby excused herself to her room, Clarke realized that she hadn't finished pouring her cereal, so she did so quickly and began to eat. As she did, she texted her friends again.

**To Octavia – I'll be there!**

**To Raven – Gotcha, I'll be there.**

She had a new text from her girlfriend as well.

**From Lexa – I'm so excited to see you even though I technically have seen you every day this week.**

**To Lexa – Me too. I got so used to seeing you after school and getting to cuddle and kiss you all the time. :( Good news, though, as long as I'm home by curfew tonight (ONE AM), I'll probably get my freedom next week! :D**

**From Lexa – Oh thank goodness. And 1AM, really? Your mom is that lenient?**

**To Lexa- Turns out that she's actually really trying to understand me changing and whatnot. I'm really glad too, because eventually when I tell her that I'm not straight, she may feel a bit more relaxed about it.**

**From Lexa – :) I'm glad.**

Clarke finished up her breakfast and put the bowl in the dishwasher, before heading up to her room and hitting the dial button next to Lexa's name in her phone. Texting never felt sufficient to her anymore.

"Hey," Lexa said a few seconds later.

"Hi," Clarke returned, smiling to herself. "So! Yesterday I talked to Raven about what I'm wearing tonight, but I wanted your opinion."

"Alright," Lexa agreed, laughing lightly.

"It's getting kinda cold out, so obviously I'm wearing jeans, but we were debating on the top. I have a coat, but I didn't know whether to wear long sleeves or short sleeves under it. Raven thought I should go long sleeves until she saw this one top in my closet that's white and apparently makes my boobs look awesome," Clarke stated. "Thoughts?"

"On what, your boobs?" Lexa asked, amused. "You'd look amazing in any top, Clarke."

"I figured you'd say that," Clarke said, sitting down on her bed and leaning against her headboard, staring across the room at her nearly complete painting of her girlfriend. "But what are your thoughts on my boobs?"

Lexa laughed again, and Clarke smiled at the sound. "They're very nice." Clarke chuckled at her girlfriend's response.

"Are we seeing that movie, by the way?"

"It starts at nine-thirty, ends around eleven," Lexa said slowly. "So, we could either go see it and then get only about an hour after driving at my place. _Or_ , we could not go and get almost four total hours to do whatever we want."

Clarke felt her mouth go dry. "Easy decision."

"I agree," the brunette said, "especially because I still have to get revenge for Monday."

Clarke felt her lips form a pout even though the other girl couldn't see her. "But I already apologized."

"Mm, I don't care," Lexa said lowly into the phone, making the blonde's knees feel weak, and she was glad that she wasn't standing up.

"Fine," Clarke gave in, trying to not make it sound like she was now sexually frustrated, which she totally was.

Four hours later, Clarke was dressed in her skinny jeans, her clinging white top that showed quite a bit of a cleavage, and a black coat. Her hair was falling down around her face in a frame of small waves, and her face was neatly made up, her eyes outlined in black, making her blue eyes pop as much as possible.

Perhaps she was dressed a little more sexy than necessary for a triple date, but she knew that their friends would understand.

At four forty-five, Clarke grabbed her purse, her phone and her keys and headed out. Her mom was already gone, so she just locked up the house before leaving. It took her fifteen minutes to get to Raven's house, which was what she anticipated, and got there at exactly five.

She knocked on the brunette's door, and Raven opened it a few seconds later. "Damn," was the first thing she said. "Your girlfriend is gonna faint when she sees how hot you look."

"Thanks?" Clarke said, laughing as she raised an eyebrow at the brunette. "Not sure that Lexa is the fainting type, though."

"Well come on in, you're the first one here. So I think what's happening is Octavia is giving Lexa a ride over here, so you two can take one car over. Lincoln lives right down the street from me, apparently, so at six he'll walk over here and Finn will drive over, so we'll just drive in pairs. That way if any pair of us decides to call it an early night, we can go," Raven said, smirking.

"Don't look at me like that," Clarke said, waving her hand as she followed Raven upstairs to her bedroom, which she'd never seen before. "I haven't seen her outside of school since _Monday_."

"You didn't strike me as a girl with very much of a sex drive."

"I didn't strike me as that type of girl either," Clarke admitted. "Can't help it though." Her eyes scanned the room they'd just entered. It was a mix between nerd and typical high school girl, and Clarke's lips turned up in a smile, because it was very Raven-esque. "Nice room."

"Thanks," Raven returned, smiling. "Octavia always makes fun of my science stuff." There were a few posters from NASA and diagrams of mechanical thing that Clarke did not recognize, but she didn't find it tease worthy. Raven was a tech genius anyway.

Suddenly, they heard the front door open and Octavia loud voice yell, "We're here! Lexa's being the most clingy, impatient person I've ever met!"

"Shut up," Clarke heard her girlfriend snap at Octavia.

"We're upstairs!" Raven yelled, rolling her eyes.

Octavia and Lexa appeared a moment later and Octavia gasped. "Oh my god, I'm seeing Clarke outside of school! What is this monstrosity!"

Clarke rolled her eyes, immediately going to her girlfriend and pulling her into a kiss. She did it partially to spite Octavia, since the girl had earlier told her not to make her wish her date was here until he was, but also because chaste school kisses were not Clarke's favorite. Lexa hardly seemed surprised by the embrace, and their kiss quickly pushed past PG, and Raven scoffed.

"I thought you told them not to do that until our dates were here," Clarke heard Raven mutter to Octavia.

"I _did_ ," Octavia insisted. "Hey, break it up you too, you have all night."

Lexa broke their kiss for an instant to say, "Fuck off, Octavia," before grabbing the blonde's lips with hers again for another few moments. Only then did they separate, though Clarke was starting to wish that it was already the end of the night.

"Damn," Raven muttered. "Finn never gives me hello kisses like that."

"You can't compare your relationship to theirs," Octavia insisted. "Lexa is so sexually frustrated and it's hilarious."

"I am not," Lexa denied, crossing her arms over her chest, but Clarke just grinned, because there was no way her girlfriend wasn't.

"She was whining for me to drive faster the whole way here," Octavia stated. "Your girlfriend is super clingy, Clarke."

"I don't mind," Clarke said teasingly, batting her eyelashes at the taller girl next to her who just rolled her eyes.

"I'm not clingy."

"You both are, let's be honest," Raven insisted, shaking her head. "Anyway! I need someone to do my hair for me."

"I got you," Octavia insisted.

They spent the rest of the hour all just talking as Octavia did Raven's hair, and a six, the boys arrived. Once they were there, no one wanted to stick around at Raven's anymore, and everyone piled into their respective cars and headed off after Finn's, which was leading the way to the arcade.

"Do you think I'm clingy?" was the first thing that Lexa asked when they were in Clarke's car.

Clarke gave her girlfriend a soft smile. "No. I mean, not anymore than I am. I'd rather you be a little clingy than not at all, though, because I will openly admit that I can be so clingy sometimes. If it hasn't been obvious."

"Octavia kept making fun of me," Lexa murmured, crossing her arms in Clarke's passenger seat.

"It's probably because you're just really cute about being clingy," the blonde reasoned, giving a cheeky smile to the brunette.

Lexa didn't say anything for a moment, but then she changed the topic with a soft, "You look beautiful, by the way." Blue eyes sparkled as Clarke's lips turned up in a wide smile.

"Thank you. You look pretty amazing yourself." Lexa was wearing black skinny jeans and a green top that actually made her eyes even more green rather than wash them out. Her makeup was smoky and the jacket she was wearing clung in the right places and it was pretty hot, if Clarke was being honest. She was trying not to get too horny before they got back to Lexa's later, though.

"I haven't been to an arcade since I was like seven," Clarke admitted.

Lexa shrugged. "I've gone a few times. It's one of Octavia's favorite places to hangout. I'm great at ski ball."

"I suck at all arcade games," Clarke said, laughing lightly. "My dad used to be really good at them, so he'd get me tons of tickets and buy me tons of stuff. But I suck."

"I'll win you something if you want," Lexa offered teasingly. Clarke flashed her girlfriend a smile and then looked back at the road. "So, next Friday is that recital I was talking about. I'm gonna ask everyone to come if they want to... will you?"

"I wouldn't miss it," Clarke promised, smiling widely. "Are you nervous about it?"

"No," Lexa answered, but Clarke knew that she was lying. Or, at least, that she would end up being nervous for it on that morning. She didn't say that now, though. "I think I'll do fine. I talked to my old instructor again yesterday and she's really excited."

"So am I," Clarke said, grinning.

They continued talking about the recital and other things throughout the drive, which took about half an hour, and then Clarke found herself pulling into a parallel parking spot behind Octavia's car.

Clarke hadn't ever been on a double date before, let alone a triple date, but she wasn't sure that she'd ever had as much fun before as she did before.

They spent a little over an hour at the arcade, but it felt quick in the moment and long in retrospect, which was the best way to spend time in Clarke's opinion. She found out that Octavia was the queen of the basketball hoops game, but that Lincoln easily topped her position. Octavia didn't seem to mind, though, and she and Lincoln had ended that competition in a make out session.

Raven, Lexa and Octavia all had a ski ball competition, over which they made a dinner deal that the two losers had to split the cost of the winner and her date's dinner. Clarke didn't mind the bet, firstly because Lexa had insisted to her already that the blonde wouldn't be paying, and also because after each girl threw her second ball, Lexa was already winning.

She ended up winning by quite a landslide actually, and Clarke couldn't help but smile widely when Octavia looked bummed out. "I feel like I'm paying for your guys' company now," Octavia muttered, though she was just joking, and Clarke just smiled teasingly at her friend and then gave her girlfriend a proud kiss.

Through the night, Clarke's eyes got darker and darker, and she realized this only half an hour into the arcade experience. That was when she'd begun to lean into her girlfriend more, and she was so glad that she'd come out to her friends if this was what life could be like. Lexa held her hand through most of the hour at the arcade, and every time she didn't, Clarke shoved her hands into her coat pockets because they would feel cold. Even though they didn't drink, Clarke found herself feeling tipsy on happiness, and it was one of the best feelings she'd ever had.

They went to a diner near the arcade for dinner, and got a bit rounded booth in the corner for the six of them.

Despite how amazing the night had been so far, Clarke began to wish that the dinner would come to an end quickly, because that was when Lexa put her hand on Clarke's knee as the group talked. Clarke found herself hardly paying attention to the conversation as it progressed further, because her senses were clouded by her girlfriend. She could hear Lexa's voice and her laugh when something funny was said. She could see her waves of gorgeous hair, and the sparkle in her green eyes. She could smell the perfume that she hadn't noticed Lexa had been wearing until then. She could feel Lexa's hand relaxing on her leg, drifting upwards a fraction of an inch every ten minutes or so. Clarke couldn't taste Lexa right now, though, but she sure wished that she could.

When their food came and Lexa's hand was removed in order to allow her to eat her food, Clarke felt herself begin to pay more attention to her surroundings, and she finally became part of the conversation again.

By the end of dinner, everyone paid their check. Octavia and Raven managed to get Lexa to lower the terms of their earlier bet, so that they just paid for Lexa's food. The third brunette agreed, and then paid for Clarke's, and the blonde felt herself falling so hard for the girl she was here with.

Lexa offered to drive on their way back to her house. Octavia and Lincoln had decided to go off on their own as well, and Finn and Raven settled with going to the movie that the six of them had been considering.

"I missed this," Clarke murmured from the passenger seat of her own car as Lexa drove. This was the first time that they'd spoken since they got into the car about twenty minutes prior, simply because the air had been so peaceful.

"Hanging out with everyone outside of school?" Lexa asked for clarification.

Clarke shook her head. "No. Touching you. I feel more clingy than you did earlier."

"I don't mind you being clingy," Lexa promised, smiling an amused smile.

"Are you saying that I am being clingy?" Clarke asked back, even though she knew that she was and it didn't bother her.

"A little," Lexa teased her, giving her a wide smile that Clarke returned with a pointed look toward the road, and Lexa turned her sparkling green eyes toward the road again. "I'd probably be an awful driver if it weren't for you."

It came out like a joke, but Clarke didn't laugh, because yeah, she took road safety really seriously. "Probably," she agreed.

"You okay?"

Clarke nodded. A few silent minutes later, though, she let out a light sigh and said, "I'm big on safe driving because of my dad."

"I know," Lexa said, her voice careful and soft. Clarke was only slightly surprised that Lexa had inferred this without Clarke having to tell her. "I didn't mean to make that a joke."

"I know," Clarke promised, before adding, "I guess I just wanted to make sure you knew. I don't ever want to be the cause of anyone getting in an accident." Lexa hummed a response to tell Clarke that she knew that, and the blonde smiled to herself as she relaxed into her passenger seat. Another few moments passed, and then she asked a quiet, "Lexa?"

"Yes, beautiful?"

"You know that you're so important to me, right?" Clarke asked, her voice very small. "I missed you a lot this week."

"I missed you too, Clarke," Lexa replied softly. "You... you're important to me too."

They were nearing Lexa's house now, so Clarke refrained from saying anything until they got there. When they did get to Lexa's house, Clarke didn't hesitate to follow Lexa up to her bedroom, and once they were inside, the brunette immediately pushed her up against the back of her now closed door. Clarke's breath was immediately caught in her throat at their proximity.

Lexa gently guided Clarke's coat off of her body, and it fell uselessly onto the floor. The blonde bit down on her lower lip, wanting to kiss Lexa so badly but loving the feeling of the taller girl being in control. Lexa's hands were sliding up Clarke's shirt slowly, and her lips suddenly went straight to Clarke's neck.

A sigh escaped her pink lips as her head rolled back slightly against the door behind her. "Fuck, I missed your lips," Clarke murmured, feeling said lips sucking on the sensitive skin on her neck. Lexa hummed against light colored skin, and then released it, bringing her lips up to her girlfriend's lips instead.

Clarke's hands went to Lexa's hips instinctively as their tongues battled it out in her own mouth, but Lexa's hands suddenly slid away from her torso to grab her own, gently pulling them away from her body. She pulled her lips from Clarke's to murmur, "No touching."

"Why not?" Clarke whined, as Lexa's hands returned to her midsection, tickling over soft skin.

"I said something about revenge, didn't I?" Lexa growled out, her voice low and sexy, and Clarke let out a whimper of need.

"Fine," she agreed, and then Lexa restarted their kiss.

It took every ounce of will that Clarke had to keep her hands to herself, though they consistently didn't know what to do with themselves. She would've thought that the task would distract her from how much she wanted Lexa, but that was luckily a false prediction.

When Lexa removed Clarke's top, the blonde eagerly tossed it aside, and then her bra was gone in an instant, and her bare back pressed against the cold door. She tried to grab at Lexa's shirt, but the brunette just swatted her hands away before removing it herself, and unclasping her bra, letting both pieces of clothing fall away from her perfect body.

And Clarke wanted so badly to feel her girlfriend's perfectly soft skin, and Lexa had her nailed against the door again, and she maintained just enough willpower to keep her hands off of her. Lexa, though, was not keeping her hands to herself, though that didn't bother Clarke in he slightest. The pads of Lexa's fingers explored all of Clarke's upper body, finally circling around her nipples, as her lips proceeded to make a dark mark on Clarke's neck.

"Lexa," Clarke groaned, her body rolling into Lexa's as her girlfriend began to mess with her hardened nipples.

Lexa answered the call by sliding her hand into Clarke's pants, and not hesitating to hit her destination with full force. It wasn't slow, and Clarke's moans were not quiet. "Lexa," she moaned quite loudly, "I'm so –" Her voice caught in her throat as another moan took precedence, and by then, she was letting out something more like a scream as her body trembled with her orgasm. "Fuck!" she yelled as she reached its peak, and then she felt herself coming down unevenly, and became aware of Lexa's tongue and teeth scraping against her neck. "Lexa," she moaned, and though her girlfriend's fingers had left her underwear, she had a feeling that Lexa was not done with her revenge yet.

The brunette began to fumble with Clarke's jeans, and the blonde wiggled her lower body as she tried to escape them as well. A minute later, they were gone, along with Clarke's underwear, and Lexa's hands were again all over the blonde's light skin.

"Lexa," Clarke pleaded, "please can I touch you?"

"You may," Lexa replied roughly, and as Clarke let out a sigh of relief and let her hands feel Lexa's so smooth skin, the brunette moved her mouth Clarke's ear. "Can I taste you?" The question was soft and careful, but Lexa's voice was low and dark, and Clarke couldn't do anything but moan at the sound as she nodded.

Lexa began to drag her tongue and her teeth down Clarke's upper body, and when she reached her dripping center, on her knees now, she began to place teasing kisses on the inside of pale thighs. Clarke's hands tangled in dark, beautiful hair as she let out a pleading whimper. Finally, Lexa's tongue began to taste Clarke's core, and the blonde let out a moan as her the still sensitive area was touched.

Lexa's hands held Clarke hips firmly as her tongue made them want to roll. Clarke's thoughts were spinning away from her, and she couldn't focus on any single one. She could only focus on Lexa's tongue inside of her, and her hands gripping soft hair.

It wasn't long until she felt herself getting close. "Lexa," she rasped, putting emphasis on the x, and the way she said it made Lexa moan against Clarke's center, and blue eyes rolled up at the feeling. It only took another minute before her second climax of the night ripped through her, and she let out another scream when it did.

She was tasting herself on Lexa's lips a few moments later, and as her breathing slowed, Clarke murmured against them, "Anymore revenge?"

"Nope," Lexa answered. "You may do with me what you wish."

"Bed," Clarke murmured, stepping away from the door and backing Lexa toward her bed. As soon as they were lying flat on it, Clarke made quick work of removing Lexa's pants and her underwear, and they were then equal in clothing. "I missed your body so much."

"Just my body?" Lexa asked, sounding slightly amused as she looked up at the blonde, who was now straddling her possessively.

"Well no," Clarke answered, "but I got to see _you_ every day."

"Fair enough," Lexa said. Her green eyes were dark with arousal, her hair, messy from Clarke's fingers being tangled into it, was splayed around her gorgeously, and Clarke felt her heart swell as she looked down at the beautiful girl she could call hers. "So, now that you have it, what will do you do with it?"

Despite the time Lexa had just spent being in charge, Clarke was getting the feeling that Lexa loved to be topped.

Clarke leaned down, her lips joining with Lexa's in a soft kiss. Lexa returned it with equal care, and Clarke had never felt so safe, despite being so vulnerable. "You're beautiful," she mumbled against plump and slightly swollen lips.

Pale hands traced the outline of Lexa's upper body, and then spread their fingers across her abs. Clarke quite liked her girlfriend's abs. Clarke finally began to heat up their gentle kiss, taking ownership of Lexa's mouth with her own, as her hands dragged up further to embrace the soft breasts there. Lexa let out a sigh at the touch, and Clarke gently massaged them with her hands.

She knew that Lexa was already aroused from taking her revenge on Clarke, so she wasn't all too surprised when her girlfriend began to gently rock her hips under where Clarke was still straddling them.

Taking her lips and tongue from Lexa's, she lowered them abruptly to Lexa's chest, where she began to trace both boobs with her tongue, teasing the nipple and getting a whine from her girlfriend. As she finally put her lips around one of the little buds, she adjusted her position so that she was no longer straddling Lexa, instead sliding one of her legs in between her girlfriend's thighs. She applied pressure from her bare thigh onto Lexa's wet core, and bit down lightly on her nipple.

Lexa moaned with a needy, " _Clarke_ ," in response, and the blonde felt successful.

She spent ample time on her girlfriend's breasts, while scraping her almost nonexistent nails against Lexa's midsection. She began to teasingly bring her fingers a bit lower than the midsection, and she felt Lexa's hips being to rock more and roll more against Clarke's thigh.

She dragged her lips up to Lexa's collarbone as her hand finally abandoned Lexa's abs to instead meet her begging center. "Fuck," Lexa moaned immediately.

As Clarke moved her fingers as skillfully as she could, she murmured sweet nothings into Lexa's soft skin. She knew that her girlfriend couldn't hear them, but that she could feel them, and Clarke wasn't even sure what things she was saying.

She tried to go slower the first time around, but Lexa was so worked up that she climaxed quickly anyway. Clarke only gave her enough time to come down from it before going faster, and immediately driving her girlfriend back up into another one, but this one elicited a scream like the one Clarke had let out earlier, and the blonde felt incredibly proud of getting it out of the brunette.

Clarke wasn't sure of whether or not she was going to keep going, but the decision was made for her when Lexa began to come down from her climax, and then slid her own fingers in between Clarke's legs, and they both drove each other up to orgasm together.

Clarke finally collapsed next to Lexa on the brunette's bed, her breathing fast and shallow and her body glistening with a light sheen of sweat.

Lexa's hand suddenly closed around Clarke's, entwining their fingers. "If you ever get grounded again," Lexa murmured, "I'm gonna kidnap you."

"Please do," Clarke agreed, turning a bit and curling herself into Lexa's side. "I missed you so much. And don't you dare say something about me being clingy, because I can't help it."

"I think it's cute," Lexa promised, chuckling. "Are you tired?"

"A little," Clarke murmured, burying her face into Lexa's neck and her hair. "I wish I could sleep here all night."

"I think you're pretty lucky on times as it is," Lexa said, laughing lightly as she wrapped an arm around Clarke, "but I wish you could too."

They laid there silently for ten minutes, and Clarke would've been already asleep if it weren't for something bouncing around in her mind, something that had appeared there while she was trying to sleep and that she now wanted so badly to say. "Hey, Lexa? Are you still awake?"

"Mmhmm," Lexa hummed softly.

"I wanted to thank you," Clarke murmured, "for... I don't know, being so amazing. I thought this year was going to be super hard for me. You've made it so much incredibly easier. With my dad, and Wells, and everything. I... I was scared at first that you'd leave. It's like a trend lately – people leaving me. I don't think anymore that you would do that."

"I wouldn't," Lexa promised. "And you're welcome."

There were other things that Clarke thought she wanted to add, but after getting out what she'd really wanted to, she felt sleep overwhelming her senses, and she melted into the embrace of her girlfriend and drifted off to sleep.


	28. Chapter 28

Clarke walked up to her house as the time neared one in them morning, and texted her mom.

**To Mom – Home. Goodnight.**

Yeah, she was a bit disgruntled about having to wake up and come home rather than cuddle with Lexa and sleep in her comfy bed. She'd almost suggested the Lexa just come to her house with her, but she wasn't sure at what time her mom was going to be home, and she figured that might not end well.

Her mom didn't respond to her text, so Clarke just went straight up to her bed, tearing off the clothes she'd had to put back on as she went. By the time she was collapsed in her bed, she was definitely tired enough to sleep.

–

"Um, are you going to give me a play by play of this, because I'm not sure I want to hear it," Clarke said into her phone to Octavia, before setting it down and putting it on speaker as she did her makeup for school.

"But Raven isn't awake yet and I need to talk about how amazing my day was yesterday," Octavia whined.

"Talk about your day all you want," Clarke agreed, "but I don't wanna hear the sex part."

"What? Who says we had sex?" Octavia demanded.

"Did you?"

Octavia didn't say anything.

"See." Clarke laughed. "But I knew because Lexa told me that you told her."

"Raven would let me give _her_ a play by play," Octavia muttered grudgingly.

Clarke let out a slightly amused laugh. "I'm not Raven. If you were going to give me a play by play about you and Lincoln, you have to be able to endure a play by play about me and Lexa, and I don't think you'd want that." Clarke grabbed her concealer and bent her head back a little bit to cover the hickey that Lexa had left on her on Saturday.

"Point taken," Octavia said, sighing. "Well, it was amazing though. He's amazing. Is it too fast if I say I'm already falling in love with him?"

"I dunno," Clarke answered, because she really wasn't experienced in the whole love thing.

"Hold on, Raven is texting me like crazy all the sudden, I'm gonna add her to the phone call," Octavia said, sounding like she was fumbling with her phone. A moment later, the phone beeped and Raven's voice could suddenly be heard as well.

"I'm not going to school."

"Why not?" Octavia asked. "And if you aren't, why are you awake?"

"Because I forgot to turn my fucking alarms off," Raven growled.

"Why aren't you going to school?" Clarke asked.

The line was silent for a second. "I don't want to see Finn."

"Are you guys fighting again?" Octavia asked sadly, and Clarke frowned as she grabbed her eye liner and began to trace her eyes carefully.

"No," Raven answered. "We broke up."

The call was silent all of the sudden. From what Clarke had heard, Raven's relationship with Finn had always been rocky, but they apparently hadn't ever really broken up. Octavia let out a shaky sigh. "I'll come pick you up, Raven. We're gonna go get some ice cream and ditch the first half of the day. Okay?"

"Kay," Raven muttered unhappily.

"Gotta drive. See you in sixth period, Clarke."

"See you," Clarke returned quietly, and then the three way call ended. The blonde looked at herself in the mirror for a second, half of her make up done, and then she sighed and quickly finished it up.

She wondered if that would make the lunch table just Lexa, Clarke and Bellamy, but then she realized that that wasn't really the most important issue, so she just hurried up with getting ready before starting out to school.

When she got there, she went to the soccer field like normal. She saw Bellamy on the field. Octavia had told her earlier that Bellamy had caught a ride from someone else so that Octavia could use the car – because the reason that Octavia had had time to call Clarke in the first place was because she woke up so late and didn't have time to go to practice. That meant that Bellamy probably didn't know that Octavia was skipping the first half of the day, and Clarke figured that he should.

She made her way to her normal seat on the bleachers, and realized that Lexa was there already, her gaze stuck down in the book she was reading. "Hey," Clarke said, smiling as she sat next to the brunette. She sat a bit close, because it was beginning to get could out, and also a little bit because why not?

"Where's Octavia?" Lexa wondered, tilting her head. "I texted her, she won't answer."

"She's driving," Clarke answered. "She woke up late But she won't be here until at least lunch, probably after. She's taking Raven out. Her and Finn broke up."

"What?" Lexa asked, her eyes going wide. "When?"

"Don't know. Yesterday I guess," Clarke admitted. "I was on the phone with Octavia this morning and Raven woke up and said she wasn't going to school because she didn't want to see him, because they broke up."

"They always have rough patches, but it's weird to think of them like... not together," Lexa muttered.

Clarke wanted to say something, but she tried not to for a few seconds before she gave up. "I think they both deserve better. If they're always fighting, why would they want to stay together?"

Lexa nodded. "Yeah. It's still weird."

Suddenly, the soccer practice in front of them ended, and Bellamy headed toward them. "Hey, you guys know if Octavia made it here on time?"

"She's not coming until later," Clarke answered.

"Raven and Finn broke up," Lexa finished in explanation, and Bellamy's eyes widened all of the sudden.

The rest of the day was a bit weird for everyone. Clarke sat through an abnormally quiet first period, so used to Octavia making comments throughout it. Lunch was the weirdest, though, because Finn was nowhere to be seen, Octavia and Raven were still gone, and Jasper and Monty were sitting with Wells. So it did end up just being Lexa, Bellamy and Clarke at lunch.

Bellamy and Lexa had seemingly begun to get less stiff around one another, though, which Clarke was happy about since she was becoming pretty good friends with Bellamy. He asked them about the triple date, and that conversation went into thoughts about Finn and Raven, since they'd seemed fine on the date.

He also asked both of them if they'd heard from Octavia about her long date with Lincoln from the day before and, like good friends, Lexa and Clarke both lied and said they hadn't. Clarke knew that Octavia had told Lexa about it the night before – because she'd said so – but neither of them were about to be the one to tell Bellamy that his sister had had sex the previous day.

Clarke saw Octavia in sixth period, as the other brunette promised, and she told her that Raven had gone home because school still didn't sound appealing. Clarke didn't really blame her.

Later that day, Lexa was laying across Clarke's bed doing homework, and Clarke was sitting next to her, getting distracted from doing the homework she was supposed to be doing. This was technically the first time that the two of them had ever hung out at Clarke's house, aside from the day that Clarke had left school early after her conversation about her dad with her friends.

"You're never going to get your homework done if you keep staring at me," Lexa commented, a smirk replacing her previously focused expression, though she didn't look away from the homework she was doing. "I could always leave if I'm too distracting."

"I don't wanna do homework," Clarke whined, "and I don't want you to leave. It's just been a long day already."

"Fair enough," Lexa agreed, writing something down on her paper and then closing up her notebook. "Well, I'm done."

Clarke had actually asked Lexa to come to her house for a particular reason, and she was just waiting for the right time to bring it up. Presently, her easel was holding just a blank drawing pad, where she intended to start her next piece. The previous day, she'd finished the painting of Lexa she'd done, and she really wanted to show it to her girlfriend. She considered showing her Thursday or Friday, before her performance at the recital she was going to, but she couldn't wait. "Can I show you something?"

"Sure," Lexa answered, quirking up an eyebrow curiously.

Clarke bit down on her lower lip and moved the notebook from her lab onto her bed, before getting off of it. "I wanted to show it to you before your recital, but I couldn't wait until Friday, so."

"What is it?" Lexa asked, sounding excited all of the sudden and eliciting a smile from the blonde.

"What do you think it is?"

"You're going to your freaking huge pile of canvases, so I'm going to go with it's a painting," Lexa answered, a bit of sarcasm in her voice. "What did you paint?"

"I started it actually like... a little while ago. But then I was doing the drawing of my dad. Last week I finally started to finish it, and I finished it yesterday," Clarke explained without answering Lexa's question, and she pretended to shuffle through her canvases even though she knew which was was Lexa on the other side. She was just feeling nervous, which was a bit unusual for her. Her nerves tended to go away when she was with Lexa. No such luck this time around.

"Are you stalling?" Lexa asked, sounding amused. "It's obviously amazing, so you don't need to be nervous."

"I'm not," Clarke lied, finally grabbing the right canvas. "Close your eyes." Lexa obeyed, a smile still spread across her face, and Clarke pulled the canvas out and replaced the blank drawing pad on her easel with the painting. She took in a deep breath. "Okay."

Lexa's eyes opened instantly, her beautiful green gaze immediately looking at the easel, and her jaw dropping. "Oh my god," she said, her voice full of awe and amazement. "Clarke, it's... beautiful... breathtaking."

"Really?" Clarke asked, her voice quiet.

"Yes, oh my god," Lexa breathed out. "It's literally perfect. How did you even do that?"

Clarke shrugged.

"I love it."

"Thanks,"Clarke said sheepishly, moving away from it and back to her bed, where Lexa grabbed her immediately and pulled her close for a kiss. Clarke hummed against her girlfriend's lips. Lexa pulled back just a few millimeters, and mumbled against the blonde's lips.

"You're perfect."

Clarke felt her heart swell, and she pushed her lips harder against Lexa's lips, and all she felt was happiness.

Most of the week up to Friday was the same as Monday – weird and drama-filled, but still pretty happy. Clarke found out why Raven and Finn had broken up – they were tired of the constant fights, and they both admitted that they'd found themselves mildly interested in other people. So it wasn't really a problem of taking sides at that point, and Finn even rejoined the lunch table by Thursday, which was when Raven said she was okay with it. Everyone had been pretty tense that day at lunch, though it had turned out fine. Clarke had a feeling that both of them had seen their own breakup coming.

Octavia kept saying all they needed was to officially move on from one another and everything would pretty much be normal again.

Aside from that, though, nothing weird really happened through most of the week. Clarke kept getting more homework than she was used to, and she supposed it was the challenge of her junior year finally kicking in. It put a small damper on her Lexa time, but it wasn't too bad, because they still hung out every day after school. Lexa had realized that the only way to get Clarke to do homework while they were hanging out was to not be in bed while doing it, so they took to going out to the coffee shop that they'd gone to previously until they both finished their homework.

On Wednesday, Clarke and Lexa both went to Octavia and Bellamy's soccer game. They crushed the other team, unsurprisingly, and then Octavia dragged everyone out to celebrate. They went out and had dinner and ice cream, and life was good.

Clarke was feeling pretty happy with her life, actually, experiencing a feeling of contentment rather than longing, though she was not so content that she couldn't imagine the future and imagine change for the better. And she was happy,

And then on Friday, shit went down.

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad you guys are liking this story ;D You guys are amazing <3
> 
> Enjoy xx

Clarke woke up on time on Friday, and as she was getting ready, Lexa texted her to tell her that she, on the other hand, had definitely not, and that she was barely going to make it to school on time. Clarke immediately asked her if she would be going to the soccer field, and Lexa had answered with a negative, so Clarke decided to be a super fucking awesome girlfriend.

Because she knew that if Lexa woke up late, she wouldn't have time to go and buy coffee, and Clarke _knew_ that her girlfriend had to be nervous by now about her recital later. So she left as early as she could and went by the coffee shop nearest to the school, buying herself a coffee as well as one for the brunette, and then she got to school probably a few minutes before Lexa would.

She stood at the edge of the parking lot, finishing up her own coffee and then tossing the cup in the garbage as she waited for her girlfriend. A few people passed her, looking longingly at the coffee or wondering why she was standing there, but Clarke barely noticed them.

Finally, Lexa got to school looking completely rushed, but physically, her appearance was just as flawless as normal. Not a hair of her dark, wavy locks was out of place, and her makeup was perfect, and Clarke couldn't take her eyes off of her girlfriend, who approached the school looking winded and distracted.

"Hey sleepy head," Clarke called to her as she approached, and Lexa looked to her, relaxing physically.

"You didn't have to wait for me," Lexa stated. Clarke shrugged and extended to coffee to the beautiful girl in front of her, and Lexa glanced down at it. "How did you know I was in the mood for coffee?"

"Girlfriend's intuition?" Clarke asked, amused slightly.

Lexa looked like she wanted to question it further, but instead she just gratefully took the cup and took a long drink from it. "Thank you," she said afterward.

"No problem, babe," Clarke replied, smiling happily at the brunette as they both started into the school. "Are you excited for tonight?"

"Nervous," Lexa admitted, "but yeah, I'm excited. And oh, Anya is going to be there."

"Oh, really?" Clarke asked, slightly surprised.

Lexa nodded. "She called me late last night and we hashed it out, but then I mentioned the recital and she said she was gonna come down for the weekend to watch it. She also seems a little more chill about everything. Like she made a side comment about my sexuality that actually sounded like it was supposed to be funny rather than judgmental. So that's good."

"Good," Clarke said, smiling and being kept from saying anymore words by the loud ringing of the bell. "I'll see you at lunch?"

"Obviously," Lexa returned, smiling. "Thanks for the coffee." She gave Clarke a quick peck on the lips before they both had to split up to go to their classes.

Clarke got to her first period, and Octavia immediately asked her, "Clarke, are you excited to watch your girlfriend dance later?" She was wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Is that supposed to have a double meaning?"

"Yeah," Raven piped up. "She's pretty sure you two are going to bang backstage."

"What? Aren't there usually people back there?" Clarke asked, crossing her arms at her friends after setting her stuff on her desk.

"Because I know that you're going to be horny as fuck after watching her," Octavia insisted.

"How do you know that exactly?" Clarke hoped that her blush wasn't too noticeable.

Raven rolled her eyes. "C'mon, Clarke. You are always horny for Lexa."

"Shut up," Clarke muttered, rolling her eyes and becoming aware of the fact that other people were entering the room and she really would rather not have everyone hear about her sex life.

"You know it's true," Raven insisted, smirking.

"Speaking of, where were you two this morning?" Octavia asked.

"I went and got coffee for her," Clarke answered, "because she woke up late and she's nervous about tonight. Apparently Anya is going, too."

"Her crazy sister?" Raven asked, shaking her head. "Drama." Clarke just shrugged in response, and then Mr. Sanchez interrupted them by beginning to teach as the bell rang out over the intercom.

Clarke had no reason to believe that her day would suddenly go bad, because even by lunch, it was just as smooth as ever. Finn seemed to be a bit off during lunch – Octavia guessed it was because he had started talking to a girl and felt bad about it, though that was not at all confirmed – but everyone else seemed pretty normal.

Lexa didn't mention her recital much, but the whole group was planning on going, excluding Jasper and Monty, who weren't sitting with them that day anyway. Lincoln was also coming, and Octavia told the group that he might start to sit with them during lunch, and everyone except for Bellamy seemed pretty excited about it. Bellamy was still convinced that Octavia and Lincoln had had sex the previous weekend, but no one had yet told him that yes, that suspicion was completely true.

Clarke was sure he'd find out at some point, and he would just have to deal with it.

Everything seemed to be going swimmingly up until when Clarke got home from going to get another coffee with Lexa after school. She had an hour before she needed to be at the place where the recital was going to be, so she wanted to change and get ready pretty quickly.

At five thirty, half an hour before she would have to leave, her mother came up to her room. "Clarke? Can I come in?"

"I'll come out," Clarke offered, slipping out of her closet and abandoning her search for nice clothes so that her mom didn't have to come in. She left the room and saw her mom heading downstairs. "What's up?" she asked, following her mom.

"I'd rather you didn't go out tonight."

"Why not?" Clarke asked, furrowing her eyebrows and immediately feeling defensive.

"Where is it you're going again?"

Clarke adjusted her weight a bit, crossing her arms, and said, "Lexa has a recital. You remember Lexa, right? Everyone is going. It's not more than a few hours long."

"Yeah, I don't want you to go."

"You're not even going to explain why you don't want me to go?" Clarke demanded, narrowing her eyes.

Abby Griffin let out a long breath, taking Clarke's keys out of her pocket to let Clarke know that she had them. "You're not going. End of story."

"Alright, why the fuck not?" Clarke demanded, aware that she probably shouldn't use profanity in talking to her mom.

"Are you dating Lexa?"

Clarke was frozen. "What?"

"Tell me that you aren't dating Lexa, and then you can go."

She could've lied, but it wouldn't have been believable, and she knew that somehow, her mom knew already. "Did Wells tell you?" It was her first thought, anyway.

"What? Wells knew?" Abby demanded. "No, he didn't. I went through your texts on your phone last week. With that girl Octavia, she said something about it. And you know that it is completely unacceptable Clarke."

Clarke had no idea what to say or how to feel. "Are you serious? If you've known for two weeks, why the fuck did you wait until _right now_ to bring it up?"

"I... I was trying to think... what would your father have done? He would be fine with this, but I can't get my mind past the fact that it's just _wrong_. It's disgusting, it's wrong. He would've seen that at some point, too, Clarke, and you will too." Abby's expression was set in stone – slightly angry, but clearly unchanging.

"No, he wouldn't have, and neither would I, mom," Clarke snapped, squeezing her fists tight as she tried not to yell. "You can't tell me that the gender of the person I'm dating is really such a big deal? It literally makes no difference."

"You lied about it," her mother stated. "You've been drinking since you've met her, you've been skipping classes. You've been coming home late and just... you've been different. This girl has _changed_ you Clarke. She's taken advantage of your vulnerability lately. That is not okay."

"She hasn't taken advantage of me at _all_! She's helped me to be less angry and constantly depressed about what _you_ did to dad! She's the reason I've tried to deal with the fact that you're a crazy hypocrite!"

"Do not talk to me like that, Clarke Griffin!"

"Don't tell _me_ that my relationship is disgusting, and then maybe I won't talk to you like that," Clarke growled. "Do you really think I care what you think about me or my relationship though?"

"I think you will, because I don't want you to see Lexa anymore, at all. Period."

"How the fuck do you think you're going to do that?" Clarke demanded. "I have that thing called school, remember?"

"I'll figure it out, Clarke! You are not going to see her anymore!"

"Fuck you!" Clarke yelled, tears coming from her eyes now. "Sometimes I think that maybe you have enough redeeming qualities that I should stop hating you, but then you do shit like this! You're literally the worst mom I could've ever had! You don't give a shit about me!"

"That is not true and you know that!"

"How would I know that?" Clarke demanded. "You don't care about my passions, you don't care about my friendships! You don't care about my school unless it involves my grade, you don't care about my mental health, or my emotional health! You tell me when I _have_ to stay home even though you're hardly ever home! You act like I'm some pet you have to take care of by filling the fridge with food and scolding me when I don't meet your expectations!"

"That's not true!"

"Yes it is! You can say that all you want, but you're lying to me and you're fucking lying to yourself!"

"Stop using that language with me, Clarke!"

Clarke was seething. "Give me my keys, or I'm calling a ride." She took her phone out of her pocket and started to open a text message, worried that she wouldn't get the chance, but then her mom grabbed the phone out of her hand.

"No. You're going to stay here. You're not going anywhere until I say it's okay, Clarke. There is something wrong with you that needs to be fixed."

"Even if you define bisexuality as something being 'wrong with me', it can't be fucking fixed." Clarke's heart was pounding in her chest and she wanted to cry for hours, but she wouldn't cry anymore in front of her mom. "You're a bigot, and you can't stop me from being with Lexa and you can't stop me from liking guys _and_ girls, and one day I hope you realize that."

"I hope you'll realize that you're wrong."

"Fuck you, mom," Clarke snapped. "I hate you!"

She ran upstairs immediately after saying it, and went into her room, locking the door and barricading it by pulling her desk over in front of it, and then she threw herself onto her bed and cried.

–

"I'm sure that Clarke will be here, Lexa," Octavia said, rolling her eyes. "That girl wouldn't miss this for the world."

"I know," Lexa muttered, nervously shifting her weight left and right as she tried to keep herself calm. She really wanted coffee, but she didn't want to have to pee halfway through her performance, which was fast approaching. Her friends were with her backstage, but she had no idea where Clarke was, and she'd texted her a number of times.

"Oh my god," Raven said, suddenly appearing from wherever she'd been a moment before. "That guy working the sound is so hot."

"We're here to support Lexa, you ass," Octavia snapped, crossing her arms. "And to insist that Clarke is going to be here before Lexa dances."

"Obviously she will," Raven agreed, rolling her eyes. "Lex, I talked to her yesterday and she spent like half of the conversation talking about this recital."

"I'm not worried about whether or not she wants to be here," Lexa insisted, shaking her head. "I'm just thinking about reasons why she wouldn't be here yet, and why she's not answering her phone."

Octavia's smile wavered a bit. "I'm sure she's fine."

"Yeah," Lexa murmured.

"Hey," one of the technicians said suddenly, "if any non performers could please make their way to the house, please?"

"Sure," Bellamy said, nodding. Everyone gave Lexa thumbs up and smiles of encouragement as they followed Bellamy out of the backstage area and around to the house. They had pretty decent seats – Lexa had made sure of that – but one of them was looking like it was going to be empty.

"Do you guys think we should be worried about Clarke?" Raven asked, looking nervous as soon as they were out of Lexa's line of sight.

"Maybe," Octavia agreed, looking worriedly to Lincoln.

"Should one of us go check on her?" he asked.

"I will," Bellamy offered. "I don't need to see Lexa perform, and I don't think she needs me here at all. Just give me Clarke's address."

Octavia nodded, extending her hand for Bellamy's phone, which he surrendered for her to enter Clarke's address into it. "There. Text me when you find out what's up."

Bellamy nodded.

–

It was about six thirty, and Clarke was nearly out of tears, but she was still curled up on her bed. Her eyes were red, her face was stained with dried tears, and she couldn't stop dreading the fact that she was missing Lexa's performance.

But suddenly, she heard the doorbell ring, and she was off of her bed in an instant, pushing her desk out of the way of her door and then rushing downstairs. Her mom beat her to it, though, and she opened it to reveal Bellamy. "Can I help you?" Abby Griffin asked, as Clarke stopped behind her, crossing her arms.

"Um..." Bellamy looked behind Clarke's mother, at the blonde herself. Abby glanced over her shoulder.

"Clarke, go upstairs."

"Are you serious?" Clarke snapped.

"Clarke can't go out tonight," Abby stated. "She's grounded."

"For life," Clarke added bitterly.

"You need to leave," Abby said, still ignoring Clarke as she looked straight at Bellamy, who glanced up nervously at Clarke.

Clarke mouthed the word "window" to him, and he looked back at her mom. "Alright," he muttered, before turning and walking away from the door. Abby closed the door, seemingly surprised at the quickness with which he left.

"Go upstairs, Clarke."

"Fine," Clarke growled, turning and going back upstairs, locking her door and barricading it again. She immediately went to the lone window in the room, unlocking the safety locks and pulling it open. She scanned her yard and saw Bellamy hopping the fence around her backyard.

"How do you expect me to get up there?" Bellamy hissed, once he was next to the side of the house and looking upward.

"I don't need you to get up here. I need you help me get _down_ there. If my mom got to the door faster than me, it means she's fucking guarding it, and I need to leave," Clarke growled.

"Well I can't just levitate you down here," Bellamy said. "What happened to that extra phone you had?"

"I gave it back to Raven two days ago because I figured she might need it if the guy it belonged to ever showed up again," Clarke answered, rolling her eyes at her own stupidity. "My mom found out about me and Lexa. She's pissed."

"Clearly," Bellamy muttered. "Lexa was freaking out."

"I don't blame her."

His phone started going off. "It's Octavia," he said, before answering it. "Hey. She's okay, I mean, as okay as she can be. Yeah, I figured. Her mom found out about them. Yeah. Tell you what, do we have a ladder?"

"Are you serious?" Clarke hissed. "You don't think my mom is going to notice if she sees random teenagers hopping her fence with a _ladder_?"

"Yeah, maybe that's actually not the best idea. It's a second story window, Octavia, she's not going to _jump_."

"I might, if I'm up here too long," Clarke muttered.

"That's probably not the best idea, O." Bellamy kept talking to his sister, and Clarke glanced to her left and right. She'd never had to consider escaping her house through her window, but now that she was, she noticed that the edge of the roof that covered the part of her house that was just one story was only about two feet to the left of her window. It quickly expanded to the actual roof part, and then there was a window ledge that she could step on halfway down the brick. The only problem was that the window looked straight in to the foyer sitting area – where her mom probably was – so she'd have to be not only silent, but also not in front of the window... at all.

Bellamy was still arguing with Octavia about something, and Clarke quickly slipped on her warm boots and a jacket, and then she put her foot up on the bottom of her window, standing on it and gripping the upper edge of it tightly. She took a deep breath in, and then took a wide step to the right, squeezing her eyes shut until she felt the solid roof under her foot. As she let out a relieved breath, she carefully transferred as much of her weight to that leg, and then quickly moved over to the roof rather than her window.

"Clarke!" Bellamy finally noticed. "What the fuck?"

"Calm down," she muttered, not sure if he heard, and then she quickly and silently tiptoed across the slanted roof until she was just above the window. Crouching and gripping the edge of the roof, she lowered the lower half of her body over the edge of it until her feet touched the top ledge of the window. Taking in a deep breath and then holding it, she balanced herself carefully on the ledge and then knelt down, taking up as little space as she could, before crawling across the thin ledge until she was at the end of the window. Finally, she dropped off the ledge and onto the grass, fumbling only a little, and let out a long breath.

Bellamy was off of the phone now, and next to her. "Are you okay? You're crazy."

"We need to go," Clarke insisted.

Bellamy nodded. "Lexa already performed."

"I know, which is why we need to go, Bell," Clarke pleaded, and he nodded quickly, and then they were dashing to the fence, hopping it relatively easily, and clambering into Bellamy's car.

Clarke was pretty sure that he sped a little on his way back to the place of Lexa's recital, but Clarke didn't have it in her to care.

–

"So, where's that blondie you were hooking up with last time I was here?" Anya asked.

Lexa rolled her eyes and muttered, "Don't talk about her like that." She was honestly so worried. The show was over, and her friends were probably making their way back there. Hopefully Clarke would be with them. "And I don't know where she is."

"Are you two like... together?"

"Yes," Lexa answered, letting out a puff of air. "Why? Got something to say about it?"

"No."

Lexa didn't have time to be surprised by Anya's answer, because Octavia, Raven, Finn and Lincoln all suddenly appeared in the back stage area. "Hey, you did awesome, Lex."

"Where's Clarke?" she asked immediately.

"Apparently, her mother found out about you two and basically locked her up. Took her phone, and her keys. She gave her second phone back to Raven," Octavia said.

"I should've told her to keep it," Raven grumbled.

"Bellamy went to go get her, and apparently she climbed out of her window. But they left her house like half an hour ago, so they should be here by now," Octavia stated. "Bell won't answer his phone."

"Fuck," Lexa huffed, running her hand through her hair. She didn't want to cry in front of her friends, or her sister for that matter, but she was on the verge of tears by now.

Octavia's phone suddenly went off, and everyone jumped, because the group had gone silent a second ago. "It's Bellamy," she said quickly, picking up the phone. "Hey, Bell, did you – what? Oh. Hello. Yes. _What_? Yeah, I'll be there in a few. Yes, thank you."

"What'?" Lexa demanded.

"They got into a wreck," Octavia answered, her face completely white. "They're at the hospital."

Lexa would've sworn that her heart stopped, and she felt as pale as Octavia was, and every piece of her was throbbing. Because Clarke was the most specific about driving, because her _father_ had died in a car wreck,. And it didn't matter whether it was Bellamy's fault or someone else's – she had no idea the cause anyway – but it didn't matter.

Nothing mattered but getting to the hospital.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm a dummy and I accidentally posted Chapter 28 and 29 when I meant to just post Chapter 28 (I'm sure you noticed, I accidentally left my whole freaking A/N in the middle of it.)  
> So I fixed chapter 28 and posted chapter 29 over again, and here's chapter 30. Sorry for the confusion! :Dxx

They got to the hospital after a rushed fifteen minute drive – they were fortunate enough to be already on the right side of town to get there quickly. Everyone was far from calm, but Octavia and Lexa were definitely the most terrified. Lincoln was trying to calm Octavia, and surprisingly, Anya was trying to comfort Lexa. Neither brunette were really feeling the whole comfort thing. Octavia wanted to know that her brother was okay, and Lexa wanted to know if Clarke was okay.

They went into the ER, and were politely told that the doctor was going to be out soon to let them know how both were doing. They wouldn't even tell the group what had happened.

As Anya guided Lexa to sit down with everyone, green eyes caught on someone who should _not_ be there. She set her jaw and stood up straight, breaking away from Anya, and approached him. "What are you doing here?" she asked him.

"Lexa," Wells said dryly, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Do you know what happened?"

"No, they called Clarke's mom, and she got stuck in a huge traffic jam on the road in between her house and the hospital. She asked if I could come check up on her," Wells answered.

Lexa crossed her arms over her chest. "You shouldn't be here."

"Her mom _asked_ me to. She didn't ask _you_ to be here, so maybe you shouldn't," Wells argued.

"Are you kidding me?" Lexa demanded. "She was on her way to _my recital_ when she got in an accident. Not to mention that she's my _girlfriend_ , so. I _need_ to make sure she's okay."

"Better be gone when Abby gets here," Wells muttered. "Not sure how she would take the whole protective girlfriend thing."

"I don't give a fuck what Abby thinks," Lexa snapped. "And I don't give a fuck what you think, and your protest against me and Clarke by not being friends with her is mostly hurting yourself, so I don't know why the fuck you think that what you're doing is somehow necessary. You were lucky Clarke was ever even friends with you, because she deserves so much better."

"What, like you?" he asked, sitting up a bit straighter.

"Yeah like me," Lexa snapped. "And you need to think twice before trying to trash talk me, Wells, because I'm not in a fucking good mood. Whether or not you want me here or Abby wants me here, I'm still going to be here."

She turned on her heel, going back to her friends and wondering why she'd gone to talk to Wells in the first place. "Calm down, Alexa," Anya said, rolling her eyes.

Raven stifled a laugh. " _Alexa_?" she asked.

"Shut up," Lexa growled.

"Why's he here?" Finn asked Lexa, nodding to Wells.

"Don't care."

Suddenly, a doctor was approaching them. "Miss Blake?" Octavia sat up, immediately looking to him.

"Yes?"

"Have you been able to contact your parents? We weren't able to."

"They're working," Octavia waved off. "How's Bellamy?"

"He's stable," the doctor answered. "Unfortunately, he did suffer some head injuries, so we will need to keep him for at least a day before we clear him to leave. He was awake when he came in, but right now he's asleep."

"What exactly happened?" Anya asked, sounding like she was trying to be responsible since she was the oldest person there.

"The car was crossing an intersection on a green light, and a drunk driver ran their light and hit the back of the car. Luckily, since the front wasn't the main point of impact, the damage wasn't too bad. The drunk driver, however, he's in a critical state," the doctor explained.

"So how is Clarke?" Lexa demanded.

The doctor gave her a sympathetic smile. "Dr. Smith will be out shortly to tell you, I'm sure. Miss Blake, if you'd like to see your brother and wait for him to wake up, you're welcome in."

"Thanks," Octavia said, immediately hopping up. She looked to everyone else. "You'll let me know how Clarke is?"

"Of course," Raven agreed, nodding. Octavia gave Lexa quick hug, and then she was rushing after the doctor to her brother.

–

Everything was silent as Clarke suddenly felt a sharp pain in her wrist. Where was she? She wasn't exactly sure. She could see the light before she opened her eyes, because it was too harsh and bright. She inhaled through her nose, becoming aware of the sort of sort material she was laying on. She forced her eyes open, and they immediately saw green, meeting Lexa's eyes.

"Hi," Lexa said quietly. She was holding a water bottle. "They said you might want water when you woke up." She held it out to Clarke, who used the hand that wasn't in pain to grab. Lexa opened the cap for her, and she gratefully took a drink of the liquid, cooling her throat.

"What happened?" Clarke asked, confused as to why she was sitting in hospital bed.

"Drunk driver," Lexa answered, still quiet. "He hit you and Bellamy. But he hit the back of the car mostly, so. Bellamy's fine."

"Am I fine?" Clarke asked, glancing at her wrist.

"You could be a lot worse," Lexa answered. "You have a little bit of a concussion. They said you probably shouldn't go to sleep after you woke up for at least a couple more hours. And your wrist is sprained."

"No shit," Clarke muttered. "I missed your recital."

"Are you serious? You're worried about my recital?" Lexa demanded, and Clarke realized how stressed her girlfriend was.

"I guess not," Clarke murmured. "Did they... call my mom?"

Lexa nodded. "She sent Wells, because she's stuck in traffic. Seems like your accident wasn't the only one that happened between here and your house. Wells is outside."

"Wells didn't try to beat you in here?" Clarke asked, trying to ignore the pain in her wrist.

"It's family only," Lexa admitted, "and I sort of had to break down before they let me come in anyway." Clarke raised an eyebrow. "I'm calm a lot, Clarke, but when Octavia gets a phone call saying that you and Bellamy got in an accident, that's when I stop being okay. I even went off on Wells, and I'm _not_ leaving when your mom gets here."

Clarke's lips turned up into a smile, because how couldn't she smile when her girlfriend was so perfect? "My mom saw a text from Octavia, that's how she found out about us. Because when Bellamy was acting super weird, Octavia had texted me to say that it was because he was suspicious of our relationship. Apparently she was trying to summon her inner Jake Griffin, which she doesn't really have, which is why she defaulted back to Abby Griffin."

"How are you so calm?" Lexa muttered.

"I guess because I didn't sit forever waiting for myself to wake up," Clarke answered. "Are you okay?"

Lexa didn't say anything for a second, lowering her gaze away from Clarke's. "I was so scared. Because it's _my_ fault you were driving to the recital."

Clarke frowned. "Lex, don't do that. If we're playing that game, then it's my mom's fault because she didn't let me leave."

Lexa didn't say anything.

"How was the recital?"

"Good," Lexa murmured. "I mean, it went well. Would've been better if you were there. I was kinda freaking out the whole time. I barely managed to even get on stage."

"So how much coffee have you had since you got here?" Clarke wondered.

Lexa narrowed her eyes at the blonde. "What's with you and commenting about me and my coffee?"

"Nothing," Clarke said, smiling a small smile. "Don't worry, Lexa. I'm okay."

"How's your wrist?"

"Hurts."

"Thanks for not dying," Lexa said softly, her green eyes finally meeting Clarke's blue ones straight on. "I don't think I would've been able to handle that."

Clarke out a laugh, but then a dull pain appeared in her head and she winced. "Ouch."

"Concussion," Lexa reminded her, a soft smile appearing on her face.

Suddenly, the door to Clarke's hospital room open, and Abby Griffin appeared. Clarke's eyes immediately went to the woman, and the weak smile that had been on her face dropped. Lexa looked over her shoulder.

"Lexa," Abby said stiffly. "May I please speak to my daughter privately?"

Lexa looked like she wanted to argue, but Clarke just moved her right hand to her girlfriend's, and when she met a green gaze she nodded. Lexa quickly leaned forward and gave Clarke a gentle kiss on her lips and then got up without a word, walking past Abby and leaving the room.

"You sneaked out," Abby said, as soon as the door was closed.

"I did," Clarke agreed. "And?"

"And then you got into a car accident."

"Not my fault," Clarke muttered. "You weren't going to let me see Lexa."

"What you did was reckless and stupid," Abby stated, going to sit where Lexa had been sitting a moment before. "You could've been killed."

"Like you would've cared," Clarke muttered. "Can Lexa come back in now? Or anyone else who is out there? I don't want to talk to you."

"Clarke," Abby said firmly. "Are you okay? They told me what happened."

"Wrist hurts," Clarke muttered. "Head hurts. A nap doesn't sound too bad."

"No sleeping, Clarke. You know that," her mother insisted, shaking her head. "I'm so happy that you're alright. I couldn't lose you, too, especially not the same way as I lost your father. How's your friend?"

"Bellamy?" Clarke asked. "He's fine I think."

"Good, I'm glad," Abby said quietly. "I'm sorry, Clarke." Clarke didn't say anything, instead staying quiet in case her mom was going to elaborate. "I... I shouldn't have... I'm being too hard on you."

"You think?" Clarke muttered.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't tell me that," Clarke said, sighing. "Show me that you're sorry. You can say it all you want, but it doesn't mean anything."

Her mom nodded slowly. "I... We need to talk about it all. Later. I'm not... There are still rules."

"Whatever, mom," Clarke muttered. "Can I please see my friends now? And Lexa?" Her mom nodded, standing and going to the door. She opened it and gestured to whoever was outside, and then Lexa, Octavia, Raven, Finn and Lincoln all came into the room.

"Why aren't you with Bell?" she asked Octavia immediately.

"He's sleeping. No point in being in there for that. He snores so loudly," Octavia answered. "How are you doing?"

Lexa was sitting on the stool next to the bed again, and the rest of their friends were standing around the bed. "Alright," Clarke answered. "Happy to be alive."

"You haven't known us for long enough to start pulling near death shit, Clarke," Raven insisted playfully, getting a smile from the blonde.

"Don't make her laugh," Lexa said, "it hurts her head."

"Look at Lex being a super protective girlfriend," Octavia said, chuckling. Lexa glared at the other brunette to everyone else's amusement, and Clarke just smiled again.

"Did somebody at least video Lexa dancing?" Clarke asked, and Lexa's face flushed red whenever Finn nodded and grabbed for his phone.

"I was going to do it," Raven said defensively, "but even though my phone is awesome, my camera sucks."

"Here you go," Finn said, passing the phone to Clarke, who hit play on the video that was open. Lexa was blushing the whole time Clarke watched the video, and everyone else just stood listening to the music, and when it was over, Clarke grinned at her girlfriend and passed the phone back to Finn.

"You were so good," she exclaimed, aware that the smile she was wearing was hurting her head a bit. She didn't care.

Lexa was still blushing. "Thanks."

"You know," someone said suddenly from the door, and Clarke immediately recognized the voice. It was _Anya_ , who she had "met" in the most weird way ever, "I've never seen anyone make Lexa blush that red."

"You can't even see my face," Lexa snapped, not turning around to face her sister, because she would've given away her blush.

"I could see it glowing through the slits in the blinds," Anya insisted, stepping closer to the bed. "Nice to meet you blondie."

"Likewise," Clarke said slowly. Anya didn't look like what she had expected her to. She had much lighter hair than Lexa, and a more sharply angled face. She definitely wasn't bad looking, though, so clearly Lexa's beauty ran in her family.

"Sorry about the awkwardness of our first encounter."

"Yeah..."

"Did you want something, Anya?" Lexa asked, finally glancing over her shoulder at her sister.

"Do you need me to stay anymore? Mom keeps trying to call me," Anya said. Lexa shook her head, and Anya gave her a halfhearted wave before leaving the room again.

"Your sister is scary," Finn commented.

"What exactly was your _first encounter_ with her?" Lincoln asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It was post Clexa sex I'm assuming," Octavia stated.

"What?" Lexa and Clarke asked at the same time. The brunette then clarified, "Did you just say _Clexa_?"

"Yeah, it's easier than saying Clarke and Lexa."

"You're crazy," Clarke stated.

Suddenly, Clarke heard her mom clear her throat as she reentered the room. "Uh, guys, visiting hours are over, and I think Clarke needs to eat something."

"Alright," Octavia huffed. "Don't die overnight, Clarke."

"I'll do my best," Clarke said, rolling her eyes.

"See you Clarke," Finn said, as Raven gave her a smile and Lincoln nodded at her. Lexa gave her a small smile.

"Call me when you can," she said quietly, clearly conscious of Clarke's mom behind her.

Clarke returned the smile. "Of course." They shared another kiss, a bit longer than their earlier one, and then Lexa left the room. And Clarke desperately wished that she had her phone with her, but her mom still had not returned it to her.

"Are you hungry?" her mom asked her. She was standing stiffly after witnessing Clarke and Lexa's kiss.

"I thought visiting hours were over."

"I work here, Clarke," Abby reminded her. "How about some crackers or something? I'll ask the nurse to bring you something."

"Okay."

Abby took a deep breath. "I'll give you your phone in the morning. I don't want you texting all night. You need to eat and then read or something to keep awake without staring at a bright screen all night. I'll make sure that a nurse lets you know when you can sleep. You'll be in here probably until midday tomorrow. Assuming everything's alright. Since your wrist isn't broken, you won't need a cast, but they're going to wrap it and you're not to use it. Alright?"

Clarke nodded. "Okay."

"I love you." It was the first time she'd heard her mom say that in what felt like a very long time. Clarke didn't even know how to reply, but luckily, her mom left the room just as quickly as she'd entered it.

–

"Got kicked out?" Anya called from the kitchen as Lexa entered her house.

"Visiting hours ended."

"Mind having a chat with me?" Anya asked, before Lexa could escape upstairs, and the brunette reluctantly entered the kitchen. Anya was in the midst of cooking something or another. "So. This Clarke girl."

"Wow, you learned how to use names."

"You really like her?"

Lexa narrowed her eyes. "Didn't you see me nearly faint when I found out she'd been in a car wreck? Of course I really like her."

"It's easier to get the whole gay thing when you're around her," Anya stated. "You get all mushy like other girls get about boys."

"She is my girlfriend, so," Lexa said, rolling her eyes.

"I'm trying to be a decent big sister for once," Anya snapped, but it was really impossible for the two of them to talk completely civilly. This was pretty much the most civil they'd ever been to one another.

"You may proceed."

"I'm just saying. I shouldn't have been such a bitch about her. Before. When I came down."

"And?" Lexa asked, trying not to smirk as she realized that her sister was nearing the point of letting an apology slip.

"And you're still annoying, stop it," Anya snapped, crossing her arms as she abandoned her multitasking. "I'm not gonna tell mom about your sexuality. Or dad. And... I want to talk about Eva."

"Haven't we talked about her enough?" Lexa muttered, really not in the mood. She wanted to go to sleep and hope that she would wake up with a text from her girlfriend. She was emotionally worn out, and physically as well after her dance. She couldn't do with another Eva talk.

"Do you know where that bitch moved to?"

"No, why?" Lexa muttered, raising an eyebrow at her sister.

"Because we may not be that close, Alexa," Anya started, "but after I realized what you said that bitch did, I got pissed. And if I ever meet her, I'm gonna fuck her up."

And that was the first time that Lexa realized that maybe her and her sister could actually be close. "Why don't you just start calling me Lexa?"

–

Clarke was allowed to sleep at midnight, after a nurse checked her symptoms and gave her some pain medicine. She was woken only seven hours later, when a doctor gently wrapped her wrist and pointedly told her not to use the wrist for anything. Unfortunately, it was her left wrist, on her drawing hand. When she hopefully asked the doctor when she would be able to use it, she got a vague answer that basically meant "Ask your mom, she'll know".

After that, the paperwork was started to get Clarke to be able to go home.

Before Clarke was discharged from the hospital, though, Wells came to visit her. He seemed to realize that she wouldn't want him there, so he began talking as soon as he entered the room.

"Clarke, I need to apologize to you. I shouldn't have told your mom about you drinking, and I shouldn't have been so awful. I don't know why... I just..."

"Wells," she said, effectively cutting him off, "don't. I don't want you to apologize to me until you're over it all. _All of it._ If you apologize to me just because you thought that I was going to die yesterday, it's just real enough."

"It is real, Clarke," he insisted. "I can't lose you as my friend. We've been friends forever, Clarke. How can that just go away?"

Clarke let out a long breath. "I don't know, Wells. But it doesn't feel like it used to."

His expression was somber, his eyes dull. "I know." The room was silent for a moment, and Clarke could tell that Wells wasn't planning on leaving until she did, because he nervously leaned against one of the walls.

"Um. Heard Lexa got pissed at you yesterday," she said quietly.

"She did."

"What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything," Wells insisted.

Clarke narrowed her eyes. "Come on, Lexa doesn't snap for no reason."

"I may have said something or another," he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. "I can't help that I don't like her, Clarke."

"Guess not," the blonde murmured, sighing and stretching her uninjured arm in front of her. "Have you seen my mom around? I really want my phone."

"She's with the doctors, making sure you're getting checked out properly," Wells answered.

Clarke narrowed her eyes at her former best friend. "Were you here all night Wells?" He shook his head, and Clarke relaxed.

"I showed up again this morning," he stated. "And by the way, I'm so sorry that this happened. That you got hit in the same way that your dad died..."

Clarke's gaze fell to her lap, because that was the one thing that she was trying not to think about. "Clarke?" It was the voice of her doctor, so she let her blue gaze go back up. "You're ready to go. Your mom is waiting for you out in the waiting area. Your mom brought clothes for you this morning, and they're in the bathroom. Do you need help with anything?"

"No, thank you," Clarke answered, sitting up carefully and avoiding touching her wrapped wrist to anything. Her doctor nodded and then left the room, and Clarke got out of her bed gingerly, aware that Wells was watching her carefully. "Thanks for visiting, Wells."

"Sure."

Clarke said nothing else as she slid into the little bathroom in the hospital room. She found a clean change of clothes in there, and quickly used the restroom and changed, before finally leaving the hospital room.

The drive home was mostly silent, until they were nearing the house, and Abby Griffin finally let out a sigh. "I'm going to give you your phone back."

"Thank you."

"I don't want you going anywhere this weekend, though, because you can't drive with that wrist and I don't want anything happening to make it worse. Plus, your head could still be in pain, and I have painkillers if you need them."

Always a doctor. "Okay."

"Today I'm giving you a pass. Tomorrow, we need to talk rules."

"Regarding?" Clarke asked, wondering what her mom's answer would be even though she knew it already.

"Lexa."

Clarke nodded, biting down on her tongue to keep a remark to herself. She tried really hard, really she did, but it escaped through her lips anyway. "Dad would've loved Lexa. She makes me happy."


	31. Chapter 31

Lexa's phone went to voice mail when Clarke tried to call her once she finally had her phone back, and she tried not to let it bother her. She knew that Lexa might be with her sister, so she just laid in her bed feeling numb. The events of the previous day were dawning on her, and she knew that no matter what happened to her wrist or her head, her mom wouldn't be any less mad than she'd been previously. And that meant that her relationship with Lexa was at risk.

Her mom had the painkillers that she was supposed to take for her wrist, and when they'd gotten home, Abby had made sure to let her know that she couldn't have any for another three hours. Nevertheless, Clarke's wrist was hurting, her heart was aching at the idea of whatever "rules" her mom was going to put into place the following day, and she just felt like curling up into a ball in her bed and crying.

So she did.

Lexa called her back only like half an hour later, but Clarke didn't answer in favor of texting, because she was still crying and she didn't want her girlfriend to worry.

**To Lexa – Hi :)**

**From Lexa – Sorry I didn't answer earlier. :( I couldn't sleep last night and I didn't fall asleep until this morning. Slept a while.**

A phone call came in again from Lexa, and Clarke sighed, sitting up a bit in her bed and wiping the tears off of her face the best she could before answering. "Hey." She knew the greeting sounded sad.

"What's wrong?" came the immediate question.

"Nothing," Clarke insisted without thinking, really preferring to talk about anything other than herself.

"Clarke..." Lexa's voice was careful. "Please tell me what's wrong."

"Everything," Clarke gave in, defeat in her voice. "My mom knows about you and me, I'm never going to get a sliver of freedom ever again, and I can't even draw to stop thinking about it."

"Did you and your mom talk about what's going to... happen, or whatever?" Now Lexa sounded scared, and that hurt Clarke's heart, because she wasn't close enough to hug Lexa against her, and even if she was, her wrist might prevent it. It was an awful feeling.

"Tomorrow," Clarke murmured, tears welling in her eyes again. She felt no better than she had weeks prior, when she'd spent nearly a whole day crying or sleeping, and that's what she felt herself heading toward. "If I'd worked to stay better friends with Wells, he never would've told my mom about the alcohol. And she wouldn't have taken my phone. And she never would've seen that text from Octavia. If I'd been more careful... if I'd told Bellamy to go the speed limit when we first left, we wouldn't have been at the same intersection as that drunk driver. _Fuck_ , I should've done so many things differently."

There was a quiet breath on the other side of the phone. "You couldn't have known that anything was going to happen, Clarke, either time. You _cannot_ blame yourself for it all."

Clarke hit speaker on the call and tossed her phone next to her, burying her eyes against her pillow. "It would be so much easier if my dad was here. If he could... talk to her, or if I could t-talk to him. He w-would've been so much better about a-all of this. I m-miss him so m-much, Lexa." And now hot tears were leaking from her eyes into the previously dry pillow case surrounding her pillow.

"I know."

Wanting to say something else, the blonde opened her mouth again to talk before she just choked out a sob and then buried her face completely into her pillow and cried. She wasn't sure for how long she was on the phone with Lexa, because at some point, her phone beeped to tell her it was at low battery and then shut down before she could say anything to her girlfriend. She'd hastily plugged it into its charger before crying more.

At some point before Clarke could use her phone again, while she was still letting tears pour out into her pillows and blankets, she heard a knock on her door. "Clarke?" Her mom. Of course. She quickly sat up, sniffing and then wiping at her dampened face.

"What?"

"Can I come in please? I'd like to talk to you."

"Thought we were talking tomorrow."

A frustrated huff could be heard from the other side of the door. "I changed my mind." The door opened, and Abby let herself in. Her eyes immediately examined Clarke's room, something she rarely saw. She probably first saw the painting of Lexa that was no longer on Clarke's easel, but was propped against her dresser. Then she maybe noticed the charcoal drawing of Jake Griffin, and maybe she saw a few other drawings. Clarke didn't care.

"If you want to talk, start talking," Clarke said, trying to sound firm and annoyed, but she knew that she didn't. She sounded wounded and broken, tear-stricken as she was.

Abby stepped in further, looking like she was deliberately avoiding looking at the side of Clarke's room strewn with artwork and instead keeping her eyes focused on her daughter. "I thought about it. Obviously, I can't keep you from seeing that girl entirely. You have school."

"Her name is Lexa," Clarke growled.

Abby didn't acknowledge the correction. "I don't want you alone with her. I do not want her to do inappropriate things to you."

"Are you serious, mom?" Clarke snapped. "I'm seventeen, you know? I'm old enough to consent, emotionally and legally, to having sex."

"While you live under my roof, I'd much prefer it if you _didn't_ do such things, Clarke," Abby reminded her.

"What if it was with a boyfriend?" Clarke questioned, wanting to cross her arms for emphasis but not being able to due to her wrist. "Would it be okay then? If it was _normal_ and with a _nice boy_?"

"Don't mock me, Clarke, especially with things that I never even said!"

"You may as well have." The younger blonde was seething, for obvious reasons. "Guess you've never realized that your imperfect daughter's not a virgin anymore?"

Abby's eyes narrowed significantly, and Clarke was actually a bit surprised to see that she was right – her mom had thought that she'd never had sex before. Which, to be fair, she hadn't until recently. Clarke wouldn't bring that up, though, because it was better to keep her mom completely caught off guard – at least it seemed like it was. "Like I said," she growled, "I don't want you alone with her _anymore_."

"Here?" Clarke asked, for clarification. "You can't keep me from going to her house."

"If you're so sure about that, let me talk to her mother."

Blue eyes widened slightly before falling into the shape of a glare. "I'm sure you and her would get a long just great, actually. You're both great at being huge disappointments when it comes to parenting. Sorry, though, she's hardly ever even at her house, so good luck even getting close to speaking to her."

"You're making this difficult," Abby said with a huff. "Could you please just respect the fact that I'm your mother, and I am giving you rules that I need you to follow?"

"You sound ridiculous," Clarke stated. "You want me to never be alone with Lexa here, or at her house, or what, be out in public without an entourage? If I was dating someone like Wells, you would be pushing me so much to go out with him and be with him. The reason you're being so ridiculous is because the fact that I'm with Lexa just adds another imperfection to the list, and that's stupid!"

"Clarke –"

"Go away!" Clarke yelled, her throat still scratchy from sobbing and her voice cracking. She didn't want her mother to see her cry, but she felt tears coming again.

"Clarke, sweetie, you're going to hurt your head more if you keep crying like this. And your wrist, if you start using it to bury yourself into your pillows."

"Stop pretending like you fucking care!" Clarke exclaimed. "You don't! You just pretend! Admit it! You pretend to care because I'm all that you have left of _him_! He went into a coma and you took him off of life support too quickly! You killed him and you know it, and you try to care about me to make up for that! But you're so shitty at it! You can't ever accept that I'm not going to live up to your standards! I'm not going to be a doctor – I don't want to! I love art, I love girls the same way that I love guys! I drink alcohol before I'm legally allowed to, I have sex! I'm not perfect! Get the fuck over it! You're supposed to care about me because I'm your daughter, not because you need to keep me alive to make up for your mistake of taking dad off life support!"

Abby hadn't responded, simply standing up and leaving the room, and Clarke went back to crying.

Something in that jumbled up rant that Saturday flipped a switch in Abby Griffin. Whether she knew that, Clarke wasn't sure, but the younger blonde definitely saw it.

Her relationship with her mother turned nearly into Lexa's with own mother.

She didn't notice it until Monday, because Abby had taken off of work over the weekend, but throughout the whole next two weeks, neither of them saw each other. Abby didn't check on her, and Clarke didn't check on her mom either, and the only way the two knew they were even alive was the constantly depleting food in the fridge, and the occasional refilling of it.

Clarke spent almost every day away from her house, though, until she realized that her mom was hardly coming home. Once she realized that, Lexa started coming over to hers more often. They christened Clarke's room properly, and her shower. Clarke never felt the need to masturbate, though she teased Lexa by trying to, because it made her girlfriend growl and her green eyes darken considerably.

When she wasn't with Lexa, she was either with Raven, Bellamy or Octavia, occasionally Jasper and Monty, or she was at home, drawing. Most of the time that she drew, though, she was with Lexa, who would be doing homework or some other thing. Clarke loved drawing while Lexa was around, because it kept pleasant thoughts in her head.

She cried a few more times through the first week after her accident, when her wrist was still out of commission, but after a week it was fine, and after a call to the doctor to get the go ahead, she peeled off its wrapping once and for all and returned to her passion.

The worst times were when Clarke went home by herself – when she had no one to hang out with – and the house was empty. Bare and empty, never with any indication that anyone else lived there unless, she chose to open the fridge or go into her mom's room.

Some days, when Clarke was alone, she would revert back to her old habits and sleep all day after school, hardly eating. Lexa told her it wasn't healthy, and she knew that, but it was only a few times that she went with just one meal during the day. Every other day was a full three meal day, even if Lexa had to make her dinner to make it happen.

Lexa. Lexa was perfect, always. Always finding more of the missing pieces of Clarke and carefully reattaching them. It's why Clarke started getting better again. She didn't notice at first, but soon her tears were scarce, and her meals were evenly spread apart, and her smiles were plentiful. And she started to accept the fact once and for all that her mother was awful, and knew that she'd be officially away in less than two years now.

By Christmas – after being with Lexa for a little over two months total – Clarke was starting to feel whole. Her mother said nothing about Christmas to her, so Clarke asked her girlfriend about _her_ Christmas plans. Apparently, there was always a big Christmas party at the Blake's house, which didn't surprise Clarke. The difference between that party and the normal parties, though, was that Bellamy and Octavia's parents would be there.

Despite them being gone all the time, Octavia and Bellamy were evidently close to them. They'd come down after the car accident, of course, to check on Bellamy, but Clarke didn't meet them until the Christmas party. They were sweet and down to Earth, and it was easy to see how Bellamy and Octavia both managed to be so goddamn nice all the time. They also didn't have any negative opinion toward Lexa and Clarke dating – Octavia had assured them that much before the party.

Clarke couldn't help but wish that the Blake parents were around more, because they reminded her of her dad. It was refreshing to be with adults who cared.

So Christmas ended up being a success. Their whole friend group exchanged presents – Jasper and Monty included, as they'd been becoming more and more a part of it. The presents were all goofy, yet personal, and Clarke had never felt more a part of something than she did in the moment that they were sitting in a circle, huddled around in their Christmas pajamas, laughing.

Christmas night was just as amazing, because Clarke had been planning a Christmas date without Lexa's knowing – with both Octavia and Raven's help – and she surprised her girlfriend with it. It wasn't the fanciest thing ever, but they went to a nice restaurant and took a walk through the cold air, and it had started snowing. Then they'd gone back to Lexa's house, and Clarke had given Lexa her _real_ Christmas present – though Lexa had been upset, since she'd only gotten her the one from that morning – but the blonde didn't mind. She'd painted Lexa dancing based on one of the professional pictures that had been given to the brunette after her recital. It was medium sized, but too big to bring on the date, so she'd asked Raven to sneak it into Lexa's house while they were gone.

After Lexa had gotten over the fact that she'd not gotten Clarke a second gift, they'd ended the night perfectly in bed, and Clarke had never felt so happy.

And she'd fallen in love, so quickly and so deep, and she finally realized it on that Christmas night.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late! D:

"Hey, you on your way yet?" Octavia asked through the phone, causing Clarke to roll her eyes. By now, Octavia knew that if Clarke had been on her way, she wouldn't have answered her phone. Especially after her own car accident with Bellamy, all of her friends were well aware of her care in driving.

"No, I'm about to leave," Clarke answered, grabbing her warmest coat and her blue gloves. It was well below freezing outside.

"Ugh," Octavia groaned, "why is everyone taking so long? Can't it just be New Year now so that I can drink tons of champagne and kiss Lincoln to celebrate the end of another year?"

"Me getting there faster doesn't change the time of day, O," Clarke reminded her. "Ah, speaking of significant others... could I ask you a question?"

"As long as it's not a sex question, because I don't think I'm knowledgeable enough in the lesbian sex department for that," Octavia answered.

Clarke rolled her eyes playfully. "I don't think I'm having a problem in the sex department, Octavia."

"Alright, alright, get to your question. It's weird imagining you and Lexa having sex."

"Okay, well... so, it's New Year's Eve, and..." Clarke swallowed thickly, unsure if she was going to be able to even say it to Octavia, let alone Lexa.

"Spit it out, Clarke," Octavia teased. "You've got like ten minutes till Raven's gonna bust down my door, you can't stutter that whole time."

"Shush," Clarke grumbled, shaking her head slightly. "Alright. So..." She took another deep breath, and then said it all without pause – "I'm in love with Lexa and I really wanna tell her tonight but do you think it's too soon because what if she doesn't say it back and oh my god I'm freaking out."

"Are you kidding?" Octavia asked, sounding like she was moving around now. "That girl _obviously_ loves you. I think you should go for it. Just make sure you don't do it in the middle of the party or everyone is gonna die of sugar intake just by _being in your vicinity_."

"Ha ha, very funny," Clarke said, her words dripping in playful sarcasm. "Thanks, though, I think I will tell her tonight. It's been hard not saying it ever since I realized it. She's just so... _ugh_ she's perfect."

"Yeah, yeah," Octavia waved off. "Save all the mushy for when you bare your heart to your perfect girlfriend."

"You're just jealous," Clarke chimed, slipping her coat on and then her gloves one by one, after leaving her phone next to her on speaker phone.

"No way, I'm content with straight sex, thank you very much."

"Not what I meant, Octavia," Clarke said, shaking her head at her friend, who was laughing.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Raven's here. Get your ass here as soon as possible, and I know you aren't driving yet, so I'm gonna hang up," Octavia said. "Drive safe!"

"I will," Clarke promised, smiling. "See you in a few!"

**To Lexa – I'm on my way to Octavia's! See you in a few! :***

**From Lexa – Same! :)**

Fifteen minutes later, Clarke was tugging her coat tighter around her as she hurried from her car to the door of Octavia's house. She could already hear some commotion inside, so she let herself in to keep herself from waiting in the cold. "It's so cold," she whined as soon as she entered the house.

"Suck it up!" Bellamy called to her playfully from the living room, where Clarke entered a moment later. Most everyone was already there, minus her girlfriend. Which was lame, because Clarke needed some cuddles to warm herself up.

"Down for a drink, Clarke?" Jasper asked her, grinning.

Clarke looked to Octavia, who was cuddled up with Lincoln on one of the couches. "We're letting _him_ make the drinks?" The brunette just shrugged. "I'd like to stay somewhat coherent, Jasper," Clarke said, rolling her eyes.

"Aw, why? It's a party!"

"I have my reasons," Clarke answered, rolling her eyes and walking through the living room and toward the kitchen to make her own drink. She caught Octavia smirking from her spot, but she ignored her in favor of sliding off her coat and her gloves. She set them on the counter in the Blake kitchen, as her eyes searched for the alcohol and red solo cups that she found sitting by the fridge.

She mixed herself a not too strong drink, and then she heard the front door open again, and she perked up a bit.

"Hey, Lex!" she heard Octavia call. "Your girlfriend's in the kitchen – if you're gonna do that make out greeting thing, do it in there."

"We don't do that," Clarke heard Lexa defend, although they probably did a least half of the time. Nevertheless, Lexa came into the kitchen just as Clarke finished making her drink. "Hey!" Lexa chimed immediately.

"Hey, babe," Clarke replied, flashing her girlfriend a wide smile. "Want a drink? Apparently Jasper's making them tonight and I'm not about passing out on New Year's Eve."

"Sure," Lexa answered, laughing lightly. "Hey, we don't really do that, do we? The make out greeting?"

Clarke shrugged, setting her cup down and stepping closer to her girlfriend, grabbing her and pulling her close. Their lips came together instantly, and Clarke felt Lexa's tongue slide through her lips. Lexa's hands were instantly on the blonde's hips, and the latter felt herself pushed lightly against the edge of the counter.

They broke the kiss once they were out of air, and Lexa let out a happy sigh. "I guess we do."

"I don't mind," Clarke murmured, smiling at the green eyes that were sparkling in front of her. "So, that drink?"

After Lexa's drink was made, the two of them went back into the living room and took the big empty spot on one of the couches, sitting close together and Clarke resisting the urge to full out cuddle with the brunette.

"Alright, now that we all have drinks – some of us stronger ones than others," Jasper started, looking pointedly at Clarke, "how about some games?"

"Kings?" Raven piped up, raising an eyebrow.

"We _always_ play Kings," Bellamy argued. "How about Never Have I Ever?"

"Works," Octavia agreed, getting nods from everyone else.

"I'll go first!" Bellamy added, grinning. "Never have I ever been attracted to someone of my same sex."

"Fuck you," Lexa and Clarke said simultaneously, each taking a drink from their cups.

Lincoln was next. "Never have I ever gotten so drunk that I couldn't remember what happened." Nearly everyone in the circle drank, Lexa and Clarke included. That was the result of the _last_ big drinking party they'd had – when they'd all accepted drinks from Jasper. Clarke was never letting that happen again.

They went around the circle a couple of times, before the game started to get boring and Raven realized that her Jasper made drink was a mistake and ran out of the bathroom to throw up already. She ended up being fine, luckily, and decided to grab some water and avoid alcohol for a little bit.

About half of the group decided to play another game or something, but Raven dragged Octavia, Lexa and Clarke upstairs to Octavia's room. As soon as they were in there, she began to talk, "Guys, I need your opinions."

"Shoot," Octavia said, collapsing onto her bed. Clarke sat next to her, and Lexa next to her, and Raven was left standing. She rolled her eyes and grabbed Octavia's desk chair, sitting on it before speaking again.

"So, there's this guy that I've been hanging out with, and –"

"Wait, what?" Octavia demanded. "Why haven't I heard about this mystery guy yet? Raven!"

"Remember when we were at Lexa's recital – sorry Clarke – and I was talking to that hot tech guy?" Raven asked, a smile growing on her face.

Lexa raised her eyebrows. "How did you get his number in that tiny span of time?"

"I didn't," Raven answered, "and that's the weird part. I was at this electronics store about twenty minutes toward downtown, and I saw him again. This was about a month ago. He recognized me and asked why we didn't stay backstage very long after the recital, and I told him why, and he did this dorky flirting thing and at first I started to think it was annoying, but then I started to not mind it and well... I gave him my number and we've been hanging out."

"Hold up," Clarke said, "how old is he?"

"Twenty-one," Raven admitted, smiling shyly. "But hey, it's not like it's illegal in DC."

"Fair enough," Clarke returned.

Octavia's jaw was dropped. "Are you kidding? Who cares that it's illegal? He's four years older than you!"

"So what?" Raven demanded, shaking her head. "He actually likes me, and we don't fight all the time like when I was with Finn."

"What's his name?" Lexa asked, and Clarke could tell that it was mostly for Raven's sake, since Octavia still seemed like she wanted to protest.

"Wick. I mean, that's his last name. His first name is Kyle, but like, most people just call him Wick," Raven answered. "He's actually really cool. Though he is kinda annoying, in like the dorky way that I was talking about before. Anyway, that's not the point. He asked me yesterday if I wanted to be his _girlfriend_ , like _officially_ , and I told him that I needed to think about it."

"Yikes," Clarke said. "Was he cool?"

Raven nodded. "He knows about all the Finn stuff, and so I think he's chalking it up to that. But like... should I say yes?"

Octavia let out a breath. "You sure he's not a creep?"

"He's not," Raven insisted. "I've hung out with him enough to know that much. C'mon, I need your guys' opinions!"

"Well, if you like him, and he likes you, and you're sure he's cool, then why wouldn't you?" Clarke asked, pretty sure that there was something that Raven wasn't saying about it.

"Just... what if it doesn't work out? Like what if it goes to shit and I find out that I actually suck at relationships because I let myself sit in a long, lame one with Finn and didn't take enough time to learn how to be in a better relationship?" Raven asked.

"If it doesn't work out, it won't be because of you sucking at relationships," Lexa insisted.

"Yeah, plus," Octavia piped up, finally smiling, "if you really think that you need to learn how to be in a nice relationship, and you said this guy is nice and understanding about Finn and everything, then maybe he's the perfect guy to learn with."

"Maybe," Raven agreed.

"I say go for it," Octavia said, smiling widely.

"Yeah," Clarke agreed, with Lexa giving a nod as well.

Raven let out a relieved sigh. "Okay, thanks. I don't know why I'm so nervous about it."

"If he starts being a creep though," Octavia started, "you better deal with it."

"I will, O," Raven promised, laughing lightly. "Well, we should probably go join the party now. Plus, the countdown is starting soon, isn't it?"

"We better break out the champagne and turn on the TV!" Octavia exclaimed, hopping off of her bed and scurrying out of her room and back downstairs.

Once the TV was on and champagne was ready to be consumed, everyone hung out around the living room, just talking and hanging out. A few minutes before the ball drop, Clarke grabbed her girlfriend's hand, with the true excuse that she wanted to talk to her, and led her to the guest bedroom – the only place she was sure that they wouldn't be overheard.

"What's up?" Lexa asked her, looking slightly concerned.

"Nothing's wrong," Clarke promised, smiling at the brunette, "I just haven't really gotten to just talk to you yet tonight."

Lexa gave her a smile, though Clarke was sure that her girlfriend could still sense that she was feeling tense and nervous. "I put up the painting you gave me on Christmas, finally," Lexa said, grinning.

"Where'd you put it?" Clarke asked, her stomach still twisting as she got more and more nervous to tell Lexa want she wanted to.

"In that one big empty space on the wall," Lexa answered. "It was just begging to be filled with something that perfect."

Clarke felt a blush creep to her cheeks. "Lexa, I wanted to thank you for being here for me so much. I've probably been way too much work the past couple of months."

Lexa shook her head. "You really weren't, but you're welcome."

"I just... I don't know what I'd do without you, you know?" Clarke asked, her voice small. Lexa nodded, her green eyes searching Clarke's face. Clarke took in a silent breath, gathering all of her courage. "I want you to know that... I'm in love with you, I... I love you."

Lexa looked frozen, and Clarke immediately noticed her tensing in front of the blonde.

"Lexa?" Clarke asked, her voice full of the fear that she felt creeping up on her.

"I... I..." Lexa looked absolutely panicked, but before Clarke could say anything else, the brunette was up on her feet and out of the room. Clarke's heart fell into her stomach, and she rushed out of the room, but Lexa was well on her way out of the house. She was gone before Clarke could say anything else.

"Hey, Clarke, was that Lexa who just left?" Octavia asked, furrowing her eyebrows as she came into the foyer area.

Clarke looked at Octavia with blue eyes that she was sure looked as pale as she was sure her skin was. "Uh, yeah."

"What happened?"

"I don't know," Clarke answered, feeling tears welling up in her eyes. "I just... I told her, and she froze up, and then she just..."

They heard the ball drop from the TV in the living room, and Clarke knew that Octavia wanted to be in there to drink champagne and kiss her boyfriend, but her friend didn't go back into the room. "C'mon, let's go upstairs," Octavia said quietly, grabbing Clarke's hand and leading her to the stairs.

* * *

Lexa knew that she shouldn't be driving, even though it'd been a little while since her last drink, but she knew that Clarke wouldn't drive, and she needed to get away. Her heart was pounding, and she made it home in record time. She knew that she'd missed the ball drop, and she'd left Clarke alone, but her heart was beating too hard in her chest, and tears were in her eyes, and she couldn't think of anything but the panic she was feeling.

When she made it up to her room, she slid down onto the floor, leaning against her door, and took in deep breaths. She rarely panicked this badly, she hadn't in a long time.

It was those words – those three words that everyone usually loved to hear. She hadn't thought that hearing them spoken to her would ever hurt. It wasn't that it was hurtful to hear Clarke say them, she knew that she should be focusing on that anyway, but her mind had gone straight back to the last time she'd heard those words. When she'd received the promise with an open heart, which was only to be brutally crushed three or four days later. She couldn't do anything but remember the pain and the loneliness, no matter how badly she wanted accept the words from her girlfriend.

She'd been so strong, giving Clarke everything that she could in spite of the awful memory that was always lingering with her. It'd gotten to the point that any memory was just a dull instance in her brain, something that hardly ever came up. Clarke had given herself to Lexa in her entirety that night that Lexa had asked her to be her girlfriend, and Lexa had asked in the large part just to have the promise that she was going to stay.

And now that Clarke was offering an even bigger promise, Lexa couldn't be brave anymore.

She was always brave, and now she was cracking.

And she knew that she was stupid for it.

And she knew that she shouldn't have left like that.

But she was finally cracking, all of the little bits of fear she'd felt having built up against her protection massing into one force, and now that protection was gone.

And how unfortunate that the only person she knew could fix it was the person who she'd just left alone on New Year's Eve without any explanation.


	33. Chapter 33

_**A Year And A Half Ago – Summer Before Sophomore Year – August** _

_Lexa's phone rang from her pocket, and she smiled before even looking at the name – she was always expecting the phone call from her girlfriend anyway._

_She tugged it out from the pocket and glanced briefly at the caller ID, checking that she'd assumed correctly who it was. She had, of course, and she answered it immediately. "Hey!" she said happily._

" _Hey, babe," Eva's voice replied. "What are you doing?"_

" _I just left the store," Lexa answered, before rolling her eyes as she added, "Anya thinks it's so funny that now that I can drive, she can just order to me to run errands for her. I'm so glad she's leaving tomorrow morning to go back to her_ amazing _college life."_

" _How's the traffic?" Lexa could hear a smirk in Eva's voice, and she knew where this was going._

" _Fine," Lexa answered, getting to her sister's car and opening the driver's seat._

" _No, I think it's_ really _bad, and it's going to take you_ ages _to get back home," Eva corrected._

_Lexa bit the inside of her lower lip. "I'll be there in ten."_

" _Yay!" came her girlfriend's squeal. "Can't wait!" The call ended, and Lexa tossed the bag with her sister's stuff and her phone into the center console, before buckling herself onto the seat and closing the car door. She pulled out of its parking spot and headed to her girlfriend's house._

_It was huge, even compared to her home, but Lexa had grown used to that. Everything in it was unnecessarily big as well, though all of its inhabitants thought nothing of it. To them, big, expensive things were normal. Lexa didn't mind, because for some reason still, Eva chose to like her._

_It boggled Lexa so much sometimes that she didn't even mind the fact that Eva hadn't yet told the brunette that she loved her, even if Lexa had told her already. They had only been together for three months, anyway. Lexa had somehow fallen so fast, though, and she knew that Eva had to feel similarly._

_She would never doubt it._

_Lexa was used to letting herself into her girlfriend's house, because Eva never invited her over unless both of her parents were gone. This case was not any different. She let herself in and heard her girlfriend playing loud music from her room upstairs. Lexa didn't hesitate before heading up there._

" _Hey, sexy!" Eva exclaimed as soon as she saw the brunette walk through her doors. "Wanna dance with me?" She was sitting on the white desk chair, which was facing the door as if Eva had already heard Lexa come into the house._

" _I can't be here long, Eva. Anya will kill me," Lexa insisted, though she realized that her girlfriend was wearing minimal clothing, and that was unfair._

" _But baby," Eva whined, "the traffic is so bad, remember?"_

" _Eva," Lexa began to argue, but then the girl stood up. She was only wearing a crop top and shorts that were so short that they should've been counted as underwear._

" _Yes?" Eva asked, batting her dark eye lashes. "What were you saying?"_

" _That's not fair," Lexa growled, her eyes unable to leave Eva's body. Her curves were soft, her breasts medium sized, and her sandy colored hair was as silky as ever._

" _What are you looking at?" Eva asked teasingly. "Actually, why are you_ looking _, when you could be_ touching _?"_

_Lexa was across the room in an instant, her lips on Eva's and completely aware that the girl's lipstick – which she was never not wearing – was getting on her own lips. She didn't mind, of course. Her hands felt the smooth skin on the blonde's hips, and Eva pulled Lexa against her. "You're so unfair," Lexa murmured against the girl's lips._

" _You love it," Eva growled, her hands disregarding Lexa's shirt and feeling everywhere under it. "You love me."_

" _You're right," Lexa agreed, joining their lips again aggressively. Eva pushed her backwards toward her bed – which was over sized just like everything else in the house. Lexa could hardly ever mind the huge bed, though._

_Lexa was nearly completely undressed by her girlfriend's hand only, when she heard three words whispered just next to her ear. "I love you."_

_Lexa got home a bit too late later to make traffic an excuse to her sister, so she offered no excuse instead, just tossing her the car keys and the bag and escaping upstairs to her room. She found herself writing in one of her notebooks for hours that night, because life was perfect. She was halfway through high school, with a beautiful girlfriend who loved her, and everything was good._

_**The Next Morning** _

_Lexa woke up early, to the sound of her mom talking loudly to Anya. Her mother was hardly home, but since Anya had come back home for the summer, she'd been home every now and then to hang out with the better of her two daughters. Lexa rolled her eyes to herself as she climbed out of bed and tied her hair up into a quick ponytail. She figured that her sister at least deserved a goodbye from her, since she probably wouldn't see her for another half a year or so._

_Downstairs, her mother gave her a brief good morning, and Lexa returned it with just a nod before going to Anya. "Heading out?"_

" _Yep. You weren't doing something nasty with some gross teenage boy in my car yesterday were you?" Anya demanded._

" _No," Lexa snapped._

" _I better not find a used condom in there," Anya said._

" _What are you two talking about in there?" their mother called from the other room._

" _Nothing," Lexa called back._

_Anya was smirking. "So did you have some good sex yesterday, Alexa?"_

" _Shut up, like you care," Lexa snapped. "I didn't do anything in your damn car. I just came downstairs to say goodbye."_

" _Enjoy the hell of high school," Anya said. "Bye mom!"_

" _Goodbye, dear!" came the older woman's exclamation. Lexa tried not to roll her eyes as Anya smiled smugly and hoisted her bag onto her shoulder before leaving the house. Lexa began to head back upstairs, but her mother suddenly called to her. "Alexa! Can you take the car down to the mailbox and check the mail?"_

_Well, Anya's traits had to come from somewhere. "Yeah."_

" _Just set it in the tray when you get back if it's mine," she added. Lexa just rolled her eyes and left the house, not caring that she was wearing pajamas and no shoes. She would survive the forty-five second drive down to the mailbox. At least she could drive now – she used to have to walk this every other morning._

_She brought back the mail within a couple of minutes, going through it briefly once she got back. Everything was for her mom except for the last letter, which was labeled in a neat handwriting that she recognized._

_**To Lexa** _

_**From Eva** _

_It was obvious that the letter had just been slid into the mailbox by Eva herself. Lexa furrowed her eyebrows as she tossed her mother's mail into the mail tray and then skipped steps on her way up to her room. She neatly opened the letter once she was sitting comfortably on her bed._

_**Dear Lovely Lexa,** _

_**I'm sorry that I never told you, but today my family is moving out of DC. You know that my dad's job makes him go everywhere – that's why we have so much money of course. I've loved DC while I've been here, and I've loved getting to explore my sexuality with you. You've made me feel alive in ways that boys haven't been able to do in the past.** _

_**Sometimes I hope that you are like me, that you just want to explore and learn about your body, but I know that you're not. You're so true to yourself. I have no doubt that it is who you are to love women, and I have no doubt that you are in love with me. Yesterday, I told you that I love you as well, but I do not. I know that's not what you want to hear. I couldn't love you that way, Lexa. Not even if I wanted to, which I don't. I'm content being me. I'm not gay, but I know that you are. There's no way you could be so naive in giving yourself to me if you weren't truly in love.** _

_**I hope that your next year will be well. I hope that you will not miss me, because it will not take me long to stop missing you. I don't say this to be mean, either, I say this to be blunt, so that you will understand that you don't need to miss me. This is me being generous, and honest, two things which I have not been to you at all.** _

_**Goodbye Alexa Tierra.** _

_Lexa read the letter six times over, the last four times being the worst, because she practically soaked the paper in her tears. She read the letter in Eva's sweet voice – the one she constantly used to talk to her. It made no sense. The voice and the words on the paper didn't match up at all. Lexa couldn't understand. She tried three times to call her girlfriend... her_ ex girlfriend _. She had no success, and she knew that Eva's phone had been disconnected, but she couldn't let herself believe it._

_It just made no sense._

_A week later, after crying for hours and trying desperately to continue the happy story she'd been writing, she read the letter again. But she didn't read it in Eva's sweet, loving voice. She read it in the voice she could remember clearer now – the one she'd heard Eva use when talking to other people. The selfish voice, the cold one, that boasted and whined and annoyed. The one that Lexa couldn't help but hear in her head as she read this letter._

_The one that made it so crystal clear to Lexa what Eva was saying._

_It was all a lie. The sweet words, the loving embraces, the flirting, the whole relationship, everything. All that had been real was the sex – all Eva had wanted was for Lexa to make her feel good, because boys hadn't been satisfying her._

_And she tried to call Eva one more time, and failed again, and felt her heart crumble inside of her._

_She remembered the words whispered against her ear, the three words that she'd wanted to hear so badly, and she pointed all of her emotion into that. If she didn't, she would've fallen apart, because pointing it at everything would destroy her._

_And she already felt herself falling into billions of pieces._

_After all, she was missing an essential piece of herself._

_Her heart was elsewhere, probably sitting in first class, packed tightly along with Eva's most prized possessions, things that she'd done nothing to earn aside from lie and manipulate, an unfairly earned trophy, to forever sit decoratively on a shelf in a fancy white room, in a fancy big house, in some fancy neighborhood far away, for boys to question and for a pretty blonde girl to giggle about as though her possession of it hadn't left another girl behind in pieces._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't murder me for the cliffhanger and then no resolution in the following chapter? Please... <3 XD
> 
> xx


	34. Chapter 34

"Okay, what happened _exactly_?" Octavia questioned, once Clarke was done crying and was sitting curled up in the brunette's blankets on her bed.

"I told her that I love her, and she froze, and then she stuttered over the word 'I', and then she left," Clarke muttered. "I definitely didn't expect that to happen." She wiped at her still slightly damp cheeks and then dropped her hands, one of which went instinctively to her phone. "I should call her."

"Let me," Octavia suggested, causing Clarke to stop her motions and just nod. The brunette grabbed her own phone from her pocket and quickly hit a few buttons, before holding it up to her ear. After about thirty seconds, Octavia sighed. "Lexa, call me." She hung up after leaving the message.

"What's up?" Lincoln asked suddenly at the door, opening it, probably wondering why he hadn't gotten his New Year's kiss. He immediately noticed Clarke's tear stained face. "Oh, ah, I'll go."

Before he could full close the door again, though, Raven burst through it. "What's going on?"

Clarke let out a frustrated breath and buried her face into the blanket that was covering her knees, which were pulled up against her chest.

"Is everything okay?" came Bellamy's voice.

"Boys, out," Raven said, and then Clarke heard the door shut. "What happened?"

"Clarke told Lexa that she loves her, and Lexa freaked out and left," Octavia explained. "Now she won't answer her phone, and Clarke's upset, _obviously_."

"Why'd she freak out?" Raven asked, sounding extremely confused.

Clarke looked up, looking at Octavia. "Is this about Eva?"

"Can't think of what else it would be about," the brunette answered, crossing her arms.

"Who's Eva?" Raven asked, though she received no response.

"She hasn't moved on?"

Octavia rolled her eyes. "You _know_ that it's not about whether or not she's moved on, Clarke. She hates that bitch just as much as you and I do. Don't be stupid just because you're upset. Eva pretended to love Lexa. That's gotta hurt."

"I know," Clarke muttered. "Doesn't change that _I'm_ hurting right now."

"Wait, I'm so confused," Raven pleaded. "Who's Eva?"

"The bitch that messed up Lexa before we met her, Raven," Octavia answered, exasperated. "You're not necessarily supposed to know that, so just... yeah."

Clarke grabbed her phone and called Lexa before she could think it through. She needed to hear Lexa's voice. She didn't care if the brunette said that she loved her back or not, she just wanted to know that she was okay. But there was no answer. "Did she take her car?" Clarke asked weakly.

"I think I heard a car," Raven answered.

"Fuck. I swear to god if she gets into an accident..."

"She's not going to," Octavia interrupted immediately. "She's had time to sober up a little bit."

"She's still _not sober_ , though!" Clarke exclaimed.

Raven crossed her arms. "She's going to be fine, Clarke, okay?"

"I should go make sure," Clarke muttered, making a move to get off of Octavia's bed, but the two brunettes were immediately shaking their heads. "What? Why shouldn't I?"

"I'm not saying that you shouldn't," Octavia insisted, "just not while _you're_ intoxicated. Assuming Lexa is fine, she would _hate_ herself if you got into another accident because you going to her _again_."

"So what if she isn't fine?" Clarke demanded, giving up on trying to leave. "She's not answering her phone, and if she's _not_ fine, then I'm going to hate myself later for not knowing or doing anything about it! She's clearly upset, and I need to make sure that she's okay."

"Someone will go check on her as soon as they're sober enough," Raven offered. "Okay? You need to sleep."

Clarke didn't want to accept that answer, but her head was foggy from the alcohol in her system and the emotions running through her. She did need sleep. "Should I go to the guest room?"

"You're not going anywhere," Octavia answered. "Sleep there."

Octavia crossed her arms over her chest as she and Raven made their way downstairs. "I need to be the one to go see Lexa," she stated.

"I agree," Raven answered. "But you're far from sober."

"I'll call an Uber or something," Octavia insisted.

"What about an Uber?" Bellamy called. "You are not taking an Uber at this hour, Octavia. Haven't you read all those stories about the creeps that sometimes drive those things?"

"Well I can't drive right now, and I _need_ to talk to Lexa!"

"So, who can we call who is sober and can drive us right now?" Lincoln asked, getting a small smile from his girlfriend. Octavia knew she was lucky to have Lincoln, and she needed to remember to tell him that later, once she finally got her New Year's kiss with him.

"What about Wells?" Bellamy suggested.

Everyone gave him blank looks.

"Right, that's a stupid idea. Anyone else?"

"I can call Wick?" Raven offered, looking to Octavia. "And we can both go to Lexa's, and you can just go in."

"Sure," Octavia agreed. "How do you know he's going to be sober, though?"

"Hope?" Raven answered, shrugging.

Finn coughed awkwardly. "Who's Wick?" Nobody answered him as Raven took out her phone and began dialing. She held the phone to her ear, and everyone stood in silence.

"Hey. Yeah, I'm fine. Listen, you said you had to work tonight, right? Please tell me you're off now and not intoxicated," Raven pleaded into the phone. "Perfect! Me and a friend really need a ride. I'll explain later. Thank you. I'll text it to you."

She hung up, and then began texting – probably Octavia's address – to him. "He's coming?" Octavia asked.

"Yep," Raven answered.

"Who is this guy?" Bellamy finally asked.

"Raven's soon-to-be boyfriend," Octavia answered, smirking at her best friend. "You better have that conversation with him while I'm talking to Lexa."

"I was already going to," Raven insisted, blushing visibly and waving her hand at the other brunette.

"Does he go to our school?" Finn asked.

Raven blinked, shaking her head. "Uh, no. He's twenty-one."

"Wow," Bellamy said, blinking, "I didn't expect that."

"Where are Jasper and Monty?" Octavia asked suddenly, looking at her brother.

"Passed out. I guess that was to be expected with Jasper's shit-faced inducing drinks," Bellamy said, shrugging. "We'll make sure that they don't puke everywhere while you two are gone."

Fifteen minutes later, Wick texted Raven that he was in front of the house, and the two girls quickly pulled on coats and rushed out into the freezing air. Octavia slid into the backseat of the car before Raven got into the passenger seat. "Drive," Octavia pleaded.

"Uh, what's going on?" the guy sitting in the driver's seat asked. He looked about his age, with kind of shaggy blonde hair and a bit of facial hair. Octavia hadn't quite expected him to look like that, but she didn't linger on it.

"A friend drove home intoxicated while in the middle of a relationship crisis," Raven answered. "I'll tell you where to go."

"If she's not at her house, I'm calling the police or something," Octavia muttered.

Raven rolled her eyes. "You're beginning to sound like she's _your_ girlfriend, O."

"Someone's gotta act like if while Clarke isn't here. Lexa's well being is literally going to determine Clarke's _sanity_ when she wakes up in the morning. The last thing I need is one of my best friends in a hospital for driving drunk, and another best friend sobbing for years in my bedroom. I need them both to be okay. They can't fall apart."

No one said anything for a moment, and then Wick asked, "So, is this the Lexa that was performing at that recital I was working at?"

"Yeah," Raven answered, before giving a quick direction, and Wick turned the car. Octavia didn't live too far from Lexa, but it was way too far to consider walking, especially in the cold.

The car ride was mostly silent until they reached Lexa's house. It looked like the light in the foyer was on, and no one else should've been home, so Octavia immediately felt hope that Lexa was there. Raven let her out of the car, and the brunette ran up to the house.

She found the door unlocked, and while that was completely unsafe, at least she could get in. She quickly locked the door behind her once she was inside, and hurried upstairs.

Some people liked to listen to music when they were upset, some people just stared up at their ceiling. Some people, like Clarke, cried and slept. And then there was Lexa – and she had phases of being upset. There was the shocked phase, the crying phase, and then the dancing phase.

Lexa in the dancing phase was the easiest to reason with, but the hardest to get to talk in the first place. And the music coming from Lexa's dance studio told Octavia that that was what she was dealing with. She found the doors to the studio closed, but she disregarded the point and pushed them open without knocking. "Lexa."

Lexa froze in the middle of whatever routine she was doing. "I don't want to talk."

"Too bad," Octavia snapped. "If you ever get behind the wheel when you're not sober again, I'll kill you if you don't die in the first place, and if Clarke doesn't kill you first. The least you could've done was answer the damn phone."

"Leave me alone, Octavia," Lexa pleaded, the music still loud.

"No," Octavia said, walking purposefully across the dance studio and to Lexa's laptop, where she paused the music. "We need to talk." Her voice was softer now.

"I don't need to talk."

"Yes you do. Don't lie to me, Lex," Octavia pleaded. "Come on, let's go to your room."

"I don't want to be in there," Lexa said quickly. "I had to come in here, because everything in my room reminds me of Clarke, and I don't want to cry anymore."

"Fine, then sit down." Octavia gestured to the chairs against the wall, and Lexa obeyed her order. Then, the second brunette sat as well. "Look, Lexa, you –"

"I screwed up, I know," Lexa muttered. "I shouldn't have left Clarke. But I couldn't say anything, and I needed to breathe, and I couldn't there. I had to leave."

"I know," Octavia said quietly, "I know that it felt like that. But there were places there you could've been left alone, if you really needed to be. It was stupid to drive while you've still got alcohol in your system. And Clarke would've understood if you wanted a moment alone in the guest room or something."

"She wouldn't have," Lexa argued, shaking her head.

Octavia narrowed her eyes at her friend. "Are you kidding, Lexa? That girl _loves_ you." She paused, trying to let the word sink in. Lexa said nothing. "She knows you even better than I do, Lexa, and that's impressive. She understands. I know that she does, because once she stopped crying, all she wanted to do was make sure that _you_ were okay, because she knew that she'd upset you."

"She didn't," Lexa denied, "I just... no one has ever said those words to me in that way since Eva and... she didn't mean them."

"That doesn't mean that they mean nothing, Lexa," Octavia promised. "One person misusing them doesn't make them null and void. It's like that time that I tried to learn a lot of really big words, and I used them all wrong. Just because I used the word perfidiousness completely wrong doesn't change what it actually means when other people use it."

Lexa let out a light laugh. "Ironic word to use as an example."

"Why, what does it mean?" Octavia asked, legitimately clueless.

"Nothing, never mind," Lexa said, shaking her head. "I get what you're saying. It doesn't change the fact that all I could when I heard Clarke say them was think of how hurt I was from Eva."

"I know," Octavia insisted, "and that's not your fault. But Clarke _knows_ what happened with you and Eva. She's not clueless. She knew it was Eva you were upset about without you telling her. She doesn't want to judge you about it or anything like that. She loves you, Lexa. She really does. She was freaking out about whether or not she should tell you tonight. I called her to make sure she wasn't going to be too late and she was so frazzled. There's no way that she doesn't love you, Lex. She's no Eva, and you know that, and I know that's not what made you freeze, but the more you tell it to yourself, the less that any stuff with Eva will bother you. Because yeah, you're scarred by that bitch who played with your heart and stole it and then crushed it. But it's not still with Eva, Lexa. She's not stomping on it for fun everyday. It's with Clarke, and she's taking such good care of it, and you just have to know that."

Octavia had to note that she was quite impressed with herself for coming up with such clever things to say, but she didn't vocalize her pride, because this was about her friends.

"I'm going to go home now, because Raven and I got a ride from her hopefully actual boyfriend by now, and I don't want to be a bitch and make him wait forever. Just think about what I said. And know that Clarke is probably making this place her first stop tomorrow morning," Octavia said.

Lexa nodded. "Thanks."

"Don't thank me." She smiled at her friend. "Lock your front door, please." Lexa followed her downstairs to do as she asked, and Octavia called, "See you later, Lex!" as she hurried outside with her coat tugged tightly around her.

She got to the window of the car and saw Raven and Wick making out, and while she was hardly surprised, she was freezing. She knocked on the window impatiently, and the two broke apart quickly. Raven opened the door, her face red with embarrassment and cold, and climbed out to let Octavia into the back.

When they got back to Octavia's house, and both had thanked Wick, in one way or another, Octavia whispered to her best friend, "You two better be official if you made me wait out in the cold for an extra ten seconds."

"We are, leave me alone."

Clarke woke up at what she assumed was a time late in the morning, because the sun was shining brutally in through the window despite the very likely still freezing temperature. She was alone in Octavia's room, and she remembered very clearly why. She dragged herself out of the bed, looking around her and seeing her phone sitting on Octavia's nightstand.

She grabbed it, seeing no new notifications on it, and then stole one of Octavia's hair ties to pull her hair up into a ponytail.

She trudged downstairs, where she found Jasper and Monty groaning at the kitchen bar as they tried to eat pancakes. She couldn't help but feel amused at their hangover, but she didn't say anything as she took a seat next to them at the bar and looked to Bellamy, who was making the pancakes. "Care for one, princess?"

She couldn't help but smile. "Yes, please."

"You'll be happy to hear," he said, while sliding a pancake onto a plate, "that your girlfriend is fine. She made it home last night. Octavia and Raven went over there last night. They got a ride from Raven's boyfriend."

Clarke let out a light breath. "Good." Bellamy handed her the plate, a napkin and fork, and she began eating gratefully.

"You all good?" Bellamy questioned. "I mean... you're going to be fine to drive and stuff, right?"

"Bell, I'm not drunk anymore," Clarke stated.

"Not really what I meant," Bellamy clarified, looking pointedly at the blonde, who just nodded. He nodded back, and turned back to continue making his pancakes.

Octavia and Lincoln trudged into the kitchen a few minutes later, both lighting up as soon as they noticed the pancakes. It seemed like no one aside from Jasper and Monty were actually hungover, which was easy to understand. "Morning," Octavia chirped, once she'd taken a bite of the first of her three pancakes.

Jasper groaned in response, and Clarke just gave the brunette a thin smile.

"Did Bell already tell you that I talked to Lexa?" she asked. Clarke nodded. "You should go over there this morning. Just told her that I told you to, because I told her that you were going to do it on your own."

Clarke couldn't help the small smile that appeared on her face, because she had somehow ended up with the best friends she could've ever asked for. "I was going to."

And she did, about half an hour later, after washing her face and wishing her friends a happy new year, and pulling her gloves and coat on snugly. She drove the quick drive to Lexa's house easily – she never had to think about how to get there anymore.

She knocked tentatively on the door when she got to it, hoping that Lexa was awake already so that Clarke wasn't standing in the cold for nothing. She knocked a second time, a little bit harder, and only a few seconds later, the door swung open to reveal Lexa. She was wearing soft pajamas, and her hair was braided down her back, and it looked like she'd come out of the shower a few minutes earlier. "Hey," she said, her voice quiet.

"Hi," Clarke returned, her voice full of relief. She'd heard that Lexa was fine, but seeing her made it more real, and she was so grateful. "Can I come in?"

"Of course you can," Lexa insisted, stepping backwards and letting her in. "Let's go upstairs."

They were up in Lexa's warm, cozy room in a handful of seconds, and Clarke took off her gloves and coat. She was still wearing the same clothes from the previous day, but she didn't let it bother her. She supposed that she could've gone home first and changed, but now that she was here, she was glad that she'd chosen to come here first. "I'm sorry," Clarke said, the first one to break the silence.

"What on Earth are you apologizing for?" Lexa asked. Clarke opened her mouth to answer, but then she closed it, because she wasn't exactly sure. "Clarke, you don't owe me any apology. I was the one being stupid."

"You weren't being stupid," Clarke stated, not letting her girlfriend finish. "I never considered that me saying anything like that might bring up the past. Probably because I'm so used to you being constantly strong. Sometimes I forget that your past is always still there."

"I don't want it to be," Lexa promised obviously. "Most of the time, it's hardly there. When she left, Clarke, one of the last things she'd said to me – the last lie – was that she loved me. I hate her for that."

"I'm not Eva, Lexa."

Lexa narrowed her eyes slightly. "I know that you're not, Clarke. You're nothing like her. I used to think that you were a little similar to her in the good parts, but the difference is that everything good I knew about Eva was a lie. All of it. It wasn't about thinking that you were going to hurt me that way – I know you're not. It's just the memory, and I was not expecting to hear those words again."

Clarke said nothing in response, because Lexa was moving across her room to one of her bookshelves. She opened a random one, but inside was an envelope. She opened it and then handed the letter inside to Clarke. It was from Eva, the letter that she'd left for Lexa the day she'd left, and Clarke felt anger bubbling in her as she read it. "If I ever meet this bitch," Clarke muttered, "I'm going to kill her."

"Me too," Lexa said, her voice sounding strained. "Clarke, what happened last night wasn't about you at all. It was about the fact that the first thing I thought of when you said that you... that you love me was being hurt and betrayed. That's unfair to you, but I couldn't help it."

"I know," Clarke promised, "and that's why I said that you weren't being stupid. You can't help how you feel, Lexa. And I don't blame you for reacting that way." She took a step closer to Lexa, dropping the letter on the floor without realizing it. Lexa didn't seem to notice either. "But I _love_ you, Lexa."

The brunette didn't freeze up like the previous night, her green eyes just kept looking between Clarke's blue ones and her lips.

"You don't deserve to be used, or hurt. You're the nicest person that I know, and sometimes I wonder how you can be so amazing. You make me feel so important, and you can always make me feel better when I just feel like laying in bed all day crying. You act so strong for me, but that doesn't mean that you don't get to be weak when you need to, Lexa. I'm strong enough, especially after all of your help, to be strong for you too. Okay?" Clarke asked, her arms wrapped around Lexa's waist now. She received a nod from her girlfriend. "I _love_ you, Lexa."

She pulled Lexa against her, and gently captured her lips in a kiss. Lexa melted into her embrace, her lips moving softly against Clarke's. When their lips left each others', their foreheads stayed touching, and Lexa whispered, "How did I get so lucky?"

"Maybe the universe was making up for the unfair shit it gave you before," Clarke answered, appreciating the light laugh that she felt more than heard from her girlfriend. She carefully rejoined their lips together, and Lexa kissed her back passionately, taking control for a moment before letting Clarke have it again.

The kiss ended again once they were both out of air, and at that point, Lexa murmured against Clarke's lips, "I love you, too, Clarke."

Clarke felt her heart rate pick up, and she could do nothing but push her lips against Lexa's again, and appreciate this girl that she somehow had.


	35. Chapter 35

Clarke rolled over slightly under the soft blankets that covered her, but found herself bumping against another person – Lexa of course. Groaning quietly, she instinctively wrapped her arms around the dancer and cuddled against her. Lexa murmured something unintelligible, and Clarke just tried to hold her closer.

"Clarke," she mumbled, "lemme go."

"No," Clarke muttered back. Lexa groaned and muttered something back that Clarke didn't catch, but then the blonde found herself suddenly being straddled. Her eyes immediately widened, and felt her body awaken before her brain even had the chance to. "Well, hello," Clarke said.

Lexa narrowed her eyes a bit, her hair falling silkily over her shoulder and Clarke practically got heart eyes.

"C'mon, Lex," Clarke husked, "we both know you're not a top."

"Yeah, but you're the best bottom in the morning," Lexa said back, her hands sliding up under Clarke's shirt. "Plus, it's your fault I'm awake."

"I don't think I'm too upset about it," Clarke breathed out, her body reacting to Lexa's touch as if the brunette controlled its every moved. She gasped as Lexa's hands cupped her breasts under her shirt, and fiddled with her nipples. "Lexa," she groaned.

"Are you going to apologize for waking me up?" Lexa murmured.

"I don't think so," Clarke answered, "I'm not really opposed to what you're doing, so."

Lexa smirked, peeling off her girlfriend's shirt in one swift movement, and then placed her lips against Clarke's breasts. The blonde let out an instant moan, her body arching up against Lexa's center.

"Lexa," Clarke moaned.

"You just woke up," Lexa teased, her lips still against the skin on Clarke's breasts, "how are you already so worked up?" Clarke bit down on her lower lip as Lexa's lips closed around her nipple.

Suddenly, Lexa's hand slid into Clarke's sweatpants, and she was completely undone within minutes. She supposed that she was a pretty good bottom in the morning.

Lexa cuddled into her as soon as Clarke came down from her morning orgasm. "So now you wanna cuddle?" Clarke murmured, holding her girlfriend close.

"Yep," Lexa replied, "but I want a kiss first."

"Fine," Clarke agreed, as if she wouldn't want to give the brunette a kiss. She placed her lips sweetly against Lexa's, and then whispered against them, 'I love you."

Lexa smiled against Clarke's lips. "Are you worried I'm gonna run away again?"

"Nope," Clarke replied, "because even if you tried, I wouldn't let you."

"Mm, okay," Lexa hummed. "I'm alright with that." Her lips met Clarke's again, and the blonde sighed happily against them.

"This is starting to get frustrating," Bellamy said at lunch, one week into the second semester of the school year. All of them were just now getting back into the school life, but right now, Bellamy's eyes were trained on where Octavia had stopped at Lincoln's table. Despite hanging out with their group a lot, Lincoln still had his own friends, so Octavia was making an effort to get to know them.

"You can't still be all annoyed at Lincoln just for existing," Raven commented, raising an eyebrow at him. Presently, it was just them and Clarke at the table. Lexa was generally the last to the table, and Clarke had noticed Finn going to sit somewhere else and didn't point it out to anyone.

Bellamy shook his head. "I'm not talking about the two of them necessarily," he said, "but the fact that you're _all_ dating someone now. I'm pretty sure Finn is, too. I'm the only single one anymore."

"Get a girlfriend," Clarke suggested unhelpfully, flashing him a smile.

"Thanks," he deadpanned, rolling his eyes. "I guess the problem is that the only girls I hang out with are my _sister_ and her friends."

"Hey, we're your friends too," Clarke spoke up, rolling her eyes.

Raven smiled jokingly and said, "Speak for yourself."

"Ha, funny," Bellamy said to the brunette, shaking his head. "Seriously, though."

"I've got a solution for that!" Octavia said suddenly, apparently having heard the end of the conversation as she walked up. "Lincoln's friends are throwing a real party this weekend, and we're all going. Tons of people from school are going to be there, so you'll have time to meet a plethora of girls."

"Sounds good," Bellamy agreed instantly. "Man, we haven't been to a real party in a while."

"I'm definitely down," Raven agreed. "On Saturday?"

"Yeah," Octavia answered.

The other girl nodded. "Works, I've got a date on Friday, though."

"This is what I'm talking about," Bellamy muttered, shaking his head. "Octavia is always going out with Lincoln, Raven is always going out with that guy -"

"Wick," Raven clarified.

"Whatever. And Clarke is never _not_ with Lexa," Bellamy added, shaking his head.

"What about me?" Lexa asked, sitting down suddenly.

Clarke gave her a smile. "Bellamy is complaining about his lack of a love life by pointing out that we all have one."

"Get a girlfriend," Lexa suggested, looking at the guy. The two of them had become much more amicable over the past few months – since Bellamy and Clarke were pretty good friends, and of course, Lexa and Clarke were, as he'd always said, never _not_ together.

"Are you two the same person?" Bellamy demanded, looking between the couple, before just shaking his head. "Whatever. Let's talk about something else."

Later, in sixth period, Octavia was effectively keeping Clarke from focusing on her classwork as she ranted. Clarke was trying her best to multitask, but it ended in her finishing half of her work, and still only actually hearing half of what Octavia was saying. About five minutes before the bell, she gave up and slide her classwork away, and gave her full attention to Octavia instead.

"And he's so gentlemanly!" Octavia was saying. "Like, I knew that he was sweet, but like _damn_. And he's worried about whether or not I'm going to get along really well with his friends – which is partially crazy, because I've already met them all and they all seem to like me well enough, and I have no problem with them. At the same time, it's super endearing that he's worried about it. He just cares a lot, and I'm so glad, because like, I really wouldn't be able to date someone who didn't care a lot."

Clarke smiled at her friend, who finally took a moment to breathe.

"I'm sorry," Octavia breathed out, giving the blonde an apologetic smile. "I just really need to talk about this stuff. I'm really falling for him."

"I think he's really good for you," Clarke insisted, giving the girl a soft smile. "You light up every time he's around, and when you talk about him. Even if you talk about him for hours at a time."

Octavia laughed. "I can't help it. I'm the kind of person to rant and gush – unlike _you_. Though, I've gotten you to do so a few times now, so I guess that's some level of success." She was smiling widely. "The universe loves us both – we both have awesome people to date."

"I'm still pretty sure that the universe feels bad for giving all of us so much crap, so it decided to give us perfection the next time around," Clarke reasoned.

"Sounds legit," Octavia agreed. "You're definitely down for that party on Friday, right? And did you tell Lexa, since she wasn't there when we mentioned it?"

"I'll let her know," Clarke answered, having forgotten that her girlfriend hadn't heard. "But yeah, sounds cool. As long as it's cool if I crash there, because or else I'm not drinking."

Octavia was already waving her hand. "Of course it'll be fine. But I'll make sure and then let you know, if it helps." Clarke nodded.

The bell rang, and both of them quickly gathered their stuff and got up. "See you, O," Clarke said to her.

"See you!" Octavia returned, and then they were going opposite directions.

Clarke got to her seventh period within a minute or so, getting there before her girlfriend as usual. Lexa came in only a minute or so later, though, and Clarke gave her a wide smile. "So, Lincoln apparently invited us all to a party with his friends on Saturday. Wanna go?"

"Sure," Lexa agreed, but then something like recollection passed over her face, and she frowned. "You're not doing anything on Friday, are you?"

"Not that I can think of," Clarke answered, tilting her head a bit.

Lexa smiled again. "Okay. Don't make plans with anyone. I have a surprise for you." Clarke felt her heart skip a beat, and a blush spread over her cheeks.

"Okay," she agreed. "Wanna come over today?"

"I don't know, I might be busy," Lexa teased. Clarke gave her the best pout she could muster, and Lexa rolled her eyes. "Of course."

Hours later, Clarke had finished her homework, much to her own surprise, and set it all aside off of her bed before crawling over to where her girlfriend was sitting on the other side of it. Lexa didn't seem to notice – her eyes were squinted with focus as she wrote something down in the notebook that was sitting across her lap.

"Lexa," Clarke baited, stretching her girlfriend's name out.

Lexa green eyes were immediately torn from looking at the textbook, looking at Clarke. "Yes?" her voice had already dropped in pitch at the way Clarke had said her name.

"Are you almost done?" the blonde wondered, raising an eyebrow.

"It's not due tomorrow," Lexa answered, and Clarke smiled contently.

"Good," she said, grabbing Lexa's notebook and setting it away from them, replacing it with herself on her girlfriend's lap. "Do you remember that first time that we almost had sex?"

"Mm," Lexa hummed in response, nodded slightly, her eyes focusing on Clarke's lips, just inches away from her own.

"You acted like a top," Clarke murmured, "but you're such a bottom."

"I'd like to think I'm capable of being both," Lexa said breathlessly.

Clarke glanced down at her girlfriend's perfectly plump lips. "I guess," she said, but just as she finished the words, she knew Lexa was leaning in to snatch the lips trying to speak. Clarke hummed happily against the brunette's lips. When they couldn't breathe, their lips disconnected, but their foreheads remained touching. "I love you so much, Lexa."

"I love you, too," Lexa promised right back, not skipping a beat. She began to lean forward to capture the blonde's lips again, but then they both heard a sound from downstairs – the front door unlocking and opening. There was no question as to who it was, because only one person besides Clark had a key.

Clarke immediately got off of her girlfriend, any sexual thoughts gone from her head, and she felt panic rushing through her body. She hadn't seen her mom in so long, and she had for some reason thought that that might last forever.

There was a knock on Clarke's door just a handful of seconds later, and the blonde held her breath for a moment before calling, "Yeah?"

"Clarke?" came her mom's voice, as if maybe her daughter had been replaced by someone else in their time no speaking – who else would be in there? "Can I come in?"

"Uh, yeah," Clarke answered, and the door opened a moment later. Abby's eyes immediately scanned across the room before landing on her daughter – and Lexa. She didn't seem all to surprised to see the brunette there, probably because of the extra car outside.

"Lexa," Abby said, in some sort of awkward greeting.

Lexa didn't say anything for a second, and then she just cleared her throat. "Should I um... give you two a second?"

"No," Clarke answered quickly, just as her mother said politely, "That won't be necessary." Clarke gave her mom a curious look, and the woman swallowed thickly. "I just need to say a few things really quickly."  
"Okay," Clarke replied, resisting the urge to hide under her blankets and cuddle against Lexa.

Abby nodded, as if trying to psych herself up to talking. "I've made a lot of mistakes these past few months, Clarke. I've been at a loss, because I couldn't get myself to understand you changing and growing. Your father... he was always better at this parenting thing, and I just didn't know what to do without him here. And... you were partially right when you said that I was trying to keep you alive because of him, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you, Clarke. You may not believe it, but losing Jake hurt me as much as it hurt you, and it changed you for the better, but it may have changed me for the worse."

The woman paused, and Clarke wasn't sure if she was supposed to say anything, but the shaky breath her mom took in told her to remain quiet.

"I should have... I mean, I _should_... _I will..._ try to understand it all, Clarke," Abby took in a deep breath, less shaky now, "all of it." She paused for another moment. "I met somebody at the hospital. He moved here recently – he's a heart surgeon. His name is Marcus, and I've started seeing him. I talked to him about you, and he made me realize that I've done all of this parenting thing so far from correct. And I want to fix that. I want to try."

Clarke was firstly surprised when she didn't feel angry at hearing about her mom dating anyone, but she was also just in shock from what she was hearing anyway. "Okay," Clarke said quietly, unsure of if she should say anything besides that.

Her mom continued talking, though. "Um, it's actually convenient that you're here, Lexa," Abby stated, looking to the brunette, who raised her eyebrows in surprise. "I'd like for you to come to dinner on Friday. Marcus is going to come cook for us. If that's all alright with you, of course, Clarke."

The blonde was already nodding – this was a start, and she had just witnessed her mother sounding more genuine than she ever had. She looked to her girlfriend, "Can you come?" Obviously, she knew that Lexa had nowhere she needed to be, and Lexa knew that she knew that. She was clearly offering her the chance to refuse, if she felt uncomfortable by it at all.

"Yes," Lexa answered, smiling at the blonde and then looking back at Abby hesitantly, like she thought she might explode at any moment.

Abby smiled happily. "Great. Sorry to interrupt your girls."

"No problem," Clarke said, as her mom nodded and then left the room.

Completely taken aback blue eyes met curious green ones in a shared gaze for a moment, and then Clarke let out a surprised laugh. "What just happened?"

"I have no idea," Lexa answered. "You okay?"

Clarke nodded. "I've never seen her act that genuine before. Ever. And she's not an actress by any means, so I guess I can assume that she's being honest and everything, right?" Lexa was smiling now, and Clarke tilted her head a bit. "You don't have to come if you don't want to. You've barely met my mom, and those weren't the best circumstances."

"Then maybe I should go," Lexa said, lifting an eyebrow. "If one of us is going to have a somewhat supportive mother, I suppose we should appreciate that."

"I always thought my mom was the worst," Clarke said, "but I guess in retrospect, yours is probably worse."

"Well, evidence would say yours has the capability of being worse, because my mother isn't around enough to even notice if I do something she doesn't approve of," Lexa said, though she let out a light laugh afterward. Clarke had already known that about her girlfriend – she was indifferent toward her relationship with her mom. Clarke sometimes wondered if there was any sadness or anger about it at all under the surface, but the more she tried to figure it out, the less she suspected there was. Lexa was probably decent at hiding her feelings around other people, but Clarke could almost always see through her.

"I hope she's in it for the long haul, my mom," Clarke said quietly. "If she's just going to give up on trying again, I don't think I'll ever be okay to have any sort of relationship with her ever again."

"I wouldn't blame you," Lexa said, grabbing Clarke's hands and pulling her toward her. Clarke obeyed easily, reclaiming her spot on Lexa's lap. Her girlfriend's hands rose up around her face, and then her long fingers threaded into her hair. "No matter what happens with your mom, though, I'll be here."

Clarke felt a smile grow on her face. "I know. And that's why I love you."

"There are hundreds of reasons why I love you," Lexa said cheekily, smiling cutely.

"Oh yeah? Name some," Clarke suggested, quirking up an eyebrow.

"For one," Lexa began, confidence in her voice, "you're beautiful – flawless really. Also, your artwork is _almost_ as perfect as you."

"Wow, smooth," Clarke commented, though a grin was spread across her face before she leaned forward and grabbed Lexa's lips with her own.


	36. Chapter 36

"You're crazy," Octavia said, narrowing her eyes at Lexa, who was fiddling with her hands in her lap. Her legs were crossed as she sat in the middle of the other brunette's bed. Octavia was sitting in her desk, having turned away from her schoolwork to face her friend. "It's not going to be that bad."

"But her mom is _crazy_ , O!" Lexa exclaimed. "For all I know, this is all a ploy so that she can _murder_ me! Do you have any coffee?"

"No," Octavia deadpanned, even though she obviously did. Lexa huffed, crossing her arms. "Look, Lexa. You're allowed to be nervous – like, it's almost kind of like your first real time meeting her mom. The other two times were totally not legit. But here's the thing – it really doesn't matter what Clarke's mom thinks about you. That girl loves you probably more than she cares about her mother. Not to mention, how could anyone not love you?"

"Thanks," Lexa bounced back, rolling her eyes.

Octavia rolled hers right back. "Lex! You can't be all freaked out when you go over there for dinner! Clarke will die if you're freaking out! This is like her reunion with her mom, and you need to be her rock. She'd do the same for you if your mom randomly appeared. And if she was nervous about it, she'd pretend like she wasn't. And if you even think about telling her that you can't go –"

"I'm not going to lie so that I don't have to go, Octavia," Lexa interrupted.

"I didn't think you were, but you've done crazier things," Octavia claimed, though her voice was slightly teasing now. "Look, it's going to be fine. When do you have to be over there?"

"Well, dinner is in two hours," Lexa answered, "but I told Clarke that I would come over an hour earlier. She's really nervous."

A smile of encouragement appeared on Octavia's face. "Everything's going to be fine, alright? Even if her mom does have a secret ploy to murder you, I don't think Clarke would let it happen. And if it all goes really badly for some reason, say you have to go to the bathroom and text me and I'll keep you from destroying their coffee machine."

Lexa tilted her head, her eyebrows furrowing. "I don't understand the coffee machine thing."

"You're clueless, you know?" Octavia said, laughing suddenly. "Actually, though, to be honest, I didn't even notice until Clarke pointed out that first time I got her to be all mushy about you to me."

"Wait, what?" Lexa asked, even more confused now. "Pointed what out?"

"You only drink coffee when you're nervous, and Clarke thinks it's adorable," Octavia answered. "Have you really never realized that you only crave coffee when you're in the middle of freaking out about something that's happening or that you have to do?"

Lexa's lips turned into a small frown that was probably near to a pout. "No. I guess I just thought I was somehow more tired on days that I had to do important things."

Octavia let out a loud laugh again. "Clueless. But I mean, Clarke can see right through to your inner soul, so it doesn't surprise me that she noticed."

Lexa thought to argue that Clarke couldn't see into her soul, but she knew it would be a lie. Clarke was the best person at reading her, and Lexa knew it even if the blonde didn't comment every time she made some realization. It was the look in those brilliant blue eyes, the one that just said "I understand, don't worry", and obliterated the worry that Clarke might not know what she meant.

"If you need to go back to your house to get all primped for your meeting with the Evil Queen, might wanna go now, so you don't leave your girlfriend waiting in fifty minutes," Octavia suggested, turning back to her desk and her schoolwork.

"The Evil Queen?" Lexa questioned.

"Bellamy and I started calling Clarke's mom that. Comes from the fact that he calls Clarke Princess, I guess," Octavia answered, shrugging. "Hopefully she'll be able to effectively obviate that title. For your sake and Clarke's."

Lexa felt an easy smile cross her face, even though her friend couldn't see it. "Thanks, O. See you tomorrow at Lincoln's party."

"Call me after your dinner if you need to," Octavia piped up, looking up again at Lexa as she made her way to the door.

"Will do!"

Twenty minutes before Marcus was supposed to get there, Clarke was up standing in front of her easel, sketching something that had come to her mind, and Lexa was at Clarke's desk, trying to finish her homework. The desk had once been completely cluttered, but Lexa had at some point moved some of the things from the top of it into drawers or something. Clarke would've done it herself, but her girlfriend was the only person who ever used it.

"Have you written your English report yet?" Lexa asked, sounding frustrated about whatever it was she was working on.

"Yeah," Clarke answered, "I started yesterday. I only got halfway through."

"This rubric is so frustrating," Lexa muttered.

Clarke's lips quirked up into a smile. "C'mon, we both know that you'll ace it with flying colors." Lexa just grunted in response, and they suddenly both heard the front door open. Clarke assumed that it was the Marcus guy her mom was seeing, and she confirmed it once she heard a man's voice conversing with her mom.

She decided to remain upstairs, though, until her mom called the two of them down to eat. There was no point in getting awkward before necessary.

Clarke hadn't really thought about it before, but she had a feeling that this dinner was going to be really awkward. For one, Clarke had never met Marcus. For another, Abby had barely met Lexa. That being said, Marcus had likely heard a lot about Clarke, which was an unfair advantage to him. He may have even heard whatever Abby knew about Lexa.

After about five more minutes of silence and trying to draw, Clarke let out a huff and set her pencil down. "This is going to be so weird."

"What?" Lexa asked, sounding as though she'd nearly forgotten about the dinner in the past twenty-five minutes.

"This dinner thing," Clarke answered, twisting her hands together. "It's going to be awkward and weird."

"Would if be less awkward if I left?" Lexa asked, seemingly confused as to why Clarke was saying this suddenly.

Clarke shook her head. "No, it's not that, I don't want you to leave. I mean, if you don't want to sit through it, I don't blame you at all, but –"

"Clarke, I'm not going to feel uncomfortable about it." Lexa was standing now, closer to Clarke. Clarke was too nervous to tell if Lexa was completely comfortable or not, but she knew that she wouldn't say it if it wasn't at least partially true.

Relaxing a little bit, the blonde continued with her original point. "He probably knows all about me, but I don't know anything about him, and I don't know _what_ he knows about me. I feel like this would be easier if it was on a later day."

"Probably," Lexa agreed, "but there's not really much you can do about it now. Plus, your mom is probably really nervous about it all, and it might be easier for her to do this sooner rather than later. Don't worry, I'm sure it'll be fine."

Clarke nodded, and then took in a deep breath. "You should give me a kiss for good luck."

Lexa leaned forward and pressed her lips softly against Clarke's, and the blonde physically relaxed as soon as she felt them. They were gone in a second, though, and Clarke sighed.

"Ugh, you're always so calm when I'm not," Clarke said, taking in a deep breath again afterward. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it," Lexa replied, smiling. Clarke could read the hint of amusement in her girlfriend's smile, but she knew that Lexa was with her completely, and that she would support her no matter what. And that feeling was endlessly calming.

Clarke tried to go back to her drawing until dinner was ready, mostly because she knew that Lexa was trying to finish homework, and if she didn't occupy herself, Lexa wouldn't work. She mostly just kept her pencil hovering over the paper, though, as she thought about what her mom had said so far. It wasn't much, but Clarke believed that she was being legitimate, at least to an extent. She would have to see about this Marcus guy.

It nearly another agonizing fifteen minutes before Clarke heard her mom call, "Dinner is ready!"

Clarke immediately set down her pencil, her heart beating hard in her chest and her hands shaking slightly. Why was she so nervous?

_You don't need to be nervous. You have Lexa. Your mom is going to try not to be a typical asshole. She even has a hopefully less awful person with her to help her control herself. It's okay._

It took until Lexa gently grabbed her hand for Clarke to realize that she wasn't making any other move to go downstairs. "Ready?" Lexa asked her softly.

Clarke nodded, getting up. "Cross your fingers."

"It'll be fine," Lexa insisted, though for the first time since Lexa had gotten to her house, Clarke noticed that she was definitely a little bit nervous.

She tried not to let it bother her.

They got downstairs a few moments later, to find her mom and a man who Clarke obviously assumed was Marcus. "Oh, good, Lexa's already here! I must have missed you come in," Abby said.

Lexa seemed to not know what expression to put on her face, so she just produced a thin smile. "I got here a while ago."

Abby just nodded. "Clarke, this is Marcus. Marcus, this is my daughter Clarke. And her, uh, girlfriend, Lexa."

Thought it sounded like it was difficult for her mom to actually use the word, Clarke was slightly proud of the fact that her mom had said it at all. "Nice to meet you," Clarke said to the man, extending a hand. He smiled widely at her and shook it.

"Nice to meet you, Clarke. And you, too, Lexa," he added, shaking her hand as well. "I heard that Chicken Parmesan is a favorite, so I just made that."

"Oh yes," Clarke answered, surprised that her mom had remembered that.

"It looks really good," Lexa added, and Clarke flashed her a smile, because suddenly, she felt some of her nerves falling away. As they all sat down to eat, Marcus began to ask Clarke – and Lexa – about school.

It was magical, the air that came over the dinner as the conversation progressed. Abby even spoke up during it, though Marcus was the driving force of the communication. Clarke didn't feel like he was trying to prove how much he knew her through what her mom had said, and he was constantly including Lexa in the conversation so that she never felt like she was an extra wheel. He did the same for Clarke's mom when she would begin to draw into herself.

When dinner was over, everyone pitched in to clean up the dishes, and then Lexa got a phone call from Anya – of all people, Lexa's sister was the worst with timing – and had to rush out. Clarke was bummed about it, but she didn't feel as though she'd be at a complete loss without her girlfriend.

She and Lexa shared a quick kiss before the brunette left, and Clarke intentionally avoided looking at her mom, because she was afraid of seeing the cringe. She wasn't sure whether or not Abby had made it or not, but she didn't want to know.

It was once Lexa left, and Abby excused herself to the bathroom, that Marcus cleared his throat and looked to Clarke. "I hope this all wasn't too awkward for you. I know you were probably worried about that."

Clarke shrugged. "It wasn't too bad."

"I hope you're looking to try and forgive your mom," he said seriously. "She's been trying really hard. She started going to counseling about a month ago – at the beginning of December. I know she's been really nervous about asking to have dinner with you. That's why I offered to join, and suggested that Lexa join. She wasn't too opposed to either of the ideas. I knew that you'd be more comfortable if Lexa was here."

Clarke nodded. "Thank you. I want to forgive my mom... as long as she proves that I should. It's hard, because she's never really been the most motherly, even before my dad died. It just... got way worse last year."

"Well, I like your mom, and I think that you'll be surprised by how much she wants to fix your relationship. She knows that she's ruined it," Marcus promised, smiling. "Now, I'm sure you have friends to call, or homework to do. I don't want to hold you up."

Clarke smiled. "Thanks, Marcus, for dinner. And for helping my mom with everything."

He nodded, still smiling, and then Clarke excused herself upstairs.

Just as she reached upstairs, she found herself getting a four way call from Raven, to her, Octavia and Lexa. She picked up easily, and Octavia was already on the line as well by the time she answered. "Is Lexa with you, Clarke?" was the first thing Raven asked.

"No, she's on the phone with Anya I think," Clarke answered, "or she's with Anya? I don't know. She had to leave a little bit ago."

"How was your dinner?" Octavia asked.

Clarke smiled. "It was good."

"Okay, okay, good to hear," Raven interrupted, "but I called, so I get the talking stick!"

"There's no talking stick, Raven."

"Whatever! My date ended early, because Wick had some tech work emergency, and now I need you guys to distract me," Raven pleaded.

And that's how Clarke got roped into an hours long conversation with two of her best friends, and Lexa once she joined the call about an hour later. Throughout her own conversation, Clarke could hear her mom downstairs talking to Marcus, and there was a strange sense of peace crossing over her. She relaxed into the soft pillows on her bed, and the only thing that could truly make it any better was if Lexa was laying right next to her instead of being over the phone.


	37. Chapter 37

Lexa could not remember a time when she was happier than she was with Clarke. Her entire life had been filled with downs, with minor ups.

From the time she was little, she'd felt like everyone's lowest priority. Her mother – Marissa Tierra, who was home as often as possibly solely because her husband – Justin Tierra – couldn't handle their two daughters alone. She had constantly tried to be a good mother to Anya and Lexa, at least by her standards, in order to please her husband. He had always wanted kids, and who was she to ruin that for him?

Lexa was always a second to her older sister, though. When Anya was ten, and Lexa was four, the younger of the two began to realize this more and more. Her father began to get busier with work, and the more often he was gone, the more often his wife was gone as well. Whatever parenting her mother did choose to exercise was toward Anya, probably because since she was older, and easier for their not-so-motherly mother to handle. Whether young Anya noticed this or not, Lexa was never really sure.

By the time Lexa was ten, she was already shy. She didn't have many friends at school, though she always managed to have someone to sit with at lunch or someone to play with during recess. Her sister was opposite her, though, with a plethora of friends. Being sixteen, Anya was constantly out doing things or bringing her friends home. She oftentimes brought guys home as well.

Lexa was hardly ever noticed by any of these visitors to her home. She would usually just hide out in her room, though. When she turned eleven, she asked her dad one time when he was home if she could sign up for dance lessons somewhere. He jumped at the chance to do something for her, because looking back, Lexa knew that her parents knew that she was the neglected of their two daughters. He immediately agreed, and two months after she had been dancing, her dad came back home from work in New York again. She told him that she loved dancing, and her mother, hearing the statement, went over the top when she saw that her husband was so happy to hear that Lexa was finally enjoying something. She had the dance studio added to the house, just for Lexa, and it was the only time that she ever felt like maybe her parents really loved her.

When she was twelve, though, and reaching all of her goals in her dance classes, Anya moved out, and her father stopped coming home as much. Her mother was obviously affected by his absence, and began to engross herself in her own work. There was no room for Lexa in her schedule anymore, not that there was much to being with anyway. Lexa remembered her father coming home once while she was twelve years old, once more when she was thirteen. She was sure that her mom flew out to where he was much more often than the number of times he came back, though.

She never reached out to either of her parents about their neglect, because it stopped bothering her as she absorbed herself in dance. It didn't bother her that she saw her father only once a year, and it didn't bother her that her mother was hardly ever home, and that they didn't interact much when she was.

Anya came back every summer to lounge around and feel cool, and those were the times that Lexa saw her mother most as well. Lexa hated that, though, because her house had nearly become her own space, and having it invaded by two of her least favorite people was never nice.

She started high school when she was fifteen – she'd always been one of the oldest in her grade, but that never bothered her, since she would be able to drive before any of her classmates. High school was the best time of school for her, surprisingly. Surprisingly, she felt less pressure to fit into a category, because Patchwork High School was not under a definitive social structure. There were enough sports teams that not one group of athletes ruled the school, and cheerleaders were hardly anymore recognizable than anyone else.

Lexa made a handful of friends in her freshman year, though not any that she really cared for or trusted much. She went to freshman homecoming with a group of girls that had asked if she wanted to join their group, and that night was when Lexa realized that she liked girls. One of the girls in the group had grabbed Lexa to dance with her when a slow song came on, since none of the girls had dates, and Lexa had felt the strong compelling urge to kiss her. She'd barely known this girl, though, and let her feelings drip away slowly.

When the dance was over, the girls all grouped together again to hang out for the rest of the night, and Lexa spent the rest of that night contemplating the meaning of her urges. It wasn't hard for her to figure out over the next few weeks that she spent pondering that night. Eventually, she came to her conclusion.

She told no one, though. She saw no point, since there was no one that she really cared about enough to tell. Anyone she did tell would probably look down on her for it, anyway, so she ignored it all and continued on with her freshman year as normal.

In the last few weeks of school, talk of a really rich family moving into the little town area in DC that she lived in began to spread around the people that she knew in her neighborhood – mostly because her neighborhood was one of the richer, and this family had moved into the only one richer than hers. Lexa thought nothing of this until she met the daughter of the couple who had moved into the house.

Eva Carlington, the rich and beautiful. Lexa had feelings for her the instant she even saw her, and she found herself completely taken aback when the girl approached her. Her words were smooth, and well thought out. She never said anything without a purpose, and though she was harsh and critical of nearly everything and person, she never failed to give Lexa the feeling of being wanted.

It only took a couple of weeks before Eva kissed Lexa, in a little shed at a big pool party that ended freshman year. From that moment, Lexa's heart was being stolen, and she didn't mind.

Until the end of summer, of course, when it had been officially stolen and carried off to who knows where.

Once again, Lexa's life had returned to the version where she was no one's priority. Her father had called her on the first day of her sophomore year, asking how she was, and he had clearly noticed how depressed she'd been. He commented on it only once, and told her to "chipper up", and promised to visit soon.

He didn't visit until Christmas, but he didn't more than a day, and missed Christmas itself. Luckily, though, Lexa hadn't minded much, because by then, she'd been absorbed into the friend group that was Octavia, Bellamy, Finn and Raven. She'd met Octavia in their shared math class, and Octavia had begged her for help on a problem, and then struck up a conversation. It was only a few days into their acquaintance that Octavia had lightly questioned Lexa's depression, and the quieter girl had spilled everything to her new friend on night at Octavia's house.

Octavia had hugged her, made her coffee, wrapped her in blankets, and everything had started getting better from that point on.

Her Christmas was actually great, because she got to meet Octavia and Bellamy's parents, who doted on all of their kids friends as if they were their kids as well. And it was that Christmas night that Octavia had given Lexa a necklace with a strangle little sparkly pendant on it, squeezed her in a tight hug and promised her that everything was going to get better and be perfectly okay, because she deserved only the best.

Lexa, though not really believing that fully, began to build herself up. She actually began talking to other people in her classes, though she stuck mostly with her own friends, and started feeling a bit more like a person, and less like an toy that someone had been far too brutal with during their playtime.

At the end of sophomore year, Raven had suggested that they have their end of year party at Lexa's house, a place that none of them hung out much. Lexa agreed, and that was the night that Lexa first got drunk, and the night when one of her mom's glass vases nearly broke.

Lexa swore after that night that she would never drink again, but she did just two nights later, and partying with her friends became a regular thing. They'd had parties before, but those were the first ones where Bellamy had been able to get liquor.

Anya came back at the start of summer from college – promising their mom that this would be the last time she would, because she would get her masters degree the following year, and then she would finally buy a place to live off campus. Her mom didn't mind, though, and she actually seemed slightly disinterested in Anya for once.

In noticing this, Anya decided to try to invade Lexa's life. Lexa didn't let her into much of it, and that was when her sister somehow gathered that it would be okay to snoop in Lexa's room. She found the neatly folded up letter from Eva that was hidden in one of Lexa's books.

That's when the arguments started between Lexa and Anya. The latter immediately questioned Lexa about it when she got home later, and Lexa denied everything at first, before finally trying to explain. Her sister couldn't understand any of it, or wouldn't at least, and Lexa felt more angry at the older girl than anything. She eventually gave up, though Anya didn't give up on pestering her about it. Lexa spent a lot of that summer at Octavia's house, or Raven's house, and they partied a lot. She learned to better handle alcohol, and she began to feel like an adult, especially when she turned seventeen in early August. Octavia and Raven through her a slumber party for her birthday, and they drank and ate candy and watched movies all night. At the time, she had pegged that night as the best one in her entire life.

The weekend before junior year started, Lexa, Octavia and Raven sat themselves in a circle and made upperclassmen goals for themselves – things they would achieve before they graduated high school in less than two years. Octavia had jokingly said that she would get with Lincoln, before laughing and promising that she would get on the soccer team and work her way up to getting a soccer scholarship. Raven had said that she wanted to keep her grades at all A's, and that she wanted to keep all parts of her life equal, so that she didn't focus too much or too little on school. She had previously constantly bounced back and forth between the two, creating more and more stress for herself.

Lexa had promised herself that she would remain as happy as she was in that moment, or only get more happier.

Two days later, she met Clarke Griffin.

Initially, she had been wondering who the random blonde girl next to her was, and why on Earth she was staring so much.

It hadn't taken long until that random girl became the person closest to her, someone who prioritized her over so many things, and made her feel so important, for once. She'd gotten closer to her friends as she got closer with Clarke, as well, and even mended the relationship with her sister.

If her father, and her mother, and even Eva could see her now, she would laugh in their faces. Because after living through all of their shit and the pain they'd caused her, she was happier than ever, with a girlfriend who loved her and wouldn't let her forget it, friends who loved her almost as much, and finally a picture in her head of what her life could be like one day.

Into the second half of the year, life was fitting together for Lexa more than ever. She began making plans to go to Anya's college graduation a few hours away, hoping that Clarke would join her as well. Besides that, there was not much to do aside from prepare for her AP tests and her finals for junior year. They were the last ones that would really count, since college applications would be due before their first senior semester grade would be final.

Valentine's Day passed, and Lexa took Clarke out on a surprise date. Lincoln took Octavia out, and Wick took Raven out. Bellamy even got a date, and Finn by that point was actually getting into a new relationship as well. Clarke even saw Wells talking to some girl, and overheard him asking her out on a date for Valentine's Day. Though she hadn't spoken to him at all, it didn't seem to be paining her anymore, and for that, both she and Lexa were grateful.

During Spring Break, Clarke's mom and Marcus, who had officially begun dating Abby and who Clarke strongly approved of, took Clarke up to New York. They offered to bring Lexa as well, but the brunette refused. She wanted Clarke to have some quality time with her mom, now that she was starting to get better and better about everything.

Plus, Lexa was beginning to plan something amazing for her girlfriend – she wanted more than anything for Clarke to know how much she appreciated her, and how her life had gotten so magnificently better since she'd popped up into it.

She got Octavia in on her plan, and the soccer player ran Lexa through three jewelry stores before Lexa told her that she didn't want to get Clarke jewelry. Octavia then opted for flowers, and Lexa was doubtful, until she saw a bundle of small white flowers, growing clumped together.

They found them in a small little flower shop in a corner, owned by a woman named Luce, with a tag on the bouquet that read:

_hǎo yī duǒ mĕi lì de mò li huā_ __  
_hǎo yī duǒ mĕi lì de mò li huā_ __  
_fēn fāng měi lì mǎn zhī yā_ __  
_yòu xiāng yòu bái rén rén kuā_ __  
_ràng wǒ lái jiāng nǐ zhāi xià_ __  
_sòng gěi bié rén jiā_ _  
_ _mò li huā ya mò li huā_


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this story lovelies, you're all amazing and I hope you all enjoyed :) I currently have 2 Clexa fanfics going - one on Fanfiction.net called Cheap Thrills, and one here called Come With Me. :) I've also written a handful of one shots for Clexa, as well as another complete Clexa story called Cross Rivalry Romances - Summer Camp Style, if you're interested in reading any other stories of mine. :)
> 
> I have plenty more stories for plenty more fics on Fanfiction, so you're of course welcome to check those out as well :) I hope you all enjoyed, and remember you can find me on Twitter @BrittzandTana, and tweet me that you read this, and I'll follow you back. <3
> 
> Enjoy xx

It was the third to last day of spring break when Clarke got back from her trip to New York with her mom and Marcus. She'd had a lot of fun, which was slightly surprising, because she thought it would bring up too many bad memories to go back. The last time she'd been in New York was with her dad, about three years earlier.

Marcus was great, though. Clarke was glad that her mom was dating him, because he cared a lot about Clarke, and he cared a lot about Abby as well. Plus, her mom was getting a lot better in general, and was even talking to Clarke about art school. It was incredible.

She'd missed Lexa terribly while she was gone, though. She wasn't used to being apart from her girlfriend for more than a handful of days, if at all, and it was painful to be away for nearly a whole week. It was Friday now, though, and she was back from her trip and ready to surprise Lexa at her house.

She was tired, though, from the trip back, so she decided to go grab coffee for herself. Even though she didn't think Lexa would particularly need it, she decided to get some for her girlfriend as well. She went to the normal coffee place that she usually went to – the one that was about halfway between Lexa and Clarke's houses, and near to the school. It was probably the most perfectly located coffee shop in the area.

She found herself waiting in a line for coffee, which she supposed was unsurprising, since it was a Friday afternoon, and people were probably leaving work and in desperate need of a caffeine boost in order to survive the rest of the night.

Clarke leaned back on her heels a bit, glancing around the shop carelessly as she waited impatiently to get to the front of the line. Finally, she did, and she placed her order before stepping aside to wait for it.

The girl who had been in front of her looked at her with a hazel gaze as Clarke approached the area where people typically waited for their drinks. "I forgot how busy this coffee shop was," the girl said.

Clarke took a moment to realize that the girl was speaking to her, and she tried not to roll her eyes internally. "Yeah, it is."

"I used to live here," the girl commented, though the statement was already obvious based on her previous comment.

"Cool," Clarke said, trying not to sound impatient, though she still was.

"I had a lacrosse tournament over my school's spring break this week. We're leaving tomorrow morning. It's cool to be back, though. Brings back a lot of memories," the girl mused, her voice distant. "This was probably the most interesting place I ever lived. The people were what made it interesting. Would you say there are a lot of interesting people here?"

Clarke shrugged her shoulders, though the girl next to her was starting to draw her suspicions. "I guess."

"Well you ordered two coffees, so surely you're buying for a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend? That must mean some people here are interesting to you," the girl assumed. "Sometimes I miss the people here. I had such a good time with the people I met here. Don't talk to them anymore, though."

"Why not?" Clarke asked, unable to help herself. There was something off about the girl next to her.

The girl smiled, the opposite expression of what one would expect from someone talking about her lack of communication with her old friends. She ran her hand through her sandy colored hair. "People don't miss me when I leave. They'd rather forget about me. There was a girl. I know she didn't forget about me."

Clarke felt her heart freeze in her chest. "Why's that?"

"She couldn't," the girl answered. "I was her everything. It was so sweet, being that to someone. But I had to leave, you know? Can't help that my dad changes work sites all the time. Not to mention, things like that don't last forever, anyway. It was all good fun."

"Can't imagine why," Clarke muttered sarcastically, because this was without a doubt who she thought it was.

"You okay there?" the girl asked, smirking at Clarke.

Clarke bit down on her tongue to keep from speaking about Lexa. Eva didn't deserve to know anything about Lexa anymore. Lexa was not Eva's plaything, or anyone's plaything for that matter. "Fine."

A drink order was called out, and the girl with hazel eyes and sandy hair grabbed her drink from the barista. "Thank you," she said to him with a wink, drawing a blush out of the guy who was probably about her age. She turned back to Clarke, her drink in hand. "It was nice talking to you, stranger."

The girl tucked some of her hair behind her ear and then began out of the coffee shop.

Clarke bit down on her tongue, because she shouldn't say anything.

"Hey, wait," Clarke called, aware that her tone was hostile. The girl froze, and then turned around to face her, a perfectly drawn on eyebrow raised high. Her expression had gone from sweet to threatening in half a second, but Clarke was hardly intimidated. "You better not come back here again. You've inadvertently made a lot of enemies."

The girl seemed to realize suddenly that Clarke had some connection to Lexa, and her threatening expression wavered slightly as hints of fear showed through instead. She sized up the blonde in front of her, and then turned around, continuing her path out of the coffee shop.

Clarke didn't want to tell Lexa who she'd seen at the coffee shop that day, because it was their first day back together, and they had far more important things to do, like talk, and kiss, and cuddle, and some _other_ stuff as well.

But it was bothering her to the point that she was physically nervous, and Lexa noticed easily, questioning her.

When Clarke told Lexa, she had half expected her girlfriend to have a panic attack, and half expected her to just close up entirely.

Instead, Lexa took in a breath that was only slightly strained, and then said, "Well... fuck her." Clarke had still been worried that Lexa would be really upset, until the brunette also added, "And she's right. Things like _that_ don't last forever. Things like _this_ , however..." Lexa straddled Clarke on her bed suddenly, leaning down and stealing a deep kiss from the blonde, before whispering against her lips, "Things like this _do_ last forever."

XOX

The following day, Octavia dragged their whole group out to the arcade during the middle part of the day. Their group had grown significantly throughout the last couple of months. Bellamy had incorporated his new girlfriend, Echo. Finn had brought in his new girlfriend, Sarah. Raven had gotten to Wick to join their outings on occasion, though his age difference made it slightly harder for him to group the same way. Lincoln was obviously included now, as well as a couple of his friends. Jasper had added his girlfriend Maya, as well. During their giant outing to the arcade, Monty made a comment to Clarke about being the last one single, and she just laughed and told him that he would find his person, because obviously, he would.

Clarke had been wondering why Octavia had planned an early outing, up until it ended and Lexa announced that she had a surprise for Clarke.

Nearer to the center city, there were plenty of nice places to go out on dates. Lexa brought Clarke to one of those places – a nice restaurant that was nearly an hour into the city. It was there that Lexa told Clarke that she was thinking about getting a job at her old dance studio over the summer and throughout senior year, and then after Clarke got excited for her, she thanked the blonde, though Clarke wasn't sure for what.

After their dinner, Lexa drove Clarke to a different area of the city, leaving her clueless until they pulled up in front of a hotel. It looked kind of big and expensive, and Clarke didn't know whether to question its cost or not.

She ended up choosing not, because she knew that Lexa's family had money. She would be all pokey about it the following day, but she couldn't interrupt this night.

The hotel room that Lexa brought her to had already been checked into, and Lexa had definitely gone to some work to prepare it. The lights were dimmed in the room, made more dramatic by the darkening sky outside. There was champagne sitting on the table between the beds, and Clarke couldn't even question how Lexa had obtained it. She didn't really care, as long as her girlfriend didn't get arrested.

Possibly what was most spectacular about it were the flowers – scattered across the room in little pots or even just sitting freely. They were white, some slightly yellow in the middle, and small. They smelled amazing, and she felt like she'd seen them somewhere before, but she made no significant connection, and ended up brushing it off.

They spent their night talking, about their future, about their pasts, about any and everything that came to their minds. They talked for hours, and then fell asleep for a while, and woke up at the unfamiliar sounds of the city outside the hotel.

When they were awake again, neither of them fell back asleep.

Instead, Clarke whispered quietly, "I thought you'd be more upset about Eva yesterday." She only brought it up because it had been pecking at her thoughts since the previous day.

"I don't know what I was supposed to feel," Lexa admitted. "I've already felt pain and sadness from her. All I feel toward her now is anger, but even then, how can I be very angry? She's out of my life, and I have you. You are so much more important than she ever was, or ever will be."

Clarke cuddled further into her girlfriend. "Do you really think we'll last forever?"

"I'd like to have you forever," Lexa answered quietly. "Why? You don't think so?"

"No, I do think we can," Clarke agreed. "I love you so much, you know?"

"I did know, actually," Lexa teased softly, and Clarke smiled as she inhaled the familiar scent of her girlfriend. "Wanna know something cool?" Clarke nodded. "You know the flowers all over the room? They're Jasmine flowers. I got them at this little flower shop, and they had this Chinese lullaby... or... poem thing attached to them. It was in Chinese, but I Googled it. It translated basically into...

"Oh, how beautiful the Jasmine Flower,

"Fragrant flowers filled the air,

"Beautiful blossoms everywhere,

"Choose a blossom white and pure,

"Give to the one that you adore.

She let out a light breath and then paused, to indicate that the poem was over. "And well... I adore you, so," Lexa finished cheekily.

Clarke let out a light laugh. "You're so cute, Lexa."

"The flower is supposed to represent love and sensuality, too," Lexa continued, though Clarke was sure that her cheeks were slightly pink from the compliment. They always were. "Also, their scent is supposed to be really nice for sleeping."

"They smell really good," Clarke agreed, giggling at how adorable her girlfriend was.

"What's even funnier about it is that in Chinese, the flower is called Molihua. Which, as I recalled later, is the name of that one song I told you about a long time ago," Lexa explained. "That song used to get me through really bad nights, because it was just so soft and sweet sounding. It helps me sleep, kinda like the flower is supposed to."

Clarke pulled slightly away from her girlfriend so that she could make eye contact with her girlfriend, who smiled softly.

"I think it's a sign."

"Oh yeah?" Clarke asked, smiling lightly.

Lexa nodded. "When I read the lullaby's translation in English, I thought of you. When I listen to the song, I feel peace. When I see the flower, I think of you, and feel happy, and kind of sleepy – and you always kind of feel sleepy, so that reminds me of you too."

"You're actually such a dork," Clarke murmured, grinning at the brunette laying next to her. "And I love you so much."

"I just wanted you to know that I love you... and that you make me happy and peaceful... and nothing else matters when I'm with you, because everything is okay when you're here."

"Same," Clarke said quietly, but if she had wanted to say anything else, she wouldn't have been able to, because her lips were joined with Lexa's.

A song of a flower of love and peace and sleep in their thoughts, they were soon lulled into sleep alongside one another. All of the struggle and the pain and the stress of the past gone, and questioning of the future unnecessary, because they were together and everything was perfect in that moment, and that was all that mattered.


End file.
